₦airaland Forum

People have spoken, and they have spoken well. What you allow will subsist. You have spoken to him about his attitude several times and yet he continues. It is now time for action. Put aside all gentility (I sense you're a gentle person) and scatter your dada. Nuf said. Sometimes we have to go against our nature to get results.

As for that friend of his that is becoming disrespectful... Well, all I can say is dem never born the bloody baga wey go fit disrespect me in my own home.

oracle009:
Wow... you know, I have this tendency also. Mine is that whenever there is an outsider around (even my wife's friend), I want everywhere to be well arranged and all things done prompt and perfectly. Unconsciously, I shout at her and she always voice her displeasure. Infact, I used to have a friend visiting and staying for 4days or so...and she said that "whenever David is around, you misbehave"... Trust me, David had nothing to do with what wàs happening. It's innate to me and it's triggered by my wife's actions or inactions. Now, we are on a visit to her parent's place...and I'm acting up again...

Continue with your bad character. She will still shock you.

Women can sha tolerate rubbish. Shior

It’s sad really that in our culture a man is tagged “weak” if he treats his partner like a human being.

I don’t understand how a man that claims to love you will intentionally hurt you just to prove he is an alpha male.

This part. Sigh

Now one person has liked your post. Maybe you’ll finally be happy.

GrabHisBalls:
Your husband isn't a mad man. You only stated what you think we should judge him based on and not on what may have actually caused his disrespect towards you. From your narrative, you exonerated yourself from any fault. It's not hard to tell. I personally hate being disrespected by my man in private, not to talk of in public, but have you carefully asked yourself about the things you do that makes him disrespect you?

Some women are demons in human form. I am a woman too and I am not saying you're one sha! I happen to have seen some women display the unimaginable 'cause someone was under their roof. Trust me, it's hard on that 35yrs old under your roof and you made it harder by asking him to serve himself. I would've done same 'cause it's bad to go to someone's pot in this situation.

I think you should change your character and your husband will start treating you the way he was when you were still pretending. Respect is earned.

I will shout back especially in front of his friend. That one will definitely put mouth and I will insult him as well. And tell my husband that should be the last time he will shout at me and embarrass me in front of others. If he tries it again, I will not just embarrass him but humiliate him in front of people. Let us all be mad together.

After I will beg him very well but my message would have been passed. He tries it again and I will still shout back let us know who is mad.

Have you wondered that this is easy for you to do because you considered your wife less to you? I mean it is not be triggered when you are with friends or bosses?

oracle009:
Wow... you know, I have this tendency also. Mine is that whenever there is an outsider around (even my wife's friend), I want everywhere to be well arranged and all things done prompt and perfectly. Unconsciously, I shout at her and she always voice her displeasure. Infact, I used to have a friend visiting and staying for 4days or so...and she said that "whenever David is around, you misbehave"... Trust me, David had nothing to do with what wàs happening. It's innate to me and it's triggered by my wife's actions or inactions. Now, we are on a visit to her parent's place...and I'm acting up again...

You can't marry an alfa male and have peace.

All they do is say the things they can never do for their wives. You begin to wonder which one dem fit do

GrabHisBalls:
Your husband isn't a mad man. You only stated what you think we should judge him based on and not on what may have actually caused his disrespect towards you. From your narrative, you exonerated yourself from any fault. It's not hard to tell. I personally hate being disrespected by my man in private, not to talk of in public, but have you carefully asked yourself about the things you do that makes him disrespect you?

Some women are demons in human form. I am a woman too and I am not saying you're one sha! I happen to have seen some women display the unimaginable 'cause someone was under their roof. Trust me, it's hard on that 35yrs old under your roof and you made it harder by asking him to serve himself. I would've done same 'cause it's bad to go to someone's pot in this situation.

I think you should change your character and your husband will start treating you the way he was when you were still pretending. Respect is earned.

Onye ara.You are not a Woman.

