jclassiq:


Pls can we talk in the email:classiq87@gmail.com

Thanks

DJperdurabo:


Expected more from you. A deeper insight to the issue at hand.

Well, you weren't put here to live up to my expectations anyway.

Sylver247:
A lot of people here do not understand where the op is coming from. They have never been in these situation before, they are just replying based on their imagination.

If you were born and lived all your younger years in a very close knit, loving and caring family like the op, you would understand how it feels to suddenly loose one of your siblings, not to death but to disagreements. Your sibling is alive but it seems like he's dead, you see you brother relating very well with others, helping others, he's known as a great guy who's always ready to help. But to your family, he doesn't care.

I'm not surprised that it started after he got married. It always does. To those saying leave his wife out of this, yall don't know anything. If his wife is not responsible, who is? You guys don't understand the extent of women's influence on men. Some of them go to the extent of using spiritual means to turn men into sissies, in connection with the wife's mother.

People don't just change overnight. If the brother was fed up with them, he would have shown that a long time ago when he wasn't that comfortable. The truth is that he still loves his family but a lot of things are happening underground which only the wife and her family know.

Op, there is nothing you can do in this situation other than keep living your life. It's hard but that's the reality. The more you try to force it the worse it becomes. Let your family continue living their lives and ignore him. He will come to his senses if he wants to.

johnmba:


He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

CanadianNaija:


Sorry about that, at least when he marries tomorrow no one will say it's his wife that changed him.

johnmba:


He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

DJperdurabo:


I'm beginning to think the wife has nothing to do with this.

The issue is with the man. You may be surprised how hard the woman is fighting for the family but Oga, nor gree, he prefers to hide behind the "Una no accept my wife" pillar thus placing suspicion on the innocent wife. A lot of women are suffering for things they are totally innocent of in today:s marriages.

johnmba:

All I explained happened some years back.

We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Creamcustard:
@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

You are saying no one is asking for money or anything but your posts are saying otherwise: 1. you have mentioned that people wonder why your brother works in shell and you an engineer in a hospital
2. You have said your elder brother is not moving. 3. He wanted to marry and did not receive any support from your family but got criticism on top of it.

Let's not kid ourselves here, once he let's you all in, the requests will start piling in.

It is extremely off putting and creates strains in relationships.

Maybe your brother cut you all off so he and his nuclear family can progress, i imagine if he kept carrying you all, he would be stuck catering to you forever and depriving his family of the kind of lifestyle appropriate.

The fact that he would rather render assistance to strangers than to you all speaks volumes and reinforces the fact that he must see you all as life draining and toxic to his well being.

Fortunately, relationships cannot be forced. Pour your energy into making yourself rich too and focus on your own family.

CanadianNaija:


Then call him, and check on him. Just don’t visit him and take the gist of his house to go and gossip back home. He gives you money to eat out, but you had to point out that his wife doesn’t like to cook, I wonder how that’s your problem when you’re not her husband.

madridguy:
You welcome bro, i don't know where people get the orientation of " leave your brother alone "

DJperdurabo:


I stopped bothering to quote and enlighten them.

Leave them be. The OP should be wise enought to pay attention to relevant posts and not these balderdash from folks who didn't read, read and couldn't comprehend or follow up on OP's comment.

A lot of times I wonder why people bring deep and troubling issues here? While I agree that there are matured and sensible folks who may throw light on these issues, the majority are just here to just "type" nonsense never knowing how they may be worsening issues depending on the psychological make-up of the individual asking for help or advice.

I tell folks to be careful what they say to others needing help as you might just be saving or killing a life. If the issue is beyond your level of wisdom, gently waka pass rather than confounding issues

Imagine folks attacking the OP inspite of repeated clarifications he's made...you can tell the OP is hurting deep inside and folks here are reducing the issue to "entitlement", "wicked wife", "lazy brother" etc.

Jeez!

DJperdurabo:


Begging your pardon, why do y:all keep feeling wives are the reason husbands act funny towards extended family?

