Sterope:
No.

Then I see where this is going. We need not say more
Oti ye mi!

pocohantas:
[s]Sadly, I can't guarantee anyone the highlighted because he has a penîs[/s].

But you do.
Every night as a matter of fact.

[img]https://media1./images/0ab4625ea1d934d0391de2beb524d6c0/tenor.gif?itemid=13889019[/img]

pocohantas:
The concept of submission is most times lost on me. Majority of people I see singing it are (pseudo) christians and I can't remember the last time I entered a church or read a bible. So, I do not know what they are on about.

But from a non-religious view, submisison should mean respect. A quality every sane human should possess, not just women.

To say I am equally lost is an understatement. I had to listen to a sermon lastnight, do you know this man kept saying, if you are not religious and do not serve in church, one cannot have a great marriage? It kept me thinking of those who have not visited nor served in church? Why is Christianity a pre-requisute to having a great marriage? The pressure of submission on Women is really getting to be a bore.

Are you an atheist?

LuciferMessiah:

YOU ARE SICK! Stay off her private life!

UyaiIncomparabl:
YOU ARE SICK! Stay off her private life!

If it was private, how did I take screenshots of it?

[img]https://media1./images/d591623c9a16e971268f60e375aa82de/tenor.gif?itemid=13138796[/img]

By the way, stop yelling before your boobs fall off completely.
I still need them.


*spits

LuciferMessiah:


But you do.
Every night as a matter of fact.

[img]https://media1./images/0ab4625ea1d934d0391de2beb524d6c0/tenor.gif?itemid=13889019[/img]

Do not troll on this thread! Do you have a better advice that correlates with the post to give?

UyaiIncomparabl:


Do not troll on thread! Do you have a better advice that correlates with post to give?

I do.

Thanks for the mention.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s marriage but I will try as much as possible to explain from my own perspective.

Let’s start with the definition of ‘submissive’

“ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.”

Yea. So no to submission it is not my MO, the word always rubbed me the wrong way, it always gave me lord and master vibes. So yeah when I was dating I stayed clear of men that believed in submission. It wasn’t for me. Marriage is too long to cede your rights to another human being that is also prone to mistakes.

My husband and I believe both of us have individual rights and choices and no one’s rights is greater than the other. I have an issue with giving someone the role of de-facto ‘leader’ because of his sex, Nigerian men that always like to use the analogy “there cannot be two captains in a ship” forget that the captain of that ship was NOT chosen because of his sex, the captain had to EARN it.
I have seen some family suffer because it had a de-facto leader that was unfortunately not wise or knowledgeable

I have noticed that over the course of our marriage, subconsciously, I now defer some situations to my husband because overtime he has made very good decisions, thus he earned that blind confidence.

In our house no de-factor leader, each one of us is a leader in whatever skill we are expert in, my husband manages the finances not because he is the ‘head’ but because he is very good at it! I am much more entrepreneurial so I am in charge of the side business we created because I am good at! He is the leader when it comes to investment and finances, I am the leader when it comes to our joint business. My husband didn't marry me to be a lord over me or be a dictator, he married me because he believes I can complement him and together we BOTH as equal partners contributing our individual skills, diversities and differences can create a beautiful family.

One thing I also noticed with some Nigerian men is they prefer their wives fear them rather than RESPECT them. They erroneously conflate fear and respect, the two cannot exist together. I respect my husband a lot, he is so full of wisdom and he takes his responsibilities seriously. He in turn respects me a lot and he values my opinion because he sees me as a human being first. You don’t need to shout or command another human being to earn their respect that is FEAR and it erodes with each command.

I also want to add that, some men also quote the Bible to justify submission but conveniently ignore “thou shall not commit adultery” which is one of the Ten Commandments.

liberalchick:
Thanks for the mention.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s marriage but I will try as much as possible to explain from my own perspective.

Let’s start with the definition of ‘submissive’

“ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.”

Yea. So no to submission it is not my MO, the word always rubbed me the wrong way, it always gave me lord and master vibes. So yeah when I was dating I stayed clear of men that believed in submission. It wasn’t for me. Marriage is too long to cede your rights to another human being that is also prone to mistakes.

My husband and I believe both of us have individual rights and choices and no one’s rights is greater than the other. I have an issue with giving someone the role of de-facto ‘leader’ because of his sex, Nigerian men that always like to use the analogy “there cannot be two captains in a ship” forget that the captain of that ship was NOT chosen by just sex, the captain had to EARN it.
I have seen some family suffer because it had a de-facto leader that was unfortunately not wise or knowledgeable

I have noticed that over the course of our marriage, subconsciously, I now defer some situations to my husband because overtime he has made very good decisions, thus he earned that blind confidence.

