₦airaland Forum

Tunagee:
I stopped communicating and visiting her in January 1st, new year day

better my bro. Just make urself better. And if u discover she's cheating on u. Divorce her. Am a woman too. I hate what I don't like

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Oga pretend you dont care and focus of looking for another way of earning money to revive your life again. Stop chasing woman and focus your life. MAKE CASH AND SEE HER CROWLING ON HER KNEELS BEGGING U UPANDAN

Skepticus:
Tunagee, you are just a victim of blue pill trap set for you because of your background from a broken home. You were being the nice gentleman and husband material of 1 million yards fighting for your marriage.

Sadly, women, even the best of them don't play by these rules. I've seen a lot of it in life. As a matter of fact, it's the reason she disrespected and left your sorry ass immediately shît hit the fan because everything you talked about smirks of weak masculinity and being sissy.

You were never really in charge. She and her mother control the marriage, you were just a mere provider.

I'll let you know a thing, you mentioned all these moralistic nonsense of "I don't smoke" , "I don't drink" thinking it would make you seem nicer to her and the society (I'm not advising you to change and do all these, but you can do it once in a while to step up your appearance of control and being in charge). I can assure you that your lady might be presently attracted to a guy with standards far below yours, but who puts himself at peak value of positive masculinity and make the lady strive for it.

That's what women respect in men. Even the worst of hardcore feminist would respect you if you hold your own as a male who owns is shît and not being manipulated or cowed around. Women are not fools. Their social and emotional intelligence is way above average and it's the reason why they control relationships today, and complain about how weak men of today are, spiking up feminism in high numbers. You are one of the reasons, it's happening now.

Back to your marital life, accept it that sometimes, shît can go wrong in a man's life. No one can have it perfect but how you handle these negative circumstances put you as the head of your home and not a whining sissy begging a bîtch.

I'll advise you that you pick yourself up, instead of sucking up and get something to do. No matter the pay, just get busy. I'm glad you have your own house. I'll not ask you to seek for divorce immediately. It still makes you look like a whimp and gives her the control of what she wanted. Open a bank account for your kid's upkeep send him whatever you can muster at any point and keep a record of it (You won't be able to fight for your child's custody in court at his age, unless you can prove that her mother is unfit to train your son). Keeping a record of it would make you be able to have some rep from your son, would make him to share in your experiences and understand how to man up. Remember, he is in the hands of manipulative women who may turn him against you, risking him, turning sissy and suffering the same fate as you, when he becomes a married adult too.

Focus on your hustle and open yourself to meeting more women. It would help you understand the world of women in dating and marriage. I don't advise marriage at this time. You may end up with another bitchy lady. Dress well, look good and try not to call or beg for your wife and her mother's attention. It puts you in control. When she sees you owning your control back, she may consider coming back. At this time, don't fall back into your past behaviour of acting nice and sissy. Make rules and be sure that she follows it.

If she refuses to come back after a while and you have learnt a lot from other women (and bedding them, of course). Divorce her trashy ass, get you a new woman but maintain relationship with your son.

I like your advice; very blunt and factual. I actually used an autocratic means to run my home so as not to be seen as a sissy, but i guess i did not jave the emotional intelligence to control her.
In fact, I did not manage my home well, I admit.

generationz:
Don't listen to that guy

He is spitting bag eggs
Ask him if he is married , he would say no

His advice comes from boyfriend / girlfriend stuffs.

Don't listen to the one advicing you to take up a vice

Just ignore your wife for now and focus on getting a job for now. Then you can dictate the tune

Thanks bro

Oga...This woman never loved U...Stop punishing yourself and wasting ur energy

Firstly go hustle and when your hustle pure never ever think of taking her back...trust me that is what the mother meant by saying "go and find something doing...there is time to reconcile"....

Secondly make your child your priority...find a way to be involved and let it be very clear that she is not your concern but ur child...get a lawyer if possible and document your terms of settlement...i.e. what u will fund and when and how u will access ur son...Dont show any anger, love or emotion what so ever...just come for your son...

Thirdly...start mingling and dating...this time ignore liabilities for anything serious....Any woman u want to considee marrying should have a meaningful means of livelihood...to achieve this u must have a meaningful means of livelihood too....

