delected.

missmishel:
Hello House, i will be 31 this year. i have a 5 years old son with my ex boyfriend. He parted ways immediately our child was born without any reason. he did not denial our son but he took a walk and stopped communicating. he only called during festive season to celebrate with us on phone. i tried to understand what he was going through but i discovered he's doing fine. for the past years, i have not allowed this thought into me that much, but lately, i can't just stop thinking about it and it's really taking away my self confidence. i can't even prepare myself to marry someone else. the thought of my child's well being wouldn't let me. i have been trying so hard to stabilize my source of income to take care of my son all by myself which is one of the main reasons i have not allowed another relationship all this while, so that my past and responsibility wouldn't choke him (the new man) up. I'm here struggling to give my son a good life while my ex is somewhere doing fine without contributing? it's so sad. There was someone i wanted getting married to last year, he was a nice person but said he could not take in my son at the moment, i had to returned his ring and walk away. that does not make him a bad person just that i can't be anywhere without my son.is like the kind of man i want might not be bold enough to take care of me and my son.
the questions that kept bordering me are: why did my ex left us just like that? how is he able to breath without knowing how his son is doing? did someone cast a spell on him? I've asked him this before and he said no. all he has ever told me was that he's sorry for the wrong he's ever done to me. I might not be perfect, but i'm not a bad person. is like i need a spiritual person to tell me why he has been so wicked to me? is like he came into my life to rob me of everything. i'm so heart broken. I don't want him back in my life, but its so hurting. i can't believe i left every other good men I've met all along for him only to put my life on hold like this. I don't know what to do with my life now. i wish someone could call him and ask him why he left us just like that, maybe he might be able to explain why. so that i might have an idea of where i did wrong. i got pregnant, he begged me to keep it. he was excited, he took me to his parent and they seem to be good people, but thy have not been communicating with us as well. should his people don't want us, he should have told me. we were in love and i was ready to take all the shame for the love we shared. he had nothing, yet i was listening to him and loving him. I just felt like writing and saying it out.


Please don't quote me. i might delet when i feel a little better. Thank you

Sadly I am a disobedient child.

I am only concerned on why you ladies like bad guys. There were early signs that you were dating an irresponsible fellow. But, just like the thread of the ill-trained 19 year old that made front page yesterday, she (you) still loved him because he sex you very well.


In as much as humanity demands that we sympathize with others, you must know that consequences of your actions and decisions in life will ever be there for you and you alone.


Let's wait for the elders to advice you right. I am only pissed off.

@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

Some men are really heartless in this world.

delugajackson:
Arrant nonsense! Instead of you to get the bastard arrested, you are here writing sob stories to seek public sympathy. Look at how messed up your life is! Do you wish to continue like this? Do you think it's easy to raise a child as a single mother?

Truth is, he will never own up to his responsibilities because he thinks you are comfortable taking care of the child alone. The only way is through [b]brute force. You will only come online to wail and later cry yourself to sleep, but that won't solve the problem. Get that bastard arrested and let him sign an agreement to always provide for his child. You gave him the freedom when it all began and he took you for a fool. He is an irresponsible man and deserves to be treated without pity. And for keeping silent all these years, you should be whipped for your indolence.[/b]

I don't know how to go about it. he stays in another state.

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

I have been sending him messages asking him to contribute, but he wouldn't.
{Edited} Thanks so much for the advice.

missmishel:

I have been sending him messages asking him to contribute, but he wouldn't.

The next paragraph of the text you highlighted advised you report to your state's welfare office. Why not do that, and stop making excuses for him?
Let them send him a message, and probably invite him over.

Be there doing Good woman.Very soon the boy will Go on hols to his father and You wont believe it.

My husband's cousin was in the village in Abia when welfare from Rivers came and arrested himjust because he defaulted in one mth payment.

Stop sending him messages,Stop that useless calls on festive peeiods and report him to your state welfare.

I heard My neighbour korokoro when he told his ex wife now that one naira he wont give her,that when the children grow they will Always look for Their father.That She will suffer and train them alone and he will eat the fruits of her labor...
It is Their tactic this days.Stop being soft.gosh!
!

eyinjuege:


The next paragraph of the text you highlighted advised you report to your state's welfare office. Why not do that, and stop making excuses for him?
Let them send him a message, and probably invite him over.