In our house no de-factor leader, each one of us is a leader in whatever skill we are expert in, my husband manages the finances not because he is the ‘head’ but because he is very good at it! I am much more entrepreneurial so I am in charge of the side business we created because I am good at! He is the leader when it comes to investment and finances, I am the leader when it comes to our joint business. My husband didn't marry me to be a lord over me or be a dictator, he married me because he believes I can complement him and together we BOTH as equal partners contributing our individual skills, diversities and differences can create a beautiful family.

One thing I noticed with some Nigerian men is they prefer for their wives to fear them rather than RESPECT them. They erroneously conflate fear and respect, the two cannot exist together. I respect my husband a lot, he is so full of wisdom and he takes his responsibilities seriously. He in turn respects me a lot and he values my opinion because he sees me as a human being first. You don’t need to shout or command another human being to earn their respect that is FEAR and it erodes with each command.

I also want to add that, some men also quote the Bible to justify it but conveniently ignore “thou shall not commit adultery” which is one of the Ten Commandments.

hmmm 12 years of marriage I respect u.sorry to ask do u live abroad.

If you have a better opinion at something, I submit to you. If I have a better opinion at it, you submit to me.

essenceplus:



I'm a man. This isn't what submission means. I'll be glad as a fan to speak with you but typing is hard work. I can see the source of all these and would like to help clear the misconceptions but I hope you lean away from your preconceived notions and prejudices though

Oh please! I will be patiently waiting for your submission.

essenceplus:
Note submission isn't doing as you're told as that's totalitarian and not involving of the other party

Submission means considering the other party even if you hold a different view. It means putting the other party into consideration and allowing yourself be led.

Submission is power under control not powerlessness

Submission isn't do as you're told. Submission is involvement but the head taking the lead.

Submission implies powerful but under authority. Its not the absence of oneself but entrusting your will in the total control of the head.

Intelligent submissions!

UyaiIncomparabl:


To say I am equally lost is an understatement. I had to listen to a sermon lastnight, do you know this man kept saying, if you are not religious and do not serve in church, one cannot have a great marriage? It kept me thinking of those who have not visited nor served in church? Why is Christianity a pre-requisute to having a great marriage? The pressure of submission on Women is really getting to be a bore.

Are you an atheist?

Lol, I just do not understand these religious people sometimes. This is one reason I don't do them. I believe once you have common sense and a working conscience (i.e) treat people the way you would love to be treated, with fairness, everyone will be alright.

I do not need any holy book to tell me this. So, I fell out of organised religion. I have no regrets. I am not an atheist.

Don't tell me what your bible says, what is your brain/conscience feeding you? I can't stand that "the bible says..." makes me wanna kick someone down the stairs.

So those are your values, I don’t know if you are still
Single but if you are, look for a man that share the same values as you. I know it will be a needle in a hay stack in Nigeria but they are out there lol. Also please and please don’t settle.

As a mother raising a son I am teaching him these values too because I feel our mothers focused on us too much and see what we are going though now. Shout out to my mother-in-law lol.

UyaiIncomparabl:


1] To not object the man's decisions.
2] To remain foolish and smile sheepishly even when I am seething with pain and anger.
3] To always accept that the man is always right.
4] To mop, sweep, cook, clean, still contribute financially and open my legs willingly like the windows of heaven even at my own discomfort.

Need I add more?

Acidosis:



Two captains don't drive a ship. Same with an aircraft, a car, etc. In the workplace, there will always be one superior. You can't have two CEOs managing same business unit. A state can't have two Presidents; Osibanjo with his Ph.D in Law MUST submit to Baba Daura as far as governance is concerned.

Hierarchically, one partner must submit to the order. A man can decide to submit to you if he wants to, but two can't submit to each other.

Submission means allowing an higher authority evaluate a decision that will, or might affect, the entire institution. For any marriage to work, submission is sacrosanct and non-negotiable.

I know my opinion won't go down well with you, but relax, women have estrogen for a reason. Even when the brain doesn't want to submit, your hormone will.

bros check her age and she is not up to 25.but wen she keep coming here to read wat dese women think her mind will be poison.am not suprised.shout for internet confuse our young girls.den log out, pound yam for hubby and beg him for it at night.

liberalchick:

So those are your values, I don’t know if you are still
Single but if you are, look for a man that share the same values as you. I know it will be a needle in a hay stack in Nigeria but they are out there lol. Also please and please don’t settle.

As a mother raising a son I am teaching him these values too because I feel our mothers focused on us too much and see what we are going though now. Shout out to my mother-in-law lol.

Not at all, Liberalchick. Those are not my values. I was obviously sarcastic. I want a man who will completely respect, and not stress my life. A man who will hold me in high esteem. You are totally right. Finding a man like this will be hard. I refuse to be guilt tripped. Most Nigerian men are just too obsessed with submission.

