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DaphneBr:
Kindly need advise please

My child's father is not present in her life,his family helps in raising her,my problem now is that he neither calls nor ask about his child,even when i was pregnant. I've forgiven him for my own peace of mind and i'm also trying to move on. His sisters are now demanding that i keep mentioning him to my child,i told them that whenever the dad wants a part in his daughters life that i won't hold him back.

you are doing the right thing. Your child is still young you should not force an absentee father down her throat because you want to please society.

When she grows, give her the Dad’s number so she will not accuse you later in life that you lied and spoilt the relationship she should have had with her dad. Let him ruin himself by himself.

But you cant do that now, she isn’t ready for that.

Ladycewhy:
if he can call his sisters then he should be able to call his daughter, there is now WhatsApp video call. Let your daughter know its not in your hands, infact take her there to his sister's place let your daughter hear the conversation.The mistakes many women make is they try to shield their kids from the rejection. If he doesn't want to be in his child's life let his child see it themselves,just be ready to be there when your kids need you and fill that void.

There is this narrative going on in the society that mothers estranged from the father of their kids are emotional recks so they use their children as weapons and turn the kids against their fathers,is that how you want your kid to perceive you ?

You better let her see and feel it herself. If possible ,request for his number from his sisters in your daughters presence. You better be wise lest you raise a child and be labelled a villain in the end, see how the op in his first comment called his mom a nagger and wailer.

my baby is just 7months but everyone including my own family knows what's going on

zeb04:
you are doing the right thing. Your child is still young you should not force an absentee father down her throat because you want to please society.

When she grows, give her the Dad’s number so she will not accuse you later in life that you lied and spoilt the relationship she should have had with her dad. Let him ruin himself by himself.

But you cant do that now, she isn’t ready for that.

thank you

DaphneBr:

my baby is just 7months but everyone including my own family knows what's going om.

well,don't dull yourself o, even if you have money,go meet the people giving excuses for him and collect money from them , collect food stuff if you have to , bug them so bad so they too in turn will let their brother know. Nor form super woman, Cos las las when he comes back now and buys fancy toy for his child ,e don end be that o. Dont dull yourself o.

Don't know about you but most Dads never listen. They feel they are always right. They never listen to their wives and even their children. Their wives must vent to someone who is likely to be the children. The children are not blind to they see and notice everything. I'm from a house where my dad feels he is doing well in his career and he is sending his children to school so he won't listen to anyone. He doesn't want to learn and when you question what he tells you he paints you black in the face of the other siblings. He wants you to take everything he tells you without question.
Sometimes I blame my mom for being so tolerant with him from the start making him feel what he is doing is OK.
He will sit in the sitting room watching TV and complaining how things are not done well in the house or how slowly food is cooked.
The whole family will leave the house early in the morning for an event, Mom will wake up earlier than everyone to put bathing water and stuff. We'll come back in the evening he will sit down in front of TV while mom won't even sit small, she will be in the kitchen working, trying to prepare food, he will start complaining saying that she cannot plan ahead. Early morning? If you can plan better why not be preparing food.
For the other siblings they're self righteous and pretentious. The apple does not fall far from the tree.
I'm in a state of discomfort in that house and I'm trying all my best as an undergraduate to move out.
Respect to my mom all the time for keeping the house together. If she was half as my dad I'll probably grow up in a broken home.

emmaodet:


Your writings, patterns and even moniker all points to MariaLavia.
Is that you? Kinda missed the lady

I too suspect BRATISLAVA is Marialavina. She said something about me (something I stopped doing during Marialavina's time. Something that anyone active in the romance section during Marialavina's time on nairaland should know). She might be Marialavina. Anyway, I haven't forget the annoying, taunting, bipolar, and entitled child called Marialavina.

zeb04:
you are doing the right thing. Your child is still young you should not force an absentee father down her throat because you want to please society.

When she grows, give her the Dad’s number so she will not accuse you later in life that you lied and spoilt the relationship she should have had with her dad. Let him ruin himself by himself.

But you cant do that now, she isn’t ready for that.

You gave DaphneBr a sound advice. I would advise DaphneBr to give her daughter the father's phone number and shouldn't, in anyway, hinder the child from connecting with her father. While doing this, she should also tell the child the truth that her father was plain deadbeat but not in a way of attempting to create enmity between father and child. Let her keep a clean record as well.

BRATISLAVA:
When will he apologize to your mum? Or have you forgotten that part? You've forgotten why you didn't care about him? Another bro code moment. Maybe you've found yourself maltreating women, too, so now it's okay. Or maybe all those cars and houses you mentioned have to do with it.