Okay

LadySarah:
Be there doing Good woman.Very soon the boy will Go on hols to his father and You wont believe it.

My husband's cousin was in the village in Abia when welfare from Rivers came and arrested himjust because he defaulted in one mth payment.

Stop sending him messages,Stop that useless calls on festive peeiods and report him to your state welfare.

I heard My neighbour korokoro when he told his ex wife now that one naira he wont give her,that when the children grow they will Always look for Their father.It is Their tactic this days.Stop being soft.gosh!
!

Okay. Thanks

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

Women trying to encourage her that she would see a man that would love her and her son. I pity that man. In fact such a man lack self esteem that he is willingly to go after a single mother and start training a child that is not his rather than start his own family afresh. I know some men do this but they are stupid men.

OP go and arrest the idiot and let him pay for his deeds. There is the need to deal with idiotic men who abandon their children

Boss13:


Women trying to encourage her that she would see a man that would love her and her son. I pity that man. In fact such a man lack self esteem that he is willingly to go after a single mother and start training a child that is not his rather than start his own family afresh. I know some men do this but they are stupid men.

OP go and arrest the idiot and let him pay for his deeds. There is the need to deal with idiotic men who abandon their children

Ok. thank you

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

Oshey I dey feel you, I gbadun this your advise die, even though this vibrator suggestion is unrealistic Lmao.

The child support thing is a blessing & a curse at same time, the western women use it as an escape out of poverty while Nigerian men totally neglect their children due to no strong Laws enforcing child support. My cousin with a Child is suffering from this as well, I have to send her stipends every month to support since her useless Husband/baby daddy cares less.

I think they should be Legit male prostitutes - "just cos you want to brush your down below". I cannot tell you how many useless Guys in Festac environs who does this as a full time Job lmao. Vibrators cannot give you strokes that makes you shout "OH JES*S"

You're right about 31 being young, If she's not in Nigeria, then better for her, Men in the West don't care of you have a child, They probably have a child too, It's common there. Nigerian Men once they set their eyes on a child, they will run - including me.

Boss13:


Women trying to encourage her that she would see a man that would love her and her son. I pity that man. In fact such a man lack self esteem that he is willingly to go after a single mother and start training a child that is not his rather than start his own family afresh. I know some men do this but they are stupid men.

OP go and arrest the idiot and let him pay for his deeds. There is the need to deal with idiotic men who abandon their children

You're the only stupid fellow here.
If some men have chosen to be with a single mother to nurture the child together, how has that effect your living and thinking?

You shouldn't have typed the first paragraph as your second paragraph makes more sense than the first.

Love always

Florblu:



You're the only stupid fellow here.
If some men have chosen to be with a single mother to nurture the child together, how has that effect your living and thinking?

You shouldn't have typed the first paragraph as your second paragraph makes more sense than the first.

Love always

Why are you insulting @boss13? The fact is single mother should marry single father/divorcee. How many unmarried men want to train another man's child? Men are logical and less emotional like women. Op was foolish to open her legs to an irresponsible father who impregnated her and ran away but you want an unmarried man to take care of another man's child abi. Well done.

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

Well said

edoman2016:

Why are you insulting @boss13? The fact is single mother should marry single father/divorcee. How many unmarried men want to train another's child? Men are logical and less emotional like women. Op was foolish to open her legs to an irresponsible father who impregnated her and ran away but you want an unmarried man to take care of another's child abi. Well done.

You mean this is all you could say from what the young woman said ?


Pray for your sisters

Florblu:





You mean this is all you could say from what the young woman said ?


Pray for your sisters

my dear this are the ones committing abortion steady yet hates single mother. Who knows how many their spouse kill before marrying them. That's how one my friend found herself in useless marriage, d idiot abandon her and the child only for the judge to give order that henceforth the foolish man must take care of his child. He pays monthly for the child upkeep. So many useless men on the loose.

Florblu:





You mean this is all you could say from what the young woman said ?


Pray for your sisters

The ends justifies the mean. The reality is that OP is a single mother. Hence, her options is limited. It's only unmarried men with low self-esteem that will prefer single mothers above single ladies.

