₦airaland Forum

Only insecure men bother about not wanting to marry a first child/daughter. Truly, some families comes with lots of financial baggages, and this is what most of these men fear.

Some families too, are very shameless. How they manage to heap their numerous needs and wants on the men is just so nauseating.

I can't even give any man that glory to take care of my siblings or parents for me. I too get pride abeg! It's your choice to help, if you want. No be say tomorrow go reach, one man go come give me my life history of how he catered for my family and I when we were nothing. Kolewerk!

Many first daughters are also a financial blessing to the man and the families they married into.
But y’all not ready for that discussion yet.
Let’s just flow with the discussion that it’s men who only have money in marriages and the wives/families all depend on them.

decatalyst:
In most cases, it means more responsibilities and stress for the guy.

Let's not even talk about finances, he may not be ready to provide the needed leadership responsibilities for you and your siblings...it could be draining emotionally and financially.

It's a real man that looks beyond this and go for what he wants.

It has nothing to do with being a real man. Parents should not abandon their own responsibilities and push them to their child and her husband to shoulder. It is a setup and if the guy refuses, they will say he's a bad person. Meanwhile they are the bad people for having children that they cannot cater for.

Curiouscity:
Sadly, this thread is not about me and my marriage challenges. But, my partner has a wrong view about money and responsibilities. She is yet to understand what family mean, or where her focus should be.

She works, but she expects me to run the house, and still take care of her extended family members.

It's because you condoned it from the start. Now it has become your responsibility.

Maybe next time she asks you for money for them, you should tell her to assist them with what she earns. After a while, when she sees it's not easy, the demands will reduce

cococandy:
Many first daughters are also a financial blessing to the man and the families they married into.
But y’all not ready for that discussion yet.
Let’s just flow with the discussion that it’s men who only have money in marriages and the wives/families all depend on them.

sister simply create a thread on that.

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

Which bride price?? U go understand wen all ur junior ones are stylishly putting some pressure on him to deliver (like extending favours to see) even wen he seems incapable and wen he lack d power to do day dry would see him as failure among his peers and nobody wants dat NOT EVEN YOU...

it depends on the family setting, there are first daughters that didn't get married first as in one or two of her younger sisters got married before her. this means there won't be much financial burden on them but rather on the first to get married.

Curiouscity:
Sadly, this thread is not about me and my marriage challenges. But, my partner has a wrong view about money and responsibilities. She is yet to understand what family mean, or where her focus should be.

She works, but she expects me to run the house, and still take care of her extended family members.

Ahh


this is becoming more problematic,


Wat am I saying sef??

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

Don’t let anyone that reject you because you are a first daughter worry you, it simply means the person is not worthy of you , what will be will always be.

Whether coincidences or destiny. I have only dated last born, and eventually married one.
Surprisingly it was never planned.

This is also true

rain21:
it depends on the family setting, there are first daughters that didn't get married first as in one or two of her younger sisters got married before her. this means there won't be much financial burden on them but rather on the first to get married.

You've said it all babe, i have my dignity as a woman.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Only insecure men bother about not wanting to marry a first child/daughter. Truly, some families comes with lots of financial baggages, and this is what most of these men fear.

Some families too, are very shameless. How they manage to heap their numerous needs and wants on the men is just so nauseating.

I can't even give any man that glory to take care of my siblings or parents for me. I too get pride abeg! It's your choice to help, if you want. No be say tomorrow go reach, one man go come give me my life history of how he catered for my family and I when we were nothing. Kolewerk!

These favours you refer to are money related yea?

OlawaleBammie:
Which bride price?? U go understand wen all ur junior ones are stylishly putting some pressure on him to deliver (like extending favours to see) even wen he seems incapable and wen he lack d power to do day dry would see him as failure among his peers and nobody wants dat NOT EVEN YOU...

Is it that all families with females ready for marriage are broke and hoping to latch on their in laws for survival in Nigeria?

Anyways I once escaped from being with a first born with about 9 younger siblings... Did some mental calculations and had to bolt. Don't need stress in my life

missimelda01:
These favours you refer to are money related yea?

money takes 90%

As a woman, you feel that way??

AwkaetitiBabe:
Is it that all families with females ready for marriage are broke and hoping to latch on their in laws for survival in Nigeria?

Anyways I once escaped from being with a first born with about 9 younger siblings... Did some mental calculations and had to bolt. Don't need stress in my life

jossy1luv:
Don’t let anyone that reject you because you are a first daughter worry you, it simply means the person is not worthy of you , what will be will always be.

..
Your quote is not entirely true ..

Uyi168:
..
Your quote is not entirely true ..

If you say so, but that’s my opinion

jossy1luv:
If you say so, but that’s my opinion

..
Sure..

blaise26abj:
Not really the bride price but the responsibility that comes with being a first child. His house might just be filled with all your siblings if care isn’t taken.

