Hello

I was once in your shoes. My story is all around Nairaland. Money and trying to conceive are not friends. Be wiser with your money so God forbid you don’t get divorced penniless.
Then most importantly pray. It does work wonders.
If you don’t mind PM me. Other lessons I could share with you privately that I haven’t shared on Nairaland yet.
Hugs Sis.

I really wish you guys the best, but your instincts are probably right and your husband is trying to leave the marriage.
Holding unto the money he gave to your business isn't going to fix the marriage either. What I would advice is for you to also write a list of all the money he owes you, and subtract it from the one he lent you, and then give him his balance.
That way, nobody is owing anybody and you can separate if you both decide to.
Keep your tbills money to yourself.
Not all marriages can survive the pressure of infertility...
Perhaps you could speak to him and ask him the way forward, encourage him to speak his mind no matter how painful it will be to you. This is so your mind can be prepared for any eventualities. Even if he denies planning to leave you, stick with your gut instincts. You didn't feel this way1 year ago. There are signs you're seeing making you feel like that now.

yeyeosoronga:
I really wish you guys the best, but your instincts are probably right and your husband is trying to leave the marriage.
Holding unto the money he gave to your business isn't going to fix the marriage either. What I would advice is for you to also write a list of all the money he owes you, and subtract it from the one he lent you, and then give him his balance.
That way, nobody is owing anybody and you can separate if you both decide to.
Keep your tbills money to yourself.
Not all marriages can survive the pressure of infertility...
Perhaps you could speak to him and ask him the way forward, encourage him to speak his mind no matter how painful it will be to you. This is so your mind can be prepared for any eventualities. Even if he denies planning to leave you, stick with your gut instincts. You didn't feel this way1 year ago. There are signs you're seeing making you feel like that now.

Hmm. Recently my husband tried this deduction stunt with me, it wasn’t funny!

Omojudy:

Hmm. Recently my husband tried this deduction stunt with me, it wasn’t funny!

This one is Nigeria, and I'm sure they don't consider marital property or debt as jointly owned.
Sad but true.
OP is lucky as she seems to have something doing fetching her money, hence isn't dependent on the husband. If they can part amicably with no one feeling cheated especially in terms of finances, the better.
Time and effort lost cannot be quantified so everyone will have to bear the pain of that.

yeyeosoronga:


This one is Nigeria, and I'm sure they don't consider marital property or debt as jointly owned.
Sad but true.
OP is lucky as she seems to have something doing fetching her money, hence isn't dependent on the husband. If they can part amicably with no one feeling cheated especially in terms of finances, the better.
Time and effort lost cannot be quantified so everyone will have to bear the pain of that.

That’s the problem. Once she follows his footstep to ask for her money from him too, he may play the guilt card of “so you have someone outside no wonder.....etc” and such narcissistic talks

You should have taken time to type your post. Only the first and second paragraphs are comprehensible.

If you have handled it medically without results, and people say your mum is behind it, then approach it spiritually. I believe in personal prayers more than in pastors, but if personal prayers does not work for you..... search for a good pastor.

As for your finances.....pls be wise!

But I really don't see any issues in surrogacy. It's simply renting a womb to carry my baby.

@Op Cook and feed motherless children. Simply do with with your heart. Such actions open doors and I'm sure you will testify.

Honestly. Adoption is one of the easiest way to carry your own child. My aunt was having infertility issues for 10 years, it wasn’t until they adopted that she was just able to carry her own child. So so many stories like that. Husband is just a nasty man.

AwkaetitiBabe:
But I really don't see any issues in surrogacy. It's simply renting a womb to carry my baby.

@Op Cook and feed motherless children. Simply do with with your heart. Such actions open doors and I'm sure you will testify.

You have to decide on what you want in life :
Stay married miserably to yourself in that marriage
Or pursue your personal happiness.

I adopted. I know a handful of close relatives and friends that adopted for different reasons. Life is YOLO and i chose and will re-chose my personal happiness over anything. If staying in that marriage to cry and fast for a child and attention is what will keep you happy, good luck with that. The man has picked his own personal happiness while you soak your sheets in tears.

If i ever come back to this life ,fvck pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding shyte, im keeping my body selense and going straight to adopt.

ifyalways:
You have to decide on what you want in life :
Stay married miserably to yourself in that marriage
Or pursue your personal happiness.

I adopted. I know a handful of close relatives and friends that adopted for different reasons. Life is YOLO and i chose and will re-chose my personal happiness over anything. If staying in that marriage to cry and fast for a child and attention is what will keep you happy, good luck with that. The man has picked his own personal happiness while you soak your sheets in tears.

If i ever come back to this life ,fvck pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding shyte, im keeping my body selense and going straight to adopt.

Hahaha. The last paragraph got me.

Sorry OP,
I have never been in your shoes and I cannot claim to understand what you are going through. However, have you been to a doctor and has the doctor told you what the issue is? Is it from him or you?

May God answer your prayers soon, Union123.

