₦airaland Forum

RisenPhoenix:
Observation.

Observation depends on where you are sitting

That which faces you backs another person. As we type now somewhere someplace some people are Saying
Good morning and others Good afternoon

0m0nnakoda:
Observation depends on where you are sitting

That which faces you backs another person. As we type now somewhere someplace some people are Saying
Good morning and others Good afternoon

Some observations are universal. Observations are also an intrinsic part of scientific methodology. Maybe you should present your opposition to observation to the scientific community.

budaatum:
I spent more time with my father as a child, but ma was the physical punisher while pa will reason with you. It was also ma who had the look. And yes we now know she was the more stressed, and she is the more loved too while pa is 6 feet dead.

Simply put that pa died because he married too many wives (problems)

RisenPhoenix:
Women generally do not love their children. They are possessive of them merely because they see them as personal possessions or future pension plans for when the husband can no longer provide financially. And these days more than ever before, women are even more bitter and frustrated that their lives do not conform with Telemundo and African magic ideals. They take that out on the kids too. That's why it's rare to see a man overcome his human feelings and really hurt a child of his, while angry women do it so often.

even children that are not theirs ( housemaids will confess to that)

Arsenate:
On the thread about a woman who abandoned her kids I stated that women don't love their children like they pretend to do

I've experienced and observed this. They've just been taking credit they do not deserve because they manipulate everyone including their children.

exactly.

RisenPhoenix:
Some observations are universal. Observations are also an intrinsic part of scientific methodology. Maybe you should present your opposition to observation to the scientific community.

If your observation was universal I would share it.
Are your observations part of some scientific methodology?
I am neither opposed nor concordant just curious

crackkhaus:
See how you expertly called it 'hate' for dads, but for wives, it's just loving her less.

Correction: no one actually hates their dads unless he was really shitty to them. Even if he was shitty to his wife (their mother), but maintained a good relationship with the kids, it's never enough to hate him.
It's just a matter of preference for people who love moms more than dads - obviously the mom was more hands-on.
It's not love versus hate.


Regarding the topic, there are a lot of grey areas and one cannot emphatically say mothers are more violent.
I think it depends more on the dynamics of the husband-wife relations with regards to the children.

Families where the father is the one trying to control every little detail will translate into him being the disciplinarian.
Alternatively, families where the mother is the one who endeavours to be in everyone's business by some degree of control, means she will be the disciplinarian.

I used hate because that was how the thread was.
It will make for easier search if I use the right word.

I didn't want to delve into the topic except what I first posted. I have discovered that women beat kids or house maids do that sometimes because of transferred aggression of which some of them don't even know they are doing.
Of course we have the crazy ones but believe me, it's more of that.

RisenPhoenix:
Men who beat their wives do not love them, nor do they claim that they do. Most men are in loveless marriages. However, almost all women claim to love their children. That they can harm them so badly, and sometimes even abandon them to go live with a more attractive man than their ex husband, shows this to be untrue.

Boys claim to love their mums and hate their dads because the mums made them to think that way, not because their mothers love them more. Boys are naive and naturally hardwired to seek female approval, so they are easy to manipulate. Girls on the other hand, instinctively understand what their mothers are trying to do and resist their manipulations; especially when a girl enters into the stage where she herself is becoming a woman. That is why there is a lot of mother-daughter conflict, and ultimately, power play.

Why will.u say men who beat their wives don't love them?
All of us have different upbringing and what influences us or moulded us to who we are today.
There are men who beats( cos they see that as the only way to correct their wives and ascertain authority) and still love their wives fiercely. Take that woman away from them and they crumble.

Some are greatly influenced by outsiders e.g. mothers and they end up beating their wives.
My cousin beat up his 8 months pregnant wife cos of his mum and u need to see the reason. The mum.has been controlling him all yrs of his marriage and made this man beat up a pregnant wife. Left her unconscious and went back to work. Somehow, his spirit was troubled and he came back, took her to hospital and that was the end of his mum interfering in his marriage.
And no, boys love their mum most cos when push come to shove, it's mum that will sacrifice everything for them.
Dad is busy with side chicks, biz travel, acting all macho that they hardly bond with their son's. Mum is there all the time and the whole nine yards.

Of course, I always like to be rational so we have bad mum's out there too but majority of the mum's can lay down their lives for their kids.

0m0nnakoda:
If your observation was universal I would share it.
Are your observations part of some scientific methodology?
I am neither opposed nor concordant just curious

Not every member need have observed a phenomenon for it to be universal. It need only be universally observable by any who wish to duplicate the observation. The sphericity of the earth for instance. There are also those who have equally decried the universal nature of that observation because they personally have not observed it. They are referred to as flat-earthers.