You have an exceptional mother-in-law?

Yes and No. However, we met in Lagos, dated in Lagos.
We are very much Nigerians.

Bossjakande:
hmmm 12 years of marriage I respect u.sorry to ask do u live abroad.

Bossjakande:
bros check her age and she is not up to 25.but wen she keep coming here to read wat dese women think her mind will be poison.am not suprised.shout for internet confuse our young girls.den log out, pound yam for hubby and beg him for it at night.

LOL. Jaks. You are a comedian. The internet, NAIRALAND especially has done more good than harm to me. So, save your hogwash.

There is no need for confusion. People have different values and choices. What works for me might not work for someone else.

Also, there is nothing wrong in pounding yam for your husband or seducing him at night

Bossjakande:
bros check her age and she is not up to 25.but wen she keep coming here to read wat dese women think her mind will be poison.am not suprised.shout for internet confuse our young girls.den log out, pound yam for hubby and beg him for it at night.

Thank you!! That way it is even way more efficient, why not the best at something take charge, is that not how leaders are chosen at work? You tried sef, you wrote in a few lines what I wrote an epistle for

zeb04:
If you have a better opinion at something, I submit to you. If I have a better opinion at it, you submit to me.

liberalchick:
Chai lol you read it before I could edit it out, don’t want to put out an identifier on the internet

Yes and No. we always travelled for vacations and both of us have lived in the US, do school and to work briefly. However, we met in Lagos, dated in Lagos, and lived there for a while before we finally relocated.

However, we are both very Nigerian.

I sware I Neva read it before u edit it.am not surprised cos is obvious u dont live here.forget DAT met in Lagos and very Nigerian talk.before u married u live dere a lot.after marriage u went back. anyway I cant attack u cos 12 yrs in marriage no be joke.u know somethings I dont know so I can only sit and listen.I respect u.but I disagreed with a lot of things u wrote dere.let me say the truth.I dont really agree with u

UyaiIncomparabl:


LOL. Jaks. You are a comedian. The internet, NAIRALAND especially has done more good than harm to me. So, save your hogwash.

forget schl or certificate or boyfriend.marriage is d schl u Neva graduate from dats why am angry dey are given young ladies a bad idea about marriage.forget comedy cos dis ain't a joke.marriage is a once in a lifetime thing dont let anybody fill ur head with rubbish

I actually I was laughing at the part when you said “open your legs... “ I knew you were being sarcastic lol my values too

Unfortunately, yes it will be very hard. My mother-in-law r.i.p never met her, just grateful she raised a man that is not your standard issue Naija misogynist.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Not at all, Liberalchick. Those are not my values. I was obviously sarcastic. I want a man who will completely respect, and not stress my life. A man who will hold me in high esteem. You are totally right. Finding a man like this will be hard. I refuse to be guilt tripped. Most Nigerian men are just too obsessed with submission.

You have an exceptional mother-in-law?

liberalchick:
There is no need for confusion. People have different values and choices. What works for me might not work for someone else.

Also, there is nothing wrong in pounding yam for your husband or seducing him at night

see let me tell u something we agree on something now.u said dere is nothing wrong in doing dese 2 things. like I said I respect u cos u are making sense. but some women here say dey can Neva cook for thier man because dey no be slave.does DAT make sense? about submission I think u are right. Amos 3.3 in the Bible. both must work together as one.but d man lead the woman follow.by follow u can influence and advise ur hubby and all DAT. I will follow u. am busy now. pls pardon my lang.

Submission has to do with superiority.
One who's ideas, innovations, empericalities, words are superior.
You submit to a higher authority, if my husband is more advanced and diversed in some certain areas of life, i'd submit to his intelligency and vice versa.
On the other hand, I really do not think that submission equals respect, though they can be likened together.

However, in accordance with my Religion,cos I'm a practising Christian, that honour, respect will always be there for my husband.

liberalchick:
There is no need for confusion. People have different values and choices. What works for me might not work for someone else.

Also, there is nothing wrong in pounding yam for your husband or seducing him at night

I just realise today is ur birthday
happy birthday long life and prosperity.

Watch: Women are Their own worst Enemies"That is the Reason Men Take Advantage of them




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H1HrnuPS00

Biblically, the man is in charge of his home and the woman is his helpmate/‘support system’/whatever lol.

Problem is a lot people ignorantly, deviously and sometimes innocently mistake this to mean complete control and a lack of say on her part.