U mean unmarried men with high esteem like the one that for her pregnant and ran? In the end who ever loves her right is best for her.She doesn't need most eligible bachelor..hexeck k a lot of them don't even bring peace of mind.

edoman2016:

The ends justifies the mean. The reality is that OP is a single mother. Hence, her options is limited. It's only unmarried men with low self-esteem that will prefer single mothers above single ladies.

Inasmuch as I'll like to sympathize with you, I will also say that you should use wisdom in this case. Your child is your child, nevertheless he has come to live his own life, channel ways for yours. Hold the irresponsible bastard accountable for his child, do the welfare support thing people have been talking about, sincerely I can't advise any of my younger brother or unmarried friends who has no child to marry a single mother, when there are millions of young girls among whom are even virgins, educated and intellectual individuals who are ready to start and begin a new family with any of them. Keep your child with your peeps, be young again, meet people and start a relationship when it's getting serious you can then tell your new guy, although in this kind of society such is not easily accepted except the other person is also coming in with his own child too. And if you can travel abroad, to oyinbo land, then your chances are very high! These days you don't love with your heart alone, love with your brain let the calculations and the equations be making you to understand that your odds are high. I Wish you all the best!

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.

Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

In as much as I sympathize with the OP, I think you're only giving her unrealistic expectations.

You should rather call a spade a spade and not give her false hope in your bid to empathizing with her.

You're now advising her to steer clear of fvck boyz at the 11th hour when she already has a son for a fvck boy?

I go to the Ikeja City Mall once in a while and I see all manner of sodo-gomorrhic & abominable acts on display by vacuous youths alike - and I just recoil in anger & disgust.

Who in Nigeria will pamper & treat an "after one" like a queen when there are millions of virgins fresh from the oven - from disciplined homes who have imbibed impeccable moral values inculcated into them by their parents?

The ugly truth is that the OP has just joined the prestigious "Babymama's Club".

I for one will NEVER accept & train a bastard (no offense) in my matrimonial home all in the name of pleasing any woman.

You want to go clubbing, dance shaku-shaku & drink Hennessy mixed codeine with fvck boyz, then you should be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions when it happens.

The OP confessed herself that "she left every other good men she had met all along" and settled for this fvck boy - and I'm sure there were prospective, brilliant & visionary suitors among those that were jettisoned by the OP for this fvckboy prolly because they did not have a car and could not afford to buy her Isi Ewu & Dominos Pizza every weekend.

Left to me, the OP should be allowed to stew in her own juice since ancient wisdom teaches us that action begets reaction, cause begets effect & sequence begets consequence.

I apologize If my gentle words sound jangled & stridulous rather than serving as a soothing restorative balm for the pangs of disappointment & pain.

delugajackson:
Arrant nonsense! Instead of you to get the bastard arrested, you are here writing sob stories to seek public sympathy. Look at how messed up your life is! Do you wish to continue like this? Do you think it's easy to raise a child as a single mother?

Truth is, he will never own up to his responsibilities because he thinks you are comfortable taking care of the child alone. The only way is through brute force. You will only come online to wail and later cry yourself to sleep, but that won't solve the problem. Child welfare services are available in every state. Get that bastard arrested and let him sign an agreement to always provide for his child. You gave him the freedom when it all began and he took you for a fool. He is an irresponsible man and deserves to be treated without pity. And for keeping silent all these years, you should be whipped for your indolence.

You’re the greatest fool on nairaland

So you think you can just wake up and get someone arrested because he’s not being responsible ?

Are you sane at all? Even in the US things don’t work that way .

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

Sorry but everything you wrote here is unrealistic and delusional ( I believe you know that as well).


Cc Zicoraads CAPSLOCKED acidosis Tonyebarcanista postmann crackhaus

My dear, don’t blame yourself please. Don’t beg or cry for anyone that left you. He has done his worst and he has gone. He is probably better off away from you guys, your child might be better off with his distance.

No sane and well brought up man will do what he did. He could be insane, gay or a child molester. However, please make sure that you make him pay at least 75% of the cost to raise the child since you are the one the child stays with. Never ever form Voltron or madam sabi when the child has a father somewhere. Especially an idiot that abandoned his child pretending that his responsibility does not exist. Please make sure you make his eye red. Children are expensive so don’t take this on by yourself.

