yeyeosoronga:


You listed all your wife and mother-in-law's faults with great flourish, and just quickly, briefly mentioned your own faults of verbal and emotional abuse.
I'm sure she didnt lie on you that you've been insulting her and the family.
A man who has lost his job is very hard to live with as many start having insecurities and would lash out at those close to them.
Go work on your temper and look for a job. Let your wife be, allow her build her self esteem and worth you've destroyed with your mouth. The marriage is long gone

Bitter truth.thanks.this really got me

CaptainMitch:
If you like no make money dey talk another thing, if you don't have money you won't even like yourself so double your hustle alaye.

Unfortunately for you, I love myself...money or not. Same principle I teach my children

SLBMS:
Stay.
Away.
From
Nigerian
Women.

Tunagee:


I understand some women prevent their daughters from enjoying their marriages.

Which serious mother encourages her daughter to stay away from her marital home when not under threat to her life and welfare?

I heard she told them a lot of things that I said I would kill her

Well, a wise woman builds her home says the Bible.
You cannot build your home by making your mother call the shots. It never works. Some mothers are natural control freaks, unwilling to set the kids free.

Op you need to explore how ready your wife is to continue with the marriage.
In your post she told your mum to give her time. Time to do what exactly? To see if you will land another good job? To enjoy money from the job she did not stick around to give you moral support to find?

If I was in your position, if I land a good job I will not disclose it. Just to see how things pan out.

While mending fences and moving on is great, will moving to mother's house anytime times are hard become a recurring decimal??

bros ... i think ten months is more than enough for her to have a rethink if she's still interested in the marriage or not.... so if i were u i would go out there make myself happy and find one babe who will make me happy too... then when she starts hearing that women are visiting me she will definitely come back to her senses.... that's the more reason its always available to atleast once in awhile u take one bottle of heineken and chill ur moral...

Lexusgs430:


Are you more spiritual than Oyakhilome?......

and who told Oyakhilome wanted it, it was absolutely the decision of his wife. Infact he refused to sign the at certain time

They got you where they want you because you are predictable and have shown you can't live without her.
In other words, using you against you. She leaves for 10months, staying with her mom and working for her aunt and you waiting for her to come back?
You're in a bottle and unless you do something drastic they are going to emotionally waste you and your fear is your limitation.
My Ex played this game but in my own case, it happened when my economic profile was brightening up and she left out matrimonial home because her mom and family believed her lies.
They taught I couldn't take tough decisions simply because I'd been tolerating her childish behaviour for a while.
Since I wasn't home when she left and I wasn't returning until a year I just sent my siblings to collect the remaining property she left in out apartment.
I waited for 2yrs to meet a legal requirement for filing for divorce.
After 2yrs I sent my lawyer to go and inform her family of my intentions to FILE FOR DIVORCE ON THE GROUNDS OF ABSCONDMENT by her.
She has abandoned our marriage without any tenable evidence of my misbehaviour. They told my lawyer to go ahead and he did.
It later emerged that she was expecting me to come look for and beg her as she told a colleague of ours. I knew all along that it was part of plot to put me on my knees and give me conditions for her return home (pure manipulation and emotional blackmail).
I refused to be put on my knees for her selfish interest when I hadn'tdone anything to deserve such.
She was stunned that I went to court apparently they thought I didn't have the balls to do so.
As we speak we are divorced.
Her attempts to manipulate the judge to extort money from me for some compensation with fake cry didn't work.

My friend, a 3 women plot is succeeding because of your fears...
Get a lawyer and head to court but delay the filing until 2yrs because any divorce applications less than 2yrs will not entertained by a judge.
Your wife has been prepared by her mom and aunty to waste you while something else is happening in her live .
You better forget it.
As for the age, forget it, I was in my 40s and she in her mid 30s when she did this.
I moved and endured the inconvenience while waiting for the case to heard. I'm in a new relationship and ready for marriage soon.

