ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Send me her number,that's the kind of person I'm looking for

midnighter:


You can't be disagreeing with me because what you're saying doesn't relate to my position whatsoever. I have never said you needed to be anything to "make it". I never said she should please society. And you don't know what personality type those people are since you don't know them

Being an introvert is not a psychiatric disorder..we are talking about social anxiety

The fact is that if you suffer from a psychiatric disorder like anxiety or depression then you need to find ways of dealing with it. Whether by reading up on techniques, going for therapy or even taking some medication.

Those people need help and support, not just to be left to stew in their juices because men think shyness is a good quality in a woman. This is not ordinary shyness

I will say it for the last time, there is nothing wrong with her, just let her be, after all the guy said he met her on the road, if she was what you say she is she would have never agreed to give him her number.

sulasa07:

Send me her number,that's the kind of person I'm looking for

Guy shift, I asked first...

Hipsofagoddess:


How old are you now! Aren't you older than 24? You have to understand age plays an important role when it comes to improving certain aspects of your life.

I don't understand you...what has age got to do with this

tivta:

I will say it for the last time, there is nothing wrong with her, just let her be, after all the guy said he met her on the road, if she was what you say she is she would have never agreed to give him her number.

That's exactly what I said if you read my earlier posts

But if they insist that it's social anxiety then let her get help and let OP help her

Can you people try to read what I actually said instead of quoting me and talking off point??

You are just writing what you feel like without knowing my own position

midnighter:


I don't understand you...what has age got to do with this

How old were you when you finally decided to improve? Weren't you older than 24?

Op,the description u gave corcerning ur gal is exactly how I am.Am an introverted person by nature.I will tell that I didn't know until I got to my ss1,I swear.its like I didn't know who I really was.I was mocked for being different. People saw me as a snob.Even my teachers, my family relatives and friends in school taught I was forming(pride)

But I was and I am still humble,yes sometimes I might seem unfriendly or hostile but I like to make friends. Though its quite hard but I had to force myself and come out of my shell.

Am still an introvert,but am not as shy and reserved as I used to be.I have gained more confidence because I accepted myself the way I am.That's just the thing sha,its my nature,I can't change it.Even though it greatly affected my social skills and I lost my self esteem,going out with friends was very hard,and nobody understood me.Everyone was saying I was being a snob,and hostile but I did not blame them because it was out my hands.

Well Op,what I am trying to say is ur gal may be an introvert, that's why she is shy.Although she might not hate socializing, but sometimes she can't help it.She may want to go out and have fun and all,but it dosent change the fact that she is who she is.So I suggest u examine her character more closely and there is no change,then it means she is just like that.And also I feel u should try to love her the way she is, accept her and her queer nature,don't try to force her to be what she is not.I know this because,for many years I wished I was someone else,I didn't have many friends in school and it really affected me.Even up till now,I still remember what some persons said about it,they laughed at me and ridiculed me for being quiet. Even teachers called me out to shame and embarrass me in front of the whole class,it was really painful.I cried and felt everyone hated me, they did not understand my behaviour.I hated myself for being different and I wished I was the person everyone wanted to be,but in the end I embraced my nature and began to love myself and things seemed to work out fine for me.

Bottimline:Just don't judge her too much,try to understand why she is that way and lastly love her for who she is,I promise u,she won't change even if u force her.That's my advice though, based on my personal experience. Goodluck

tivta:


Guy shift, I asked first...

If the guy starts swearing at us now,we asked for it

Hipsofagoddess:


How old were you when you finally decided to improve? Weren't you older than 24?

You don't need to be rude, did I quote you?

You can decide to take hold of your problems at any age, stop promoting victim mentality

If she's old enough to find a partner and maintain a relationship then she's old enough to take control of her personal issues.

If you don't know there are people with such severe social issues that they can't even interact with the opposite sex or someone they like

Don't bother quoting me again since you don't know how to talk

midnighter:


You don't need to be rude, did I quote you?

You can decide to take hold of your problems at any age, stop promoting victim mentality

If she's old enough to find a partner and maintain a relationship then she's old enough to take control of her personal issues.

If you don't know there are people with such severe social issues that they can't even interact with the opposite sex or someone they like

Don't bother quoting me again since you don't know how to talk

.

That's her kind of person and changing her won't be an easy task, it's either you accept her the way she is or you look for a compatible partner. I'm also a shy person and only loosen up around people I'm very close to. From what you said, I don't think she can change cos that's who she is. Respect her person or find someone that's sociable like you.

midnighter:


You don't need to be rude, did I quote you?

You can decide to take hold of your problems at any age, stop promoting victim mentality

If she's old enough to find a partner and maintain a relationship then she's old enough to take control of her personal issues.

If you don't know there are people with such severe social issues that they can't even interact with the opposite sex or someone they like

Don't bother quoting me again since you don't know how to talk

I asked a simple question which deserves a simple answer.

