Akpos and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of river Jordan. When Akpos asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. Akpos shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."*

HOW TO CROSS ROAD IN NIGERIA

Look left and right for cars and bikes, look up for aeroplane, look down for bomb, look back for kidnappers, hold your bag tight and watch the person beside u, then walk zigzag to avoid stray bullets.

A million dollar question*

Someone asked me why trainee Pastors at Bible Colleges need an invigilator when writing exams. I was not able to give any answer.
Can somebody help.

My friend has been disturbing me to watch the film he acted , when I finally did ,I saw him fanning the igwe from part 1-4

If She Carries Flat Shoes To Wear When She Get Tired Of Heels

U CANNOT give a woman everything she needs. If God Himself gave them eyebrows, they shave it and draw their own. God gave them nails, they cut it off and fixed their own, God gave them* *hair, they cut it off and fixed their own,He gave them breast, they repackage it to what they want, God still gave them buttocks ,they arrange it to the size they want.*
*If even God can't satisfy them then who are U to think that you can please them ?

My mum will hold belt and still tell you come I won't flog you OK, you want to hang me?
Does mother can be very funny sometimes

I recognize one of my Facebook friends on d road, when she was about to cross, she didn't see the car coming behind her.
before I could shout "Mhiz pearly issa sexy BadGal cute Bae akosua minaj" watchout!!!
D car had already knocked her down

White Man: what do Africans mean when they say "your village people are doing you?"

Koo: (points to a friend) you see that my friend over there, he has an exam at 8am but he woke up at 7:40am and started cooking beans

#Story_1

A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began.

-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.

Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm and an orange 73g.

The boss agreed though he was surprized at the weird things the client asked to have.

The client went into his room, he didn't ask for food or anything else.

Unfortunately for the boss, his room was next to room 39.

After midnight, the boss heard strange voices and noise in that client's room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor.

The boss didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise.

In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the boss, the latter asked to see the room first.

He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table.

The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling.

The boss was in a shock but he didn't reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself.

After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see the boss again. The boss was in a puzzle.

The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 79g.

This time, the boss wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before.

Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn't leave his face.

The boss started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife In fact, the boss didn't arrive to any convincing answer to all these questions.

The boss now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up.

To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before.

The boss again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before.

In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the boss apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room.

-''If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?''
-''I promise I will never let anyone know''.
-''Swear''
-''I swear I won't reveal your secret''
So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss.

Unfortunately, the boss was a sincere person. Uptil now he hasn't revealed his secret to anyone.

When he does, I will let you know...

Some girls will be saying "he is my world", but this is your fourth "world" in 2 months, My sister are you building a solar system?

King Solomon had 700 wives and he cheated on 300 of them with concubines. Your boyfriend cheats on you with 1 girl and we can't have peace. My sister read the BIBLE

Daughter: Daddy, I want to go and collect my notebook from my classmate.
Father: My friend, Go and sit down. That's what your mother used to tell her father when she wants to visit me.�

I was shocked today when I heard my neighbour telling his son the difference between Email and Gmail.
He said Email is when you use Electricity to send mail while Gmail is when you use Generator to send mail! �. I still dey struggle to catch my breath from laughing �����

When you go to your friend's house with your girlfriend and the dog � didn't bark at her,
Wisdom! My brother wisdom!!����


Dog barks at strangers

This beautiful girl in my street did not come out today that I wore fine clothes, it's when I want to go and buy bread or fetch water she will appear like evil spirit.
���

Heart break is nt when ur love leave you.......
Heart break: is wen ur newly wedded wife is in the kitchen preparing dinner and she ask
"honey how many maggi should i put in the pounded yam??" � � � � � �

Some guys and their indirect insults sha. Please what is the meaning of "As I see that trouser, I just know say na you"
Wicked pple...�����

‬: I miss those girls that use to cry after break up
Girls of nowadays
They will just replace u with contestant number two�� #girlsDonWiseUp

My aunt just joined facebook and she has been searching for me but can't find me because she has been typing"My Sister Pikin"*
�������

Some1 will leave d Village 4 d city,(lagos)
6mths later he arrives with a Benz �
Nigerian films are d reason Lagos is over populated �

In Africa , your siblings will never believe you're sick until you leave food for them.���..
���

QUOTE OF THE MONTH*��

*The razor blade is sharp but can't cut a tree; the axe is strong but can't cut the hair.*
�����������
���� MORAL:����
*Everyone is important according to his/her unique purpose. Never look down on others unless you are admiring their shoes*
�����������
�����������

�� *Share it with your friends and family

If I Become A Doctor

Me: Good morning, how are you?
Patient: I'm fine, sir.
Me: Okay! Next person��

What would you do if after ur wedding day u found out dat the camera man didnt take any picture he was only flashing lights!��

Nowadays Some girls don't break up They will just leave you inside the relationship�� and you will be dating urself���

I will die for you''
says ur boyfriend who urinates in a custard rubber at night bcus he is scared to go outside ��
#Nonsense��

False life is when you used Ferrari on your wedding day (Saturday) and the next day (Sunday) you stand at the bus station waiting for public transport to go to church
���

Girl will say "I love you Jesus" boys won't be jealous but let boy say "I love you Mary" you will hear which Mary!�

A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak: "I am going to live for only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days."

4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was going crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money. 15 days later their gateman died. ���������

Do not rush in solving problems.. ��.

6 years in primary school
6 years in secondary school
5 years in university
1 year at law school
2 years or more on strike,protest and co for some of my people...
1 year of youth service & u will luckily get a job of 50,000
While somebody will just say "skiboribo skibo" n be making millions and his friend will reply "is yung John d wicked producer" and be making millions as well.
And you think say the person that introduced education will make heaven...
I will be waiting for him at the gate of heaven...
That one that introduced "examination" should not bother coming near heaven...
Cheybi u see that one that invented mathematics.. hmm make i no talk again

You dumped a girl for cheating on you then your dating another girl who was dumped because she cheated..
And you Say you av moved on....
My brother, that's Cross Multiplication��

Good morning