God bless you. He thinks his father is rich but a leopard never changes its spots. Reconnecting with a father like that is like getting struck by thunder twice. His father will still hurt them again.

zeb04:
you are doing the right thing. Your child is still young you should not force an absentee father down her throat because you want to please society.

When she grows, give her the Dad’s number so she will not accuse you later in life that you lied and spoilt the relationship she should have had with her dad. Let him ruin himself by himself.

But you cant do that now, she isn’t ready for that.

.. Nice one.

What are the solutions to this problems? Wives be submissive to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. Let there be one head of the family. Let everyone respect the marriage vow and remain faithful each other. Live within your means and be content with what God had blessed the family with.And above all walk in the fear of God.

BRATISLAVA:


So now that you heard his side it has justified the cruel treatment to your mother that you said made her to suffer? What do your unborn children have to do with his unkindness to your mother?. Problem is that many men do evil to their wives not knowing that the people who will never forgive them are the children. The way your unborn children will have nothing to do with this is if you treat your future wife well. I have no pity for men who do evil and get abandoned by their kids. This is why abuse in any form is foolishness, because it is the children who will suffer it not even the spouse you want to hurt. His side means nothing. The oppressors do not need sympathy except from fellow oppressors. And yes, it will be taken as a pat on the back. Loyal or disloyal, nobody deserves to be abused . Just divorce. Don't torture yourself and kids.

What's your own, if I may ask?
Why are you bent on destroying his family reunion?

Martinez39:
I too suspect BRATISLAVA is Marialavina. She said something about me (something I stopped doing during Marialavina's time. Something that anyone active in the romance section during Marialavina's time on nairaland should know). She might be Marialavina. Anyway, I haven't forget the annoying, taunting, bipolar, and entitled child called Marialavina.

My broda, it's well

bukatyne:


A man's relationship with the mother of his child (especially when they are married/living together) is every important in the child's life. You cannot be maltreating his mother and expect the child to love you.

That aside, there are typically two snearios:

1. A couple's relationship breaks down however both parties are still involved in the life of the child. The father/absentee parent understands that the beef is with the spouse and not the child. Here, there is no absentee parent, just co-parents who are trying to do their thing. I am sure a number of people remember going to dad's house for a while, going to mom's house, the parents visiting etc. The other parent is involved.

2. A parent (usually the father) due to bitterness towards the mother severed the relationship between the woman and the kids they had together. The man has no input towards the kids because he knows that tomorrow, the kids would come look for him (religion, forgiveness, culture and tradition) etc. He neglects both mother and child. This is only excusable if the father did not know about the existence of the child.

In no 1, Irrespective of what the father did to the mother/themselves, the father has a relationship with the child. The child might be unhappy about things with his parents or even side the victim (his mother here), he/she still has some sort of relationship/access with the father and can even broker reconciliation if inclined to.

A child has to forgive the erring parent because they are our parents and forgiveness is a prerequisite to obtain same from God. But to demonize the parent who supported them under the guise of been manipulative?

Na na na!

I also know deadbeat mothers whose kids don't send and worship their dad, I know fathers who visited kids with nothing when the mothers kicked them out. The children still have the memory of 'my dad checked our homework then' so the mother couldn't demonize him. I know mothers who sneaked to visit their kids when their husbands sent them away after breakdown of the relationship.

There is NO excuse for a negligent parent who knows about the existence of his/her seed.

I totally understand your points. However, in this case;

1. As a child whenever you see your mum cry, it is interpreted as due to maltreatment, you don’t care to find out what happened, whose fault it was etc. It is always natural to be on the side of whoever tells you the story of what transpired, usually the mothers and definitely they tell the story in their favour.

2. This guy never said his dad kicked him out or stopped taking responsibility, he said he disconnected from his father in protest to the way he ‘heard’ his mom was been treated. So I’m guessing he had several fights with his dad and the relationship went sour over something he clearly never understood as a child.

3. The mother being the only parent who was there for him is an absolute great thing. No one should downplay that, but she wasn’t perfect and that’s what the OP is acknowledging. When couples fight, it is the responsibility of the adults to ensure the kids do not pick sides. It is best not to tell them in details what is happening. Tell them your dad and I loves you but we aren’t happy together etc. That way nobody is blamed in separation or divorce.

4. The father isn’t poor or on his dying bed, he isn’t the one seeking reconciliation. The OP is trying to fill a void hence he’s asking for his dad forgiveness and not the other way round. I do not believe that it is culture and religion that make people seek forgiveness from a wicked person. I have a friend whose dad left them, he never wants to talk about the man at all and my guy na pastor. I think it’s the realization that things were not how I saw it as a youngster that make people repent. E.g the prodigal son.

