₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
I can accurately guess what part of the country you are from and this is not me being tribalistic. Always fighting their brother's wife, expecting him to throw her away and bring them in. Sorry, not every man would do that. You people should make peace with the wife first. Na from her una fit get the brother...

Till then, you all will remain like the Okoye's (i.e) PSquares

By the way, I noticed this thing is very common is large families. They will have different parties in one nuclear family- PDP, APC, APGA... I can't deal mehn...

If you are a Nigerian woman and you marry the pillar of a home, be very prepared.

Utterly Rubbish

Gabson001:
Act like he's dead bro

I have elder bro that ask me

"what do you want" whenever I call him

Family is just a name

I've learnt to live like am the only person on earth


#peace

Best advice here. Family is over rated. I'm familiar with this. He better lives his life like he's got no elder brother. His brother is still nice, what if he has a brother that backstabs him and show all forms of hatred to him. Wetin human being never see for life.

Fhemmmy:
Simple solution, use same reasons that made him estranged to draw him close.... Go to his wife, Burry the pride and apologize to her thoroughly and love her genuinely, she will surely turn around and make your brother love you and the family again.

Begging your pardon, why do y:all keep feeling wives are the reason husbands act funny towards extended family?

Yes, I agree it abounds, but, we gotta fight the stereotype, in a lot of cases it isin't so. Some men are just who they are...they won't change. The wife may have absolutely nothing to do with his attitude.

Deltatoto:
una moto good we no get keke we are 9 my elder sister is one of d ppl u see on national tv when they are talking of immigration.she no send us only her husband ppl we no send her too she’s the first child I’m the last child.Today d only thg she has more than me is power I belive say I get cash pass her.guy go hustle I always told myself that if I were d only child I will still survive.

Thumbs up!

CanadianNaija:
Then call him, and check on him. Just don’t visit him and take the gist of his house to go and gossip back home. He gives you money to eat out, but you had to point out that his wife doesn’t like to cook, I wonder how that’s your problem when you’re not her husband.

This is absolutely rubbish, why will he always give them money to eat outside when his siblings are around when he's having wife and a mother at home.... Which kind yeye gossip are they going to be talking...... Call a spade a spade , you once pointed out the aspects of demanding money from him and the young man came to clarify that they are not asking for money from him.but unity among siblings.... Are they Asking for a something too difficult?.... Do you even realize the amount of problems that family is creating for their young ones and their next generation....


P.s
It's not a must you give out an advice on every issues, you can as well read and learn irrespective of your Age, Gender , exposure as well of Academic qualification...
SHALOM.

CanadianNaija:
He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

Oga, you sef calm down.

I have been reading your posts and it seems you already have biased mind towards the OP.

Maybe your experiences are shaping your responses but you are not in his shoes and thus you may not fully understand.

Instead of castigating the guy (in the guise of giving him advise), why don't you just seek to really understand the whole situation.

As for the OP, I am currently in your shoes and before some people ask if its because I am a leech, I am not. I hustled my way to where I am today but it is wrong for one section of the family to distance themselves from the others no matter the reason (to the extent that you don't even pick calls). If its Jazz your brother is afraid of, then I am sorry sorry to burst his bubble.If they really wanted to harm him, they could do so from a distance. They don,t need closure. You guys should just pray for him and aspire to be more successful than he is so that if it is money that is his pride, he would calm down a bit.

I wish you all the best. Prayer brings victory when other avenues fail

All I’d say is to give him space. May God bless you all so one does not have to look at the other for sustenance. Your reasons for hating the wife though. You said her mother lost her husband and went back home with her daughter. What was she supposed to do? Stay back and get inherited by one of her in-laws like a piece of furniture? Una get am for hand

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

This is a very difficult task

The rest of you should be more united, let him stand alone

You people can choose to start being close with the wife if you guys can

Some men will marry and chose to be more closer to the wife than the rest of the family,
Situations like this is not healthy for both him and you guys

If not corrected now, his children and the rest of you guys children may not know what it feels to relate as cousins

CanadianNaija:
Lol...On the contrary, I don’t have a parasitic family o.
Everyone in my family sorts themselves out, and we plenty. We also come together to help with the parents when we need to, not leaving it for one person.