Let her stop occupying your mind...focus on improving yourself and meeting new women

Kendumazy:
Chai! You married a liability in the first place. That's why money is the center of the problem even while you were still managing to foot the bill. Guess, she can't manage with you. It's well.

Out of many replies, this one struck me. Upon seeing his post by OP my heart beat increased a bit and my mind quickly raced back to my own relationship. I just had to do a bit of thinking ; how we started,grew,understood each other, loved one another just to mention a fe. I had to think about these all in a flash. I then asked myself" hope is she isn't capable of this kind of story I am reading here?" .. I recalled there was a time I wasn't working for about 4 months. There was this perceived tension in me as man,in the air, in the relationship. I could feel it .Though I had some money but it was budgeted already and she knew about it.. I went for an interview to resume work the next month, she had started to remind me about some monetary duties. I was furious and didnt take it likely with her. We talked about it later and moved on.
This thread most ladies/ women would avoid it cos it just the truth. Why are women like this? Why is that when a man loses his job and perhaps the wife is working ,all hell would be let loosed but the case is not same when it reversed?.....
OP, the only reason you shud listen to those calling for divorce is on the grounds of infidelity ,otherwise nothing more. U think it's easy to dissolve a marriage ? Hope she is not cheating at her mum's place ?. Perhaps u guys u need to see a marriage counselor or therapist. It would do a great good. Women are the same in that aspect of job loss issues o. I tell u my broda.The wife wey still good sef go still support for sometime before u go begin dey see her Oda side .
A wife must be willing to support her husband in all aspects. She should also go and work . You ought to have sorted this out even before marriage. If she says odawise about this ,then na one chance woman u marry o. Just dissolve that marriage cos of ur children's future . For if u build a business fortress for this type, ur offsprings may not get the chance to inherit am. She go lavish the money.
All the best bro.

Xmen149:
With this ur explanation,oga talk true,were you being hash on her (strong,medium or soft violence)

We can understand it as transferred aggression from ur lack of job ..but u have to let men know everything to give you true piece of their mind

I won't deceive u, I was verbally harsh on her cos she always provoked me a lot. Got some temperament, and also did not know how to manage a lady's emotion properly cos of my ego. It has always been like that even when I was working, but she could no longer endure when she was still being insulted after job loss. I worked for a very very popular multinational firm in the country, but things took a nosedive at some point for.the firm.

Mrbrownjay1 read this story argue about it call the lady whatever name, but it is what it is she came for the money the money got finished she left, right or wrong it's her choice you cant force anyone to do what you feel is right or don't do what you feel is wrong, it's a free world she won't die mysteriously for doing these to a good man rather the good man might die from depression if he can't accept it as part of life

OKOATA:
Follow this guy's advice, stop begging as a man, you only diminish your worth. Man is meant to be strong and be the head, let her be. Go and hustle and just ignore her totally.

Thanks. I love this mature advice, and that's the reason I stopped calling or visiting she and her mum

Lexusgs430:
Are you more spiritual than Oyakhilome?......

Oyakhilome is NOT spiritual.
He is religious.
Learn the difference.

Your problem right now is your finances not your wife's distance,...... if the kids are with her and they are being taken good care of then focus on getting back on your game financially. Because at the end of the day it's going to be one of the reasons she'll want to come back.
Use this free time to take bold steps.

citruslimited:
Brother my advice to you is to do your possible best to keep your marriage, from what I have read you do love your wife.

Please and also put it in daily prayers.

You will rejoice at the end

Thank you very much for the encouragement, citruslimited

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

1. Assumption is the mother of all F*ck-ups" - John Travolta
2. You must be skilled in misinterpreting an misrepresenting cases.

I will advise that you giver some time. It's better to wait than take unprecedented steps. Also, you have to be patient with her and woo her again within your present condition and boundary. All human being are the same ( ladies in quote), virtually everybody behaves almost the same within the same condition and circumstances. The devil you know now is better than !!!!!!�

She asked you to give her time so as

If she will find someone better than you in short time and if she does not she will return

Did you invest while making money

Did you have a house on your own

Sell anything to stand up back to life

And let her go.

She has deny you when you needed her

If truly your stories are true then you will stand upright back in short time.

When God has lifted you back do not accept her anymore.

daddytime:
Your whining, lack of balls but enough mouth to engage your wife in a needless banter is the reason why she and her mother have got zero respect for you, my brother.