5. I hope you will agree not to involve the children in parents conflict. A child never easily forgives someone who maltreated them, they only forgive the misunderstood. See Tonto Dike’s case? Tomorrow if king wants a relationship with Churchill, will you call him ungrateful? That your mom loves you doesn’t mean she can’t manipulate you.

BRATISLAVA:
that info is new and was never in the original post. I guess it's been modified. And even then, we still haven't heard the crime guys mother committed that warranted the neglect

I quoted you cos I wanted you to stop the back and forth as the post as misled all enough and started causing irrelevancies before he mentioned it to someone else that mum and dad are good with his siblings excluding him. Such things makes everyone look like a joke and it's not funny. Op did not try at all by keeping that part to himself

Martinez39:



These are the malicious and wicked souls who insist, subtly, that op maintain the discord between him and his father. Even though IceColdVeins never mentioned specifically what his mum suffered in the hands of his father, they readily assumed his father was a cold-hearted beast who meted cruel and grievous treatments to his wife. Of course, these three women, in typical fashion, act like women can do no wrong and men are beasts. IceColdVeins, I congratulate you on bonding with your father. Do not let these three demons and their kind sway you from what you have done. It's a shame that they cherish the discord in family because of their "women are angels, men are beast that should be hated and punished" mentality.

Notice how Graxie disdains the fact that children try to establish connections with their fathers (to hear their own side of the story and, possibly, reconcile) even though the mother brought them up. To her, the children distancing themselves from their fathers is an apt reward to a mother who brought them up. Notice how she typed "some will even claim you manipulated them" as though this is a misapprehension in all cases of parental alienation. To her, bringing up children is not worth it if they would try to make up with fathers in future. This mindset of Graxie is shared by all women, especially feminists. Also notice her utter disregard for men, hubris, and toxicity as she uses "sperm donor" to refer to fathers.

No human is perfect. If a human being own up to their offences and past misdeeds and are sincerely willing to make things right, who is to say they do not deserve a second chance? IceColdVeins, carry go.


CAPSLOCKED, Ubunja, emmaodet, JONNYSPUTE, AstroG, Omar09

Na wa ooooooooo,
So much anger, venom and bile from all these ladies because a child determines to re-trace his steps.
God save us all from Karashikas in human form.
When i was younger, my mum painted a picture of my dad to us as someone not really trying and lazy. Sometimes during there occasional arguments and quarrels she will mock him that his mates are out there hustling but my dad is too contented and satisfied with the meagre civil servant salary. Sometimes she sobs that what kind of head and destiny did she chose to deserve all these because she didn't bargained for this in life. Adagbe, adaso. She is one doing the duty of a man instead of him.
One thing people don't understand is that not all men are business savvy or inclined and God made them all.
Some just like the quite, not stressful, administrative life.
Then, i do see my dad as lazy despite giving my mum 95% of what he earns for her to manage it, despite not fornicating, drinking and always given my mum rest of mind.
It was when i became an adult, married and feeding a wife and son did i know that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
I had to prostrate and begged him for forgiveness 6 months ago for regularly not in his good book because i was rebellious to him.
It's well

KanuSE:


Stop listening to the likes of ladycewhy coz they will lead you there and leave you there to fight on your own.

My 2kobo

yen yen yen, i have not seen a single advice from you to her ,lets hear your own advice na ,all this running around my comments like a headless chicken,you must be exhausted

emmaodet:


Na wa ooooooooo,
So much anger, venom and bile from all these ladies because a child determines to re-trace his steps.
God save us all from Karashikas in human form.
When i was younger, my mum painted a picture of my dad to us as someone not really trying and lazy. Sometimes during there occasional arguments and quarrels she will mock him that his mates are out there hustling but my dad is too contented and satisfied with the meagre civil servant salary. Sometimes she sobs that what kind of head and destiny did she chose to deserve all these because she didn't bargained for this in life. Adagbe, adaso. She is one doing the duty of a man instead of him.
One thing people don't understand is that not all men are business savvy or inclined and God made them all.
Some just like the quite, not stressful, administrative life.
Then, i do see my dad as lazy despite giving my mum 95% of what he earns for her to manage it, despite not fornicating, drinking and always given my mum rest of mind.
It was when i became an adult, married and feeding a wife and son did i know that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
I had to prostrate and begged him for forgiveness 6 months ago for regularly not in his good book because i was rebellious to him.
It's well

That's the power of brainwashing. Despite your father giving 95% of his earnings to the family, you were still able to see him in a bad light. Despite him being around, you were still able to see him in a bad light. That's the power of brainwashing. Now imagine how worse it is for those fathers that are mostly away from home due to work. Brainwashing is very powerful.