Yes, I agree it abounds, but, we gotta fight the stereotype, in a lot of cases it isin't so. Some men are just who they are...they won't change. The wife may have absolutely nothing to do with his attitude.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
[b]Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings[/b].

How do we bring him back

dairykidd:

Your father was a great man.. may he continue to rest.

khalids:


If his wife was your sister and she does not cook when you go to her house, will it be an issue

Cuteamigo1:

They like to form woke. At the end they just make me laugh.

ahiboilandgas:
about?

franchasng:
OP, the only thing I want to tell you is: YOUR BROTHER IS NOT RICH, HE IS VERY FAR FROM BEING RICH. HE IS A JUST A SALARY EARNER. He is just a salary earner and I am sure he is not earning up to 20million naira in a month, and even if he is the overall MD of that company, he can't earn up to 20million in a month unless he is stealing company's money like most Nigerian civil servants do


Pity your brother....I know lots of people who were top managers in international oil firms, etc, but as soon as they got retired, they disappeared, some relocated abroad to escape Nigerian hardship....so stop seeing your brother as a rich man because he doesn't own the company.


If your brother owned the company or owned a big, successful business, then you can use that world, but no salary earner is rich unless the ones that steal their employer's money by inflating contact prices, collecting kickbacks and doing shady deals most Nigerian civil servants do that make them look rich


@Madridguy, you made lots of point, but this op's brother is not rich, maybe his income cannot foot the family's bills to the satisfaction of the op and his siblings; they are overestimating their brother's worth.....so don't compare the op's brother, a salary earner with Lind Ikeji that earn over 50million or more in a month.


What Linda Ikeji earn from Google Adsense alone will pay the op's brother, so don't compare them my brother....



But yes, Linda is a wonderful lady....I cherish her for the love she have for her siblings, helping them come up.....honestly, financially successful females help their family more than rich males. Most Nigerian men are scum when it comes to helping their siblings and immediate family, instead they always focus on helping their wife's family more, sadly

jclassiq:


Well, business for instance

anonymuz:
God bless you with this orientation.

idesylvester:


With these, I swear I don't mind taking u out... when we remember our own blood God will definitely see reasons to elevate us more

Shibaraba:
Similar to mine ....
My advice
Leave him alone oooooo.
His money. His life. Na him Sabi.
I used my brothers success to propel myself. I hustled so hard so that they won't call me millionaires brother. "See that guy you no know am, two of his brothers na Oga for saipem. Them be millionaires ".
Nah. I changed it to "See that guy, na millionaire " Notice the difference? "
When the time comes their eyes dey open. It always does. God bless your hustle

FarahAideed:


Ma G when you are not supporting Buhari you have sense ooo..just compare how you get likes when you are not supporting Buhari

Deltatoto:
una moto good we no get keke we are 9 my elder sister is one of d ppl u see on national tv when they are talking of immigration.she no send us only her husband ppl we no send her too she’s the first child I’m the last child.Today d only thg she has more than me is power I belive say I get cash pass her.guy go hustle I always told myself that if I were d only child I will still survive.

CanadianNaija:


Tell am! Maybe OP expects people to follow him and demonize the brother.

God knows how lonely the poor man must be, and what he must have experienced to make him keep everybody at arm's length.

West2019:
free him ,its a pure wickedness. if na kogi state him come from e body for done tell an , carry world put for head like say e no go die again , where is Abacha ,Yarudua ,many more ,if God bless u use it to bless ur youngers once tomorrow is a different day ..look at the case of our ex international footballer some of them are extremely broke to dey call if them .help there family's or friends I dnt think there will be in poverty stage today .Forget about him is not ur God dnt call him again

Fhemmmy:


In this case, read the story well....
The family was against the woman from the start
The man already got pissed off
The man later came around but relationships never remain same
By the way, a real honest relationship where a man loves his wife and vice versa, once people try to separate a loving couple, they will bear the trouble that comes with it, we need to learn to allow couples deal with their issue alone