But I have seen my father experience being bread winner, and he taught us to be the way we are.
My father sacrificed his life for his extended family, and until now that he’s retired and we are all adults them never still stand, they still shamelessly ask him for money.

Over the years, money for business, single handedly carrying all family burial so that his colleagues won’t be embarrassed when they attend, paying off his sisters dowry because they don’t care that their parents are being embarrassed in kinsmen meetings, building house and being told after that the land cant go to a sixth son because it’s on prime location.

It just led to jealousy and bitterness from their side, hatred for my mum, accusations that she used jazz to hold their brother, even though he had all of them on payroll from day 1 of marrying her, then it changed that he did blood money so that only him will have money in the family. Where when my father tells you the story of how he got an education after the war, you’ll pity him and wonder what his parents were doing at the time.

Poor woman constantly dealt with forgoing needs because there was one more person that needed help, and it never stopped. Old man still used from his gratuity to send two of his brother’s sons abroad and one of them has come back now and back in same position. It never ends.

I pity people that marry into poor homes, poverty mentality is a disease that doesn’t have a cure when you have entitled in-laws, so this Op forming fake love is just lying.

Hasty generalizations.

It's your type that will blame tag Nigerians backward, for castigating the lady sending texts to her late father's mobile. You would hide under "people grieve in different ways". It's a sense of entitlement on its own to think you have an opinion over everyone's life.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

God bless you with this orientation.

walexbiz:
See don't mind the ididots here saying you should bother him that it is his money. You see if anything happens to him you the immediate family would be called upon to assist yet when he has money he ignoring you all. In his case what you should do is to give him " he doesn't exist treatment " Anytime you see him just ignore him like he never existed, if he has any occasion don't attend, anytime anyone ask of him tell them to ask of someone else. When you abandon him he will get the message that he is nobody and his brain will reset.
A friend of mine whose uncle lived in their house all through his life in their house and when he traveled abroad began to exhibit something similar to this attitude and immediately my formed and his sibling gave him the ignoring attitude he changed kiakia. Infact the last time he came back he apologized and went visiting my friend and sibling in their respective home as theya re all grown ups.

A lot of time this method, though extreme works but, remember, it's dicey...he may just call their bluff and a resultant generational war is birthed.

So,

What do I think?

Let them have more heartfelt talk like others have advised. Just the brother and the parents and the elder siblings. A no-holds-barred talk but, he should be informed that some very hurtful words may be said and in these instances, it shouldn't be about defence but total acceptance of "all" accusations even when innocent for peace peace to reign which is the greater good.

Something is wrong with your brother. He is either occultic or hypnotized.

Then hustle on your own, so that millionaire can be double in your family, must he cares for you? To help is a choice not a must

You people are not even reading what the guy wrote

He's not interested in the money

They have resolved the problem with the wife (according to him)

The brother sends money to their parents

They didn't do well in fighting his wife and pushing him away but what he wants to know is how he will resolve with the brother

Mistakes happen between human beings in families, it's not a crime to want to know how to do better

Mires:
Hmmm!!! One who hasn't gone through this won't understand.

Hear ye!

They just won't!

CanadianNaija:
Lol...On the contrary, I don’t have a parasitic family o.
Everyone in my family sorts themselves out, and we plenty. We also come together to help with the parents when we need to, not leaving it for one person.

But I have seen my father experience being bread winner, and he taught us to be the way we are.
My father sacrificed his life for his extended family, and until now that he’s retired and we are all adults them never still stand, they still shamelessly ask him for money.

Over the years, money for business, single handedly carrying all family burial so that his colleagues won’t be embarrassed when they attend, paying off his sisters dowry because they don’t care that their parents are being embarrassed in kinsmen meetings, building house and being told after that the land cant go to a sixth son because it’s on prime location.

It just led to jealousy and bitterness from their side, hatred for my mum, accusations that she used jazz to hold their brother, even though he had all of them on payroll from day 1 of marrying her, then it changed that he did blood money so that only him will have money in the family. Where when my father tells you the story of how he got an education after the war, you’ll pity him and wonder what his parents were doing at the time.

Poor woman constantly dealt with forgoing needs because there was one more person that needed help, and it never stopped. Old man still used from his gratuity to send two of his brother’s sons abroad and one of them has come back now and back in same position. It never ends.