Observation in itself is a part of scientific methodology; mine is no exception. In case you are indirectly making snide allusions to formal study, there are numerous studies on mother-daughter and father-son relationship tension. Practically all observe (that appropriate word that sticks in your craw again) that there is higher relationship tension intensity between mothers and daughters than between fathers and sons; who mostly seem to get along much better; barring any undue female interference. I have read a number of articles on parent-child relationships and am certain that Google scholar would help your search equally there.

RisenPhoenix:
Not every member need have observed a phenomenon for it to be universal. It need only be universally observable by any who wish to duplicate the observation. The sphericity of the earth for instance. There are also those who have equally decried the universal nature of that observation because they personally have not observed it. They are referred to as flat-earthers.

Observation in itself is a part of scientific methodology; mine is no exception. In case you are indirectly making snide allusions to formal study, there are numerous studies on mother-daughter and father-son relationship tension. Practically all observe (that appropriate word that sticks in your craw again) that there is higher relationship tension intensity between mothers and daughters than between fathers and sons; who mostly seem to get along much better; barring any undue female interference. I have read a number of articles on parent-child relationships and am certain that Google scholar would help your search equally there.

How much is your weekly cannabis budget?

sassysure:
Why will.u say men who beat their wives don't love them?
All of us have different upbringing and what influences us or moulded us to who we are today.
There are men who beats( cos they see that as the only way to correct their wives and ascertain authority) and still love their wives fiercely. Take that woman away from them and they crumble.

Some are greatly influenced by outsiders e.g. mothers and they end up beating their wives.
My cousin beat up his 8 months pregnant wife cos of his mum and u need to see the reason. The mum.has been controlling him all yrs of his marriage and made this man beat up a pregnant wife. Left her unconscious and went back to work. Somehow, his spirit was troubled and he came back, took her to hospital and that was the end of his mum interfering in his marriage.
And no, boys love their mum most cos when push come to shove, it's mum that will sacrifice everything for them.
Dad is busy with side chicks, biz travel, acting all macho that they hardly bond with their son's. Mum is there all the time and the whole nine yards.

Of course, I always like to be rational so we have bad mum's out there too but majority of the mum's can lay down their lives for their kids.

Love does not permit one to hurt another without expecting an overwhelming benefit. Some men crumble without their wives because they have the mindset of weakness and incompetence in the home front. In any case, neither is an immediately provable opinion unless we find suitable subjects. I do know that almost all men stay in marriages primarily because of the children. The wife is only tolerated.

Yes, men often do not bond with their sons due to external pressures. This permits the mother to falsely assume the role of provider and thereby manipulate children to her side. The father is also often portrayed by her as the 'punisher' who is resorted to only when a child is bad. This is what puts negative thoughts of the father figure into their minds. Only when I had my kids did I really start appreciating all that which my father had done for me, and which I had earlier attributed to my mother in my mind.

Mums say that they will lay down their lives for their children. But when push comes to shove, it is the father that is expected to lay down his life for everyone. Women are almost never tested on that. So they can safely continue to claim it.

0m0nnakoda:
How much is your weekly cannabis budget?

Ad hominem attacks are the weapon of the despairing. Surely it does not become one who holds that he is cloaked in scientific garb.

I will be charitable and assume that this is your unique way of bidding me goodnight. I wish you an equally peaceful night's sleep.

spice123:
Simply put that pa died because he married too many wives (problems)

You talking about your dad? My sympathy.

My da died at 103 years old and only ever had one wife.

RisenPhoenix:
Love does not permit one to hurt another without expecting an overwhelming benefit. Some men crumble without their wives because they have the mindset of weakness and incompetence in the home front. In any case, neither is an immediately provable opinion unless we find suitable subjects. I do know that almost all men stay in marriages primarily because of the children. The wife is only tolerated.

Yes, men often do not bond with their sons due to external pressures. This permits the mother to falsely assume the role of provider and thereby manipulate children to her side. The father is also often portrayed by her as the 'punisher' who is resorted to only when a child is bad. This is what puts negative thoughts of the father figure into their minds. Only when I had my kids did I really start appreciating all that which my father had done for me, and which I had earlier attributed to my mother in my mind.

Mums say that they will lay down their lives for their children. But when push comes to shove, it is the father that is expected to lay down his life for everyone. Women are almost never tested on that. So they can safely continue to claim it.

Believe what u want to believe only If it will make us stop going in circle.
I have passed my message across.

sassysure:
I used hate because that was how the thread was.
It will make for easier search if I use the right word.

I didn't want to delve into the topic except what I first posted. I have discovered that women beat kids or house maids do that sometimes because of transferred aggression of which some of them don't even know they are doing.
Of course we have the crazy ones but believe me, it's more of that.