If you could, just ignore them and forget the so-called wife with her mom.

Na dem go begin beg you say Eleru, wa gberu re o

1. This to me is the most pragmatic approach.
2. Give a deadline. If she does not take it.... tell her to know that from that point you've moved on, even if you're not going to get married immediately

It might b a spiritual attack on ur marriage since you are coming from a broken home pray and hear from God... Let the HOLY SPIRIT direct you...
In other news, I know of friend who had this same issue in his marriage, wife left home tru the help of her mother after 2kids and was pregnant with another. Bcs the husband lost his job, this begged for close to 2years or more the wife and mother inlaw refused... The guy had to let go and move on with his life. Traveled on a trip to Abuja , met a girl der whom dey later got married and moved to Germany living happy...
As I speak to you the X wife is out der selling hand made liquid soap, her mum drove her out of the house that she is disturbing her make friends . She tried coming bck but the guy has moved on... She old by force, in her case she was manner less, no send her husband family... When she moved out told the guy she was no longer interested...
So in your case the decision is in your hands , if after praying she still refuse to come u no get chioce ooo, you have to move on, not a most u most re marry, focus on ur self and ur child... But first thing first get a JOB... All the best

KingMicky3286:
Yes

I left a girl I supposed to marry due to this similar situation. I engaged her and paid some money when I arrived Nigeria from Abroad, a month later, I traveled back to my base so that I can get her a visa to join me. She started trouble that I was delaying her visa process after I have spent 1.3m for her visa . She started using has words on me as her life depends on going abroad.

I lost my job in abroad because I have to move to nearby country to get her visa as she have not traveled before. I even did an international passport matching my surname to enable fast approval of documents. Some rich white ladies I left because of her also gave me some money to bring her over as they trusted my transparency In our relationship.

As I could not bear her rude attitude, I called their family and cut off the relationship. Now, I have peace of mind. I am going to marry a white lady now. They cares for those who are good to them.

Since I have been dating my girl now, I have not bought a pant or makeup for her. She don’t need my money or the things that some Nigerian ladies will kill you for if you didn’t buy it for them.

It’s better for a white lady to divorce me rather than an African woman.

I spent close to 3 million naira for 2 and half years just for upkeep of the Nigerian woman. But I have not spent up to 300$ for over 5 years with this white young lady.

She love me die . I will marry her.

Just leave that your wife in her mother’s house, do your things , if she didn’t hear from you, she will come back by herself, then give her conditions.

Disconnect her from your social media accounts so that she will not know anything about you first

I have already disconnected her and left her with her mother since January 1st

KingMicky3286:
Yes

I left a girl I supposed to marry due to this similar situation. I engaged her and paid some money when I arrived Nigeria from Abroad, a month later, I traveled back to my base so that I can get her a visa to join me. She started trouble that I was delaying her visa process after I have spent 1.3m for her visa . She started using has words on me as her life depends on going abroad.

I lost my job in abroad because I have to move to nearby country to get her visa as she have not traveled before. I even did an international passport matching my surname to enable fast approval of documents. Some rich white ladies I left because of her also gave me some money to bring her over as they trusted my transparency In our relationship.

As I could not bear her rude attitude, I called their family and cut off the relationship. Now, I have peace of mind. I am going to marry a white lady now. They cares for those who are good to them.

Since I have been dating my girl now, I have not bought a pant or makeup for her. She don’t need my money or the things that some Nigerian ladies will kill you for if you didn’t buy it for them.

It’s better for a white lady to divorce me rather than an African woman.

I spent close to 3 million naira for 2 and half years just for upkeep of the Nigerian woman. But I have not spent up to 300$ for over 5 years with this white young lady.

She love me die . I will marry her.

Just leave that your wife in her mother’s house, do your things , if she didn’t hear from you, she will come back by herself, then give her conditions.