I pity people that marry into poor homes, poverty mentality is a disease that doesn’t have a cure when you have entitled in-laws, so this Op forming fake love is just lying.

My dad too was very liberal. There was a time I counted up to 22 people living in our home. The nuclear family was only 4. There was a maximum of 2 househelps. The rest were relations. The house usually swelled up during third term holiday. The burden on my mum was too much but she coped. I did not have a room in our house (6 big bedrooms) until I was 16. I could sleep in any room I wanted to though except the househelps

Many of my dad's relations owe their success to him. He paid over $10,000 to a university in the States so that his younger brother could gain admission after being refused 4 times by the American embassy. That was in 1983. His younger brother (actually half brother from his father's last wife) helped no one at all get into the States. He was also unappreciative of my father's kindness. My father even borrowed $2,800 to send to him at a time and till his younger brother death in 2017 or so, he only repaid a fraction of the money.

When his younger brother came home in 2007, he came to our family house in Ondo. He gave my mum N10,000, gave my dad 20,000. This was in the morning and he left. My dad decided to make pounded yam, prepare nice soup with bush meat. His brother never came back

johnmba:
He doesn't. Even when my parents calls he will quickly discharge them that he is in a meeting.

The truth is the foundation is faulty.

From the point were your parents were against him marrying that girl... I'm sure your bro told her that your parents don't want the union.

If not for the above, the wife should be able to bring you guys closer to your bro.

How close are you to her, do you check on her and your cousins, let me tell you the truth no matter how you try to get close or bring your bro back, if the wife is not in support it won't work. Except your bro is someone that has an independent mind which I doubt.

Then I'll also touch what most people have said--let him be. No tasking, no begging for money. I know he's your bro but the way it is now, you have to make him know you can stand on your own financially at least to some extent.

Finally, your parents have work to do too. Except they did not train him well or contribute to his success in life. Mind you they have to fix things amongst you guys before they depart otherwise....

Your parents should call a family meeting, just you guys no spouse should be in the meeting.

After God, na family. Especially blood siblings. No matter what, they'll be the one by you when things go south. Even the wife may not be there.

I pray God restores love back into your family.

FarahAideed:
Ma G when you are not supporting Buhari you have sense ooo..just compare how you get likes when you are not supporting Buhari

I swear he really deserved an accolade... He gave a wonderful words of wisdom...

Correct one....lol!

Shibaraba:
Similar to mine ....
My advice
Leave him alone oooooo.
His money. His life. Na him Sabi.
I used my brothers success to propel myself. I hustled so hard so that they won't call me millionaires brother. "See that guy you no know am, two of his brothers na Oga for saipem. Them be millionaires ".
Nah. I changed it to "See that guy, na millionaire " Notice the difference? "
When the time comes their eyes dey open. It always does. God bless your hustle

Forget about your brother, he's lost forever since a woman is involved unless perchance, that lady's heart gets changed. Its the ugly truth...

Useful1:
I really feel for the op. The op said that his family members are not interested in his (2nd son's money now) but in that natural blood bond that should exist among people of same family to be in his family.
None of us chose where we'll be born, or the individuals that'll constitute our siblings. The blood affinity that runs in a family is so strong that it cannot be wished away or be broken by anything in this life. He needs love, peace, and agape relationship among his siblings.
This type changeth not except by prayer and fasting. It's beyond ordinary. I've similar situation right now.

You perfectly understand the burden the man is carrying.

Elliot2:
Seriously! Individualism is the bane of family unity

Couldn't be more correct.

Your statement says it all... a true paradox if ever there was one!

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

OP, the only thing I want to tell you is: YOUR BROTHER IS NOT RICH, HE IS VERY FAR FROM BEING RICH. HE IS A JUST A SALARY EARNER. He is just a salary earner and I am sure he is not earning up to 20million naira in a month, and even if he is the overall MD of that company, he can't earn up to 20million in a month unless he is stealing company's money like most Nigerian civil servants do


Pity your brother....I know lots of people who were top managers in international oil firms, etc, but as soon as they got retired, they disappeared, some relocated abroad to escape Nigerian hardship....so stop seeing your brother as a rich man because he doesn't own the company.