OP,Shout back.Since you have talked and he is unyielding,Shout back.Make sure your voice is louder than his.His friend isnt the issue but ur husband demeaning you in the presence of ppl.

For his stupid friend,who instead of correcting him is adding fuel to the fire,Shout on both of them.Tell him to leave if he has mastered or forgotten what he came for.

Get a container to keep his food on the dinning table .he can serve himself from there.You are wrong to give him access to ur pot.

E no get wetin person no go see for marriage.

armyofone:
I think your husband is financially stressed up and indirectly showing or telling you.
Do you work ?

This attitude has been on even before the guest arrived.Even if he is stressed,was the guest invitwed by the wife?

Sterope:
Have you wondered that this is easy for you to do because you considered your wife less to you? I mean it is not be triggered when you are with friends or bosses?

I woke up to lots of ravenous mentions from WOMEN...hehehe... Well, I'm never the type that will consider anyone less on the basisbof gender... I deal with women as boss, subordinates and as friends. However, living in a marriage I believe is different from that. And am I working on changing? Definitely, I am! Do you think it pleasures me to do that? No!

Octopusssy:
Continue with your bad character. She will still shock you.

Women can sha tolerate rubbish. Shior

Thank you.

zeb04:
continue. One day she will embarrass you, like you do her. hopefully it will be in front of everyone.

Thanks for the advise

armyofone:
I think your husband is financially stressed up and indirectly showing or telling you.
Do you work ?

Onye army dis one is not stress but madness. A financially stressed man will not invite another jobless man for a long vacation in his one room and parlour

@OP, I am not even sorry for you because you chose to be in that dirty, disrespectful situation. Your husband is feeling fly inside mini flat? You cannot subtly deflate his ego with one or two sentences, you cannot stand up for yourself and child no be all war silence dey win o. The day will come when both of them will beat you since you have become their favorite play toy to toss around.

Na RIP the dead dey chop, life goes on for the living.

You may not have thought of her as such but you treat her as such in front of others. I don't think it started with marriage..

Well, kudos to you for working on yourself.

oracle009:
I woke up to lots of ravenous mentions from WOMEN...hehehe... Well, I'm never the type that will consider anyone less on the basisbof gender... I deal with women as boss, subordinates and as friends. However, living in a marriage I believe is different from that. And am I working on changing? Definitely, I am! Do you think it pleasures me to do that? No!

Na wa ooo.

He is quite loving on the inside d way u describe him. My suggestion will be u leave d house n tell him d reason ur doing so. Waait I didn't say abandon him. Just make him feeel ur absence. Go to ur own parent home. Deep down u love him n he loves u too but feel he needs to get respect (am in charge of my wife) from d outside n dd only way he thinks dat can be done is to be commanding n rude. Its just his excesses n friend now dat has escalated it. Kkp ur marriage dear. All will be fine. Inn between d frnd no be aam at all.

sassysure:
I don't see why the so called friend wouldn't dish out his food.
I will never dish out food for him. He is living off my benevolence. I have cooked. He should get his ass of the chair and grab a plate, dish out food, eat and wash the plate.
What manner of nonsense is that?
All because she is a woman?
If the husband is living alone and after cooking, he will not tell him to go and help himself out?
Ùmù nwanyì have suffered.

And u, madam is a weakling.
Ur partner disrespect u and u are busy doing good wife.
One day it will turn to beating so continue hoping he will change.
A wonderful advice someone gave me( grandma of 85yrs now). She said, " If u don't like something, nip it by the bud else it grow and you won't be able to uproot it again".
Good luck
U need it.

If he enter your pot dish three people portion for himself and add two people chicken serving, na una go still complain

zeb04:
what you allow, is what will continue.

If You dont want to be a foot mat, leave the floor.

Leave the floor, as in divorce?

pocohantas:
You can't marry an alfa male and have peace.