My oga, once a woman decides to pack her things from her husband's house at the slightest provocation, then I believe that the reasons for her to believe in that marriage has left.
So sir, don't ever beg her to return as long as you didn't abuse her in anyway... She would also had made rash utterances to you too but you chose to let it go because u believe "she loves u like u love her!"
Pls sir, all these she is interested statement are lies! Move on! When she sees that u don't even have an iota of remorse anymore and u have made the best of yourself, she would want to come back in but pls don't make that mistake because if u do, I pity how she would treat you when u have any other form of challenge (ill health etc).
Live your life, happiness and joy is not tied to anyone!

M[b][/b][b][/b]ove on

Tunagee:


Bro, I thought of it, but my faith as a christian won't allow me. More so, am from a broken home so I know what separation is, and the effect on the kids. Thirdly, the courts can take some years to divorce couples, especially when they don't see any tangible reason, and in the end, they tell couples to go settle their differences, especially when one spouse still shows interest. Am in my early 40's

Bro, divorce is not an option i am glad you know that already
You should close her chapter to help you focus. Just pray that God will change her heart.
Thank God you know the effect of a broken home. That experience has been the reason I and my husband don't allow our misunderstanding get out of our home. We don't want such for the kids. I pray God will restore your home.

Please,keep on praying for open doors,and financial breakthrough....It might seem difficult and hard now,but you shall conquer...
Meanwhile,be sending your child support no matter the little....
Where do you worship?...I recommend OPM...though am not a member of the church but I see such cases being handled on my Cable/ Facebook testimonies...

Congratulations in advance!!!

ibietela2:


How do you get the woman apart for the surrogate? You think it's easy?

Typo on your part, care to clarify please? What woman or women?

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Exactly what I am going thru in my own marriage too. Is ur wife from ondo state or ijebu?

desoul2004:


Professor of feminism, just be ready to turn into a witchcraft at your old age because that's when the reality of life will set in. I pity any guy that would come close to you as a suitor, his future will be miserable if didn't realize himself on time.

just like okoroacha predicted, so many graduates who cant speak or write properly
I pity anyone who will.call you father someday, because you will transfer stupidity to them
let me advise you, die single.

he does not have the money to divorce unless he wont be writing this epistle

Lexusgs430:



Ever heard of a word called 'Divorce'?......

Lexusgs430:



Ever heard of a word called 'Divorce'?......

Best option bro ... I salute your perseverance and courage though .. couldn’t wait to lament all of your experiences as I without a doubt went for the above stated option during my own time.. Cheers!!!

Never marry in the court. It's like knowingly putting yourself in the prison.

When your sweetheart comes with his/ her other side and you have to wait 2 years before you could seek divorce, things become clearer.

Danbull:


Exactly what I am going thru in my own marriage too. Is ur wife from ondo state or ijebu?

What does ethnic has to do with spouse behavior?

Move on with your life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glb4oqghN5w

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

SUBSCRIBE

Fountainofyouth:
Honestly this is sad, from all your write up, the problem started when you lost your job, meaning all was fine before then, meaning you enticed her with money when you both started dating, meaning there was never real love in the first place just love for material and financial gain, well,since she is still interested in the marriage, give her more time that she needs, do your part by calling and seeing her not just sending your mum to go there, make steps too towards getting her back cos it's obvious you both still want to be together, all the best.

P.S To all those guys that says "make money first then women will flow your way" this is the end result.

....

My observation:
You talk too much and such a person lose respect from both the wife and the in-law. My brother, Concentrate on your finance and personal development for now. Let her be! When she see reasonable changes and wants to come back, make it hard for her to come back. Don’t be scared of losing her. She and her mother will respect you next........
Seems she is just a house wife? No vision and ambition on her part? Be weary of such women, they are there for the money only! When the going is tough, she leaves you to sort yourself. If I were you, I will declare myself single and hustling.

Tunagee:

I did not entice her with money, I was working for a multinational and was also privilege to have my own home. I was just on the average earning about 80k, but living in my own house. Did not have a car when we got married

your wife still love u but she's confused.she's was not mentally prepared for marriage.if you've done your best to bring her home and she refused then give her space,take your mind off her and channel your energy on how to get a new job.when she sees that you've ignored her she'll come back.

elmagnifico411:
Problem number 1; you don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you don’t womanise, I hope you watch football, cos if u dont eeehn, na wahala u dey so oh. See ehn, for we brotherhood of the bar, we don’t entaitain this kindaissues. If I were I , I wouldn’t go looking for her again. This is time to test your skills( have your female friends come check u at home. Not that you want to do anything oh, but for reports to get to her that it seems another woman wants to take her place. She will leave her yeye mother), borrowing that phrase ‘if your story is true’.

