₦airaland Forum

RisenPhoenix:
Give it like 8 or 9 years more until the last child is old enough to take it emotionally, before you divorce her. Otherwise, because you're in the US, she will get custody and you may not even get proper visitation rights. If you are sad because of her behaviour with them when you are there, imagine how much harder it will hit you when you are not there and she is using their misery to spite you. Apart from the kids, you have nothing to attach you to her; so learn to ignore her, live your life, and don't bother yourself with what she does.

Oh, and no more sex. First, you're not her sex slave for 'when she wants it', and second, you might catch something nasty to add to your woes.

[b]Meanwhile, open a new secret bank account in Nigeria and start moving your funds down there. Very gradually sell off anything valuable that you have and put it in hidden investments in Nigeria (stocks, bonds, real estate). Whatever you do, don't keep any documentation at home, get a safe deposit box or keep them with a trusted family member. Also, if you are working at a job, get ready to be fired just before divorce. Leave just a very little bit of savings exposed in your long term bank account and apply for unemployment benefits (the US has them even for certain categories of non-citizens). Take out a first, second and third mortgage on the house if you can. That way, she gets almost nothing from you. You can then hang around the US for a few more years until your eldest ones graduate college and your youngest is above 18, then come back to Nigeria and live off your investments. By the time she realises that the kids hate her and everyone has abandoned her to be shitting her pants in her senile old age, she will understand how important manners are in life.

RisenPhoenix:
Give it like 8 or 9 years more until the last child is old enough to take it emotionally, before you divorce her. Otherwise, because you're in the US, she will get custody and you may not even get proper visitation rights. If you are sad because of her behaviour with them when you are there, imagine how much harder it will hit you when you are not there and she is using their misery to spite you. Apart from the kids, you have nothing to attach you to her; so learn to ignore her, live your life, and don't bother yourself with what she does.

Oh, and no more sex. First, you're not her sex slave for 'when she wants it', and second, you might catch something nasty to add to your woes.

Meanwhile, open a new secret bank account in Nigeria and start moving your funds down there. Very gradually sell off anything valuable that you have and put it in hidden investments in Nigeria (stocks, bonds, real estate). Whatever you do, don't keep any documentation at home, get a safe deposit box or keep them with a trusted family member. Also, if you are working at a job, get ready to be fired just before divorce. Leave just a very little bit of savings exposed in your long term bank account and apply for unemployment benefits (the US has them even for certain categories of non-citizens). Take out a first, second and third mortgage on the house if you can. That way, she gets almost nothing from you. You can then hang around the US for a few more years until your eldest ones graduate college and your youngest is above 18, then come back to Nigeria and live off your investments. By the time she realises that the kids hate her and everyone has abandoned her to be shitting her pants in her senile old age, she will understand how important manners are in life.

TheArchangel:
Yeah right. I want to hear the wife's story too.

I doubt Saint OP has anything to his name.
They've all ganged up advising the saint to divorce his wife but will tell the woman to endure for the sake of the kids. Hypocritical Nigerians.

bnmbv:
You miss the point. I left out other danming things I could have said. Am I the one also responsible for the zero relationship between her family and her self. Am I the one responsible for her not able to have at least one single good friend ?

bnmbv:
You miss the point. I left out other danming things I could have said. Am I the one also responsible for the zero relationship between her family and her self. Am I the one responsible for her not able to have at least one single good friend ?

RisenPhoenix:
Give it like 8 or 9 years more until the last child is old enough to take it emotionally, before you divorce her. Otherwise, because you're in the US, she will get custody and you may not even get proper visitation rights. If you are sad because of her behaviour with them when you are there, imagine how much harder it will hit you when you are not there and she is using their misery to spite you. Apart from the kids, you have nothing to attach you to her; so learn to ignore her, live your life, and don't bother yourself with what she does.

Oh, and no more sex. First, you're not her sex slave for 'when she wants it', and second, you might catch something nasty to add to your woes.

