₦airaland Forum

theButterfly:
Because her abuse/anger/insults began two weeks after the wedding and she's still communicating w| her ex, she might still be in love w| him. Comparing you to her ex who wished her a hbd at 12am is silly. This is why people shouldn't be communicating with exes after marriage.

If she's now the "complete opposite of who she was when [you] were dating", as you've said, another possibility is that her niceness before the wedding was simply pretence. It's baffling that someone would do a quick 360 like this after a wedding and start misbehaving.

I feel bad for your mom b|c the way she was treated wasn't nice. Abusing your mom/family when she came for the omugwo and even after she left is a no-no.

Go for counselling together. Good luck.

Sorry for you son , but the truth is u have lost ur wife ND I assure u if u travel to the us ( I suspect that u r planning to overstay ur visa period) then u will definitely loose ur wife cos both of you wld have to marry other pple to legalize ur stay ND she wld leave you wen the slightest opportunity presents itself.

Go and do a DNA test on ur baby to ascertain that the baby is urs.

Princedapace:
See what I will tell u bro. I know how terrible this can be. But hear me, two wrongs can't make anything right. Two fires can't quench fierceness.

During this coming weekend, u should be free, take her on a date. Buy her good wine, red wine maybe okay, treat her well, let her drink, tell her how much u love her, how beautiful she is, what she means to u, pet her, play, etc depending on things she like. When she is tipsy, try and ask her what the problem is.. Ask her what u might have done to her. She will talk. From there, u will know how to handle it..

After then, secretly do a DNA test.. As for USA trip, slow it down for now.

You are mad man for this kind of advice...werey...who gave you phone and sub for u? Why are men of this generation so stupid? why God

luminouz:
*sighs*
How in God's name does this solve his problem?
You're making it more dire,he is a sissy enough..don't make him a yellow fruity sissy!!
Where do y'all get this ur advice from?

Seriously,did you even read the story?

@@@@ Are you married? If yes. You are too emotional. Experience cannot be bought in the market. The guy needs to stay calm and work on her emotion by not concentrating on her and diverting attention to the baby. This will naturally trigger jealousy and healing process will set in because no woman wants her husband to shift or divett attention from her.
The inquisitive nature of women will prompt her to have a recap of her attitudes and she will gradually reduce the buffer zone she created and long for communion and peàceful coexistence. You do not sail stormy waters with turbulence mind. Get your plimsols right, rudder tightly held and navigate with the compass. I am so sure of an anchor that holds at the shore. I have used it and has worked. I appreciate the guy for not being a wife beater.

GrabHisBalls:
I don't pity some of you when you end up with bad wives. This your wife is everything bad. No character, no home training, no respect for elders, and you want to say you didn't notice any of these while dating even if she's the best pretender in town.

Marriage is for better, for worse. Carry your cross.

CRAP... I will divorce any woman that gives me headache in split of seconds... marriage is not a do or die affair... I will not trade my peace of mind for anything in the world, not even for a BILLION DOLLARS. I kid you not..

why? My mind is my most powerful survival weapon... I am a thinker and planner. Anything that will negatively affect my mind, blind my vision will be cut off immediately. women YAPA...

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

The biggest mistake you will ever make is taking her to the US. That's your funeral. If she won't respect you in Nigeria, what happens when she gets to a country where women is more respected? Black women are animals sometimes.

My ex wife behaved exactly the same way, no respect for me or my family members.

Well I divorced her and remarried. The new wife knew why I divorced the old one. Now I have peace at home.

Life is short. Don't waste yours out of sentiments

ransomed:
@@@@ Are you married? If yes. You are too emotional. Experience cannot be bought in the market. The guy needs to stay calm and work on her emotion by not concentrating on her and diverting attention to the baby. This will naturally trigger jealousy and healing process will set in because no woman wants her husband to shift or divett attention from her.
The inquisitive nature of women will prompt her to have a recap of her attitudes and she will gradually reduce the buffer zone she created and long for communion and peàceful coexistence. You do not sail stormy waters with turbulence mind. Get your plimsols right, rudder tightly held and navigate with the compass. I am so sure of an anchor that holds at the shore. I have used it and has worked. I appreciate the guy for not being a wife beater.

Emotional and luminouz are mutual enemies. I'm not married but I can still relate 100% with the story. I'm just questioning your logical prowess because the story is explicit enough(at least from OP's part) that I didn't expect you to type all that.
You keep mentioning a baby,how will he love a baby he is not sure he is the dad? He should keep indulging her craziness and love for her ex while hoping she changes. Being too calm at times is misinterpreted as weakness by women,especially OP's wife. Look bro,some people are toxic and if you allow them,they will infect you. Deal ruthlessly with such stuffs.
Maybe it worked for you. But your wife is not OP's wife.

