₦airaland Forum

zed7:
Bottom line is you guys are just easy going folks and are lucky to have found each other. I can say the same for myself. Almost 10 years together, marriage and dating combined. We share similar characters with you guys but the only difference is, I have my money, my wife has her money but we all spend my money..
To be honest, she saves hers for us to use if have an emergency and are stranded. In laws are tricky. My siblings are all married and independent, she has a couple of younger ones who are students. Sometimes they want to come over for the hols, it used to bother me but now I'm used to it. They are responsible and don't cause any problems but I just don't like having people around. I have learnt to deal with it though, after all we are all family.
I will conclude that[b] a good marriage all depends on the personalities of people involved. [/b]Some will marry easy going people and use the opportunity to exploit and oppress them. It's just luck.

LewsTherin:
Can I join in spending your money?

I don't think it's just luck. In your short paragraph you said "I have learnt to deal with it" and "now I'm used to it"

It's about compromise. You know what you want, what you like. But you are willing to give some of that up for what she wants, what she likes. I'll bet there are things she gives up for you too. That's just it. You both are working at making your marriage work.

I[b] believe ALL marriages will work as long as both parties work at making it work. But as long as one or both parties are only interested in having their own way, OYO[/b].

bukatyne:


e-hugs to LewsTherin's lady. I always picture her as a posh elegant woman.

Congrats and plix send my anniversary cake here.

Marriage is dependent on how the two people in it want it.

Met in 100L (both of us were in 100L), dated/courted for 8yrs and married for 5yrs

It has been fun all the way.

I believe meeting early and growing into one another is key.

liberalchick:
This is a beautiful thread, a break from the constant woman bashing.

You sound like a good, supportive, loving husband. Your wife is lucky to have you. My husband and I are 16 years together too. Married for 12, dated for 4.

Congratulations! Wishing you more beautiful years with your lovely wife.

Jobia:
Best thread I have seen on NL in a loong while..

OP pls go on I'm taking notes

LewsTherin:
Nice. Very nice of you.

But you are a bad girl. Cos the picture I've always had of you is a young single lady. Classyand knowledgeable but young and single. Like 24 young. Now why is that, hmmm?

Confess now before I send you your cake

bukatyne:
Sorry for the late response

I am 31yrs young

I am all of the above except single

Where is my cake?

LewsTherin:
Awwwww. The cake was about to get to you when some South African miscreants attacked some Nigerian miscreants. I still don't know the end of the matter myself

LewsTherin:
This year will be 8 years we've been married. We started dating during our university days just about my 2nd year. We dated for 7 years before I asked her to marry me. We were engaged for exactly 1 year. 16 years all told.


And it's been great!

So for those on Nairaland who keep crying about how marriage is a terrible institution, for thise who wonder how they can stay faithful year on end, for those wondering how their spouse can be faithful year in year out, I can only say

It's very possible.

Magnify the Lord with me for 16 wonderful years with my Lady.

Ishilove:
LewsTherin, do you ever get tempted to cheat? Many men say they can't eat draw soup for the rest of their lives so they have to go out to eat egusi and assorted. They also claim men are polygamous by nature.

Please I need your honest comments on the above, being that you are a happily married man.

LewsTherin:
Do I get tempted to cheat? It's easy to say NO! I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO CHEAT!! But in reality, it's not that simple.

Like any warm blooded man, I can recognise a hot piece of a** when I see one. But then I remember two things.
1. How can I do this thing and sin against God and against man?
2. My wife also happens to be a hot piece of a** who I also happen to love deeply.

So I can comfortably ignore what sights my eyes are presented with. Added to this is that I do all within my power to stay away from places and people that will present a source of temptation to me. I keep busy, I keep my family close, I stay close to my God.

So no, I am never tempted to cheat.

LewsTherin:
@Ishilove
Do I think men are polygamous by nature?

No. Men are sinful by nature. The race of Man, that is. Both sexes. And so Men do what pleases the flesh. Some do this by being polygamous/ polyandrous. Some do this by being in same sex relationships. Some by being in open relationships. All because it is more pleasing to satisfy urges than to control self.

Even in cultures that allow and promote multiple partners, you find many men (and women) who maintain monogamous heterosexual relationships. Case in point. IBB himself. Here is a man whose power, culture and religion allowed him to have multiple wives but who chose not to. Now I don't know if he had a fling here and there or a mistress in the next town, but he chose to promote a monogamous lifestyle.

OmoAlata1:
Can you boldly and proudly say your wife has been the only woman you have slept with in that 16 yrs and she has been the only woman that has seen or felt your nakednessss?

LewsTherin:
Fact. I got married a virgin.

LewsTherin:
Fact. I got married a virgin.

LewsTherin:
Do I get tempted to cheat? It's easy to say NO! I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO CHEAT!! But in reality, it's not that simple.

Like any warm blooded man, I can recognise a hot piece of a** when I see one. But then I remember two things.
1. How can I do this thing and sin against God and against man?
2. My wife also happens to be a hot piece of a** who I also happen to love deeply.

So I can comfortably ignore what sights my eyes are presented with. Added to this is that I do all within my power to stay away from places and people that will present a source of temptation to me. I keep busy, I keep my family close, I stay close to my God.

So no, I am never tempted to cheat.

Jobia:
where do people find men like you??

bukatyne:
As a woman, are you positioned to be found by a man like him?

Jobia:
where do people find men like you??

LewsTherin:
Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kids are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

LewsTherin:
Fact. I got married a virgin.

LewsTherin:
We are actually everywhere. Problem is most people can't see that. Afterall, we aren't flashy, loud, obvious, we tend to be quite focused, reserved, disciplined and principled. But people tend to mistake that for weakness, being boring and timid.

LoveDecay:
Does your wife have a single sister?

LewsTherin:
We are actually everywhere. Problem is most people can't see that. Afterall, we aren't flashy, loud, obvious, we tend to be quite focused, reserved, disciplined and principled. But people tend to mistake that for weakness, being boring and timid.

Octobertwentysix:
Exactly they are the nerds in school, my husband is exactly like you, focused, principled and boring and am also like that I usually see him at the library and that was what attracted me to him, we were friends for a year and dated for four years and married for eight years now.