Wise man,more responsibility on the man head

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

Being the first daughter, some men are scared because they will have to marry the family along too

There is this tendency that, he will be called upon on any financial matters

There are also issues of your junior one's, coming to leave with you after marriage of which he has to train them for the fact they leave with you

Poverty and lack of money has made some men to shy away from their responsibilities

Though it's not his duty to do so, but if he truly loves you, he will love and accept every member of your family

You too you have the biggest task of loving, respecting, caring and accepting his family as your too without complaining

decatalyst:
In most cases, it means more responsibilities and stress for the guy.

Let's not even talk about finances, he may not be ready to provide the needed leadership responsibilities for you and your siblings...it could be draining emotionally and financially.

It's a real man that looks beyond this and go for what he wants.

So, those who don't look beyond it are fake men?

MrBrownJay1:
if a man meets someone, care for that person, possibly fall in love with them then turns around and change his mind about that person, SOLELY because she is a 1st born, then i would be safe to say that this man is pretty immature, yes!

So u should take up all the girl's family responsibilities just cos u love her? What if you don't have the financial capability to do that? So the man doesn't have plans of his own other than to keep spending his money on the girl's family? You fail to realise that it's a free world. You see fire and enter into it in the name of love and maturity naw. This is not to say it is the same with all female first borns but when the girl's family members see the marriage of their daughter as a gateway to solving all their financial problems, then it's unfair.
You need to try to see things from a balanced perspective.

coolest01:
So u should take up all the girl's family responsibilities just cos u love her?

thats HER responsibilities, not yours... what kind of man are you that you cant even tell this woman what time it is? if these are the responsibilities she had BEFORE you met her, and she took care of them with no problem, then why should you now suddenly be the one taking care of it? you make NO DAMN SENSE! whats next? you meet a babe who is in school for years, and just because you are suddenly dating her, you should now pay for her school fees?!?!?!?!?

What if you don't have the financial capability to do that?

but even if you could, why the hell should you? as a married couple, you have a family to take care of, bills to pay, mortgage, car notes, future plans etc... so you guys take care of the necessary family needs, put some money away for possible "accidents"....and if there is any money left, you guys sit down and decide (as a family) how much of the extra money she can use as she wishes (aka money that she can spend on her own self buying clothes etc)

So the man doesn't have plans of his own other than to keep spending his money on the girl's family?

what kind of low self esteem/insecure man are you that you cant tell a babe what time it is?! why should you take on her responsibilities because you guys are in a r/ship? the same way she used to take care of her family before she met you is the way she should continue doing that....but, as you become a family she has to chip in for the family 1st and foremost as now her responsibilities lie with the family she has with you FIRST. it is called COMMUNICATION and COMMON SENSE... you certainly dont expect your wife to work and instead of using her money to help you guys's family/children wellbeing, she is spending her money on her own family, do you?

You fail to realise that it's a free world. You see fire and enter into it in the name of love and maturity naw.

what fire are you talking about? are you so scared of women that you cant even tell them what time it is, and bring sense to their brain?! so in your mind it is completely normal for a couple to both work, and instead of spending both their money on the family, kids, house, bills, cars, future plans etc..... they should instead spend this money solely on her family needs?! does it even make sense to you?!

This is not to say it is the same with all female first borns but when the girl's family members see the marriage of their daughter as a gateway to solving all their financial problems, then it's unfair.

it does NOT matter what her damn family thinks, so long as you sit down with your babe and COMMUNICATE WITH HER... again, you meet a babe who has family responsibilities in her life (and thats ok), but just because you are "dating", doesnt mean you have to take care of such responsibilities. she can continue doing exactly what she was doing before she met you, to help them. now when that r/ship becomes serious and you guys want to get married, then you need to sit down and communicate about the future, like two adults.... and just like your own responsibilities (future plans to go see Arsenal play in the UK, buy a Ferrari etc) will have to go on the back burner, so does HER responsibilities too...because now you will have NEW responsibilities that will be more important than your private issues. so you guys will sit down and agree that when you guys get married, you will both take your paycheck then take care of all the family responsibilities FIRST, and then if there is anything left, you guys will share it equally and she can take her share and do what she wants with that money, just like you will with your share.... if she does not agree to such scheme then you should tell her thank you for all the love and bye bye. case closed!

You need to try to see things from a balanced perspective.

there is nothing balanced about what you are saying.... you meet a babe and just because she is a 1st born, you want to run away as if she has the plague. here is a clue: everybody has siblings, but there comes a time when your new family life and kids is more important than them!

Curiouscity:
Sadly, this thread is not about me and my marriage challenges. But, my partner has a wrong view about money and responsibilities. She is yet to understand what family mean, or where her focus should be.

She works, but she expects me to run the house, and still take care of her extended family members.