NiRfreak:
You are mad man for this kind of advice...werey...who gave you phone and sub for u? Why are men of this generation so stupid? why God

Lol,u don vex!!!

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

you already know what to do and the answer to your questions. You just need to be bold.
May the odds be in your favour.

gaby:
While you were busy running a marathon shifts at work, your wife had been busy with her ex, and this is where the "see finish" started from.

In your best interest, you had better jettisoned the US idea with her if not, na OYO be your name.

DNA, please

Some guys still don't understand that most women detest softie men to no end.

Toughen up some bro, that woman has tried and seen to what extent she can trample on you without any repercussions.

Be strong mate

I dash you all Otedola money

The simple truth is that she wants to get you exhausted with frustration so you guys can get a divorce. With that, she can then go back to her ex (who in reality is the father of the child)! I rest my case.

GrabHisBalls:
I don't pity some of you when you end up with bad wives. This your wife is everything bad. No character, no home training, no respect for elders, and you want to say you didn't notice any of these while dating even if she's the best pretender in town.

Marriage is for better, for worse. Carry your cross.

A lot of people fail to fulfill the purpose of courtship which is watching their partner instinctively. Nowadays people, especially young guys court for love, money and sex, they fail to get to know each other.

luminouz:
Emotional and luminouz are mutual enemies. I'm not married but I can still relate 100% with the story. I'm just questioning your logical prowess because the story is explicit enough(at least from OP's part) that I didn't expect you to type all that.
You keep mentioning a baby,how will he love a baby he is not sure he is the dad? He should keep indulging her craziness and love for her ex while hoping she changes. Being too calm at times is misinterpreted as weakness by women,especially OP's wife. Look bro,some people are toxic and if you allow them,they will infect you. Deal ruthlessly with such stuffs.
Maybe it worked for you. But your wife is not OP's wife.

This approach has worked on many occasions amongst family and friends. I hope he takes this advice and practice it for just two weeks . The issue is resolvable and the man's calmness and gentility do not connote weakness but , strength to breakdown the barriers the wife built within her own system. The husband has to portray that he cares and capable of paying attention at the home front by doting the baby first and the lady will begin to drop her secluding dragnet. The baby is very innocent in this family challenge. The man just stated the baby issue to buttress his wife unbecoming. Men a times whip up sentiment to gain support and sympathy.

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

sholikay:
well i'm not married, but from what you typed,it seems she has given you clue of what you are doing to her,which is prompting her to act that way...that's the issue of not giving her enough attention, care and love...some ladies might be so funny and crazy when you tend to deny them some things..she knew she is married now and since she can't cheat on you,due to conscience or whatever. she expected you to be giving her all she needs,irrespective of your busy schedule... why not deal with that first by planning your time with her,then see if she will change... I believe she can be easily manipulated by you,since she is not giving you a silent and cold treatment.... her constant nagging shows she needs you to amend immediately... women can be so funny...
note:I'm currently in such with my fiancee presently.. due to my NYSC posting we have been on this LDR thing for now,and I have not really had time for her like before..we hardly see,and she complains,nags at my little mistakes.but when I started shifting my attention back to her,her head is calming back a bit....



just be calm and amend...she is your wife now and not a fiancee or girlfriend...

.... so if u stay distance away from her again she will change on you... I think you still have some lesson to learn in a hard way.. A woman that complain about her own mother n even her mother inlaw how will she make a good wife. The worst excuse any woman will ever give in a married is anything relating to food. If she have anything in mind that she's not contented with why not she tell her husband instead of acting up I think she's regretting a lot of things in this marriage n Bros the best thing is to go for DNA n give her a break den she will show you her real self or she will realize her mistake.. I won't even give her my reason for the break since she won't tell me her reason for changing her character. Time will determine if she want you or man. You are a man n you should learn how to do without a lot of shit in ur life. Don't even think of traveling with her even if she change cus she will still change to worst over there. Bros nothing like for better for worst nowadays that's if you love yourself.[color=#990000][/color]

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

OP, LISTEN TO THIS POSTER, HE IS WISE, A WISE MAN INDEED. In addition, they say dat 'rest of mind is more dan protein'. I strongly believe in divorce. If you eventually take her to d states, ur first name will be sorry. What you're passing thru now will be a tip of an iceberg compared to what you will get from her here. Do what will make you happy. Some ladies can pretend for Africa just to get dat title(MRS) before their first name, then madness will come. YOUR LIFE FIRST.

Bro run as far as u can. She s not your wife,ex have been screwing her lately,plz never take her to any US. Imagine not even an atom of respect for your dear mum.

