I want to make this as short as possible.

There is a topic at the front page about whether or not it is okay for a woman to acquire property in her name.

https://www.nairaland.com/4970457/there-anything-wrong-wife-buying


I feel strongly to respond especially as I feel alot of the responses failed to address what I consider as the core of such a scenario.

PS: my views are heavily guided by my beliefs as a Christian.

This word "Two shall become one" says it all

To start with, when a couple starts acquiring properties in their sole names or in secrecy, then something is fundamentally wrong with the UNION... Something that is not sudden but has always been there with them either as individuals or something about the marriage.


That marriage is defaulted right from the beginning

Such couples have no business being married from day one...they should sit together and sort out whatever it is that is the issue or see a counselor.

Why are we married if you have your own properties and I have mine...means we should not even live under the same roof, or we sleep in different rooms, I don't tell you what I earn or how I earn it and you don't get to know what goes on in my life.

While the idea of having properties in your individual names may sit well with the proponents, I dare say such its only permissible in a TOXIC marriage...but in ideal situation where you got it right from day one.... Couple should NOT acquire properties in their individual names

It breeds division, suspicion and disaffection.



In a family..the man and wife are supposed to plan together, do things together, grow together, face their fears together while helping each other to become better each day.... marriage is not a competition

That is the kind of marriage that I know.

The fact that you are in a TOXIC marriage does not change the standard.

Happy Sunday

MOD... kindly move this to the front page

You are so right

For all my “independent thinking stance” on life, I agree with this
Don’t marry when there is little or no trust, there is simply no point to it

Actually marriage many times is proving to be sparring matches, always crack me up, the stories I see
The oyibo way is better oo, roll with the feelings till they disappear, if can’t be managed we go our separate ways and possibly find love again with other people, and so on

Here, (there is also a case for cohabitation, shacking up, single parenthood/baby mama-ism being made here on some level , well, if marriages continue to be shamfests) there is a dividual marriage of kindreds and families as the couple unite, so even when hatred is the only thing left, the marriage continues, with attendant mistrust and acquiring property in different names, preparing for the worst
Also, the dividual expectations make people who don’t share a deep soul bond get married, why would the involved parties not do stuff behind each others’ backs as a result? But then, what do I know?
IMO

merahki:
For all my “independent thinking stance” on life, I agree with this
Don’t marry when there is little or no trust, there is simply no point to it

Actually marriage many times is proving to be sparring matches, always crack me up, the stories I see
The oyibo way is better oo, roll with the feelings till they disappear, if can’t be managed we go our separate ways and possibly find love again with other people, and so on

Here, (there is also a case for cohabitation, shacking up, single parenthood/baby mama-ism being made here on some level , well, if marriages continue to be shamfests) there is a dividual marriage of kindreds and families as the couple unite, so even when hatred is the only thing left, the marriage continues, with attendant mistrust and acquiring property in different names, preparing for the worst
Also, the dividual expectations make people who don’t share a deep soul bond get married, why would the involved parties not do stuff behind each others’ backs as a result? But then, what do I know?
IMO

Very insightful contribution
Buying properties in individual names is like preparing for the worst.... definitely fueled by a feeling of suspicion, distrust.....you have not business being in that marriage I tell you

Spot on bro

This is more like it. I didnt even bother opening the other thread. I was not in the mood to read such.

Another option is to acquire properties jointly. Mr. XYZ and Mrs. XYZ.

[left][/left] Now , let me go and see what they said there

LMAO.

When reality sets in, I hope your religious views will take care of you.

Nothing ever is wrong with either spouses buying properties in their names individually. Anyways, I have come to notice that those who debate on such issues are either single or don't even have money for ten blocks.

People that matter know what to do and needs no turenchi

I don't see anything wrong with that, so far your spouse is your next of kin

ifyalways:
LMAO.

When reality sets in, I hope your religious views will take care of you.

Nothing ever is wrong with either spouses buying properties in their names individually. Anyways, I have come to notice that those who debate on such issues are either single or don't even have money for ten blocks.

People that matter know what to do and needs no turenchi

Typical of you dear....you already concluded about my status...

You can't make an intelligent opinion without throwing tantrum.

Continue

uote author=babyhrt post=74939296]I want to make this as short as possible.

There is a topic at the front page about whether or not it is okay for a woman to acquire property in her name.

https://www.nairaland.com/4970457/there-anything-wrong-wife-buying


I feel strongly to respond especially as I feel alot of the responses failed to address what I consider as the core of such a scenario.

PS: my views are heavily guided by my beliefs as a Christian.

This word "Two shall become one" says it all

To start with, when a couple starts acquiring properties in their sole names or in secrecy, then something is fundamentally wrong with the UNION... Something that is not sudden but has always been there with them either as individuals or something about the marriage.