You got no vice. Now she seems to be like the only thing u got, every now and then you seem lost and empty. Bros, get out there and start looking for a good woman who would love u for u. You don’t even know if she was the one that brought bad luck to u. Abeg celebrate her departure.

A friend of mine got married while he was jobless. Thank God he got a good family. They all rally round him and helped him out, though the wife had a job.. a month into their marriage, dangote fkndtirctions offered him a nice job and oga is doing well now. Thata the kinda luck a good woman come with. Everyone has foregotten that when he wanted to get married baba no get job. Bros, that woman isn’t for you. Go get a new woman who’s gonna be a source of open doors to u. Ire o

She is busy playing the female wolf game to test your abilities as an alpha male wolf.
Take the above advise @op, and move on. Time waits for no one and she won't change until she feels she is losing you to another lady.

She is busy stalling and exploring her options cos you will always remain a good plan B. By the way, who is taking charge of the kids?

If she kills you with her attitude, who will lose?

Bia! Be kiaful and use your brain. Don't be a pianata that can be toyed with.

Na page 10 I see yesterday night o.. Awon judge Judy don reach page 14. Issokay!!

Majority of nairalanders are pure idiots with low IQ. How can you support a man that is abusive towards his wife? He doesn't provide for his family and he's also abusive. I read one idiot's comment saying he has a right to abuse his wife, like seriously? When did a woman become an inanimate object?

OP you're a wicked man. I've no pity for you because it's obvious you have broken that woman. Both you and your useless pastor that asked you not to visit your family would get what's coming. GTFOH here. Age is just a number and maturity doesn't always come with age as you've displayed.

To all those supporting the OP I hope you can stand someone insulting you and your family, if you can't and you're using your dirty fingers to type shït, then like the OP you're a big hypocrite.

Tunagee:

I like your advice; very blunt and factual. I actually used an autocratic means to run my home so as not to be seen as a sissy, but i guess i did not jave the emotional intelligence to control her.
In fact, I did not manage my home well, I admit.

I like the fact that you admitted your mistakes. A lot of us here, giving advice too, don't probably have perfect relationship and marriages too.

Just pick the vital points from everyone who responded to your post.

I'm not a fan of marriage because of the recent disadvantage it puts against men. Women have never had the sort of liberation and emancipation in history like they have done since the sexual revolution. They have used this freedom to great lengths and abused it massively in the process. The greatest victims are men in the western world and its gradually seeping in here. I have a son though and I have a good relationship with the mother who is married to another man. It's enough for me.

In your next quest with women, avoid women from broken homes or abusive parents. Most (not all) are usually damaged and may be good outside till circumstances bring out the demons in them. Also, make sure you deal with ladies who are actively working or doing business (it doesn't stop you from having casual beddings with younger ladies who are only out for the money. Don't take it further with them).

You probably may not be very comfortable with the advice I gave since I noticed that you are a conscientious Christian. But then, pick your bible and read about the great men and patriarchs in the bible. These men controlled their homes and the "madness" of their women. They were no punk.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Hehehe

Bro this is the best advise you will ever get here cos I'm advising you from vivid personal experience...

Go to her family"s house and let them.know you love her but you will let her be hoping she comes back to her senses and that if she is truly done then let her file for divorce then let her be and focus on your life and how to get back on your feet.

Is there any child or children between you two? If yes it even makes it more difficult for her and if NO it changes nothing..

When time reach nah she go carry herself come back come meet you.

YahwehRocks:



Oyakhilome is NOT spiritual.
He is religious.
Learn the difference.

But you get my drift.......

HRHQueenPhil:
he does not have the money to divorce unless he wont be writing this epistle

So what do you suggest?....

AdemolaA2:


Best option bro ... I salute your perseverance and courage though .. couldn’t wait to lament all of your experiences as I without a doubt went for the above stated option during my own time.. Cheers!!!

Those insulting me because I suggested a divorce, simply have no clue.........

What is a marriage, when one party has walked out.......

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