Tajbol4splend:
I dash you all Otedola money

Why you no add Dangote own?

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

I beg you in the name of God. Don't go to the US with this woman, as a matter of fact, the US offers you the good opportunity to break free from the life time of agony you have put yourself with this marriage. Better still you can take her and the kid to America and you leave comfortable working in Nigeria. That woman will cry crocodile tears at your funeral. She will abuse you in America.

8 don't know how to lie but I must tell u I came to read comments

Hey my guy. A problem shared they say is half solved. For your information, if you go to DNA or not, your wife has change, she has change. No two ways. The child being yours is slim. Whether you Cook this stories just to make an headline or not, it doesn't concern me but my candid advice is this: Your wife is no longer your wife but someone else. She is looking for a way to destroy you. Don't ever plan taking her abroad with you or better still, cancel all trip and gave reason why you did that and you will see another side of her. More importantly, be careful on what you ate you ur house, he might have the mind of poisoning you one day. Before I drop this see the face of God for a month concerning ur challenge because it might be the lady is not ur wife but you took her as a wife by mistake. God will surely see you through.

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

I wish the op would read my contribution. This guy up there nailed it: his contribution was epic. However, let me add some few things. You don't need only married men to advise u on this, any reasonable matured man is capable of telling u the absolute truth.
Let me tel u a true life story. When we were in medical school, my best friend who wasn't doing well financially had asked a lady out but she turned him down for obvious reasons. She was in the dept of english language at the time.The guy was poor due to his background. I told some of our other close friends that if I were in his shoes, I don't think I would have graduated from the university let alone med school. The guys resilience was out of this world. He looked tattered yet happy. Though I did my best as a friend until I also lost my Dad and we were almost on same page bit was still doing better financially. Fast forward my story to when we became finalists. He told me," bro ,do u remember so so so( called her name )"?? . I said " yes I do" ... He told me he started having a whatsap conversation with her and how he had expressed his love for her,been thinking about her etc. She was complaint and responsive this time around. I told him never to be serious with her because a lady who could reject u when u were dirty and unkempt years back wouldn't turn around all of a sudden from no where and begin to show interest in you cos u are about to finish school and start life for real. She had graduarpted long before us and had started working for some years then.
I advised him to chop and clean mouth and to be careful of her. Told him to use condom or other contraceptives when things happened. He said that was his intention from the very beginning. This lady would travel all the way to Lagos to come meet my guy severally, buy things when coming , cook, kneel on the ground for him and present her salary to seek is opinion on how it would be spent. My guy go split the money ,take part for himself and give her the rest. He began to have sincere amorous desires towards her. I warned not to forget what she did to him but he didn't listen well enough. Told me she had changed. She got pregnant all of a sudden.but I can tell if it was for him though as the matter no concern me. Though I regrettably asked him to abort it because she is undeserving of him,not after we had both suffered to get to where we were. Seeing him throw it all away really was really painful. He told me he would marry her cos she was pregnant for him.I objected ,counselled,yet he persisted.I had to call the attention of our other close friends whom we all atrted together but I was told to let him make his choice. I had to wish him a HML.
We graduated, began our internship and did the introduction that seemed like the wedding proper. I risked my life to attend that intro and when I got there the whole thing was over. I almost cried deep down. My best friend did his intro and I wasn't in full attendance. I was pained to the marrow. Wetin man go do ? I jst took pictures with the couples ,ate and clean mouth.
It was now time to counsel the couples o. As I was advising her to take care of my best friend and that he personally has no issues as we have been together from Part 1 in school, I noticed the way she snubbed and wasn't ready to listen to what I was saying. Right there, in my heart I knew my friend had made a HUGE mistake and a WRONG choice . I couldn't tell my friend then. U might say it hadnt been an easy day for her,bla bla bla. That wasn't the case here. I just knew it wasn't. I had never met her personally until the introduction ceremony. Fast forward to today, they are no more. She started acting funny: my friend should get married to her in church, she wasn't the nice girl anymore. Insulted his family. The truth of the matter was,She never loved him from the onset.
She saw him as a means to convenient life. Thinking it would all millions of money should my friend graduate and started to work. The brief union had a baby girl. She personally told him about three times that her mum said she should leave him and they go their separate ways. Starved him of sex for close to a year. A lady that was fucking unhindered when dey were dating o. My friend almost slept with a sex worker. If I told u the inhumane things she did too him ,it won't end here. He split from her eventually when it became unbearable.
My brother, that lady is not ur wife.That child might not likely be urs either. I think her ex was her first, he deflowered her.So, she still AHS strong feelings for him.He is likely to be the father of that child. She is pained that she is not with him. You are caging her. How can a married woman be talking about a temporary break in marriage ?. Use your head bro. If u have the means ,u can still correct a lot of tings despite the monies u have spent so far. Go for a DNA test while u can. Pls do it. I appeal passionately to you. Don't travel yet. Solve this issue bro. Don't listen to those teliing u to see a marriage counsellor on this. I have seen enough to be able to counsel u on this. If she ever loved u , its gone or she was double dating with her ex back in school.. U made me laugh when u said she is not the sex type.. Well, I won't talk on that. . Even after the DNa test confirms u own rthat child,don't marry her again.
For a lady to insult not just your family ,ur mother inclusive ,its a no no for me. I wish u all the best.
Make una notice how ladies go AVOID this thread..lol

