BRATISLAVA:


Honestly wondering at the strangeness of it all. It's like a ticket to evil and they endorse it. Imagine neglecting you and then you running after the man. Men suck in emotions they say. Rubbish. If he valued his family he would put aside baseless pride and stoop to conquer. Rather they now demonize their mothers and sympathize with the fathers. Some form of Stockholm syndrome. The oppressor deserves some love, eh?

Your case taya me woman or man!

Ryan03:
lol, nothing to forgive bro, she was the first wife. He didn't even marry the others, they were all concubines but we refer to them as wives out of respect.

Then your Dad is what the Yorubas call "Baba Gbogbo aye" - "Father of Nations". That scenario, I can only empathize with your mum, as one can imagine what she had to bear........

luminouz:


Your case taya me woman or man!

lol, but this was before we argued!

BRATISLAVA:


Men only love their fathers because of red pill movements and because they usually become the monster of their childhood in later life.
So you think mother's only nag? Do you know if fathers nag? With the way men complain about almost everything about women from coming to cleaning, who do you think nags most? Even when mother's are bread winners, at the end of the day comes underserved love and respect for a man who prioritized other things over his family. Because people need to recognize fathers. Whatever that means.
I've noticed a lot of hatred for dead beat mother's and love for dead beat fathers. Why? Sexual bigotry. Nothing less. Nothing more. All I see are ungrateful kids. They always think their mothers are evil when they've grown up and swallowed the pills, and that they need to see things from his side, even when he abandoned them or abused them. Men don't suck in emotions; they are downright bitchy too. That is why they take it out on their families by being absentee fathers. If women dared to try this...! And yet, the children always look for them. Not because they are good. But because society has made even evil men have a side. Even murderous men have a side. As if evil is justified simply by fatherhood because if you don't apologize to him you will suffer. Fear.

*sighs*

You still are not learning anything from the discourse,are you? You muddled everything up and that's bad.
I hope you find peace

Ryan03:
we have learnt to move on, my issue is with those who believes such relationships should be restored. Cases are different hence you can't say everyone should breach gaps. If me dad was still alive, I would have forgiven him but never have anything to do with him.

exactly ,the op gave us half stories turns out his mum and dad have reconciled and now live together

mapet:


Then your Dad is what the Yorubas call "Baba Gbogbo aye" - "Father of Nations". That scenario, I can only empathize with your mum, as one can imagine what she had to bear........

we have learnt to move on, my issue is with those who believes such relationships should be restored. Cases are different hence you can't say everyone should breach gaps. If me dad was still alive, I would have forgiven him but never have anything to do with him.

IceColdVeins:
Bro I don't think I need that. There is almost no valid reason for treating one's wife and children badly.
He's an a$$hole yeah, I just want peace and nothing but peace since my mom is still with him

wait, him and your mum have reconciled? Now this is more interesting

Cc ibkayee

BRATISLAVA:
lol, but this was before we argued!

Lol...you were really boiling o...

Oya lemme buy you coldstone.

Sterope:
Inasmuch this could be true. It doesn't remove from the fact that some parents are cruel to their partners and their children. What on earth could his mum have done to have made his father absent from his life, both financially and emotionally? What stopped him from reaching out when he was in the University?

You were eight in number. Have you wondered if your dad is one of those men that pressured their wives into shunning family planning? Perhaps, when your dad had money, he behaved badly. Have you asked your mum that question? However, I don't agree with her making the house a living hell in your presence but have you asked her why she acted the way she did?

people like you are the problem we have in this country. You justify one bad character when it suits you and you make case for another bad character when it doesn't go your way. You want him now to ask his mom the reason why she behaves badly towards the dad in other to justify what ever thing she was putting up to the day but you are at the same time saying the OPs dad doesn't have any reason to justify what he did. Who knows if the mom shuts the father out completely just to prove a point, who knows if the father tried several times to reach out to the children but the mom swore never to see that happen. See eh, you are a child today, you will also become a parent tomorrow, then you will understand how all these things works. Hope your husband don't manipulate your children in believing everything he says thereby abandoning you sha.

Ladycewhy:
exactly ,the op gave us half stories turns out his mum and dad have reconciled and now live together

I see

Ladycewhy:
wait, him and your mum have reconciled? Now this is more interesting

Cc ibkayee

Thanks, this was just pointed out to me earlier, but until we know the details it still isn't saying that much

Ryan03:
I see

The op deliberately left of that detail and now this thread has turned into something else.