You're on point.

RisenPhoenix:
Ad hominem attacks are the weapon of the despairing. Surely it does not become one who holds that he is cloaked in scientific garb.

I will be charitable and assume that this is your unique way of bidding me goodnight. I wish you an equally peaceful night's sleep.

There is no hominem

It is clear to me that you are thought disordered and wasting my time.
Your tirade is completely tangential and there is no profit engagingly I n directionless discourse

0m0nnakoda:
There is no hominem

It is clear to me that you are thought disordered and wasting my time.
Your tirade is completely tangential and there is no profit engagingly I n directionless discourse

Don't be sulky and petulant. It is not becoming of a man. Only base women are sulky and petulant.

And it was a purely ad hominem attack (find out the meaning as you don't seem to know it), as is this one.

RisenPhoenix:
Don't be sulky and petulant. It is not becoming of a man. Only base women are sulky and petulant.

And it was a purely ad hominem attack (find out the meaning as you don't seem to know it), as is this one.

Are you gay? You sound.......

0m0nnakoda:
Are you gay? You sound.......

Lol.

I was usually beaten black and blue by my mum as a kid. I wouldn't have it any other way

In my experience, dad was more the corporal punishment person than mom.

Gosh, some things you read on here make you just sick.
Like, different people from different background coming to write shits and project rubbish.
I can't, I just can't.

RisenPhoenix:
Frustration, transfer of aggression all the same. Women go to the extent of using hot iron, razor blades, cable wires, and hot water. Their intent is to really damage and their anger is not sated until this damage happens. Where is the so called maternal love at that point in time? And how does love die so suddenly just because there is a need to slake their anger on someone? That is why I insist that the love eas never there in the first place.

Men do not take out business place frustrations on their wives. They just go silent and enter their man caves. It is only when the woman refuses to let well enough alone and insists on dragging her wahala into his man cave after him that he may erupt. When a man is angry from work, let him be; no questions, no offers to talk about anything, least of all his work worries; and certainly not the ideal time to tell him about your great uncle's very important (to you) burial ceremony. Even when they erupt, they certainly will not take out on someone they 'love' because men really love when they love.

Huhuhu!!! Your generalization is nauseating to say the least. Maternal love exists and I am a living witness of it.
Well, I see bitterness and resentment written all over your posts.

Anyone who attributes violence to any of his/her parents, has unknowingly denigrated them with Op as an accomplice. I knew the reason the Op and those that have posted their experience while growing up, fail to educate the Op. It is because in the western world today, all forms of corporal punishments, hitherto regarded as a proper way of correcting a child in a loving but firm manner, have been criminalised as violence. A lot of Africans, especially those who claim to be educated or civilised, have subconsciously swallowed this newfound idea hook, line, and sinker.

Therefore, the term "violence" needs to be removed from the title of this tread, and be replaced with "strict" or "stern." Granted, some parents and guidance do cross the line when correcting an errant child. However, it does not negate the numbers that correct with love and care.

My mum and dad were very strict -- with my dad way more stricter. Yet their principled and unwavering dispositions to good conduct to me and my siblings cannot in any way said to be violent.

mrblessed:
Anyone who attributes violence to any of his/her parents, has unknowingly denigrated them with Op as an accomplice. I knew the reason the Op and those that have posted their experience while growing up, fail to educate the Op. It is because in the western world today, all forms of corporal punishments, hitherto regarded as a proper way of correcting a child in a loving but firm manner, have been criminalised as violence. A lot of Africans, especially those who claim to be educated or civilised, have subconsciously swallowed this newfound idea hook, line, and sinker.

Therefore, the term "violence" needs to be removed from the title of this tread, and be replaced with "strict" or "stern." Granted, some parents and guidance do cross the line when correcting an errant child. However, it does not negate the numbers that correct with love and care.

My mum and dad were very strict -- with my dad way more stricter. Yet their principled and unwavering dispositions to good conduct to me and my siblings cannot in any way said to be violent.

This reflects profound lack of intelligence and ability to comprehend.
Where did I post my experience growing up?
We are talking about levels of violence that result in mutilation and or death .
It is quite idiotic to trivialise these real issues.
We are talking about incidents reported in the media daily when women put pepper in the eyes of children and you are hard talking about strictness
Is it strictness to burn children with electric irons?

You have no sense and no one to tell you

elektra:
My mother did most of the punishments except you really bleeped up, then my dad will step in and fvck up your whole life with intense flogging.

All those beat 'hell out of you and heaven inside you' beating.

RisenPhoenix:
Women generally do not love their children. They are possessive of them merely because they see them as personal possessions or future pension plans for when the husband can no longer provide financially. And these days more than ever before, women are even more bitter and frustrated that their lives do not conform with Telemundo and African magic ideals. They take that out on the kids too. That's why it's rare to see a man overcome his human feelings and really hurt a child of his, while angry women do it so often.