Meanwhile, open a new secret bank account in Nigeria and start moving your funds down there. Very gradually sell off anything valuable that you have and put it in hidden investments in Nigeria (stocks, bonds, real estate). Whatever you do, don't keep any documentation at home, get a safe deposit box or keep them with a trusted family member. Also, if you are working at a job, get ready to be fired just before divorce. Leave just a very little bit of savings exposed in your long term bank account and apply for unemployment benefits (the US has them even for certain categories of non-citizens). Take out a first, second and third mortgage on the house if you can. That way, she gets almost nothing from you. You can then hang around the US for a few more years until your eldest ones graduate college and your youngest is above 18, then come back to Nigeria and live off your investments. By the time she realises that the kids hate her and everyone has abandoned her to be shitting her pants in her senile old age, she will understand how important manners are in life.

Uisce:
You're "financially-okay" but squeezing your family of six into a two-bedroom apartment or why are your four children all sleeping in one-bedroom? You joining them = five people sleeping in one room. That's not cool. You need a bigger home.

You're 48 and middle-aged with a high bp. Your goal should be to live a healthy, long life for yourself and your children. How you want to that is up to you.

kapelvej:
Funny, Well at times we write thinking people have a general knowledge of how situations are, downtown Denver, houses are usually 4 bedrooms, we have an extra visitor's room and a study, making 4 rooms. Trust me these rooms are super large.

RisenPhoenix:
Give it like 8 or 9 years more until the last child is old enough to take it emotionally, before you divorce her. Otherwise, because you're in the US, she will get custody and you may not even get proper visitation rights. If you are sad because of her behaviour with them when you are there, imagine how much harder it will hit you when you are not there and she is using their misery to spite you. Apart from the kids, you have nothing to attach you to her; so learn to ignore her, live your life, and don't bother yourself with what she does.

Oh, and no more sex. First, you're not her sex slave for 'when she wants it', and second, you might catch something nasty to add to your woes.

Meanwhile, open a new secret bank account in Nigeria and start moving your funds down there. Very gradually sell off anything valuable that you have and put it in hidden investments in Nigeria (stocks, bonds, real estate). Whatever you do, don't keep any documentation at home, get a safe deposit box or keep them with a trusted family member. Also, if you are working at a job, get ready to be fired just before divorce. Leave just a very little bit of savings exposed in your long term bank account and apply for unemployment benefits (the US has them even for certain categories of non-citizens). Take out a first, second and third mortgage on the house if you can. That way, she gets almost nothing from you. You can then hang around the US for a few more years until your eldest ones graduate college and your youngest is above 18, then come back to Nigeria and live off your investments. By the time she realises that the kids hate her and everyone has abandoned her to be shitting her pants in her senile old age, she will understand how important manners are in life.

bnmbv:
You miss the point. I left out other danming things I could have said. Am I the one also responsible for the zero relationship between her family and her self. Am I the one responsible for her not able to have at least one single good friend ?

bnmbv:
Thanks. You really understand how it works here in the states

RisenPhoenix:
Men in the States are finished.

Yeah I understand how hard it is to be a man in the US. That's why you just have to be patient until the time is right and the kids (the only noose she has on your neck) are old enough to be independent. Just a couple more years bro, use them to arrange your finances so she gets zilch and you retire to a peaceful old age.

desiregold:
Eya, chai. I just feel pity for op.

Imagine being a divorcee at 48yrs? Years wasted trying to build home.

Nobody planned to marry and later divorce, unfortunately, life throw unpleasant surprises to us in the name of bad partners to us.

It's well..

kunleweb:
Isn't this what we've been saying Martinez39 Ericsmith Ubunja Jonnyspute

JONNYSPUTE:
.. The best for him to do is to divorce her ASAP.

