₦airaland Forum

abimbola74:
Sounding as if you lived with them. Did you even know what he went through @ll? He is responsible for whatever decision he makes so respect that. ✌�. God will continue to guide us .

Tunbolity:
Your comment struck me so hard. I was 9 in 1998 when dad stopped visiting us (mum, my sis and I) and by 2000, he stopped reaching out to us. Mum saw us through school with her meagre income, and to the glory of God today, my sibling and I are university graduates. Though my sis still talks to him, I am just too pained to reconcile with him knowing the hardship we went through and bitter experience of my mum in raising us. Though still struggling to find my feet in my profession and relatives have constantly pressured me to call him and check on him, I just can't find a space to forgive him in my heart. But your comment got me thinking that could my rigid stance on not forgiving and reaching out to him be responsible for my slow career progress even when I'm clearly not at fault? I find it hard to reconcile your point of view with the fact that God does not pay the good with evil, I never wronged him, he wronged me, he left me in the cold, he tormented me emotionally and psychologically by abandoning me, he made my family suffer, he killed my self esteem and why do I have to agree that it is only when I make peace with him that I can achieve desired progress? Anyways, I'd give it a thought and see if I would need to get his number and say hello

BRATISLAVA:
you sound as though you lived with them and know the man is innocent. Why don't you take your advice? On that note I'm not interested in further justification of the actions of his father and the responsibility to apologize to the man out of misplaced "respect". You support his actions. Okay. But the things we support are often a reflection of what we will tolerate/do.

abimbola74:
#smiles , Not justifying his actions, only said none of us lived with them.

BRATISLAVA:
you said I didn't, not "none of us" as you claim. I have reminded you that neither did you live with them. At least be straightforward.

abimbola74:
You are right , I referred to you only. Still doesn't change the fact you don't know the man in question.

BRATISLAVA:
neither do you, so what is your point? Take your advice on it since you don't know him, too. Chat reserved for another year. Bye

Tunbolity:
Your comment struck me so hard. I was 9 in 1998 when dad stopped visiting us (mum, my sis and I) and by 2000, he stopped reaching out to us. Mum saw us through school with her meagre income, and to the glory of God today, my sibling and I are university graduates. Though my sis still talks to him, I am just too pained to reconcile with him knowing the hardship we went through and bitter experience of my mum in raising us. Though still struggling to find my feet in my profession and relatives have constantly pressured me to call him and check on him, I just can't find a space to forgive him in my heart. But your comment got me thinking that could my rigid stance on not forgiving and reaching out to him be responsible for my slow career progress even when I'm clearly not at fault? I find it hard to reconcile your point of view with the fact that God does not pay the good with evil, I never wronged him, he wronged me, he left me in the cold, he tormented me emotionally and psychologically by abandoning me, he made my family suffer, he killed my self esteem and why do I have to agree that it is only when I make peace with him that I can achieve desired progress? Anyways, I'd give it a thought and see if I would need to get his number and say hello

IceColdVeins:
MODIFIED
Dont be quick to judge.
I am the only one at loggerheads with my dad, my other siblings are not. And I never demonised my mom, I love her and I have showered my care on her. I'm just trying to make peace within myself and make the family balanced. MY mom and dad are still together. But the wounds dont ever heal.
Not that bro. I will always be on the side of every loyal woman and will treat them with love as well.
But I have now come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to marriage. During my childhood, I never saw things from the perspective OF my dad, we only kept on listening to mom's wailings(she suffered truthfully) but we never get to hear his own side of the story cos
a man never shows emotions. My reconcilation with dad is not a pat on his head for his wrongdoings but a move to make peace within myself.
You'll understand when you have a disagreement with your wife and your own children start taking sides.
I'm just trying to retrace my steps and lay a good foundation for my unborn children.

