Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. - Family - Nairaland
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| Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 11:23am On Nov 21, 2018 |
Please y’all pardon my moniker. As your input will be greatly appreciated I and my fiancé been together for four years now. Sure there’s ups and down but as usual, we get to settle it within 24hours and get back to as it were. We already plan on making it happen mid next year. But the issue I’m facing right now is “I’m not sure I can live 247 under the same roof with a woman! Not just her but women in general. Sure I want to get married and have kids. I hate headaches, I hate nagging from women. I do all my possible best to make everyone around me happy and smiling. I pay my/our bills. I don’t default on responsibilities. But as you all know, women are bound to come up with unnecessary dramas. Have experienced it from her whereby I’m forced to distance myself for a while. Also I have an anger issue I’m trying to curb for years now, gradually it’s working good for me, this has resulted in me hitting her few times. Seriously I hate to see this happen before and after marriage. After all this experience I’m here thinking and wondering if I can comfortably live under the same roof 24/7 with a woman. Like I said, I sure want to get married and have kids. The plan is to have her move into my house. I already have a house of my own and a car, which I want to give her too and the kids once they start coming. While I move to another state and get a rented apartment for myself. I’ll visit on weekends. Sometimes stay weeks or months. I don’t work for anyone as I have people working for me. So there will be enough time to visit her and the kids and spend weeks or even months with them. Of course that’s when the kids start coming. Has anyone done this before? Does it make sense? Please don’t feel offended by this post, I’m not shying away from responsibilities, I stated my reasons for this mindset up there. 3 Likes |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by SenorFax(m): 11:26am On Nov 21, 2018 |
You can try and live with her for like 6months to test for those characters. More like live simulation of marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 11:31am On Nov 21, 2018 |
SenorFax:thanks very much. At first my fear was I’d be attack because of my moniker. I’m surprised. To your reply, after the 6 month and I’m not okay with it, it will seem like my wife chased me out of my home, and words will fly too that “he’s no longer living with his family” Except I come up with a concrete plan to make her and everyone around me aware of my plan to move to another states for works after 6 months of marriege. Thanks for your input Thanks 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by ojun50(m): 11:40am On Nov 21, 2018 |
Nothing wey person no dey read 4 Likes |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Chubhie: 11:45am On Nov 21, 2018 |
It's all about what works for you. I believe you should discuss your fears and weakness with your woman. Depends on your woman, if she's awakened to her true self, She would make it alot easier for you to surrender totally to her feminine energy. You are already aware that your woman reserves the right to make the rest of your life on earth hell or paradise. Select wisely. 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 11:52am On Nov 21, 2018 |
Chubhie:thanks. Really appreciated. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 11:52am On Nov 21, 2018 |
ojun50:which one shock you for the matter? |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by lastmessenger: 11:57am On Nov 21, 2018 |
I have only one thing to say and that is " you are not ready to marry " 12 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 12:01pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
Get a surrogate since the reason you wanna marry is to have kids. EOD. The lady is very desperate hence she would have seen you are not the marriage material but she still clung to you like superglue. It's not a bad thing to have surrogate if u are not cut out for marriage. A friend is about doing that now and I support him. 7 Likes |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 12:03pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
lastmessenger:lol. This might be true though. Not as if I’m not ready per say. But, there’s a but in it. I feel I’m ready and at the same time in want my sanity intact. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 12:09pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
sassysure:thanks for your input. Reason is not just to have kids, I need a woman to call my own. A family to go home to. I’m even the one gearing towards the marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by sacx: 12:37pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
OP you are nervous. Look for a good seat and sit with your back straight. Close your eyes. Now, breathe innnn......ouuuut! Innnn......ouuuut!  Marriage is not a bed of roses, so don't shy away from your home. 4 Likes |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 12:42pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
sacx:lol. Thanks a lot. Really appreciate |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Eketem: 12:55pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
First of all your responsibility as a husband is beyond giving money and paying bills, it is tolerance, love and respecting and supporting your partner. You need to get therapy for your anger issues, go to a teaching hospital and ask to see a therapist you need help first step is admitting you have a problem which you have, it is not a prayer issue, it takes one slap to kill your wife and you go to jail and kids become orphaned 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 1:07pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
stupidity:How will u possibly do that when you want to live separate? If not because of kids only, then u have an inborn reservations against marriage. The friend I mentioned came from a polygamous family. Dad married more than 15 wives. He is one of the sweetest man to be around with and has a heart of gold but anytime we mention marriage, He will start sweating profusely. It's psychological. If u have a case like this, then don't marry as it won't work. No matter how much you deposit in the woman's account, a time will come when she will need her husband more than the money. When one is emotionally down and the husband isn't there at that moment, depending on the temperament, lots can go wrong. Issues of suspicions are there. The most important is that the children will have wrong orientation about marriage and women or men depending on their genders. Are u ready for that? Ur reasons are very unhealthy that's why I suggested surrogacy and if I'm the lady u are saying, I would have left since as you have already programmed ur mind on a failed marriage. Another assertion I want you to correct as it's the norm in Nigeria is calling women nags. Most men nag more than women. The stereotype has been passed down from generations and as an adult, I have seen lots of men nag who nags excessively . Also nagging is healthy unless abused like other things. Hope u are not a masochist else u can ignore this. If u have anger problem, trace the root and deal with it. It might go back to ur childhood days and reorientate urself. Don't know why I'm replying you as most stories here are always made up but I felt u are trying to handle the uneasiness u feel about settling down which is normal too. 6 Likes |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 1:07pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