Disconnect her from your social media accounts so that she will not know anything about you first

I have already disconnected her and left her with her mother since January 1st without any form of communication to her

MamaEEE:
It might b a spiritual attack on ur marriage since you are coming from a broken home pray and hear from God... Let the HOLY SPIRIT direct you...
In other news, I know of friend who had this same issue in his marriage, wife left home tru the help of her mother after 2kids and was pregnant with another. Bcs the husband lost his job, this begged for close to 2years or more the wife and mother inlaw refused... The guy had to let go and move on with his life. Traveled on a trip to Abuja , met a girl der whom dey later got married and moved to Germany living happy...
As I speak to you the X wife is out der selling hand made liquid soap, her mum drove her out of the house that she is disturbing her make friends . She tried coming bck but the guy has moved on... She old by force, in her case she was manner less, no send her husband family... When she moved out told the guy she was no longer interested...
So in your case the decision is in your hands , if after praying she still refuse to come u no get chioce ooo, you have to move on, not a most u most re marry, focus on ur self and ur child... But first thing first get a JOB... All the best

Nice sense bro keep it up

Leave that bitch good for nothing woman and see your life turned better,if you climbed that hill again you will never get down well.. don't listen to any religious or inspirational or this and that marriage preach.. just closed your heart and move on .You bless or curse me with this token later..

gbagyiza:
Bro, most of d women u see don't want to suffer. A woman likes to live a comfortable life. So, when the source of the husband income is cut off, that's when u know a true woman. But going by his confession of getting angry most of d time with her may be evidence of what she is accusing him of. But that should not be a reason for her to live now that he has no job. She could have left when he was financially ok not now. And trust me d moment u r financially stable she will come back. Women r unpredictable in life. He should be focused n try to improve on his financial state, I believe he has kids to take care of n God will lead you through. Bro, that is the reality of life, you have to face it squarely. Most of the men you see in marriages faced this ugly situation n it depends on how you handle it.

Thank you very much. I like this point you made
She could have left when he was financially ok not now.

CaptainMitch:
I dont support verbal or emotional abuse, give her time to heal, marriage should be based on love not forced. Try to improve your income we all know money brings respect

1. This is the one of the notion that promote ills in families and society. If the wife claims emotional abuse, I probably will empatize, but to premise her staying in marriage on financial condition of the husband? Such a woman does not deserve to be in marriage.

2. My brother, respect "earned" by money is not respect, in fact it is sycophancy

If you like no make money dey talk another thing, if you don't have money you won't even like yourself so double your hustle alaye.

mapet:
1. This is the one of the notion that promote ills in families and society. If the wife claims emotional abuse, I probably will empatize, but to premise her staying in marriage on financial condition of the husband? Such a woman does not deserve to be in marriage.

2. My brother, respect "earned" by money is not respect, in fact it is sycophancy

Martinez39:
When ubunja, lukui, myself and others are speaking, people like the OP and the frustrated woman called lilwetd.ick would call us frustrated, bitter and broke. Hope you can now see that no money, no love.

A woman cannot love a man except he if satisfies both or one of the following conditions:
1) He has plenty money.
2) He might not have much now but he shows great potential to acquire a lot in the nearest future.

It doesn't matter whether you are handsome or morally upright, if you satisfy these conditions or one of them, they will love you. No money, no love. Too bad you are just realising this.

Surrogate mums for giving you children; a nanny to take care of them until they can safely find their way around the house; and a wide variety of slay queens/prostitutes to pleasure you anytime you want and how you want would have been better.

How do you get the woman apart for the surrogate? You think it's easy?

AreaFada2:
Did you say entice? How? Lots of women are just out there looking for "comfortable men" and economic security. Period.

How do you exactly know that a girl showering you with love is doing it for your money only? It could still be real. Even "genuine" women do not necessarily want to marry or date into poverty. Agreed genuine love is very scarce commodity now and we all know it.

Yes some settle for less comfortable men when panic sets in due to age/pressure to marry.

Women should try to be honest in cases like this. Its not about defending one's gender every time.

Look, if 60% of what OP said is true, the wife and the mother weighed up Op's economic situation leading up to the marriage. They never reckoned with losing his job one day.

Which serious mother encourages her daughter to stay away from her marital home when not under threat to her life and welfare?

From the way life currently is, every responsible man should try to be economically stable before marriage. Because let's face it, without a decent income only very few can find love and marriage to be relatively peaceful.

Unless Op is lying to us, the marriage has just experienced its first difficulty (money) and the wife is not there to stand by her hubby.

Look, a large number of women, both wives & gfs, begin to exhibit strange behaviours when money is tight. What you never knew they were capable of. Exceptions are VERY few.