IceColdVeins:
MODIFIED
Dont be quick to judge.
I am the only one at loggerheads with my dad, my other siblings are not. And I never demonised my mom, I love her and I have showered my care on her. I'm just trying to make peace within myself and make the family balanced. MY mom and dad are still together. But the wounds dont ever heal.
Not that bro. I will always be on the side of every loyal woman and will treat them with love as well.
But I have now come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to marriage. During my childhood, I never saw things from the perspective OF my dad, we only kept on listening to mom's wailings(she suffered truthfully) but we never get to hear his own side of the story cos
a man never shows emotions. My reconcilation with dad is not a pat on his head for his wrongdoings but a move to make peace within myself.
You'll understand when you have a disagreement with your wife and your own children start taking sides.
I'm just trying to retrace my steps and lay a good foundation for my unborn children.

jellybabee:
in life some children get to truly know what their mum passed through, while some know part of the whole story....
To start with my own dad....I do miss him a lot almost every day....I have tried to call him several times... His response z always who z speaking? When I tell him am d one...he start raining insult.... N t hurts me more n more everyday of my life. My dad never really cared for my Mum n we his children.. both emotionally,psychologically n financially. During my childhood we hardly av visitors at home because my dad comes home late from work including weekends, he was never at home. We barely eat twice in a day,we were always sent home for nonpayment of school fees but we lived in a well furnished apartment...while my dad was not paying house rent oo because d house belonged to his uncle based in another state then n we lived there for 14years plus ,with d fact that my dad's company was one of the leading companies in the state we were then. Through out my years of staying with my parents... I never saw my dad do anything by himself... Z either he ask my Mum or d any of his kids to do t....when my dad z eating one of d kids will av to stay close to b refilling his glass of water from d jug in his front ....practically right from childhood till date...I never saw my dad lifting anything up on his on....except glass of cup directly to his mouth ,food n drugs. He didn't allow my Mum to work because he thinks she z too beautiful to go outside. I can still remember how I cried hell begging my dad to give me waec registration fee a day before d registration close.... He laughed at me telling to wait for him to receive the 3million balance for the payment of the contract he was doing at that time n the same day was my 17th years birthday... I cried that night.... Eventually he gave me part of the money the next day n I borrowed d rest from my teacher at school..... The week I finished my exam ,I started working as a salesgirl... enrolled myself in night classes lesson n wrote jamb (medicine at OAU) ...n passed... I took my result to my dad ....he told me plainly.. that he z not ready to sponsor any child to school... I had to go back to my work n saved money till d following year n at the same time help to buy foodstuffs at home for my Mum n other siblings.... So a year after my secondary school, I decided to go for NCE since t cost less .....During that period my Mum moved out which we d kids supported because my dad was promiscuous together with his non caring attitude... but that period he always come home with a particular woman that tries to beat our mum if not for the intervention of my elder brothers.....my dad then called a meeting with us(kids) begging us not to associate no visit our mum n he z ready to sponsor our education to any level n he was making funny jokes as if he z a different man from d one DAT can slap u for a little mistake.... I finished school n got married quietly without any party because I feel tz not necessary....sometimes I wish to further my studies soon...Most people look at u wen u say u av NCE as if u r not serious... What if I had decided to work more after my NCE n then further instead of getting married? ....maybe I would av dated several men in d name of searching for Mr right huh? N t wouldn't av guaranteed govt job as well. There was a time I went for neco script marking interview..,... And the Interviewer were interrogating n looking at me like .....despite your good result you only av NCE They asked me y...n I told them my parents were not able to send me to university ooo...n d man z looking at me lyk am not serious at all oo... Back to the story... I don't hate my dad but he has refused to communicate with any of his kids... He doesn't have our phone number sef....we once had our dad arguing with our mum DAT he never wanted kids but just her alone. He has been married on n off since then, but I heard from my Mum that dad got married again recently n his wife just gave birth to a baby boy....well he still calls our Mum to come back to him....so please what do you think we the kids should do?