If your brother owned the company or owned a big, successful business, then you can use that world, but no salary earner is rich unless the ones that steal their employer's money by inflating contact prices, collecting kickbacks and doing shady deals most Nigerian civil servants do that make them look rich


@Madridguy, you made lots of point, but this op's brother is not rich, maybe his income cannot foot the family's bills to the satisfaction of the op and his siblings; they are overestimating their brother's worth.....so don't compare the op's brother, a salary earner with Lind Ikeji that earn over 50million or more in a month.


What Linda Ikeji earn from Google Adsense alone will pay the op's brother, so don't compare them my brother....



But yes, Linda is a wonderful lady....I cherish her for the love she have for her siblings, helping them come up.....honestly, financially successful females help their family more than rich males. Most Nigerian men are scum when it comes to helping their siblings and immediate family, instead they always focus on helping their wife's family more, sadly

Heineken:
CanadaOrBust bro I hail you sir. Long time bro...

Long time no see. How body?

grandstar:
My dad too was very liberal. There was a time I counted up to 22 people living in our home. The nuclear family was only 4. There was a maximum of 2 househelps. The rest were relations. The house usually swelled up during third term holiday. The burden on my mum was too much but she coped. I did not have a room in our house (6 big bedrooms) until I was 16. I could sleep in any room I wanted to though except the househelps

Many of my dad's relations owe their success to him. He paid over $10,000 to a university in the States so that his younger brother could gain admission after being refused 4 times by the American embassy. That was in 1983. His younger brother (actually half brother from his father's last wife) helped no one at all get into the States. He was also unappreciative of my father's kindness. My father even borrowed $2,800 to send to him at a time and till his younger brother death in 2017 or so, he only repaid a fraction of the money.

When his younger brother came home in 2007, he came to our family house in Ondo. He gave my mum N10,000, gave my dad 20,000. This was in the morning and he left. My dad decided to make pounded yam, prepare nice soup with bush meat. His brother never came back

Shebi the whole point of offering help to family is so that everybody will stand, and the family will be progressive.

If you're not lucky in that regard and have a family that will rather be fed than learn to fish then you'll be burdened forever...the people that my dad helped that made something of themselves are the suppossed outsiders, his own siblings felt like they had a safety net to fall back on, and never took anything serious.

Op can hide under we want his love all he wants, but when you lead with "my rich brother" "doesn't care" "me me me", all i see is selfishness.

darkelf:
Oga, you sef calm down.

I have been reading your posts and it seems you already have biased mind towards the OP.

Maybe your experiences are shaping your responses but you are not in his shoes and thus you may not fully understand.

Instead of castigating the guy (in the guise of giving him advise), why don't you just seek to really understand the whole situation.

As for the OP, I am currently in your shoes and before some people ask if its because I am a leech, I am not. I hustled my way to where I am today but it is wrong for one section of the family to distance themselves from the others no matter the reason (to the extent that you don't even pick calls). If its Jazz your brother is afraid of, then I am sorry sorry to burst his bubble.If they really wanted to harm him, they could do so from a distance. They don,t need closure. You guys should just pray for him and aspire to be more successful than he is so that if it is money that is his pride, he would calm down a bit.

I wish you all the best. Prayer brings victory when other avenues fail

God bless you for this

Don't mind that guy I noticed him too.

You said you're in op's shoes too, I pray God restores love back into your family too.

God bless you once again.

Some people in life needs a hand to get to the top...
But others don't need it.
When God bless a family member (bro or sis) they should make climbing to the top of others easy..

chidekings:
The worst that can happen to a man is to be the only rich man in one family.

some are rich and lack wisdom. They should consider empowering family members rather than charity. Giving them hand outs isnt the way out..they are the best humans outside,but within the family,the story is different...plus,everyone needs that one time support. It could come in any form,even from a sibling. Some families prosper,because they look out for each other no matter what..Everyone needs someone to lean on when they are not strong,in as much as no one owes you nothing,you often time need a God sent to reach your appex of success.

johnmba:
All I explained happened some years back.

We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

He doesn't owe you anything, man.
He didn't ask to your sibling. He doesn't have to keep any relationship with you.
Move on.

CanadaOrBust:
Long time no see. How body?

very fine sir. Thanks to God bro.

Helada:
Go and make money... When you don make money na him go find you.

Dat one dey too.