To me, it does not mean she is supposed to simply agree with everything he says and/or he make unilateral decisions without communicating them with her, he is meant to take her opinions into consideration whilst representing as the head. She is not supposed to follow blindly or completely lose her independence, her role is to guide him on his path of leadership. If you subscribe to that, cool no problem. I personally don’t see any problem with it if she’s doing it WILLINGLY and he actually deserves it.

Deserves it as per playing his part well by loving her ‘sacrificially’, providing, protecting, being understanding etc. The wife is supposed to submit under these circumstances. Problem is most guys demanding this aren’t playing their part, that’s how you will see one useless man demanding ‘submission’ by default when he hasn’t done sh*t to earn it. When a woman is being treated well you won’t even need to tell her twice before she plays the submissive role (given she wants to do so)

There are couples who aren’t into this dynamic and their marriages are faring well. It depends on the individuals. If both husband and wife are into it, cool, if both husband and wife prefer another approach, also cool, problem is when it’s being forced on someone or being manipulated to suit selfish interests

UyaiIncomparabl:


1] To not object the man's decisions.
2] To remain foolish and smile sheepishly even when I am seething with pain and anger.
3] To always accept that the man is always right.
4] To mop, sweep, cook, clean, still contribute financially and open my legs willingly like the windows of heaven even at my own discomfort.

Need I add more?

From the Christian point of view which is the only one I understand:

The husband is to love and the wife is to submit.

Now, husbands are called to love their wives as their own bodies etc. 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7 has a definition of what that love is. A man who loves his wife puts her first, is not selfish etc. you get the idea.

Wives are to be submissive, put their husbands first, do everything to make him happy, etc.

More that love and submission are more of a state of mind and action than words.

How do I make my husband happy? How do I make him feel respected? How do I show him love? How do I adore my husband? How do I show him I admire him? How does he know that I am his number 1 fan and he is my number 1 hero? How do I always make myself ready, sweet and available for him sexually? How do I use all the resources, gifts and talents I have to better his life? To bless him? How do I let him know that even after the kids, he is still no 1?

As a wife, you should trust your husband's words, actions and reactions. You should be able to esteem his advice especially when he is knowledgeable in that field. You should make your family members know that he is number one and by extension, they respect him.

As a wife, you know his likes and dislikes and do them in his presence or absence.

@Opening of legs: if you love a man, you will open hand join.

@Finances: it depends on how you decide to run your home.

@chores: same thing.

@decision making: it is also up to you both. Some do joint decisions, some husband decides and notifies wife, some each decide according to area of expertise.

The problem is not submitting to a husband, the problem is finding the man that is worthy it. The problem is a man ensuring that he is trustworthy enough to be followed. It is ensuring a man knows that he is to lead by example in all areas.

That's why I always hammer on women marrying the right man. Marry a man that loves you: he will do everything to make you happy that you will be thinking 'what else can I do to make this man happy?' He will put you first that only putting him first will make sense.

From the Christian model, a man is to love and his wife reciprocate in submission.

If you Marry a man who doesn't love you and you are a Christian wife, you are expected to submit although it would not be easy.

If you marry a woman who doesn't submit and you are a Christian husband, you have to love her even though it would be a torture.

The second most important decision a woman would make is the husband she marries ditto a man.

What you just typed is NOT submission. You just typed you don't believe in the real definition of submission. You don't want to be against the word 'submission' because Nigerian society has conflated submission and respect. Those mean two different things. So you think if you say I wont submit then it must mean I wont respect my husband, which is not true. Submit is submit, meaning you have to YEILD to a higher authority.

ibkayee:
Biblically, the man is in charge of his home and the woman is his helpmate/‘support system’/whatever lol.

Problem is a lot people ignorantly, deviously and sometimes innocently mistake this to mean complete complete control and a lack of say on her part.

To me, it does not mean she is supposed to simply agree with everything he says and/or he make unilateral decisions without communicating them with her, he is meant to take her opinions into consideration whilst representing as the head. She is not supposed to follow blindly or completely lose her independence, her role is to guide him on his path of leadership. If you subscribe to that, cool no problem. I personally don’t see any problem with it if she’s doing it WILLINGLY and he actually deserves it.

Deserves it as per playing his part well by loving her ‘sacrificially’, providing, protecting, being understanding etc. The wife is supposed to submit under these circumstances. Problem is most guys demanding this aren’t playing their part, when a woman is being treated well you won’t even need to tell her twice before she respects (different to fear) you and ‘submits’ willingly with love. Respect is earned, when you respect someone you want to listen to what they say, when you fear someone you’re only compliant because you think you have no other choice.

There are couples who aren’t into this dynamic and their marriages are faring well. It depends on the individuals. If both husband and wife are into it, cool, if both husband and wife prefer another approach, also cool also, problem is when it’s bring forced on someone or being manipulated to suit selfish interests