Very bad of her part, is she not working? I once dated a guy who is the first child of his family ( greatest mistake I made in my life), hummmm... his parents never believed i didn't take much from their son because my family and siblings were just there for me, his siblings were like he should be using me to be collecting money from my siblings. When I saw what was coming and the type of mumu family he came from, I ran for my dear life

I'm the first child of my family, my siblings and parents are really enough for me to relax in everything, my parents are good on their own, my siblings are the once even taking good care of me.

missimelda01:
So I get this awkward reaction when a man asks for my position in my family and I say I'm the first child. I really want to know what the issue is...is it just the bride price??

Thanks a bunch.

missimelda01:
That's a lot, she should also be supportive.

supportive Its her duty not his

Everyone don wise . If u come from a struggling family with many siblings . It makes no sense to marry u

It's very surprising what I'm reading here. My mother is a first daughter and first child and I'm very sure my father did not train her brother or any other member of her family. Even my both my grandparents had jobs so there was no need for him to do that.
Now that my grandma lives with us due to sickness, my father buys her drugs out of benevolence, my mother buys some because...her mother and my grandma buys most of them herself.

MrBrownJay1:
thats HER responsibilities, not yours... what kind of man are you that you cant even tell this woman what time it is? if these are the responsibilities she had BEFORE you met her, and she took care of them with no problem, then why should you now suddenly be the one taking care of it? you make NO DAMN SENSE! whats next? you meet a babe who is in school for years, and just because you are suddenly dating her, you should now pay for her school fees?!?!?!?!?



but even if you could, why the hell should you? as a married couple, you have a family to take care of, bills to pay, mortgage, car notes, future plans etc... so you guys take care of the necessary family needs, put some money away for possible "accidents"....and if there is any money left, you guys sit down and decide (as a family) how much of the extra money she can use as she wishes (aka money that she can spend on her own self buying clothes etc)



what kind of low self esteem/insecure man are you that you cant tell a babe what time it is?! why should you take on her responsibilities because you guys are in a r/ship? the same way she used to take care of her family before she met you is the way she should continue doing that....but, as you become a family she has to chip in for the family 1st and foremost as now her responsibilities lie with the family she has with you FIRST. it is called COMMUNICATION and COMMON SENSE... you certainly dont expect your wife to work and instead of using her money to help you guys's family/children wellbeing, she is spending her money on her own family, do you?



what fire are you talking about? are you so scared of women that you cant even tell them what time it is, and bring sense to their brain?! so in your mind it is completely normal for a couple to both work, and instead of spending both their money on the family, kids, house, bills, cars, future plans etc..... they should instead spend this money solely on her family needs?! does it even make sense to you?!



it does NOT matter what her damn family thinks, so long as you sit down with your babe and COMMUNICATE WITH HER... again, you meet a babe who has family responsibilities in her life (and thats ok), but just because you are "dating", doesnt mean you have to take care of such responsibilities. she can continue doing exactly what she was doing before she met you, to help them. now when that r/ship becomes serious and you guys want to get married, then you need to sit down and communicate about the future, like two adults.... and just like your own responsibilities (future plans to go see Arsenal play in the UK, buy a Ferrari etc) will have to go on the back burner, so does HER responsibilities too...because now you will have NEW responsibilities that will be more important than your private issues. so you guys will sit down and agree that when you guys get married, you will both take your paycheck then take care of all the family responsibilities FIRST, and then if there is anything left, you guys will share it equally and she can take her share and do what she wants with that money, just like you will with your share.... if she does not agree to such scheme then you should tell her thank you for all the love and bye bye. case closed!



there is nothing balanced about what you are saying.... you meet a babe and just because she is a 1st born, you want to run away as if she has the plague. here is a clue: everybody has siblings, but there comes a time when your new family life and kids is more important than them!

You're missing the point.
From all you typed up there, you and I are tilting towards the same thing. No man should be made to handle the wife's family's responsibilities by force just cos the wife is the first born of the family.

You just dey type plenty plenty like say we dey quarrel. lol
You need to stop attacking my personality and address the topic headlong rather than relating the topic to me. You do not know me and you have no right to be making condescending comments about me. I only aired my opinion which isn't that different from yours. CHEERS.
Making derogatory remarks, trying to emasculate and make u look like ure my daddy is a low blow. Talk matter where matter is. I am only contributing to the issue not that I am the one experiencing this.

Let's be guided biko

cococandy:
Many first daughters are also a financial blessing to the man and the families they married into.
But y’all not ready for that discussion yet.
Let’s just flow with the discussion that it’s men who only have money in marriages and the wives/families all depend on them.

What kind of financial blessings? The superstitious, audio, amen, bullshit type or the hustle, hands on deck type?

Truth is most of the girls in nigeria today are the "buy for me na crew" as a matter of fact if you marry them as first daughter with the poverty rate and the likelihood of those parents being unpaid pensioners you know the drill.

Na u go buy the least paracetamol. You know as it us for a buy for me na girl it's same old story.


For me sha this won't stop me from marrying who i want. My parents and family are my responsibility yours are yours alone. If they should perish by your buy for me na machinations, i will be glad.