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Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by eleojo23: 7:30pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
The OP clearly doesn't understand his lady. With the way you are talking, it's best to look for another woman because you will never understand her. You guys are completely different. She needs someone that will accept her the way she is and help her come out of her shell a little with time. You are trying to force her to change and that's not gonna work. The thing is innate. You think she has issues, has it ever occured to you that she might think you are too loud and too social for her liking? Or you think she is not entitled to her own feelings/opinions about you too? You are not the only one with opinions and expectations. 25 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by bukatyne(f): 7:52pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
baby124: Psychologist Baby124! I so agree with you. 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by generationz(f): 7:54pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ginaolo: Oga, there are two types of people. Those who are initiating and those who are responding. Initiators aka Extroverts don't wait for people to come to them. They need to mix and initiate with people to recharge. If they are locked up against their will they can go crazy. Responders need people to come to them. When you come to them and make them comfortable they open up and can seem extroverted among freinds. You need to explain the most important people in your family that this is who your girl is- A responder. One of your most extroverted sisters can make friends with her and meet her half way. The second problem is she might be an Introverted intuitive. Intuitives are among the rearest people in the world. Most introverted intuitive have no bone for socialization in them because the cognitive function for socializing is very low in their stack. Hence, if your girl is one she might consider any type of social gathering shallow and only seek intellectual gatherings. Also, social gathering drains her energy unlike extraverts. Study her and see in which group she comes alive and talks non stop. Also her introversion may be stronger because of her background. Maybe she stayed indoors except when it was necessary to go out most of her life. In all if you know you can't cope, I beg you don't waste her time. Let her go and let her find true love. Forcing her won't solve anything. She will only hate you and your family. The only way an introvert like her might change is when she truly understands why she acts the way she does. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by generationz(f): 7:58pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Femsyn: Gbam. 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by bukatyne(f): 8:00pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
yeyeosoronga: If you are serious about getting married, you notice what your intended complains about and work on it. That she has social aniexty and wouldn't come out of her shell is pure bullshit. I cannot marry a man who cannot stand socializing with my family. Max 5 hours in a week? If the girl really loves the guy, she would be coming of her shell. Attend events, greet everyone and sit on her own. Next time, she packs plates and washes. The third time she joins in the kitchen. By the 10th time, she would have made progress. She needs to help herself. 8 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by generationz(f): 8:01pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
GrossPrice: ginaolo see this. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by olabrinks(f): 8:03pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
I think a lot of people are dealing with what the ops gf has, and this thread has given them hope. Makes them feel they are not alone. If you are extremely introverted and reserved please understand there is nothing wrong with you. Some people may not understand you, we live in a very extroverted world, but you will definitely find a few that will love and accept you for who you are. We don’t judge those who are always going out, socialising with many friends, yet we judge those who find solace in their own company. Find a little bit of balance but do not over work yourself trying to be someone you’re not. Good luck to all my wonderful introverts. 25 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by generationz(f): 8:11pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
baby124: You even sound like the man's sister who already hates the babe without knowing her. 30 Likes 4 Shares
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Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Blackmiserable(m): 8:13pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Dande55:I think you're just a mild version of the real Blackmiserable. On the internet you'd think I am the most socially extrovert, but alas, I have anti-social tendency. I feel comfortable chatting and screaming from my keypad but not irl. It was bad before then, but when I began balding at 23, O boy... sometimes I would (lol done it not once or twice) hide so close relatives and acquaintance do not see me. Who is pursuing me? I don't know. How often I go out in a day or make phone calls would surprise you. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by indoorlove(m): 8:31pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
You have a rare germ. If you let her go, you may regret it for the rest of your life. 4 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Pharaoh4rin(m): 8:43pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Two things involved Let her be. Just Allow her. Two lousy guys can't make a good home. OR Don't be too conscious of her shyness. That us, Treat her as if she's not a shy type. For instance, When u need condoms, go to a chemist shop or a pharmacy with her and get it while she's with u. Don't look at her why u do that. U can even pass it to her while u point at other things carelessly. Always know what u are doing. Be consciously nonchalant. U are d one to undo that shyness. Recreate her! 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 8:44pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ginaolo:so a reserved woman can not make a good mom? I am reserved and will make the best mom to my kids.You've got a good lady,enjoy. 14 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by ginaolo(m): 8:47pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
