₦airaland Forum

Good morning Nairalanders,
I've been married for 2yrs and have a son for my husband, before marriage, I made it clear to my husband I didn't want live-in in-laws which he agreed to, after marriage, he brought his sister IN, thought she was staying a few days or a week max but she's been with us for over 5 months and doesn't look like she's going anywhere, I'm no longer comfortable cause she's disrespectful, she never calls me by my son's name, she calls me my name even though she's aware we're not mates in all ramifications, but as my husband's sister, I respect her but I'm thinking I should start calling her by her first name too, or, what do you guys suggest?

In addition, she doesn't help with anything in the house, she just sleeps and eats, she just registered for this year's jamb.

Would you have complained like this if she was your own sister?

Everyone knows your last paragraph is a lie.

Friday is my second favorite 'F' word. Food is my first

She no do well...just take am sey na ur own younger sister..pray 4 her to gain admission into the university,make she for carry her wahala go...remain the good wife u are to ur husband.some family member na cancerous beings.

God save my brothers from pretending beches.

IamD18:
Would you have complained like this if she was your own sister?

My sister wouldn't call me by name and she equally wouldn't sit around watching me do everything for her.

donbachi:
She no do well...just take am sey na ur own younger sister..pray 4 her to gain admission into the university,make she for carry her wahala go...remain the good wife u are to ur husband.some family member na cancerous beings.

My husband said she'll be going to school from home, so, I'll have to put up with her for about 4 more years

Bozzyironlady:
God save my brothers from pretending beches.

Read again, this time, slowly.

Bozzyironlady:
God save my brothers from pretending beches.

How is she a pretending beech? What happen to your assimilation tendencies?

If you're not Yoruba, you can not understand this lady's plight. Forget that the lady is not helping with house chores, you see that addressing by the first name and she can't address her by her first name cos she's 'Iya Oko' can be very painful. Imagine, a secondary school leaver o! She's so insolent. What I see is that the problem is with the husband. I can't let anyone disrespect my wife like that, it's bad

Doveyvia:
My husband said she'll be going to school from home, so, I'll have to put up with her for about 4 more years

may her boyfriend give her belle,marry her,so she go pack go join am,4rm dia dey go school..make u enjoy ur marriage ijn.

IamD18:
Would you have complained like this if she was your own sister?

Why should she tolerate another person bad home training,you left your house to come and eat and sleep in another person house without positive contribution? No sister would tolerate that abeg.

Marriage thrives by knowing what and who and when to ignore.

Would her sister address her by her first name? And if it's her sister that's not helping with chores, she can send her back home and it won't create problem for her in her husbands house cos laslas it's a family affair

IamD18:
Would you have complained like this if she was your own sister?

Madam sorry o....I feel your pain but is your husband aware she calls you by your name

Na waoo...drinking panadol for nothing. She called you by your name and so what? You want her to address you by another name?? I don't know why some people are bothered by this. I think it is illiteracy.

That's how I addressed my client by her name and she said I should call her 'Mama Hansen' instead.

Mama Hansen my foot!!

TrendsSecurity:
If you're not Yoruba, you can not understand this lady's plight. Forget that the lady is not helping with house chores, you see that addressing by the first name and she can't address her by her first name cos she's 'Iya Oko' can be very painful. Imagine, a secondary school leaver o! She's so insolent. What I see is that the problem is with the husband. I can't let anyone disrespect my wife like that, it's bad

She's Iya Oko ,but I thought Yorubas equally respect an elder sibling's spouse?

Well, my husband said other girls are ready to call her mummy just to be his wife.

donbachi:
may her boyfriend give her belle,marry her,so she go pack go join am,4rm dia dey go school..make u enjoy ur marriage ijn.

She's unfortunately a Tomboy and I see no boyfriend coming into the picture, thank you sir.

jenifer007:
Madam sorry o....I feel your pain but is your husband aware she calls you by your name

Yes, he is, she wasn't like this when I was dating her brother, she changed immediately we got married

Doveyvia:
She's unfortunately a Tomboy and I see no boyfriend coming into the picture, thank you sir.

well,i will advice u hand everything to GOD.