bnmbv:
Please this is true life story. Very honest opinions will be appreciated.
I have been married for 14 years blessed with 2 girls, and 2 boys 12, 11, 9 and 7 years. We live in Denver Colorado, by God’s grace I am financially okay, I relocated to the states because it was my wife’s greatest desire, but this will be a move that has become an albatross that I have been carrying on my shoulders.
I am not perfect, but I believe were true love dwells, things and issues can always be negotiated.
The vast majority of all the problems in my family stems around disrespect. Moreover, my wife has this uncanny ability to keep malice without getting tired, because of this, anytime we have misunderstanding which most of the time I do not even create, It is either I make effort to find a solution, or I will allow the matter to linger on and then become overtaken by events. At any time she desires, she can leave the house at will without saying a word, if I ask she replies by saying that I should also not tell her when I am leaving home. This can be very disheartening. There are many other things.
I cannot recount here in one goal; otherwise this piece will be too bulky and boring to read.
Sex is dead, we can go for days, weeks and months without it, we do it once in a while following pressure upon pressure or when she wants it. I literally cook for my self
To be honest, she has been like this during courtship, but I made some error of judgement hoping that she will change; this was interlaced with a tinge of deceit from her mother.
Be that as it may, I take full responsibility for my choices because advertently or inadvertently, she was the choice I made.
While dating, I noticed this constant bickering between her and her younger her elder siblings and maternal uncle and aunts, but she and her mother waived the observation away that it was because she has a different father from the her siblings. She is not in touch with her father and her father’s family members, because her mother raised her away from her father. I later realized just a year ago from a family of hers I met in California who grew up together with her that the root of her malicious relationship with her siblings and maternal family was anchored on her mother, who was always shielding her away from the chastising of family members while she was younger. I confronted her mother with this information and she apologized that she was at her wits end and she could not afford to jeopardize her daughter’s wedding so she has to lie.
The problem now is that, there is nobody that can intervene, I have suggested counselling, but she will have none of it because she feels that everybody has a problem and not her. Her mother dare not intervene because she is the only one supporting her mother financially; the other siblings told me they are fed up with her and their mother. She does not even speak with her siblings and maternal family members
I am particularly worried about the kids because she vents her anger on them at will. This is one of the reasons I have been hanging on because I am scared for the kids.
Unfortunately, I was recently diagnosed of high blood pressure, I am 48 years, and I have been advised to stay out of the stress. The issue of this marriage is such a big stress for me. It is even worse because I sleep in the room with the children while she has a room to herself. This is because I snore, this has further worsen emotional connections in the family, imagine I have to go to her for sex and companionship in our room (but now her room) and in about 80 percent of cases I am turned down, with one excuse or the other.
My heart bleeds especially any time she screams down on the children unnecessarily, or when she leaves home without telling me and especially her ‘you can go and die ‘attitude towards me. They are all too heavy for me. I must have to decide whether to hang on because of the kids or to save myself.
For now I will like to hear from you guys.

Godson201333:
You thought she would change “ what happened to the law that says “ you can never raise an adult”. You are financially okay, Have you tried to open up conversation with your wife ? I hope you are aware that divorce in the USA is very expensive and emotional draining.

Try to give your relationship with your wife a “relaunch “ before finally considering divorce.