All they do is say the things they can never do for their wives. You begin to wonder which one dem fit do

Come Wetin dat alfa for Orimedu do you to make you no like any alfas for island again?

saucecoder:
If he enter your pot dish three people portion for himself and add two people chicken serving, na una go still complain

It's actually poverty that makes people complain.

U don't see a well to do family complain about who eats what in their house. It also help groom people on self control if u understand me. U learn table etiquette cos u might find yourself in places where nobody dishes out food for u with lots of delicious looking foods. People are watching and I tell you most times,Nigerians always disappoint.
It happened one yr in isreal when Christian pilgrimages went for buffet. Other countries where there but our people instead of taking one egg, one drumstick etc, one person took 3, 4 etc.
And before u know it, there was rush. All Nigerians.i mean no foreigner got close to the table. U see shock written on their faces. A very big national disgrace. They stopped doing that because our crass behaviour. Don't know if they have started again. These were senior officials, politicians, big boys and girls.

sassysure:
It's actually poverty that makes people complain.

U don't see a well to do family complain about who eats what in their house. It also help groom people on self control if u understand me. U learn table etiquette cos u might find yourself in places where nobody dishes out food for u with lots of delicious looking foods. People are watching and I tell you most times,Nigerians always disappoint.
It happened one yr in isreal when Christian pilgrimages went for buffet. Other countries where there but our people instead of taking one egg, one drumstick etc, one person took 3, 4 etc.
And before u know it, there was rush. All Nigerians.i mean no foreigner got close to the table. U see shock written on their faces. A very big national disgrace. They stopped doing that because our crass behaviour. Don't know if they have started again. These were senior officials, politicians, big boys and girls.

Stop oo, rich people sef dey complain if you enter their pot anyhow. Iz it not Nigerians again
Nigerians not only suffer from poverty of the pocket, but also poverty of the mind (especially among those ones that came into money much later in life).
In fact the latter group are even the most guilty ones. People that can afford pilgrimage, will you call those ones poor yet see as Dem dey rush food
its those kind of people sef dat will raise hell and bring down heaven should any stranger enter their pot to serve theirself the two biggest pieces of chicken

They will tell you ahh welcome oo, make yourself at home, anything you want is available, the refrigerator is stocked and you can access the kitchen anytime you want. NA LIE OO TRAP!!
Dem dey observe you, dey monitor your goings & comings, dey crosscheck the stock of things and whether rice still remain for pot or how many turkey still dey. One day you go greet mommy of the house, mommy go do like say she don turn deaf & dumb because visitor eats too much.

You funny o����uote author=saucecoder post=83094044]
Stop oo, rich people sef dey complain if you enter their pot anyhow. Iz it not Nigerians again
Nigerians not only suffer from poverty of the pocket, but also poverty of the mind (especially among those ones that came into money much later in life).
In fact the latter group are even the most guilty ones. People that can afford pilgrimage, will you call those ones poor yet see as Dem dey rush food
its those kind of people sef dat will raise hell and bring down heaven should any stranger enter their pot to serve theirself the two biggest pieces of chicken

They will tell you ahh welcome oo, make yourself at home, anything you want is available, the refrigerator is stocked and you can access the kitchen anytime you want. NA LIE OO TRAP!!
Dem dey observe you, dey monitor your goings & comings, dey crosscheck the stock of things and whether rice still remain for pot or how many turkey still dey. One day you go greet mommy of the house, mommy go do like say she don turn deaf & dumb because visitor eats too much. [/quote]

I just hate the thought of a third party living in my marital home. Esp one that is not family or contributing money to the rent and house expenses. It disgusts me. My hubby already knows this, don’t try to bring one of your friends or family members to live with us, and vice versa. Because honestly, it just starts creating problems. One party will start feeling like a visitor in their own home. Sometimes you have to put your foot down, it’s not about being disrespectful or disobedient. It’s about respecting each other’s space and allowing peace reign in your house. So the first step you need to make is getting rid of your husbands friend, he has overstayed his welcome. Then really pour out your mind to him, no holding back. Sometimes you have to hit men hard before you see changes in them. Playing miss perfect wife is the road to being a push over. Respect is reciprocal, Your opinion and feelings count, you must vocalise this. Good luck.