As it stands the op is the only one in his family who has not mended fences with his dad. His mother and other siblings have all done that. And now he has to make extra effort by apologizing and buying gifts lest he becomes the black sheet of the family.

IceColdVeins did i leave anything out?

luminouz:


*sighs*

You still are not learning anything from the discourse,are you? You muddled everything up and that's bad.
I hope you find peace

why do you all think I need peace? I'm airing the other side nobody wants to look at. The thread that led him to his reconciliation was not a well-balanced one but one written by a well-known female hating MGTOW proponent.
He encouraged people to shun their mothers as women are apparently manipulative liars, while the men need to be listien to, forgetting that in bitter relationships, men will also lie manipulatively about their wives and they are truly cruel to their families. Ryan03, a man can testify to that. But they consider him a woman because he doesn't agree with them.
He had no true reason to reconcile, but that he's scared of what his own kids will do to him. He has simply taken the advice on that thread that men are innocent, even when their actions are evil.
That is why I put that up. And the OP later went to modify his post. What you see now was not always there. It's after the first few pages he went back to modify and now everyone has no peace.

BrutusOj:
Calm down joor. Blood is thicker than water. Even drunk men who drinks away their lives, abandoning their families still get loved by their children. You can not run away from your shadow, you wil understand better why the Op made a U-turn when you become a man.

bro am a an already but op Experience is just 6yrs break... Some people carry a deep hurt than that

ibkayee:

Thanks, this was just pointed out to me earlier, but until we know the details it still isn't saying that much

i think the op is the one who defended his mum the most during the time when his parents had issues, ever heard of the saying "dem nor dey talk put for husband and wife matter"? This is what played out. He was the most vocal of them all and now that his parents have settled he is going to be affected more in fixing his relationship with his dad. Hence the apology and gift. Imagine everyone except you is now cool with the person all of you used to beef, now i understand why the op needed to apologize ,he needed to fix the relationship with his dad at any cost lest he becomes the black sheep of the family.

BrutusOj:
Walahi..that lady sounds so pained like she is a single mom suffering all alone. This forum is a place to learn alot from other people, like the Op became a changed man due to a nice quote here. So many bitter souls here trying so hard to harden the minds of other ladies who naturally soft at heart. Bad influence is written all over her posts since.

oh shut up. You sound like a gossipy little bitch. What sort of man is this. I know you menstruate

JONNYSPUTE:
..Let's not allow emotions becloud our senses of reasoning.Will you still say the same thing if the story was turned around? That's him going to reconcile with the mum assuming she was the one that abandoned them?.Life is full of mysteries and we should all try as much as possible to erase bitterness from our souls.

he should ignore his mother if she abandoned him. Anyone who abandons you isn't worth your reconciliation.

Ladycewhy:


As it stands the op is the only one in his family who has not mended fences with his dad. His mother and other siblings have all done that. And now he has to make extra effort by apologizing and buying gifts lest he becomes the black sheet of the family.

IceColdVeins did i leave anything out?

Thank you

He just has to save himself from being awkwardly frozen out of the family since his mother doesnt have any quarrel with the man again

Ladycewhy:
The op deliberately left of that detail and now this thread has turned into something else.

As it stands the op is the only one in his family who has not mended fences with his dad. His mother and other siblings have all done that. And now he has to make extra effort by apologizing and buying gifts lest he becomes the black sheet of the family.

IceColdVeins did i leave anything out?

ah! Now I get the whole picture. But icecoldveins you should have stated that the first time na, it means your dad has apologized to your mum and settled everything while you refused to mend fences (I stand corrected). You should have been plain from the beginning

BRATISLAVA:
why do you all think I need peace? I'm airing the other side nobody wants to look at. The thread that led him to his reconciliation was not a well-balanced one but one written by a well-known female hating MGTOW proponent.
He encouraged people to shun their mothers as women are apparently manipulative liars, while the men need to be listien to, forgetting that in bitter relationships, men will also lie manipulatively about their wives and they are truly cruel to their families. Ryan03, a man can testify to that. But they consider him a woman because he doesn't agree with them.
He had no true reason to reconcile, but that he's scared of what his own kids will do to him. He has simply taken the advice on that thread that men are innocent, even when their actions are evil.
That is why I put that up. And the OP later went to modify his post. What you see now was not always there. It's after the first few pages he went back to modify and now everyone has no peace.