Yeah, sure. In fact, if you're disrespecting your brother's wife, it's your brother you're actually disrespecting. Maybe, you don't get me, I was saying the thing would be more painful if you're both Yorubas and other Tribes may not understand your plight completely

Doveyvia:
She's Iya Oko ,but I thought Yorubas equally respect an elder sibling's spouse?

Well, my husband said other girls are ready to call her mummy just to be his wife.

TrendsSecurity:
Yeah, sure. In fact, if you're disrespecting your brother's wife, it's your brother you're actually disrespecting. Maybe, you don't get me, I was saying the thing would be more painful if you're both Yorubas and other Tribes may not understand your plight completely

I get you, thank you sir

For your second sentence, that's why I said your husband is the problem. And trust me, you might even have a bigger problem in that marriage already that you've not known apart from this one

Doveyvia:
She's Iya Oko ,but I thought Yorubas equally respect an elder sibling's spouse?

Well, my husband said other girls are ready to call her mummy just to be his wife.

Skyfornia:
Na waoo...drinking panadol for nothing. She called you by your name and so what? You want her to address you by another name?? I don't know why some people are bothered by this. I think it is illiteracy.

That's how I addressed my client by her name and she said I should call her 'Mama Hansen' instead.

Mama Hansen my foot!!

So, it's cool I call her aunty while she doesn't reciprocate? No problem.

Put your foot down. While I am a strong supporter of the traditional home where the husband rules supreme, this rule should not be misused to become oppressive. A woman has a right to feel safe in her own home and should be given every opportunity to be so. Table your grievances politely at first, then remind him of your past agreement while stressing that you might have considered permiting her stay if she was more helpful and polite, but she isn't. If after a day or two he does not formulate a satisfactory plan on which she will leave the home, then repeat it once more a week later and tell him that you will pack out until she leaves. Don't shout, don't insult and don't cry; don't go emotional and remain calm and logical at all times while not witholding food or sex etc before the deadline. He will take you seriously if he wants to remain married to you.

You have luck I am not that your sister in law ooo, you go report me tire be that. You people attach so much meaning to meaningless things

Doveyvia:
So, it's cool I call her aunty while she doesn't reciprocate? No problem.

What is the benefit of calling you aunty? Please I really want to know...call her aunty too

Doveyvia:
Yes, he is, she wasn't like this when I was dating her brother, she changed immediately we got married

Na your husband cause am be that....she knows your husband gat her back.....except you are really a strong woman that's the only way you can make her respect you....you are the woman of the house any thing you don't like,make it known.....the fact that you are way older than her automatically means she must respect you.....I am also Yoruba and I have never called any of my uncles' wives or my older cousins' wives by name.

Don't bottle up cos it might lead to hypertension...be guided

Mummiesgirls4:
You have luck I am not that your sister in law ooo, you go report me tire be that. You people attach so much meaning to meaningless things

I'm lucky someone I'm 7yrs older than is calling me by my first name? Be sure your fingers aligns with your brain before quoting me. Ciao little brat .

Why can’t people be called by their own names?
How’s your name disrespectful to you?
I’ve never understood that.

The more serious problem is to figure out when she’s leaving. Prolonged visitors that you didn’t agree to their stay can become very physically draining with time.
She needs to leave. if not now, there should be a plan for why she’s still there and when she’s going to leave.

Doveyvia:
So, it's cool I call her aunty while she doesn't reciprocate? No problem.

But she’s not your aunty is she? Am I missing something?

jenifer007:
Na your husband cause am be that....she knows your husband gat her back.....except you are really a strong woman that's the only way you can make her respect you....you are the woman of the house any thing you don't like,make it known.....the fact that you are way older than her automatically means she must respect you.....I am also Yoruba and I have never called any of my uncles' wives or my older cousins' wives by name.

Don't bottle up cos it might lead to hypertension...be guided

Thanks ma'am , it's just all very weird to me, I don't feel comfortable calling her by name but I'll have to learn it?.