FYI, I don't think you've improved anything because you sound like that reserved girl who keeps to herself because she thinks everyone is against her.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

op you try ooo, how you take toast her sef...... I've notice gals of that nature come my way always. One even said she can't stand my presence, she always feels like melting in front of me and has resorted to chats.toasting them is a problem.

What is rude in asking you how old you were when you changed? You are the one that is rude and defensive. Simmer down, it seems you’re trying to overcompensate because your stance on this topic is not the popular one.

midnighter:


You don't need to be rude, did I quote you?

You can decide to take hold of your problems at any age, stop promoting victim mentality

If she's old enough to find a partner and maintain a relationship then she's old enough to take control of her personal issues.

If you don't know there are people with such severe social issues that they can't even interact with the opposite sex or someone they like

Don't bother quoting me again since you don't know how to talk

Did you not know that when you started dating?

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

sulasa07:

If the guy starts swearing at us now,we asked for it

I dare him nonsense, didn't he know she was the reserved type from day one? Imagine putting the poor girl through all that issue. I dare him.

midnighter:


That's exactly what I said if you read my earlier posts

But if they insist that it's social anxiety then let her get help and let OP help her

Can you people try to read what I actually said instead of quoting me and talking off point??

You are just writing what you feel like without knowing my own position

Now you are being clear, but I honestly doubt if she has any disorders, the guy just wants a trophy wife to show off to his family. As for me I will hid her from the world to avoid unnecessary stress.
Reminds me of a story I read here, it goes that a guy met a woman who asked him if he would want her to be beautiful during the day or at night. I am sure that op would have chosen day so as to show off to his friends and family. Then at night he would be stuck with a ugly being. I am serious pissed with the op, but it's his life he should just free the poor girl.

lagosminded:
What is rude in asking you how old you were when you changed? You are the one that is rude and defensive. Simmer down, it seems you’re trying to overcompensate because your stance on this topic is not the popular one.

She can ask how old I was when I changed without being nasty about it. Why dont you check your tone when speaking to people instead of typing the first thing that comes into your head

I am not bothered on whether its popular, we are all discussing an issue here and must have differences of opinion. If its popularity that is bothering you then go and look for it elsewhere instead of quoting me out of context to salve your ego

You are the one making it personal and being spiteful over nothing, you can go ahead and simmer down yourself.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

One man food is another man's poison... I like a reserved lady... Because I'm a reserved person... But I hardly see...
Pls hold her tight ... For a reserved lady to date you, definitely she has a lot to do for you...

Hipsofagoddess:


I asked a simple question which deserves a simple answer.

FYI, I don't think you've improved anything because you sound like that reserved girl who keeps to herself because she thinks everyone is against her.

You can ask me without being nasty about it, and you dont deserve anything.

I thought maybe you didnt mean it rudely/offensively, which I why I asked you to clarify your statement

Fortunately for me it doesnt particularly matter whether you think I have improved or not since your online judgements on my character dont mean one iota.

Hello @ginaolo,

I had planned writing an epistle because all I saw in the first pages of the thread was sympathy and people telling you to endure with your anxiety disordered fiancée until I saw the later pages which had knowledgeable comments.

To the females who are suffering from a similar disorder [i](not being reserved, or shy now. Those ones are minor behavioral patterns) [/i]and pacifying themselves, try to visit a sound psychiatrist and you would come back to thank me.

First, anxiety disorder may be hereditary or developed over time from the society. It is developed when a person feels hopeless and have a lot of thought processes on how to survive which triggers low self esteem and eventually lead to the terrible anxiety disorder.

This is a mental defect which she cannot control. You said it that she is normal with you. Therefore, she could be normal with every other person as well but that couldn't happen because of this disorder. The fear is always ' I won't make sense', I can't do it '' I'm bad' and so on. Since you have made her realize that she makes sense and she's okay then you will experience her normal cognitive behavior. Until others go through that process, she won't be able to cope with them.

Just like every sickness and disease, you need to manage or perhaps, cure her. This can be done through therapy and medication by a psychiatrist. - you better go to a standard one.

After taking the medications for some time, she would see how it feels to be a normal human being which she had been locked from for years. The journey may be rough though, I believe the psychiatrist would school you on that.

With that, her your problem is solved.

[quote author=ginaolo post=83098190]Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?


This Lady is the second Me,
We are rear and we deserve men who loves the odd part of us.
Brother, please if you are not comfortable with her reservedness, do well to quite now.
Many are praying for women like us and will do anything to have us in their home.
Go look for your slay-Outing-Outspoken-Partying kinda lady
We can't change who we are just to fit u.
Find who fits your specification of lifestyle
God bless.

@OP, kindly know that many would give comments that suit their tastes & not yours.

