RisenPhoenix:


It's not how much time is spent. It's WHAT is being taught. And I agree that both should be trained... boys on how to be strong and financially responsible in heading a family, girls on how to be obedient and emotionally supportive of her husband.

RisenPhoenix:


Yes. Any man that tragically lives parasitically off his wife has rescinded his rights, taken away her rights and therefore has the duty to obey her. Even if she only shares part of the expenses, he still loses a commensurate part of her respect. I'd rather divorce my wife if I am unable to support her than let her feed me. A real man must bear full responsibility for his family and ensure that they only live within his means. The major reason why the woman is called upon to make financial input is because she might be dissatisfied with the standard of living he can provide for her, and that is not a good reason at all. Rather, the competent husband must ensure that he marries a woman who is content with what he has and be strong willed enough to make sure that he does not give in to her desire for more frivolities that waste his funds and sending him begging for more.

As for your final question, anyone who puts his whole life, pleasure and time on the line for the sake of his family's comfort has the right to be the sole decision maker...the 'person with the money' if you like to call him that.

ImaIma1:


No wonder men make bad husbands these days since they are only being taught how to be financially responsible and heading a family. In a case where he loses his source of income, what is left of him? He becomes a frustrated human/wounded lion.

Men should also be taught to love their wives and treat her with respect and not like a subject or steward.

Money is your basis for respect or "head of houseship". You probably cannot marry a woman who earns well because it might emasculate you and make you lose your control over her. Since that's your only basis for holding your home together.

ImaIma1:


I see you are still speaking hypothetically. When you get married and live this principle for 5years and you and your wife are happy and fulfilled, you can come back and drop your advice. But if it's still based of youthful exuberance and ignorance of what the institution of marriage is really about, let the experienced ones give us real facts.

RisenPhoenix:


I am married and have been for more than 5 years so far. How about you?

RisenPhoenix:


No. They make bad husbands because they are being taught to fall in love and go down on their knees to beg one gold seeking, multilply violated, elderly woman to become their king and ruler.

That narrative is what your feminist type is trying to push. Respect is earned only if she behaves with decorum as a wife, not because she bears the title of Mrs. As for love, what's to love? At the risk of repetition, what more than sex, children and headache does a woman have to offer these days?

To be honest, my wife is a professional and going by the fact that she has her own vehicle and is constructing her own office building, should be earning quite well. I cannot give you exact figures because I have no idea what she makes and no interest in finding out, I insisted on staying out of her affairs unless my help is specifically needed. I neither feel emasculated nor do I fear loss of control because I do not subscribe to the belief that either of us is indispensable to the other. [b]If she decides that she does not wish to live under my control, she is free to try her luck elsewhere and so am I. I do not consider the children a hindrance to seperation [/b]because I am sure that an amicable divorce and suitable care of the children can be arranged at that stage.

ImaIma1:


This is already a recipe for divorce. I see both of you are like housemates that have kids together. You both signed a contract to cohabit together till it longer works for you. Like friends with benefits living together. Love is not part of the contract. As long as it works for you.

faithfull18:

Lol, every man for himself.

RisenPhoenix:


No. They make bad husbands because they are being taught to fall in love and go down on their knees to beg one gold seeking, multilply violated, elderly woman to become their king and ruler.

That narrative is what your feminist type is trying to push. Respect is earned only if she behaves with decorum as a wife, not because she bears the title of Mrs. As for love, what's to love? At the risk of repetition, what more than sex, children and headache does a woman have to offer these days?

To be honest, my wife is a professional and going by the fact that she has her own vehicle and is constructing her own office building, should be earning quite well. I cannot give you exact figures because I have no idea what she makes and no interest in finding out, I insisted on staying out of her affairs unless my help is specifically needed. I neither feel emasculated nor do I fear loss of control because I do not subscribe to the belief that either of us is indispensable to the other. If she decides that she does not wish to live under my control, she is free to try her luck elsewhere and so am I. I do not consider the children a hindrance to seperation because I am sure that an amicable divorce and suitable care of the children can be arranged at that stage.

ImaIma1:


This is already a recipe for divorce. I see both of you are like housemates that have kids together. You both signed a contract to cohabit together till it longer works for you. Like friends with benefits living together. Love is not part of the contract. As long as it works for you.

midnighter:


This is reasonable except for the bolded part.

You are being practical but the problem is that pragmatism can quickly become rigidity if care is not taken.

RisenPhoenix:


It works better than all the love marriages you idolize on telemundo.

RisenPhoenix:


Not only children need training. Incompetent, ignorant, untrained or ineffective adults also do.