bnmbv:
Please this is true life story. Very honest opinions will be appreciated.
I have been married for 14 years blessed with 2 girls, and 2 boys 12, 11, 9 and 7 years. We live in Denver Colorado, by God’s grace I am financially okay, I relocated to the states because it was my wife’s greatest desire, but this will be a move that has become an albatross that I have been carrying on my shoulders.
I am not perfect, but I believe were true love dwells, things and issues can always be negotiated.
The vast majority of all the problems in my family stems around disrespect. Moreover, my wife has this uncanny ability to keep malice without getting tired, because of this, anytime we have misunderstanding which most of the time I do not even create, It is either I make effort to find a solution, or I will allow the matter to linger on and then become overtaken by events. At any time she desires, she can leave the house at will without saying a word, if I ask she replies by saying that I should also not tell her when I am leaving home. This can be very disheartening. There are many other things.
I cannot recount here in one goal; otherwise this piece will be too bulky and boring to read.
Sex is dead, we can go for days, weeks and months without it, we do it once in a while following pressure upon pressure or when she wants it. I literally cook for my self
To be honest, she has been like this during courtship, but I made some error of judgement hoping that she will change; this was interlaced with a tinge of deceit from her mother.
Be that as it may, I take full responsibility for my choices because advertently or inadvertently, she was the choice I made.
While dating, I noticed this constant bickering between her and her younger her elder siblings and maternal uncle and aunts, but she and her mother waived the observation away that it was because she has a different father from the her siblings. She is not in touch with her father and her father’s family members, because her mother raised her away from her father. I later realized just a year ago from a family of hers I met in California who grew up together with her that the root of her malicious relationship with her siblings and maternal family was anchored on her mother, who was always shielding her away from the chastising of family members while she was younger. I confronted her mother with this information and she apologized that she was at her wits end and she could not afford to jeopardize her daughter’s wedding so she has to lie.
The problem now is that, there is nobody that can intervene, I have suggested counselling, but she will have none of it because she feels that everybody has a problem and not her. Her mother dare not intervene because she is the only one supporting her mother financially; the other siblings told me they are fed up with her and their mother. She does not even speak with her siblings and maternal family members
I am particularly worried about the kids because she vents her anger on them at will. This is one of the reasons I have been hanging on because I am scared for the kids.
Unfortunately, I was recently diagnosed of high blood pressure, I am 48 years, and I have been advised to stay out of the stress. The issue of this marriage is such a big stress for me. It is even worse because I sleep in the room with the children while she has a room to herself. This is because I snore, this has further worsen emotional connections in the family, imagine I have to go to her for sex and companionship in our room (but now her room) and in about 80 percent of cases I am turned down, with one excuse or the other.
My heart bleeds especially any time she screams down on the children unnecessarily, or when she leaves home without telling me and especially her ‘you can go and die ‘attitude towards me. They are all too heavy for me. I must have to decide whether to hang on because of the kids or to save myself.
For now I will like to hear from you guys.

franchasng:
Sorry op, but the truth is, there is nothing anybody can do about this situation you are in, the only thing readers can do is to learn from your mistake to avoid making the same mistake in their own life.

How you saw the signs during courtship and decided to ignore it (maybe because of sex most times that some skillful ladies normally use to blind fold guys from seeing their glaring faults!) amazes me honestly because the redzone signs were there from the beginning.


Any lady who does not respect her siblings, does not respect her elderly relatives and neighbors is a ticking time bomb, don't ever marry such a lady but guys will never listen.

In as much as I give God the glory for giving me a wonderful wife, I still give myself some kudos for my smart choice when making my choice of wife.


I must say this to single guys who care to learn from me, see guys, when I was single, I met all kinds of ladies (rich, poor, average, etc all thanks to the small change I had then lol), but I never lost focus of what I wanted in a woman I would call my wife.

I didn't allow some of the ladies I met who had super enticing qualities like very rich family background, American citizen, have double degree, hot and sexy, trendy, etc to becloud my judgment.

I had list of things I couldn't tolerate in a lady I would marry, such as:

1.) Disrespect:
I don't even judge how you respect me, but how you respect people around you, and how you respect your family members and others around you. Once I notice disrespectful or arrogant or prideful attitude from you, I run like Usain Bolt lol without telling you why I quit!

2.) Money management

I love money so much. I know how much I laboured and suffered to make the little meagre money I am making do with, so I was scared of ending up with an extravagant lady who sees spending stupidly as a normal thing maybe because she once dated a Yahoo boy or drug peddler or sugar daddy politicians who dish out money to her at will which makes her believe any guy she is dating or married to must be dishing out money to her too. Once I notice you are an extravagant Lady who spend lavishly without reason, I run from you asap! I don't care how beautiful or sexy or hot you are, to hell with those other qualities!

3.) Promiscuity

I don't need to ask you to know if you are a promiscuous lady, I have my litmus test to know and once it shows red, I run without notice!

4.) Feminism

Once I notice that you subscribe to all those nonsense feminism and women nonsense right, I know you are not for me and I am not for you because I don't believe in gender equality in marriage. I believe in treating my wife with love as God commanded and I expect her to treat me like God commanded her in the Bible so I don't need feminists and their brouhaha to make my marriage work. So once I notice it, I run from you without notice!