Will you take coldstone or not?
Just coman take it oooo

BRATISLAVA:
he should ignore his mother if she abandoned him. Anyone who abandons you isn't worth your reconciliation.

..That's not the right way to go about it.Let us endeavour to show love and forgiveness at all times. If not for the other party but for your own sake.What he did is not bad.

BRATISLAVA:
oh shut up. You sound like a gossipy little bitch. What sort of man is this

That guy got to you!
Learn to ignore stuffs.

Ladycewhy:
i think the op is the one who defended his mum the most during the time when his parents had issues, ever heard of the saying "dem nor dey talk put for husband and wife matter"? This is what played out. He was the most vocal of them all and now that his parents have settled he is going to be affected more in fixing his relationship with his dad. Hence the apology and gift. Imagine everyone except you is now cool with the person all of you used to beef, now i understand why the op needed to apologize ,he needed to fix the relationship with his dad at any cost lest he becomes the black sheep of the family.

Yeah I think he's doing it to get along, which is the safest and most 'peaceful' approach, it just sucks that it won't address let alone fix the deep underlying issues. That's life I guess so I don't blame him

luminouz:


That guy got to you!
Learn to ignore stuffs.

I'm learning from you, sensei

You are kind of on point, I don't care if I'm singled out though.
I just dont want the rift between us have any spiritual or circumstantial implications on me in future, you'll never know, I might actually be fathering a son too in future, chew on that buddy.

Ladycewhy:
The op deliberately left of that detail and now this thread has turned into something else.

As it stands the op is the only one in his family who has not mended fences with his dad. His mother and other siblings have all done that. And now he has to make extra effort by apologizing and buying gifts lest he becomes the black sheet of the family.

IceColdVeins did i leave anything out?

midnighter:


Thank you

He just has to save himself from being awkwardly frozen out of the family since his mother doesnt have any quarrel with the man again

i would have appreciated if IceColdVeins ran with this narrative from the beginning instead of letting this thread degenerate into something else. If i hadn't queried why he had to apologize i wouldn't have gotten this part of the detail he left out.

He made it seem like he was doing it to find peace bla bla bla when the truth is the rest of the family already moved past the reconcilaition phase and he is the only one late to the party.

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

To what end?

Ladycewhy:
i think the op is the one who defended his mum the most during the time when his parents had issues, ever heard of the saying "dem nor dey talk put for husband and wife matter"? This is what played out. He was the most vocal of them all and now that his parents have settled he is going to be affected more in fixing his relationship with his dad. Hence the apology and gift. Imagine everyone except you is now cool with the person all of you used to beef, now i understand why the op needed to apologize ,he needed to fix the relationship with his dad at any cost lest he becomes the black sheep of the family.

.. Good you can now get a clearer picture of the whole scenario.

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

Stop buying him wine coz he could easily get himself a carton if he wants. I believe he would be fascinated if you can show the man in you with regards to conflict resolution. What I mean by 'the man in you' is finding an amicable way of warming up to him i.e tell it to his face that you miss him a lot & you need him - a child's words are powerful!

He may kick you out once again but do not be deterred coz he would have heard those words and in his solitary time those strong words would reverberate in his ears until he looks in your direction.

Secondly, write down those moments you needed him most in your life, those instances you felt only he could fit in. This is necessary so that you won't forget to let him know when he finally grants you an audience.

Do not bring up your mum's issue coz you wanna fix you&him first - don't throw a spanner in the works. Try not to create a tensed atmosphere for this kind of conversation, be relaxed and ask if he would like to talk over a drink.

You're his blood remember, that's your DAD.

IceColdVeins:
You are kind of on point, I don't care if I'm singled out though.
I just dont want the rift between us have any spiritual or circumstantial implications on me in future, you'll never know, I might actually be fathering a son too in future, chew on that buddy.

lol i am not chewing on anything ,and i am not your buddy ,just pointing out what i think cos you deliberately changed the narrative and left people to form their opinions blindly.

luminouz:


Will you take coldstone or not?
Just coman take it oooo

Lol.

Ladycewhy:
i think the op is the one who defended his mum the most during the time when his parents had issues, ever heard of the saying "dem nor dey talk put for husband and wife matter"? This is what played out. He was the most vocal of them all and now that his parents have settled he is going to be affected more in fixing his relationship with his dad. Hence the apology and gift. Imagine everyone except you is now cool with the person all of you used to beef, now i understand why the op needed to apologize ,he needed to fix the relationship with his dad at any cost lest he becomes the black sheep of the family.

Now you gerrit