Xeexeex:
Sad story I will suggest you keep to your lane and paddle your own canoe and help your mom to the best of your ability and never victimize yourself. Hold your head high and you can make it.
Your dad will surely reap more than he has sown. That's the law of nature. Plant a seed reap hundreds.
He is not getting any younger. When he is old and lonely he will look for his children to stay at his side but he will have none then reality will dawn on him.
If something happens and he loses his job he will know that the new wife he has is just squatting in his place until things go wrong.
Anyway do your best. Pray for him.
Let the sleeping dogs lie

jellybabee:
yeah you maybe right but most time I keep thinking of how lonely he might be feeling..... Only God knows if he does or not. Thanks for caring� t means a lot.

eazzzy1:
I totally understand your points. However, in this case;

1. As a child whenever you see your mum cry, it is interpreted as due to maltreatment, you don’t care to find out what happened, whose fault it was etc. It is always natural to be on the side of whoever tells you the story of what transpired, usually the mothers and definitely they tell the story in their favour.

2. This guy never said his dad kicked him out or stopped taking responsibility, he said he disconnected from his father in protest to the way he ‘heard’ his mom was been treated. So I’m guessing he had several fights with his dad and the relationship went sour over something he clearly never understood as a child.

3. The mother being the only parent who was there for him is an absolute great thing. No one should downplay that, but she wasn’t perfect and that’s what the OP is acknowledging. When couples fight, it is the responsibility of the adults to ensure the kids do not pick sides. It is best not to tell them in details what is happening. Tell them your dad and I loves you but we aren’t happy together etc. That way nobody is blamed in separation or divorce.

4. The father isn’t poor or on his dying bed, he isn’t the one seeking reconciliation. The OP is trying to fill a void hence he’s asking for his dad forgiveness and not the other way round. I do not believe that it is culture and religion that make people seek forgiveness from a wicked person. I have a friend whose dad left them, he never wants to talk about the man at all and my guy na pastor. I think it’s the realization that things were not how I saw it as a youngster that make people repent. E.g the prodigal son.

5. I hope you will agree not to involve the children in parents conflict. A child never easily forgives someone who maltreated them, they only forgive the misunderstood. See Tonto Dike’s case? Tomorrow if king wants a relationship with Churchill, will you call him ungrateful? That your mom loves you doesn’t mean she can’t manipulate you.

Irore:
Thank God you realized fast not to be Moms boy only because those Mom's...…. ehnn. The Bible describes them as the weaker vessel. May you be a good father in Jesus name, amen.

crackhaus:
It's not ANOTHER angle Buka, it is the ONLY angle.
The OP made it clear that this was a reconciliation after 6yrs.

If he's 26 now, he was 20 when he made the decision on his own to stop talking to his father - this probably has nothing to do with the mum.

Too many nairalanders make comments based off an idea gotten from comments of other users instead of just reading posts from the person sharing his story to form their own thoughts.

bdchange:
See I have seen deadbeat father as first hand because I have one relative facing such dilemma now so it will be unwise to justify any deadbeat father. This one even have 3 kids and neglect them for the wife alone. So you see . but the case where the woman has all it takes to Carter for the child thereby blocking the father' access to his own child is what I am talking about here. That is why the OP needs to hear his father's side.

bukatyne:
I have read the OP and other adjoining stories and I must admit that 'deadbeat' does not qualify here.

He sure was trying to twist the sneario and I took the bait.

Goodluck to him and family if they exist.

ayoplenty:
It's like some of those commenting did not read the modified post of the Op.
He was taking side with his mother then but he has grown in wisdom and experience hence his new standpoint. The mom and dad were never separated, why all negative comments.
You have done well Op. God bless you and your family �

jellybabee:
in life some children get to truly know what their mum passed through, while some know part of the whole story....
To start with my own dad....I do miss him a lot almost every day....I have tried to call him several times... His response z always who z speaking? When I tell him am d one...he start raining insult.... N t hurts me more n more everyday of my life. My dad never really cared for my Mum n we his children.. both emotionally,psychologically n financially. During my childhood we hardly av visitors at home because my dad comes home late from work including weekends, he was never at home. We barely eat twice in a day,we were always sent home for nonpayment of school fees but we lived in a well furnished apartment...while my dad was not paying house rent oo because d house belonged to his uncle based in another state then n we lived there for 14years plus ,with d fact that my dad's company was one of the leading companies in the state we were then. Through out my years of staying with my parents... I never saw my dad do anything by himself... Z either he ask my Mum or d any of his kids to do t....when my dad z eating one of d kids will av to stay close to b refilling his glass of water from d jug in his front ....practically right from childhood till date...I never saw my dad lifting anything up on his on....except glass of cup directly to his mouth ,food n drugs. He didn't allow my Mum to work because he thinks she z too beautiful to go outside. I can still remember how I cried hell begging my dad to give me waec registration fee a day before d registration close.... He laughed at me telling to wait for him to receive the 3million balance for the payment of the contract he was doing at that time n the same day was my 17th years birthday... I cried that night.... Eventually he gave me part of the money the next day n I borrowed d rest from my teacher at school..... The week I finished my exam ,I started working as a salesgirl... enrolled myself in night classes lesson n wrote jamb (medicine at OAU) ...n passed... I took my result to my dad ....he told me plainly.. that he z not ready to sponsor any child to school... I had to go back to my work n saved money till d following year n at the same time help to buy foodstuffs at home for my Mum n other siblings.... So a year after my secondary school, I decided to go for NCE since t cost less .....During that period my Mum moved out which we d kids supported because my dad was promiscuous together with his non caring attitude... but that period he always come home with a particular woman that tries to beat our mum if not for the intervention of my elder brothers.....my dad then called a meeting with us(kids) begging us not to associate no visit our mum n he z ready to sponsor our education to any level n he was making funny jokes as if he z a different man from d one DAT can slap u for a little mistake.... I finished school n got married quietly without any party because I feel tz not necessary....sometimes I wish to further my studies soon...Most people look at u wen u say u av NCE as if u r not serious... What if I had decided to work more after my NCE n then further instead of getting married? ....maybe I would av dated several men in d name of searching for Mr right huh? N t wouldn't av guaranteed govt job as well. There was a time I went for neco script marking interview..,... And the Interviewer were interrogating n looking at me like .....despite your good result you only av NCE They asked me y...n I told them my parents were not able to send me to university ooo...n d man z looking at me lyk am not serious at all oo... Back to the story... I don't hate my dad but he has refused to communicate with any of his kids... He doesn't have our phone number sef....we once had our dad arguing with our mum DAT he never wanted kids but just her alone. He has been married on n off since then, but I heard from my Mum that dad got married again recently n his wife just gave birth to a baby boy....well he still calls our Mum to come back to him....so please what do you think we the kids should do?

GoTV:
9ice DP. Those cleavage tho, wish i can bury my pee pee inside

Daeylar:
All your posts on this thread. Especially this. Perfect.

BRATISLAVA:
So now that you heard his side it has justified the cruel treatment to your mother that you said made her to suffer? What if he lied to you? What do your unborn children have to do with his unkindness to your mother?. Problem is that many men do evil to their wives not knowing that the people who will never forgive them are the children. The way your unborn children will have nothing to do with this is if you treat your future wife well. I have no pity for men who do evil and get abandoned by their kids. This is why abuse in any form is foolishness, because it is the children who will suffer it not even the spouse you want to hurt. His side means nothing. The oppressors do not need sympathy except from fellow oppressors. And yes, it will be taken as a pat on the back. Loyal or disloyal, nobody deserves to be abused . Just divorce. Don't torture yourself and kids.

MrFuckallday:
This op is delirious. Bleep his dad and every other deadbeat dad in the world

MrFuckallday:
This op is delirious. Bleep his dad and every other deadbeat dad in the world

ahnie:
Cc:marpol
Dominique
Tgirl4real
Sissy3

Pls do something about this lunatic called sensualMan


Cc::seun.