No I’m thinking she might be too shy to discipline our kids in public maybe. Or she might not be able to stand up for the kids in the future I’m scared of her soft nature, I think people will walk all over her in the future. Simplep: 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 8:50pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Dande55:Thank God I'm not alone 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 8:54pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ginaolo:oga stop being paranoid,she's good like that. 6 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Acidosis(m): 9:01pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
This is the time to encourage her. This habit, if left unchecked, would last forever. Social anxiety is too extreme to ignore. Introversion is normal but social anxiety isn't. You cannot 'overcome' introversion but you can deal with social anxiety. Encourage her to join a group in your local church. That was how I started. Many great speakers like Sam Adeyemi or Joel Osteen, had this issue at some point in their lives, but they dealt with it. 4 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by funkyjms: 9:06pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
GrossPrice: This clearly shows you understand how to manage individual traits specifically introverts like her. Massive respect to you GrossPrice! Respect!! 8 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by MissOffpoint(f): 9:06pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
generationz: Asin eeh, I just tire. She has been all over this thread. Everybody cannot be the same. I am like op's gf too, I don't like loud people, they annoy me, especially, when I have no interest in what they are discussing and they are looking at me as if something is wrong with me. Meeting new people is another wahala, I don't just know why or how to deal with it. When I'm with like minded persons, am sure my roommates will be shocked if they see me with them. 17 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by nigeriagospel(m): 9:07pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ginaolo:please her number, my kind of woman. 6 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by saucecoder: 9:07pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
This thread just confirmed my suspicion that nairaland is a gathering of people who are mostly introverts, socially awkward, and can only fight and curse behind a keyboard. See as everybody dey claim to be like the OP girl 10 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by nigeriagospel(m): 9:09pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Dande55:that's the kind of woman I need as wife, no drama queen. 9 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by generationz(f): 9:10pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
MissOffpoint: Some people can be very judgmental but don't want to be judged when they experience difficulties. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by cbaba: 9:13pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Chai, if only... Meat and poison sha!!! Don't ring the bells if neither of u ain't healed. Cos u know u gotta problem too, right? 4 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:13pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
MissOffpoint: I think most of us here dont like obnoxious people or overly crowded situations. But with that said, are you saying that you'd avoid your mans people? I am reserved most of the time but I cant honestly say I would behave as drastically as that. Thats what baby was trying to say How are you going to marry them if you cant sit down with them for a couple of hours so that theyll see your face... Apart from that its an affront to the guy that you claim to love 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by akinade28(f): 9:19pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ginaolo:oga, that's why you are there to defend her, if you truly love her. I'm also similar to your fiancee but no one dare mess with me because I have friends who are bold, daring and have got my back anytime. Nobody is perfect, we all have our weakness, that's why we compliment each other. You will see true value of what you have, once you can help her come out of her anxiety. She might not really be comfortable meeting a lot of new people at once but will comfortable meeting one new person at a time. You can start by trying to get her close to your immediate siblings or younger siblings before getting her close to other older members of the family. But if you think you cannot cope or you can't be patient enough, kindly let her go and don't marry her out of pity. Because you will end up making her miserable. 10 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by MissOffpoint(f): 9:19pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
Did op say 'she refused to meet his family'? I will meet his family, hopefully they are nice and understanding people. But that one of everytime meeting meeting, I can't do it. 7 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by MissOffpoint(f): 9:23pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
midnighter: It's like you have never met obnoxious people, wait till you meet people like my roommates, you will feel like disappearing from this Earth |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:23pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
MissOffpoint: My mistake, I mean keep avoiding them like he was complaining about. Like refusing to mix with them Yeah it shouldnt be every time if you find it draining but I feel its important to at least show up and greet once in a while The way hes saying it its like she really cant cope with it at all |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by ctleurocollege: 9:25pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
baby124: Women, you hate yourselves so much 15 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:27pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
MissOffpoint: Of course, I have stayed in hostels with people who I wondered whether it was even human beings who gave birth to them But I think for my sweetheart I can at least try to ginger myself, especially if he comes from a close family and those relationships are important to him. i dont even talk much to a lot of people in my own extended family but when we have events in the village or something I will go and land myself in the middle of it, cooking, serving/entertaining people and running around even if I dont like the person |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:31pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
ctleurocollege: We dont have to agree with everything somebody says or does just because she is a woman. You people should stop saying this thing When you people insult yourselves over Pdp or whatever nobody cautions you not to insult your fellow man 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by MissOffpoint(f): 9:35pm On Oct 13, 2019 |
midnighter: I don't like anything public. Hopefully, my future husband will not have a big family like op's. 1 Like |
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