saucecoder:
Stop oo, rich people sef dey complain if you enter their pot anyhow. Iz it not Nigerians again
Nigerians not only suffer from poverty of the pocket, but also poverty of the mind (especially among those ones that came into money much later in life).
In fact the latter group are even the most guilty ones. People that can afford pilgrimage, will you call those ones poor yet see as Dem dey rush food
its those kind of people sef dat will raise hell and bring down heaven should any stranger enter their pot to serve theirself the two biggest pieces of chicken

They will tell you ahh welcome oo, make yourself at home, anything you want is available, the refrigerator is stocked and you can access the kitchen anytime you want. NA LIE OO TRAP!!
Dem dey observe you, dey monitor your goings & comings, dey crosscheck the stock of things and whether rice still remain for pot or how many turkey still dey. One day you go greet mommy of the house, mommy go do like say she don turn deaf & dumb because visitor eats too much.

It isn't so. People that do that started with poor man mentality that they didn't bother to discard as they become somebody in life. Almost all of us grew up with that mentality that the kitchen is sacred and food scarce. We see mummies in charge of the kitchen cos she has to ration else it won't be enough.
We grew up with that mentality of eat it all now u are seeing it especially when it's free.
That's why the person living with you can enter the kitchen and dish out more than his body actually needs.

U can also agree with me that we eat more than we actually need( the same poor man mentality). These habits are hard to stop. So u start learning how to curb them and learn basic kitchen and table etiquette whenever u see yourself dishing out food like helping yourself in a buffet table. It takes discipline and that starts when u can control yourself around free food.

That's the message I'm trying to pass across.

sassysure:
It isn't so. People that do that started with poor man mentality that they didn't bother to discard as they become somebody in life. Almost all of us grew up with that mentality that the kitchen is sacred and food scarce. We see mummies in charge of the kitchen cos she has to ration else it won't be enough.
We grew up with that mentality of eat it all now u are seeing it especially when it's free.
That's why the person living with you can enter the kitchen and dish out more than his body actually needs.

U can also agree with me that we eat more than we actually need( the same poor man mentality). These habits are hard to stop. So u start learning how to curb them and learn basic kitchen and table etiquette whenever u see yourself dishing out food like helping yourself in a buffet table. It takes discipline and that starts when u can control yourself around free food.

That's the message I'm trying to pass across.

Okay we're kinda converging on the same point anyway. I just needed ya to understand why some visitors may not want to dish food themselves even if they were given the go-'head.

olabrinks:
I just hate the thought of a third party living in my marital home. Esp one that is not family or contributing money to the rent and house expenses. It disgusts me. My hubby already knows this, don’t try to bring one of your friends or family members to live with us, and vice versa. Because honestly, it just starts creating problems. One party will start feeling like a visitor in their own home. Sometimes you have to put your foot down, it’s not about being disrespectful or disobedient. It’s about respecting each other’s space and allowing peace reign in your house. So the first step you need to make is getting rid of your husbands friend, he has overstayed his welcome. Then really pour out your mind to him, no holding back. Sometimes you have to hit men hard before you see changes in them. Playing miss perfect wife is the road to being a push over. Respect is reciprocal, Your opinion and feelings count, you must vocalise this. Good luck.

See this one, as if you never live for another person house before even if for a little while. I pity you.
One day you go travel go somewhere and need to put up with person for a while, and I will be fasting & praying that they tell you this to your face.

And five other people with poverty in their veins liked your post, I'm sure more will too.. Kai
Naija is finished

Olabrinks there are people who actually build their houses in such a way that they take into account the possibility of having long term visitors. Some have a a section of the house built away from the rest of the property for the purpose, some duplexes situate the visitors room on the ground floor along with a sitting room and a mini-kitchen, some bungalows design the visitors room and sitting area facing outwards with direct access. I know house wey be three floors and the topmost floor is the visitors floor with two rooms, sitting area, kitchen, and terrace.
All the houses above no be say person tell me, these are places I don stay and still have access to.