That marriage is defaulted right from the beginning

Such couples have no business being married from day one...they should sit together and sort out whatever it is that is the issue or see a counselor.

Why are we married if you have your own properties and I have mine...means we should not even live under the same roof, or we sleep in different rooms, I don't tell you what I earn or how I earn it and you don't get to know what goes on in my life.

While the idea of having properties in your individual names may sit well with the proponents, I dare say such its only permissible in a TOXIC marriage...but in ideal situation where you got it right from day one.... Couple should NOT acquire properties in their individual names

It breeds division, suspicion and disaffection.



In a family..the man and wife are supposed to plan together, do things together, grow together, face their fears together while helping each other to become better each day.... marriage is not a competition

That is the kind of marriage that I know.

The fact that you are in a TOXIC marriage does not change the standard.

Happy Sunday

MOD... kindly move this to the front page[/quote]

Spot on

Buying properties in individual names is a bold message that the marriage is coming to an end sooner than later and everyone is preparing for life without the other. Thanks

Katier00:
I don't see anything wrong with that, so far your spouse is your next of kin

I agree with your submission too
Cheers

Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

Joromi12:
Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

I am sorry to sound disrespectful however your parents' marriage is an example of the OP's.

If your parents were one, they would plan for eventualities together and have joint backup plans.

Your mom built the houses because of her distrust of your dad's decisions.

bukatyne:


I am sorry to sound disrespectful however your parents' marriage is an example of the OP's.

If your parents were one, they would plan for eventualities together and have joint backup plans.

Your mom built the houses because of her distrust of your dad's decisions.

seems u dont know nigerian men of old abi. And being one is not always realistic. U cant be compatible in all areas

babyhrt:
I want to make this as short as possible.

There is a topic at the front page about whether or not it is okay for a woman to acquire property in her name.

https://www.nairaland.com/4970457/there-anything-wrong-wife-buying


I feel strongly to respond especially as I feel alot of the responses failed to address what I consider as the core of such a scenario.

PS: my views are heavily guided by my beliefs as a Christian.

This word "Two shall become one" says it all

To start with, when a couple starts acquiring properties in their sole names or in secrecy, then something is fundamentally wrong with the UNION... Something that is not sudden but has always been there with them either as individuals or something about the marriage.


That marriage is defaulted right from the beginning

Such couples have no business being married from day one...they should sit together and sort out whatever it is that is the issue or see a counselor.

Why are we married if you have your own properties and I have mine...means we should not even live under the same roof, or we sleep in different rooms, I don't tell you what I earn or how I earn it and you don't get to know what goes on in my life.

While the idea of having properties in your individual names may sit well with the proponents, I dare say such its only permissible in a TOXIC marriage...but in ideal situation where you got it right from day one.... Couple should NOT acquire properties in their individual names

It breeds division, suspicion and disaffection.



In a family..the man and wife are supposed to plan together, do things together, grow together, face their fears together while helping each other to become better each day.... marriage is not a competition

That is the kind of marriage that I know.

The fact that you are in a TOXIC marriage does not change the standard.

Happy Sunday

MOD... kindly move this to the front page

I very much agree with you.

I have never seen the need to own a private property/buy a car/make a locate investment ditto my husband.

As much as possible, I try to understand opposing views due to their experiences.

Joromi12:
seems u dont know nigerian men of old abi

Same thing OP is saying.

It is an anomaly to acquire properties behind your husband/wife.

I do not fault your mom here. (she is a wise woman)

Joromi12:
Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

You totally missed the point bro
My argument is not that women should not own properties....but there is something like planning together.... marriage for me is US and not you and I.

Your dad's case is a toxic situation...at best, a display of insane confidence... investing in others and living yourself out in the cold.

Your mum did the right thing.... however did she build the Houses in her name alone or the two of them? Did she carry him along before building?

If she did not...and probably the marriage crashed because of that...your mum should be solely held responsible.

Bottom line is that your example does not follow

Joromi12:
Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

good people make una no mind this foolish person i quote here, dis one na copy and paste because dis particular tin ihm paste here don de for internet for more dan 20 years. you de craze. i no de pity evil somebody like you.