As to your fears of meeting a good man, my dear fear not. Baby mamas and divorcees get married faster than singles these days I have seen it. Try to look for single and responsible fathers too. So you at least start with someone who has been where you are and understands your struggle. Please and please let that guy go. Stop wondering what he is thinking and why he did what he did. It’s not your fault and you had nothing to do with that decision. Chin up and cheer up! You will be just fine.

Please do not marry anyone that will not accept your child please. They cannot claim to love you and despise your first fruit. Don’t be so desperate for marriage, you already have a child which is what many are looking for even in marriage and a lot of marriages are breaking up. So don’t feel like you are missing something. I understand the dream of raising your child in a United home but the truth is life happens! Life does not always turn out how we want it, so don’t beat yourself up. Don’t worry about his parents, you can tell who they really are by their fruit. Just make sure you make that idiot pay his fair share of the expenses.

Follow the welfare route.

I believe you are looking for closure.


It is not juju, he made his decision as much as it hurts realize that it is on him not you, let his reason be his problem not yours.

Most importantly free your mind, love yourself and your son. Life is too short to dwell on what ifs, If you have the gift of life make it a quality life

Thank you so much @everyone for all your comment. although, some are really mean, but it's okay. @babay123, thanks so much.
I will make do with the advice. with all the advice, scolding, encouragement and all that, i feel a little better than i was before posting this. Thanks @All

Omoge, whatever you do, please ensure the guy pays his share of the child's upkeep even if it means fighting tooth and nail. If you do it alone, your child will still seek him out in the future. May God bless you and yours... It is well.

Graxie:
my dear this are the ones committing abortion steady yet hates single mother. Who knows how many their spouse kill before marrying them. That's how one my friend found herself in useless marriage, d idiot abandon her and the child only for the judge to give order that henceforth the foolish man must take care of his child. He pays monthly for the child upkeep. So many useless men on the loose.

LMAO, Nigerian men don't want to support their children, It is a norm I'm telling you. Single mother train doesn't work here, you're either a Rich single mother like Linda Ikeji or suffer like mahd in the hands of men.

Where are your parents? His parents?

missmishel:
Hello House, i will be 31 this year. i have a 5 years old son with my ex boyfriend. He parted ways immediately our child was born without any reason. he did not denial our son but he took a walk and stopped communicating. he only called during festive season to celebrate with us on phone. i tried to understand what he was going through but i discovered he's doing fine. for the past years, i have not allowed this thought into me that much, but lately, i can't just stop thinking about it and it's really taking away my self confidence. i can't even prepare myself to marry someone else. the thought of my child's well being wouldn't let me. i have been trying so hard to stabilize my source of income to take care of my son all by myself which is one of the main reasons i have not allowed another relationship all this while, so that my past and responsibility wouldn't choke him (the new man) up. I'm here struggling to give my son a good life while my ex is somewhere doing fine without contributing? it's so sad. There was someone i wanted getting married to last year, he was a nice person but said he could not take in my son at the moment, i had to returned his ring and walk away. that does not make him a bad person just that i can't be anywhere without my son.is like the kind of man i want might not be bold enough to take care of me and my son.
the questions that kept bordering me are: why did my ex left us just like that? how is he able to breath without knowing how his son is doing? did someone cast a spell on him? I've asked him this before and he said no. all he has ever told me was that he's sorry for the wrong he's ever done to me. I might not be perfect, but i'm not a bad person. is like i need a spiritual person to tell me why he has been so wicked to me? is like he came into my life to rob me of everything. i'm so heart broken. I don't want him back in my life, but its so hurting. i can't believe i left every other good men I've met all along for him only to put my life on hold like this. I don't know what to do with my life now. i wish someone could call him and ask him why he left us just like that, maybe he might be able to explain why. so that i might have an idea of where i did wrong. i got pregnant, he begged me to keep it. he was excited, he took me to his parent and they seem to be good people, but thy have not been communicating with us as well. should his people don't want us, he should have told me. we were in love and i was ready to take all the shame for the love we shared. he had nothing, yet i was listening to him and loving him. I just felt like writing and saying it out.


Please don't quote me. i might delet when i feel a little better. Thank you

Hmmmm. Where are your both parents place?