As long as the husband bears the financial responsibility, he is the boss (read; HEAD OF THE FAMILY). And I have already stated before that some men too need to be trained, so your repetition is unnecessary. But while women need to be trained by their husbands where their parents have failed, men can never be trained by their wives. Men need other men to mentor them through marriage.

We are saying the same thing.

bukatyne:


You know that this line of thought is what put you guys in trouble at the end.

Since financial responsibility is now the definition of headship and boss, don't whine when the woman becomes the boss when the man experiences financial down turn.

Anyways, Nigerian women are well suited to you Nigerian men: they only respect your money and treat you like trash as soon as it is gone.

Whatever rocks individual boats.

Mindfulness:


Even if he did tell her his preference for low cut during courtship, she has the right to cut her hair the way she feels comfortable. The attitude some people have on this forum towards their spouses is very unhealthy. I have the impression that some people derive their sense of self and self-worth from being selfish and bossy instead of being the person that lifts their partners up to be and feel the best they can.

shestrong:

U should have married someone on lowcut man! Y are u stressing ur wife like dis? let that woman be, a woman's hair is part of her beauty.

cococandy:
Why don’t you cut your own hair and admire yourself?

All these married children self

Blackmiserable:


Yes, absolutely, but she (and you) cannot be beautiful for everyone, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Who does a good wife wants to appear most beautiful to? Her customers? Colleagues? Neighbours? Who exactly? don't tell me it's what I am thinking.

You do realize, don't you, that beauty and sexual attraction are at the heels of each other? I am curious

Blackmiserable:


You seem to be looking at this guy's plight from the negatives based on since it's my body then it's my choice beliefs.

Does she have the rights to be clean shaven in this instance because it boosts her self esteem and it makes her feel more feminine and comfortable even if the husband is totally repulsed and violated by it? Why doesn't he have such rights, after all, to be clean shaven is all he ever wants and having all the extras makes her miserable? I am serious, there are women like that bro!!!!

I am just curious with this body-choice debate.

Also, in pregnancy, does a married woman have the rights to terminate the fetus against her husband's wishes or do anything for that matter since it's her body (she has every right to do whatever she wants, after all, she houses the fetus and get to make the decision) in this case and carrying to term is NOT what she envisions (having a baby) in the next two, three or four years?

On the other hand, if she doesn't want to terminate and the husband absolutely does, would the husband's rights be violated if she doesn't?

The truth is, as humans, we have mutually exclusive preference and someone has got to have it. Who is going to always have his way? What metric should be used?

shestrong:

I understand ur point of view and to an extent ure correct but why did he not go for his spec? i do not evn know y i am taking panadol for anodas headache.

Mindfulness:


You could suggest to your partner what you think would look good on them but you should never expect them to do something they are not comfortable with. It's very simple.

Blackmiserable:




So one's comfort always comes first in marriage?

izzou:


Tough decision for you.

Women care about their THE hair.

ImaIma1:




Men should also be taught to love their wives and treat her with respect and not like a subject or steward.

Blackmiserable:


If the table were reversed: the poster had been OP's wife, saying, "Wigs and long hair make me miserable. My husband doesn't want me to be clean shaven and I have had to repeat it to him many time, but he has always reiterated time and time and times again that wigs and other feminine hair style is a turn on for him, and make him attracted to me."

Question: In all honesty, what would you do?

So because he's a man, his opinions and preference and desires are not valid and he has no rights to determine his partner's choice.

If OP goes ahead (goes bald) and husband cheats because he is no longer sexually attracted (don't doubt it please, there are still men and women whose sexual attraction is contingent on physical attraction) to her on account of her hairstyle, who is to blame?

GrossPrice:


What should women be taught?

ImaIma1:


You tell me.

sassysure:



I actually do understand @op very well.
His presentation was a put off to many.
He jumbled everything together and it came off with negative vibe.
He is the type that get turned on seeing women in low cut. We have few of them. The same way we want our men to wear beard, have muscled and toned abs etc.

He should coarse and explain himself better to her concerning that separately without mixing it up with other problems.

It's one of his fancy. I hope she indulges him.
Some things aren't worth the fight. One day he will get tired and hairs continue to grow.

Unless he is saying she should stop taking care of her hair strictly because it costs them a lot. In which case, he should let her know that she should reduce what she spends on her hair and still look good to him. It's not about how much but how it fits. He should know how to project that without sounding self centered.

Mindfulness:


No feeling ugly does.

GrossPrice:


Touche

He made a good catch.

Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.