See ehn, pray make God bless you so you can be of help to people. No dey use your own mouth truncate your blessings you hear?

I have never lived in a married couples home and I will never feel comfort in such situation. And if I ever do find myself in that situation (God forbid) I will do my best to help around the house, cook, clean and put any money I have into the house expenses. I will never be too comfortable in a married persons house, the minute I get there I will be looking for a way out. That people choose to help you, doesn’t mean you should take advantage, hence why I just avoid the situation all together. I don’t want people taking advantage of me, and family members/friends are fond of doing that. The husbands friend of the OP is being a nuisance in their marital home, and he needs to leave. End of story.

saucecoder:
See this one, as if you never live for another person house before even if for a little while. I pity you.
One day you go travel go somewhere and need to put up with person for a while, and I will be fasting & praying that they tell you this to your face.

And five other people with poverty in their veins liked your post, I'm sure more will too.. Kai
Naija is finished

olabrinks:
I have never lived in a married couples home and I will never feel comfort in such situation. And if I ever do find myself in that situation (God forbid) I will do my best to help around the house, cook, clean and put any money I have into the house expenses. I will never be too comfortable in a married persons house, the minute I get there I will be looking for a way out. That people choose to help you, doesn’t mean you should take advantage, hence why I just avoid the situation all together. I don’t want people taking advantage of me, and family members/friends are fond of doing that. The husbands friend of the OP is being a nuisance in their marital home, and he needs to leave. End of story.

Kai

But why are men like this? So selfish and heartless?

Even after his wife withdrew and started avoiding them he couldn't use his conscience and adjust his character, he started gossiping her instead.

Tufia for Nigerian marriages. This is why I don't buy the idea of total submission of wives in marriages. Some men become tyrants and dictators if they see that they have quiet and gentle wives like op.

adontcare:
Op. This is bad. This is His true nature. He has two phase. Doing all this to please people is just on all level wrong. I believe in spouse protecting each other. Esp husbands are meant to protect wives. This is one major factor that can shatter a marriage. Lack of trust, bad mouthing, unapologetic and open embarrassment. Still talk to him about it. But if he don't stop, when ever he start embarrassing u or gossiping about u, bluntly tell him that he should stop it. In front of whoever he is doing it. And make sure u are firm and stand ur ground. Do not ignore him. Face them squarely and tell them how he behave when u guys are alone and how he also behave when they are around. Make him feel embarrassed too. When ever he make people disrespect u, u too should disrespect him in dia presence too. Tell his friend to serve himself too. But if he respect u ,do same.

My friend's husband used to be like this until she began to insult him back whenever he insults her in public. She said that put a stop to his bullying. Well, what worked for one may not work for another

My dear, its a pity you find yourself in this situation

Pls don't hide your feelings and don't insult him

Whatever cones to your mind at any given time do it and stand to defend it

That thing he is doing is his exact true colour but he is now adding maltreatment to it

As for his friend, don't give him a welcome smile, put it straight to his face that he is inconveniencing your home and marriage

Stop going errand for his friend especially the serving of food but make sure you don't complain that he mis behave in your pot

As for your husband, you can't leave the home for him, stand your ground, do what you can and leave the rest

If he insults you before his friend, tell him that he is diagracing his family before strangers, which ever way he understands it is not your business and make sure you say it to his hearing and his friend hearing

Whatever they like let them discuss about you, don't let it bulge you, you can't come and kill yourself for them

Just focus on your home in as much as he is the one providing for the family feeding, no wahala

Don't ever get disturbed or bothered about his nasty behaviour, be strong that's why you are a woman

If you can endure Labour pains then you can endure anything on earth

Be happy let them see that you are responsible for your happiness