@bold:

When I come across such posts, I have some questions:

1. Let's assume the father lives to a ripe age and retires, who does he expect to provide for him?

2. How do you place women who stay with husbands who are not capable for providing especially for long periods of time?

3. How do women who continue to raise/support their children after marriage?

4. You say fathers love their children more. Well, the average child knows that his/her mother would sacrifice (is expected to?) more than the father. Besides, if fathers love more, the children would not see their mothers as all in all. I want to exclude children whose fathers have no direct access to them.

5. Apart from monetary provision, what other unique quality or show of love does an average Nigerian father bring to the table considering that he is most unlikely to be emotionally involved? And if the mother is able to hold her own financially, what is the man bringing to the table?

6. I see that you are not a Christian, would keep that in mind for future engagement.

0m0nnakoda:
How much is your weekly cannabis budget?

I think you are the one that neeed the claro

RisenPhoenix:
Ad hominem attacks are the weapon of the despairing. Surely it does not become one who holds that he is cloaked in scientific garb.

I will be charitable and assume that this is your unique way of bidding me goodnight. I wish you an equally peaceful night's sleep.

This is the epitome of maturity. You write good English. You behave with decorum. I greet you

kapelvej:
This is the epitome of maturity. You write good English. You behave with decorum. I greet you

Thank you. Greetings to you too.

bukatyne:
@bold:

When I come across such posts, I have some questions:

1. Let's assume the father lives to a ripe age and retires, who does he expect to provide for him?

2. How do you place women who stay with husbands who are not capable for providing especially for long periods of time?

3. How do women who continue to raise/support their children after marriage?

4. You say fathers love their children more. Well, the average child knows that his/her mother would sacrifice (is expected to?) more than the father. Besides, if fathers love more, the children would not see their mothers as all in all. I want to exclude children whose fathers have no direct access to them.

5. Apart from monetary provision, what other unique quality or show of love does an average Nigerian father bring to the table considering that he is most unlikely to be emotionally involved? And if the mother is able to hold her own financially, what is the man bringing to the table?

6. I see that you are not a Christian, would keep that in mind for future engagement.

1. The children obviously. However, the fact is that he sacrifices far more than he recoups at the end of the day. Imagine a man was to invest all the moneys that he would otherwise spend on his wife and children until they are old enough to strike out on their own. He would need no other provider for his old age in that case, and would have a far better quality of life both before and after his retirement.

2. They are extremely few, often have affairs, and may do so only to avert social stigma; from church or family for example. Of course, though my tone tends to be general, I do not entirely dismiss the possibility of a few outliers. But these are so rare as to be an insignificant part of the whole.

3. The question is unclear. But if you look at the statistics, even in very feminist; woman centric countries like the US or the Scandinavian regions, you find that men are usually responsible for a median of 80% of all home expenses.

4. That mothers sacrifice more is a common concept which is totally false. Mothers sacrifice little beyond a listening ear and the occasional emotional support. Men sacrifice their whole lives. Wonen do not understand what an average family man goes through just to keep the family going. The workplace environment can be far more toxic to men. Though women work as well, they almost always have the option of walking away without blame if they cannot take it at work any more. Men do not have that choice; especially family men. Therein lies the great difference.

5. It is hardly surprising that you think that emotional support is more important than physical needs. Try soothing a child who hasn't eaten for a whole day and see how far you get. Women always take men's contributions to the family system for granted and this is the message that they pass across to their children. That their daddies do nothing and everything is owed to the mummies. This brainwashing serves to keep the children on her side for when the husband can no longer provide for her needs. The hudband is then often left to fend for himself whichever way he dan while she globetrots with HER children. You see this time and time again. As for mothers who hold their own financially, they are almost always single mothers. They often find other men to take care of their children (a real man takes stepchildren like his own) or hope to do so eventually. The legal system is also skewed in ensuring that this category of women do achieve that objective.

6. Yes. I left christianity when I was still an undergraduate before the mass atheist movement became popular. Prior to that, I was as active an adherent as they come.

most mothers don't love their kids, they just act like dey do cos society accustom them to. an average Nigerian mom will be mentioning I carried you for 9months, I cooked for u, I bathed you etc as a sign of love, Bleep all that....love with no loyalty, I tell you shit on confidence and you go tell pops dere by costing me 3 month school allawee and you say you love me, fork all dat. where there's no loyalty there's no love. fork all Nigeria modas who thinks doing domestic shit for their kids means love, most of us no longer trust you and yoy don't forking know the real us cos you all ain't loyal.