donstan18:
[b]You noticed her bad character during courtship but ignored it hoping she'll change?[b]

Trust me, that's a move and decision you'll live to regret so long as you keep living with her.

I'll divorce her if i were you, because I wouldn't want to die before my time or find happiness outside and end up cheating. And also for the sake of my kids happiness.

To anyone reading this, one of the best way to know a woman very well before getting married to her is by making secret inquiries and findings about her mother. It helps a lot.

Because 99% of ladies are nothing but replicas of their mother[Especially first daughters].

bnmbv:
Please this is true life story. Very honest opinions will be appreciated.
I have been married for 14 years blessed with 2 girls, and 2 boys 12, 11, 9 and 7 years. We live in Denver Colorado, by God’s grace I am financially okay, I relocated to the states because it was my wife’s greatest desire, but this will be a move that has become an albatross that I have been carrying on my shoulders.
I am not perfect, but I believe were true love dwells, things and issues can always be negotiated.
The vast majority of all the problems in my family stems around disrespect. Moreover, my wife has this uncanny ability to keep malice without getting tired, because of this, anytime we have misunderstanding which most of the time I do not even create, It is either I make effort to find a solution, or I will allow the matter to linger on and then become overtaken by events. At any time she desires, she can leave the house at will without saying a word, if I ask she replies by saying that I should also not tell her when I am leaving home. This can be very disheartening. There are many other things.
I cannot recount here in one goal; otherwise this piece will be too bulky and boring to read.
Sex is dead, we can go for days, weeks and months without it, we do it once in a while following pressure upon pressure or when she wants it. I literally cook for my self
To be honest, she has been like this during courtship, but I made some error of judgement hoping that she will change; this was interlaced with a tinge of deceit from her mother.
Be that as it may, I take full responsibility for my choices because advertently or inadvertently, she was the choice I made.
While dating, I noticed this constant bickering between her and her younger her elder siblings and maternal uncle and aunts, but she and her mother waived the observation away that it was because she has a different father from the her siblings. She is not in touch with her father and her father’s family members, because her mother raised her away from her father. I later realized just a year ago from a family of hers I met in California who grew up together with her that the root of her malicious relationship with her siblings and maternal family was anchored on her mother, who was always shielding her away from the chastising of family members while she was younger. I confronted her mother with this information and she apologized that she was at her wits end and she could not afford to jeopardize her daughter’s wedding so she has to lie.
The problem now is that, there is nobody that can intervene, I have suggested counselling, but she will have none of it because she feels that everybody has a problem and not her. Her mother dare not intervene because she is the only one supporting her mother financially; the other siblings told me they are fed up with her and their mother. She does not even speak with her siblings and maternal family members
I am particularly worried about the kids because she vents her anger on them at will. This is one of the reasons I have been hanging on because I am scared for the kids.
Unfortunately, I was recently diagnosed of high blood pressure, I am 48 years, and I have been advised to stay out of the stress. The issue of this marriage is such a big stress for me. It is even worse because I sleep in the room with the children while she has a room to herself. This is because I snore, this has further worsen emotional connections in the family, imagine I have to go to her for sex and companionship in our room (but now her room) and in about 80 percent of cases I am turned down, with one excuse or the other.
My heart bleeds especially any time she screams down on the children unnecessarily, or when she leaves home without telling me and especially her ‘you can go and die ‘attitude towards me. They are all too heavy for me. I must have to decide whether to hang on because of the kids or to save myself.
For now I will like to hear from you guys.

bnmbv:
She is not in touch with her father and her father’s family members, because her mother raised her away from her father. I later realized just a year ago from a family of hers I met in California who grew up together with her that the root of her malicious relationship with her siblings and maternal family was anchored on her mother, who was always shielding her away from the chastising of family members while she was younger. I confronted her mother with this information and she apologized that she was at her wits end and she could not afford to jeopardize her daughter’s wedding so she has to lie.

Graxie:
Keep praying for her, endure and be petting her. Our fathers did it, you can. You will not die. I am very sure many idiots will quote me, fools will advocate for divorce because you are a man. Oga, you are taking all what you wrote from her because you are not in Nigeria. Assuming you are here, you would have sent her packing. When we say nobody deserves to be in an abusive marriage, religious fanatics and useless boys will claim otherwise. Kudos, just know you are not doing any good to the kids.

Martinez39s:
What's your point exactly? You tried to say something but your emotions and disdain for men and the nonexistent misogynistic patriarchy collided with reasoning such that you ended up saying nothing. I am sure you are very much like the OP's wife and you support her that's why you never condemned the toxicity of his wife and you seem happy and satisfied with the OP's ordeal.

"Oga, you are taking all what you wrote from her because you are not in Nigeria. Assuming you are here, you would have sent her packing."
What the hell is this nonsense supposed to illustrate and how is it relevant? You are full of shìt.

"Kudos, just know you are not doing any good to the kids."
If a man divorcing his terrible and toxic wife isn't doing any good to his kids, would you also say a woman divorcing a terrible and toxic husband isn't doing any good to her kids?

cococandy:
Don’t beg for love.

Martinez39s:
Before you divorce her, trying moving back to Nigeria to settle. If you divorce her over there, the divorce courts will demolish you and that would be a more devastating end to what is already a terrible situation. Beside, you are the willful architect of your ordeal via your stupidity. You saw signs of toxicity during your courtship but you still married her instead of dumping her like all smart men would do. Not only that, it had to take you 14 good years of a terrible marriage before you could think of doing something. And show how great your stupidity is and how weak your spine is, you are not even sure on what to do. Weak and stupid men don't get or deserve any pity from me.

Belafonte:
HBP at 48. You obviously don’t value your life. If you die she will move on speedily and your children will live their lives with occasional, random memories of you. None of them will follow you into the grave. Open your sense.

Divorce is a super valid option. You will be shocked to know that you are even failing your kids. Dem no dey take soft hand handle woman. Your wife is a bully to your household because you have given her free rein to behave without control. Someone is abusing your children and you cannot defend and protect them because she’s your wife and their mother? Oga, give yourself brain. Parental abuse leads to low self esteem and resentment in children. Protect your damn kids, mahn.

If you’re scared of being divorce-raped, draw a two year plan that involves you transferring your assets to Nigeria and starting a business here. Finally, sell off the house when everything done set. Na madness dem dey take cure madness.

OR

You can just sit there and lament your years away as your ill-mannered wife ruins your life and that of your children. Your choice.

bnmbv:
I also got really confused. I read it twice, still confused

bnmbv:
Deep. Very deep. You have captured so many things that you did not even realise. From.what the doctors said the BP must have been there for at least 4 years without my knowing.

CAPSLOCKED:




PERHAPS,
THERE IS NONE MORE MALICIOUS AND BITTER, LIKE THE ONE WHO WAS RAISED BY A MALICIOUS AND BITTER SINGLE MOTHER.

AT 48 YOU'RE ALREADY HAVING HIGH BP. FROM YOUR STORY I DOUBT YOU EVEN HAVE SIX MORE MONTHS TO LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE FROM A HEART ATTACK.

WITH THE WAY I LOVE SERENITY, I WOULD HAVE SENT HER PACKING.. ASSUMING I WAS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO EVEN MARRY AND STAY MARRIED TO SOMEONE LIKE THAT FOR OVER 13 YEARS.

MARTINEZ39.MARTINEZ39S.UBUNJA.MJBOLT.ASTROG.JOHNNYSPUTE.EMMAODET.OMAR09.

bnmbv:
I begin to fear your submissions. It appears you reside with us.You know even the things I skipped You are perfectly right, nothing I do ever pleases her. Nothing. I mean Nothing.