if not for kids... why would a man even think of marriage ? majority re bad poison. One woman no fit suffocate me sha. Once it stops working btw us we have to go our separate ways. Marriage no be do or die . My peace of mind is very important to me. Not every married man/woman is happy...

Do DNA test...

If you are not happy in the marriage, then divorce na...
You're still talking about America, visa, greencard... Na wa for you o...

What do you mean by she's not the sex type? If she's not sexing you, she's sexing someone else.... Women like sex more than guys....

The woman you married has changed.. People change.... Don't wait till it's too late... Until we come and read on Nairaland 'Woman caught cheating stabs husband'...

Anyway I pray that you receive sense sha...

She is a good lady but you are too soft for her...

Only an iron hand /hard personality (I am not even talking about domestic violence) can handle her!!

You are like Jeff!!
Pull away!!!

You guys are not compatible.. .

May you not die of high blood pressure....

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

You impregnated someone, you started living together and you're calling her your wife... Are you okay?

I dont support rubbish so i will be blunt, first do a DNA test to make sure your kid is yours.

Secondly if there is a way to remove her from your dependants please do else she go send you enter streets for US carry her ex enter your house.

There are bad husbands so also there are bad wives ,from your narrative ,this one is a bad wife.

LordKO:
@OP

I hear cry of a servile man. You've a fundamental problem which makes you an enabler for your wife's toxicity towards you in particular and others in general.

I wager where your wife is now, she throws around a statement like "I'm not impure, my husband just loves me" to whosoever that cares to listen to her . . . That's the slogan of subjugators (like your wife) who're able to have servile men (and vice versa) like you.

In fact, I love it when servile and false libertarians (men especially) cry when being subjugated, like in your case, because on a normal day you and your ilk will be in a thread like this to cast aspersions on any person (man and woman) who expresses abhorrence towards small-minded women (and men) over their toxicity. And at the same time chorus with them on any denouncement they make towards any rightful thing that doesn't resonate well in their ears, just to spite and deride those against their petty attitudes, all in a bid to appear more civil than civility itself. Most of your ilk have already commented on this thread.

Hypocritically disingenuous people everywhere.

Oh BoY!
There are more BIG words (Grammar) here than in some novels I have read.
Easy Bro!

LordKO:
@OP

I hear cry of a servile man. You've a fundamental problem which makes you an enabler for your wife's toxicity towards you in particular and others in general.

I wager where your wife is now, she throws around a statement like "I'm not impure, my husband just loves me" to whosoever that cares to listen to her . . . That's the slogan of subjugators (like your wife) who're able to have servile men (and vice versa) like you.

In fact, I love it when servile and false libertarians (men especially) cry when being subjugated, like in your case, because on a normal day you and your ilk will be in a thread like this to cast aspersions on any person (man and woman) who expresses abhorrence towards small-minded women (and men) over their toxicity. And at the same time chorus with them on any denouncement they make towards any rightful thing that doesn't resonate well in their ears, just to spite and deride those against their petty attitudes, all in a bid to appear more civil than civility itself. Most of your ilk have already commented on this thread.

Hypocritically disingenuous people everywhere.

I know you've been waiting for this day
Civil more than civility

MY DEAR U DON'T LIVE UR WIFE, SIMPLE. U R LOOKING FOR MEANS TO SCUTTLE THE MARRIAGE AND SETTLE FOR RICHER OR NICE PERSON. TELL UR SELF THE TRUTH; HOW MANY WOMEN CAN BRING OUT MONEY TO SUPPORT IN THE HOME? HOW MANY. THE LITTLE HELP U GET FROM HER U TURN EVERYTHING TO BRAND HER "BAD'

First things first do DNA paternity test.
I go dey straight forward with u ,your marriage don end.
She go do u strongest thing In America. .
Take it like a man. . .

As a bachelor, hearing about married couple brouhaha makes me feel safer than getting married. marriage is complicated and unpredictable ..




modify: I will get married but God should give a nice and friendly woman not an enemy kind of wife ..