Eketem:lol. Your right. Thanks a lot. Will do that ASAP. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by NoToPile: 1:31pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
stupidity: Incidentally, a married man was telling me this sometimes back, just wants to stay away from home for a while, maybe like 2 days off in a week or something not like either of them cheat or she nags everytime (me I believe women must talk sha). He Just wants to have some me time once in a while away from women and children wahala and I was like  If you ask me the so called 'women wahala' is part of what makes the marriage sweet oo, you got to tolerate everything. Have a misunderstanding makeup etc and the cycle continues. As for your anger issues please and please solve it before you marry ooo. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by CAPSLOCKED: 2:26pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
NoToPile: [STUPIDITY (THIS YOUR MONIKER SHA)] THIS IS THE NONSENSE YOU COUPLES ALWAYS TRY TO SELL TO THE WHOLE WORLD.... THAT FIGHTS AND QUARRELS MAKES THE RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE STRONGER AND INTERESTING. BULL CRAP. IT HAPPENS THAT WAY UNTIL ONE PERSON ENDS UP WITH A KNIFE TO THE CHEST, OR KILLS HER HUSBAND AND THREE CHILDREN BEFORE KILLING HER OWN SELF. I BELIEVE THAT THERE'S GONNA BE MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN ANY TWO OR MORE PEOPLE, IT'S SOMETHING THAT CAN'T BE EASILY AVOIDED.. BUT MANY OF YOU BELIEVE MISUNDERSTANDINGS IS A VERY VITAL ASPECT OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP WHICH HAS UNLIMITED ADVANTAGES, I DISAGREE WITH THAT. YOU READING THIS, IT'S YOUR FOURTH OR FOURTEENTH RELATIONSHIP AND YOU'VE BEEN FIGHTING OVER NOTHING FROM DAY ONE, WHAT GOOD HAS IT DONE FOR YOU? HOW HAS QUARRELING OVER NOTHING ADDED VALUE TO YOU? I BELIEVE THAT WASTING YOUR TIME AND EMOTIONAL ENERGY CRYING AND EATING YOURSELF UP OVER A RELATIONSHIP HOPING THINGS WILL GET BETTER IS A WASTE OF POSITIVE STRENGTH BECAUSE SINCERELY, IT ONLY GETS WORSE. IF IT'S NOT WORKING THEN IT'S NOT WORKING, IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT JUST GO AHEAD AND CALL IT OFF.  1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by ogawisdom(m): 2:59pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
Jeez what is this if your house is big enough such that u can have separate rooms with visitors room then there is no need for this your arrangement. living with a woman under one roof is not easy but u need to be a man and tolerate her excesses and go through the ups and downs together especially when u are new in it. after living for 2 yrs a pattern to co exist will be defined, forget courtship marriage is a different ball game ESP with pregnancy n kids involved. wait until she gets pregnant u will see the real drama u go turn house boy by force just be tolerant it's a passing phase n it's ur child on the way.man up and stop being a coward running when nothing is chasing u. u need to be by her side daily ESP when pregnant, who will take care of her if there is issue in the middle of the nite |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Katier00(f): 2:59pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
I understand what you fear but you are stronger than you think |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Annwrites: 3:40pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
Truth is you are not ready for marriage yet. I wonder why the lady in question is even blind to this fact. Marriage is strictly for companionship, not for bearing the title "married" or "father". Children are just gift or rather part of the blessings of marriage. I will now address the major part. I am sorry to tell you that you neither love nor respect that lady. I bet with your so called anger issue you have near hit your parents before. I bet that you did not do out of fear but out of respect. Think again. No be by force to marry ooo |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by TiffanyJ(f): 6:55pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
stupidity:Oga, you are not ready to marry. So you want to leave that poor lady to bring up your kids alone and then face all the emotional and psychological problems alone? Haba, are you that wicked? To marry no be by force oo. Please, I'm begging you, postponed the wedding until you are really ready to be a man and take responsibility of your household. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Acidosis(m): 6:59pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
Marriage is not meant for people like you. It is either you haven't met a woman you love or you're simply not ready for commitment. I will never understand the correlation between love and the desire to avoid the one you claim you love. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by frozen70(f): 11:51pm On Nov 21, 2018 |
You just use your hand plan how you are gong to scatter your home as a newly wedded couple You don't want this , you don't want that All you are avoiding is what makes you feel married Then you want kids, are you now ready for the wahala children gives especially at midnight when they are sick Their teenage age which is wahala stage for them wont you be there for them Go ahead but don't come here to tell us how you are suspecting your wife of infidelity 1 Like |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by UjuJoan2: 12:45am On Nov 22, 2018 |
sassysure: This is unfair. I believe we all experienced some level of cold feet and nervousness before getting married. It happens. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by UjuJoan2: 12:52am On Nov 22, 2018 |
stupidity: You are dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. Think of all the benefits of being married, having a family and having a real 'home' to go back to. I can mention a few but what does it for me may not work for you. I know exactly how you feel. I also felt nervous about sharing my life with a man, living with another human and having to share my privacy, my space and my life. Got a job immidiately out of school and lived alone for years before I got married so you can imagine my reservations. All I can say is almost 8years later, I'm still standing and it's not so bad. |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Annawhite2: 5:28am On Nov 22, 2018 |
if looking for surrogate you can contact |
| Re: Settling Down Next Year, But I Don’t Plan On Living Under The Same Roof. by Nobody: 2:54pm On Nov 25, 2018 |
Don't you know that creating a good and successful marriage/family takes two? You are just thinking of your self. You don't even want to think of how your kids will fair in that loveless and selfish partnership you have in mind. You obviously were not trained for marriage so don't venture into it. Its not for you. I can't even suggest surrogacy as an option for you because those kids will still suffer one way or the other. Just settle for visiting homeless children in home shelters and select the children you will be visiting from time to time while you pay for their school fees,feeding and clothing. Good luck. |
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