I won't believe she's a shy type unless she rejects having an elaborate wedding. And even if she does, I may still think maybe she's a renown retired Olosho

Men are not contented

tivta:

Now you are being clear, but I honestly doubt if she has any disorders, the guy just wants a trophy wife to show off to his family. As for me I will hid her from the world to avoid unnecessary stress.
Reminds me of a story I read here, it goes that a guy met a woman who asked him if he would want her to be beautiful during the day or at night. I am sure that op would have chosen day so as to show off to his friends and family. Then at night he would be stuck with a ugly being. I am serious pissed with the op, but it's his life he should just free the poor girl.

Yeah that was my point. If she doesnt have a disorder, fine. If she has, let them help themselves

I dont think its to do with trophy wife.. he feels that she should make more of an effort with his family even if she is reserved. So I am saying that if he wants her to do that then he will have to understand/help her with practical techniques

She too should understand that some social life is important to him, whether she has a condition or not.

Saying he should just leave her to do as she feels like is an extreme, at the same time forcing her to go out all the time when its not in her nature is not necessary. both of them can meet in the middle if the relationship is important to them

The problem Im seeing here is people trying to justify wallowing in their own issues instead of offering a practical way to address what the OP complained about

If somebody is ill or in trouble why not help them to get better? instead of leaving them to get worse because they're comfortable that way

If he complained that his girlfriend is obese and keeps eating too much will they tell him to leave her alone because they cant stop eating either?

superlanny:
nice to know you fine, people are different and its not a crime to be reserved, shy or laid back, some people like weird me, I can be very reserved, but can switch to my social and outspoken persona when needed, but I still enjoy my alone time with me, myself and I, . People change tho, but hope its not affecting your social life tho.

It's affecting my social life. Imagine the people i've been living with for almost two years are still complaining of me been so quiet and reserved. Sittnng in the midst of people makes me so uncomfortable. It makes feel me like i'm in a bondage.
Did i forget to tell you that i could stay in my room for 24hrs? My peeps here have tried to make me stay in the living room but all to no avai. So the kuku comot hand for my matter . I just find a natural joy when people around me start going out and i'm been left at home all alone. Chai! nothing sweet me reach this one
Well, i can be a talkertive if i'm free and comfortable around you

lagosminded:
What is rude in asking you how old you were when you changed? You are the one that is rude and defensive. Simmer down, it seems you’re trying to overcompensate because your stance on this topic is not the popular one.

Lmao, doitforyou is this you?

We gonna have couples spring up from here. God bless u ginaolo for putting up this Post. Please leave Introverted people alone. We love ourselves.

For me, l don't see anything wrong with her. She's just the type of woman that doesn't like to socialize a lot. You just have to understand her and learn to live with it. Don't try to change her or you might not like the result. When she starts going out too much now na you go still come here come dey tell us say your wife too like to dey go out. Bro, love her like that, or leave her for some one that likes that type of woman.

GrossPrice:
Your the problem at this point and not your future bride.

As men we must not forget our duties are not only to provide financially, but as men and leaders we must constantly remind ourselves that our wives or wives-to-be need other things from men apart from money and the occasional "I love you's" plus the activities that come with it.

Emotional security, Stability, Congruence and Support (not financial) are important virtues. As men it is in our benefit that we nurture or at least attempt to attain all or many of these virtues.

If a child is scared of the dark, and still must pass through a dark room or corner to reach a destination; how would you encourage this child to do so?
If a woman you love, has mediocre culinary skills, how do you ensure the woman you love develops exceptional culinary skills?

Men should not recoil at a challenge because it has to many sharp bends, or because it seems like an insurmountable hurdle. For, is it not through our dogged determination we went from walking to flying, from huts to skyscrapers and from the cold hands of death to chloroquine.

I dare not say women have achieved nothing, because they have. However, I am talking to you - man to man, as such I must speak as a man!

When you go to family events do you stay close to her and hold her hands as you speak to people. You know when she is accustomed to your family members her phobia will subside.

And, when you go out with friends, do your friends come along with their wives or wives-to-be; if they do, why don't you find a way to get her well acquainted with these ladies?

You cannot plant corn and yet hope to harvest wheat. If you want corn, you plant corn, and if you want a more social wife you must plant that seed and nurture it until it grows. Whatever you desire in your soul, being or spirit (in the spiritual), you must use your hands to work for ; before it manifests in the physical.

baba mi u dey talk haba u are a raw talent kilode make I no lie I too envy you bro

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF INTROVERTS, LONERS, SOLITARY PEOPLE BEFORE? SHE NEEDS SUPPORT AND YOU NEED TO COPE WITH HER.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

YOU ARE THE WORST ADVISER IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BEING A WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER, PLS JUST SHOVE IT.

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

Op, she has social anxiety, you should know it's not easy for her to go out and socialize. How about other good traits she has? Cos of one trait you don't seem to like, you're thinking something else. Why not try to understand her and not be selfish. Many people would even want reticent woman.

You should focus on helping her rather than condemning her