Sorry for your predicament, it isn't easy, so many "if and when" before entering marriage nawa, I nor dey marry.

union123:
I’ve been married to my husband for some years now, I had a car when I married him and we used the car for over 2years until he bought his own car, he insisted that his name should be on it, which I did. I bought the house furniture including bed and some other stuff in the house when my business was bumming, for once I never complained, all his clothes, wristwatch and shoes where bought by me, wheneverAllah
.colleagues sees things on him they will jokingly say is madam that bought this again because he doesn’t hide that fact from them. We never had issues but we’ve been waiting on God for a child, we’ve done several IVFs but no pregnancy yet.
My inlaw are putting pressure on us and this is getting to him more, I’ve decided to keep at arms length till God answers me.
These days when any of his relatives calls him especially the siblings and his mum he will go to the room to receive the call. I found out that he told his people that he had a dream that my mum is behind my waiting knowing fully well that we caught the younger sis about 4years ago when she said she went somewhere and she was told is my mum that is taking me around so that he can love. I was pained the day I found out, he apologized and we moved on.
This year I bought a license from govt to run my business and this requires a lot of money, I’ve put bulk of my money in tbills for immigration for us, so he came to my rescue. He went to his bank and collected loan, I borrowed money from my mum too.
We are both directors of the business. Lately my husband has been telling me that I should write out how much he has given me for the business and we should both sign it. I didn’t answer him, I told him that the money in treasury bill is both our money. Last night he wrote out the money including bank charges and sent to my mail and also to my whatsapp.
I remembered that the dad wanted to buy a land for us, he didn’t have the money then so I gave him and I insisted the name on the doc should be Mr and Mrs. The dad bought the land and didn’t put my name and he never gave him land doc, so he returned my money.
The car we are using was bought by both of us.
I feel he has a plan
I do all am supposed to do as woman eg laundry, cooking and taking care of him.
I’m saddened
I told him we should adopt he said no, I told him about surrogacy, he said that can only happen if we relocate and his family are not close to us. We went for his Dr friend birthday and the Dr told him about surrogacy and he said no.
I’m in tears, God please answer me.

You will testify insha Allah. You will carry your own children and your home will be filled with happiness

yeyeosoronga:
I really wish you guys the best, but your instincts are probably right and your husband is trying to leave the marriage.
Holding unto the money he gave to your business isn't going to fix the marriage either. What I would advice is for you to also write a list of all the money he owes you, and subtract it from the one he lent you, and then give him his balance.
That way, nobody is owing anybody and you can separate if you both decide to.
Keep your tbills money to yourself.
Not all marriages can survive the pressure of infertility...
Perhaps you could speak to him and ask him the way forward, encourage him to speak his mind no matter how painful it will be to you. This is so your mind can be prepared for any eventualities. Even if he denies planning to leave you, stick with your gut instincts. You didn't feel this way1 year ago. There are signs you're seeing making you feel like that now.

@union123

The above is very on point. We have guts and instincts for a reason. The journey of TTC is not funny especially for couple who are married just because it is the phase of their lives or all they need are kids.

Unfortunately, if your husband is not with you on this journey, there is not much you can do and from the OP, it seems your husband is tilting towards his family's wishes.

At this stage, you need to decide what you really want:

1. Would you be fine with a second wife? His family has probably gotten one as we speak. Can you cope with the pressure? If second wife, would you leave together or alone?

2. Would you walk away from the marriage? If yes, how old are you? Are you fine with the fact that you might not get another spouse or you would most likely be a step mom? A man with kids prior will be more comfy marrying a divorcee without one. A single man would want his own kids.

3. If you walk away, are you fine with being single and adopting? Or surrogacy? Are you fine with single motherhood? Do you have the resources (time, finances, emotions, socials) to pull it off?

Have you both established that YOU are the problem / only problem? Is your husband OK? I have seen cases where the man has the issues and the wife was put in immense pressure and sent packing.

You also need to start keeping your finances separately. You don't want to lose out on all fronts.

God will grant your heart desires. Amen

So according to the doctors, who is the problem from?

This information is conspicuously missing from your essay.

It is well baby girl...you shall be a mother of nations! With or without this your husband

crackhaus:
So according to the doctors, who is the problem from?

This information is conspicuously missing from your essay.

That should have been well elaborated.Deal with the issue first and if possible,let some key family members know.
Forget or turn deaf ears to all that she has taken her somewhere talk.
Keep your money well, don't just throw it away in the name of my hubby and I.
I wish you the best as you TTC.

Motirayo2018:


You will testify insha Allah. You will carry your own children and your home will be filled with happiness

The pain of marriage without a child is unbearable

May Almighty Allah(swt) gladdens all TTC with blessed child

thorpido:
That should have been well elaborated.Deal with the issue first and if possible,let some key family members know.
Forget or turn deaf ears to all that she has taken her somewhere talk.
Keep your money well, don't just throw it away in the name of my hubby and I.
I wish you the best as you TTC.

Exactly.