Your other suggestions to give it a try is commendable BUT the marriage is not looking good long term. Because most marriages face several challenges. This is barely surviving the first major one.

Only the kid involved makes it worth trying to resuscitate, otherwise it's not looking great.

I understand some women prevent their daughters from enjoying their marriages.

Which serious mother encourages her daughter to stay away from her marital home when not under threat to her life and welfare?

I heard she told them a lot of things that I said I would kill her

Why do you badly want a woman with 'persistent shortcomings' to come back to you who doesn't do anything wrong?

Still wondering how she destroyed your image by telling them the truth about your unguided vocal utterances. Wetin person no go hear. That woman is in no rush to return and you know why, ur words have extinguished any feelings she may have had for you.

Work on yourself. You dont have to say anything while you are boiling. Excuse yourself and stew for a bit. Apologize sincerely to your wife for every unguided utterance in the past and promise to turn a new leaf.

Tunagee:
My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)


Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.


Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

I have one simple advise for you. - Maintain your calm. Don't call her again, don't beg her and her mother, just continue hustling to re-position yourself in life. In a year or two, you would have had a lot of deep introspection and re-discovery of yourself. Within this period, you will get answers to your question like;

1. If she will come back, will it be after you have financially recovered? or before? and what does that tell you about how she values you?
2. If she doesn't come back, what does it mean to you, and how will you forge ahead in life

Most importantly, take care of YOU at this stage. Check your vitals regularly. Embark on new personal projects. Don't look at your age, volunteer to be an apprentice in a good business - 3yrs later you should be trading on your own. Even if is a simple business of going to buy agric produce in the north and sell down south. Rebuild yourself.

gbagyiza:
If she has been brought up well, she could not have left you now. She could have stood by u in this time of your financial instability. U may be having little issues n quarrels but she will not move out of your house now that you r down financially. And you said she is faithful, I don't want to put fear in your heart but let me tell u d truth if care is not taking for her to stay that long out of her matrimonial home, she may cheat on you soon because she is now exposed to such n that may bring down the Union. I don't wish you that but may d Lord rescue your family n bring you guys back. Best wishes.

Thanks. I appreciate

Omega30:
That shows, never marry an emotionally weak woman and hide money from a woman when dating and see if she can tolerate it

Exactly

favour32:
My young man,self preservation is the first rule of survival.
(1)Make yourself happy as only you have the key.
(2)Regulate your emotions (love if someone loves you and do not love if someone do not love you)--apply Newton third law of motion.
(3)Try to be stable financially because it's the focal point.
(4)Go through as many people's opinions as possible and take the final decision about your life (first rule applies here).
(5)Do not try to be holy for anyone or to please the world.


WARNING:
No perfection,hence,do not expect from anybody.
Work only with those who are willing to work with you: money or no money.
Avoid emotional turbulence as much as possible because it's a silent killer.
You have got the best advice yourself because he who wears the shoe knows where it hurts.

Thanks for this brilliant encouragement. I will do as u have said

I read comments all night and would have moved on after that.like I do to other posts but I felt compelled this morning to share a little of my experience with u. Early last year my wife moved out of my house with my toddler son for no serious reason. She was adamant to return when my family tried to intervene. I left her for two weeks first after which I called and requested to see my son, she obliged me with her new address and I went to see my boy. I kept visiting at least once in a month and I kept sending child support even though she also has a job. I quickly channelled my energy to my job, became more dedicated and resumed physical exercise which marriage didn't allow me time to, I worked hard to improve my fitness, my looks, attended events when I have the time. I have this female colleague at work who has always been my bestie, I told her my issues and she helped me that period with words of encouragement and I went to her place after work to eat sometimes after work and spent some time there in the company of her bf too before going home, I already started a relationship with another lady after two months and it was going well, fast forward to 8 months later, my wife and her ppl started making moves to reconcile, I didn't refuse but I made her know there is another woman now. She said, her mother suspected so too because of the way I ignored her and focused on my boy. I visited regularly but maintained my distance from her. She is willing to do anything for me now and even begging me not to marry another woman, but I will do because I can't dull myself again. So my advice is for u to look at what I did at the initial stage to heal. Now my heart is more hardened than ever. But am very considerate anyway.