Joromi12:
Let me tell u a real life story. My father was a rich man who believed in helping people. Sponsored many of my mums siblings abroad, his driver built a house in ogun before my father built his own in the early 1990s after much persuasion. My father carried church matter for head and all that. Bot the land the chuch used for the building. GIVERS NEVER LACK WAS HIS WATCH word. The apprentice who used to repair our lister gen then my dad encouraged him to go back to school even spons him at some point. Invest invest my mother screamed the man no hear. From her business frozen food my mama built 2 flats. All hell was let louse at home . My father felt insulted. 5 years later my mama don add 2 more flats and 2 mini flats for back. Then my father got duped and business began to crumble. The bus that used to carry us to school was sold. 4 cars became one. From first to pay school fees we became those that paid during exam. It only got worse. The same house my papa kicked against was what we used to survive. 80k rent per flat around 2002 . Bros am angry. Lemme stop there. Ladies if the money dey abeg build house. All the pple my papa waste money on no even send am again hahahah

I don't think OP is against anyone acquiring property,what she's saying is that it should be in the family name, it should be acquired with the intension that it is a family property and not individual property. It should be Mr & Mrs ....... And not individual names. In your case your mum did the right thing since she built it in the family name

Buy as a couple, buy as an individual.

splendid2:

I don't think OP is against anyone acquiring property,what she's saying is that it should be in the family name, it should be acquired with the intension that it is a family property and not individual property. It should be Mr & Mrs ....... And not individual names. In your case your mum did the right thing since she built it in the family name

Thank you Jare.
You Sabi book
Please am a man o....for the record
Lolss

Will you as a man be responsible enough to share your property equally or you'll leave it for your brothers and family members while your wife and kids starve and live in poverty after your demise? I think couples should have properties in their own names just in case the above occurs, the man should even support his wife because she's only trying to ensure that the quality of life of herself and her kids does not decrease if her husband dies first

bukatyne:


I very much agree with you.

I have never seen the need to own a private property/buy a car/make a locate investment ditto my husband.

As much as possible, I try to understand opposing views due to their experiences.

It seems like you don't understand Nigerian men, never mind don't secure your children's future, it's during the burial that you might discover another family, I pray this won't be your potion but it has happened to many people already

scholachatcopyw:



It seems like you don't understand Nigerian men, never mind don't secure your children's future, it's during the burial that you might discover another family, I pray this won't be your potion but it has happened to many people already

ur evil and foolish papa and his family no be standard for nigerian men. evil children from evil families don full for cyberspace. i de shame for person like you. bitter and evil woman.

Katier00:
I don't see anything wrong with that, so far your spouse is your next of kin

This is as "good" as buying in both names .

If the marriage produced children, use your children as next of kin o. The whole point is security for you or your offspring when you or your spouse is not there . Reality in this your scenario is that if you unfortunately sign out before your husband, he will move on fast, remarry and control the proceeds from the house. How will the children fare? Shipped out to stay with grandma in the village, at the mercy of the new madam of the house or treated fairly as they should?

Reality 101, method to my madness.

You’re the one who sounds evil

DukeofNZ:


ur evil and foolish papa and his family no be standard for nigerian men. evil children from evil families don full for cyberspace. i de shame for person like you. bitter and evil woman.

OP you have spoken beautifully. It works in situations where the good examples are the majority.

But the thread you’re talking about and its likes come up only because Nigerians have REFUSED to consider women as equals with men both in the general society and in marriage. Hence the abnormal type of marriage is the norm. And in the abnormal type of marriage where one party is considered lesser and treated as such, that party had no choice but to look out for itself.

Should couples buy properties as one. Absolutely.

What happens then (as in the majority) when one party can/does contribute and buys together with the spouse but stands a good chance of losing it all because the foundational beliefs of her society deems it fit for her to be ‘thrown out’ at the whims of the other party?

Can’t address a problem without starting from the foundation.

If women feel like they can be equally regarded in the marriage decisions and properties, the need for this discussion won’t come up.

I also have a feeling that you wouldn’t be so disturbed to the point of creating a counter thread if it was men talking about how they buy properties without their wives names. (And that happens all the time.)
People seem to get more upset when women start having a say and taking their own lives into their hands:

I wonder why.

scholachatcopyw:
Will you as a man be responsible enough to share your property equally or you'll leave it for your brothers and family members while your wife and kids starve and live in poverty after your demise? I think couples should have properties in their own names just in case the above occurs, the man should even support his wife because she's only trying to ensure that the quality of life of herself and her kids does not decrease if her husband dies first

Madam....make sure you do not marry a mad man.

Get it right from day one

Me...leave my property for my brothers while my wife....as in, the woman i marry, the love of my life and my kids stay out in the cold?

Sorry, i do not belong to that class of Men.

I do not wish that you marry such a man either.

ifyalways:

This is as "good" as buying in both names .

If the marriage produced children, use your children as next of kin o. The whole point is security for you or your offspring when you or your spouse is not there . Reality in this your scenario is that if you unfortunately sign out before your husband, he will move on fast, remarry and control the proceeds from the house. How will the children fare? Shipped out to stay with grandma in the village, at the mercy of the new madam of the house or treated fairly as they should?

Reality 101, method to my madness.

Spot on

I do not see anything wrong in a woman buying a property in her own name.
I have a problem however with her(or him) buying it without the knowledge of the spouse.You don't trust each other?What kind of marriage is that?

Very wrong.shows no co+ operation