KanuSE:


This was the intention , the beauty is in the diverse emotions and reactions.

Don't you appreciate the complexity of humans?

my comment was nothing close to a criticism, it is out of a borne intention to laud everyone that contributed to the topic
Including you

DRPAIT123:
my comment was nothing close to a criticism, it is out of a borne intention to laud everyone that contributed to the topic
Including you

Thanks

Ladycewhy:
yen yen yen, i have not seen a single advice from you to her ,lets hear your own advice na ,all this running around my comments like a headless chicken,you must be exhausted

She's yet to ask me for an advice and as manners demand, I don't poke my nose into people's stuff.

So be quiet and dress up for our night out.

KanuSE:


She's yet to ask me for an advice and as manners demand, I don't poke my nose into people's stuff.

So be quiet and dress up for our night out.

sharap ,she didnt call any particular person or your head is turningonimown . You either drop your advice for her or gerrarahia

Ladycewhy:
sharap , she didnt call any particular person or your head is turningonimown . You either drop your advice for her or gerrarahia

Lol so you just barged into her mention uninvited giving her cow dung you call advice... hahahaha

Stop farting around and dress up for our night out.

KanuSE:


Stop farting around and dress up for our night out.

says the one who has pile , because i have been keeping your dirty little secret?

[s]

Ladycewhy:
says the one who has pile because i have been keeping your dirty little secret?

[/s]

Lol sense is far from you walahi, I wonder how your family and friends cope.

KanuSE:
[s][/s]

Lol sense is far from you walahi, I wonder how your family and friends cope.

ode, you better go and insert that tablet into your asshole,pile man .

And by the way i am still waiting for you to drop your wonderful advice for her

Ladycewhy:
ode, you better go and insert that tablet into your asshole,pile man .

And by the way i am still waiting for you to drop your wonderful advice for her

Lol you're very funny! I don't poke my nose into people's stuff like you, I don't.

Be like say u don chop fowl yansh sef coz I smell your stench from afar.

KanuSE:


Lol you're very funny! I don't poke my nose into people's stuff like you, I don't.

Be like say u don chop fowl yansh sef coz I smell your stench from afar.

nah, the stench is from your leaking anus,pile man .


You cant give advice but you can be bothered about other people giving advice sotey you nearly get high bp begging her not to listen to me lol.

Guy go wear adult pampers for your leaking anus so the smell you are perceiving will go

Martinez39:
That's the power of brainwashing. Despite your father giving 95% of his earnings to the family, you were still able to see him in a bad light. Despite him being around, you were still able to see him in a bad light. That's the power of brainwashing. Now imagine how worse it is for those fathers that are mostly away from home due to work. Brainwashing is very powerful.

.. Men should wake up. Like I said in that thread,I ve stopped giving my wife money to go pay school fees. I either transfer from my account or go there myself. Take the kids out once i'm around. Sleep with them on my bed and play around. Since the birds has learn to fly without perching,the hunter has also learnt to shoot without aiming.

Ladycewhy:
nah, the stench is from your leaking anus pile man .


You cant give advice but you can be bothered about other people giving advice sotey you nearly get high bp begging her not to listen to me.

Guy go wear adult pamper for your leaking anus so the smell you are perceiving will go

Maybe your bf/husband is struggling with pile presently, the reason you know about pill-insertion through the anus... hahahaha

Secondly @bolded, I won't allow you mislead DaphneBr coz someone who's yet to find their bearing in life shouldn't be allowed to give advice in such matters.

You need guidance as well coz u don miss road sotey u com dey fart for thread...lol

KanuSE:


Maybe your bf/husband is struggling with pile presently, the reason you know about pill-insertion through the anus... hahahaha

Secondly @bolded, I won't allow you mislead DaphneBr coz someone who's yet to find their bearing in life shouldn't be allowed to give advice in such matters.

You need guidance as well coz u don miss road sotey u com dey fart for thread...lol

lol,i knew about it through you na, stop it jor,because i have been keeping it a secret? This boy sef

Guidance? says a boy who co-signed on the "maternal slavery" comment. Lol you and your goons have issues with women for whatever reason and will lead even your own sisters astray just to maintain your "bro code". So shut up your mouth. And be more focused on healing from your so called maternal slavery y'all have been through.

Ladycewhy:
lol,i knew about it through you na, stop it jor,because i have been keeping it a secret? This boy sef

Guidance? says a boy who co-signed on the "maternal slavery" comment. Lol you and your goons have issues with women for whatever reason and will lead even your own sisters astray just to maintain your "bro code". So shut up your mouth. And be more focused on healing from your so called maternal slavery y'all have been through.

flesh and blood did not reveal this to you.