5.) Laziness

Once I notice that you are these type of ladies that believe that working as a married woman is a taboo because to them, once they marry, their only job is to be sleeping and waking up and preserving hot sex for their husband as he returns from work. I hated housewife ideology maybe because my mother was never a housewife and my sister wasn't one too, maybe that shaped my decision on this maybe.

6.) Dirtiness

I dread dirt. Any lady that loves neatness has won my heart. I love my environment shinning always. I don't like my car and clothes looking neat while my home looks dirty so I made sure the Lady I end up with as a wife must have these qualities.


7.) Humility

Nothing makes me to love a lady than humility. If you are humble as a lady, I can give you all I have. I cannot even stand to see you angry or cry because I will feel like the world is cheating on you. So I looked out for this in my would be wife and I got it.


So all you single guys reading this story, learn from my experience when I was single.

Some of the ladies I abandoned to stick to my wife had tempting features that my wife didn't have.


For instance, I Iove United States so much even though I have visited so many countries, I have never visited US and I have never applied for US visa but I loved to have my kids become US citizens, I must be honest here. So the devil saw this desire in me and brought wrong ladies disguised with this features i desire my way when I was single lol.

I met a lady who was a nurse in US, beautify, young and a US citizen. We clicked on meeting, but I noticed she was so arrogant and hot tempered and loved everything to go her way. I quit despite all her please for forgiveness that sh will change, I don't believe in human beings changing their character anyway, I ran.

I met another Nigerian lady, a US citizen too, working with US Navy. She was so hot that it almost deceived me lol. I noticed she is a hardcore feminist that indirectly hate Nigerian men and their way of life, when I noticed this, I didn't try to cut corners, I flee

I met a young girl from a highly politicaly connected family who promised that my company will grow, that we will join efforts and she would convince her dad to assist us in becoming Nigerian government contractor with some government agencies, this was one of my greatest desires lol, I was tempted but when I realised she lacks respect, lacks manner, doesn't value poor people, look down on broke guys and always looking up, I had to quit for my own good.

I met another lady from an average family, with double degree, one of the prettiest, hottest, sexiest ladies I met while single lol, with big bombom like I so loved then and everything standing attention like olumo rock, and she was so damn hot that I remembered on one day we went out during Xmas at a popular place in Lagos, some big shots sent their guards to drop a note with her asking for her contact. I experienced such severally but those never bothered me. what bothered me was her relationship with her siblings.


One day I drove her home, the way she related with her elder brothers broke my heart. Maybe because they were not financially successful, she looks down on them and everybody in her family feared her to my surprise.

This was the only reason I ran away from her.


Let me stop here.


So op, you have made the mistake already and its been a long time, just consider yourself separated from her and focus on your kids. Stop any form of investment in the states, whenever you want to make an investment, please consider Nigeria or elsewhere.

May God help you out.



Cc: kunleweb

RisenPhoenix:
Give it like 8 or 9 years more until the last child is old enough to take it emotionally, before you divorce her. Otherwise, because you're in the US, she will get custody and you may not even get proper visitation rights. If you are sad because of her behaviour with them when you are there, imagine how much harder it will hit you when you are not there and she is using their misery to spite you. Apart from the kids, you have nothing to attach you to her; so learn to ignore her, live your life, and don't bother yourself with what she does.

Oh, and no more sex. First, you're not her sex slave for 'when she wants it', and second, you might catch something nasty to add to your woes.

Meanwhile, open a new secret bank account in Nigeria and start moving your funds down there. Very gradually sell off anything valuable that you have and put it in hidden investments in Nigeria (stocks, bonds, real estate). Whatever you do, don't keep any documentation at home, get a safe deposit box or keep them with a trusted family member. Also, if you are working at a job, get ready to be fired just before divorce. Leave just a very little bit of savings exposed in your long term bank account and apply for unemployment benefits (the US has them even for certain categories of non-citizens). Take out a first, second and third mortgage on the house if you can. That way, she gets almost nothing from you. You can then hang around the US for a few more years until your eldest ones graduate college and your youngest is above 18, then come back to Nigeria and live off your investments. By the time she realises that the kids hate her and everyone has abandoned her to be shitting her pants in her senile old age, she will understand how important manners are in life.