I know people may have different personal experiences on thi issue and also Nigeria is a diverse place.
I think in the Yoruba land physical punishment tends to be administered by mothers more than fathers.
My theory is that this is partly because children spend more times with their mothers but also fathers do not need to show what they can do before children fall in line.
Often just a stern look from the father is enough to bring compliance. Nevertheless there are increasing and disturbing numbers of cases of mother violence on social media which we have seen. e.g. burning children with electric irons or starving them or other extreme punishment

Is it because women are under more stress or more violent?

I spent more time with my father as a child, but ma was the physical punisher while pa will reason with you. It was also ma who had the look. And yes we now know she was the more stressed, and she is the more loved too while pa is 6 feet dead.

My dad was the punisher. He had this special koboko. My mum preferred to talk to you. The talk was always deep and seemed to bring more remorse. She resorted to her tape rule if it was really bad.

Back then at home, when you're in trouble, you're in trouble, period. There's no saving you. Both mom and dad were savages in their own right. If pops takes up koboko, mum will use her slippers, or use her mouth to make the situation appear worse than it actually is. At the end popsy go vex more double the flogging. Lol.

We chop Cain sha

Women generally do not love their children. They are possessive of them merely because they see them as personal possessions or future pension plans for when the husband can no longer provide financially. And these days more than ever before, women are even more bitter and frustrated that their lives do not conform with Telemundo and African magic ideals. They take that out on the kids too. That's why it's rare to see a man overcome his human feelings and really hurt a child of his, while angry women do it so often.

RisenPhoenix:
Women generally do not love their children They are possessive of them merely because they see them as personal possessions or future pension plans for when the husband can no longer provide financially. And these days more than ever before, women are even more bitter and frustrated that their lives do not conform with Telemundo and African magic ideals. They take that out on the kids too. That's why it's rare to see a man overcome his human feelings and really hurt a child of his, while angry women do it so often.

On the thread about a woman who abandoned her kids I stated that women don't love their children like they pretend to do

I've experienced and observed this. They've just been taking credit they do not deserve because they manipulate everyone including their children.

Arsenate:

On the thread about a woman who abandoned her kids I stated that women don't love their children like they pretend to do

I've experienced and observed this. They've just been taking credit they do not deserve because they manipulate everyone including their children.

Yes. I keep emphasizing this. Women do not have it in them to feel the true unconditional love that men feel. That is why they always win out in a love tussle with a man. They will walk away from their husband and all their kids without a backward glance if they see a more suitable marriage prospect.

Arsenate:

On the thread about a woman who abandoned her kids I stated that women don't love their children like they pretend to do

I've experienced and observed this. They've just been taking credit they do not deserve because they manipulate everyone including their children.

But they carry the kids for 9 months na?

Remember that a lot of people do things that make you wonder if they love themselves

ImaIma1:
My dad was the punisher. He had this special koboko. My mum preferred to talk to you. The talk was always deep and seemed to bring more remorse. She resorted to her tape rule if it was really bad.

I thought men avoid beating their daughters

RisenPhoenix:
Women generally do not love their children. They are possessive of them merely because they see them as personal possessions or future pension plans for when the husband can no longer provide financially. And these days more than ever before, women are even more bitter and frustrated that their lives do not conform with Telemundo and African magic ideals. They take that out on the kids too. That's why it's rare to see a man overcome his human feelings and really hurt a child of his, while angry women do it so often.

What happens is that women transfer aggression to their kids if the House maids are not there.
When society as mandated them to swallow all from the husband and not talk, the next available person bears the blunt.

The way women bears the blunt of business deals gone wrong from their husbands. Both are wrong anyway.

The worst is house maids.

sassysure:

What happens is that women transfer aggression to their kids if the House maids are not there.
When society as mandated them to swallow all from the husband and not talk, the next available person bears the blunt.

The way women bears the blunt of business deals gone wrong from their husbands. Both are wrong anyway.

The worst is house maids.

Frustration, transfer of aggression all the same. Women go to the extent of using hot iron, razor blades, cable wires, and hot water. Their intent is to really damage and their anger is not sated until this damage happens. Where is the so called maternal love at that point in time? And how does love die so suddenly just because there is a need to slake their anger on someone? That is why I insist that the love eas never there in the first place.

Men do not take out business place frustrations on their wives. They just go silent and enter their man caves. It is only when the woman refuses to let well enough alone and insists on dragging her wahala into his man cave after him that he may erupt. When a man is angry from work, let him be; no questions, no offers to talk about anything, least of all his work worries; and certainly not the ideal time to tell him about your great uncle's very important (to you) burial ceremony. Even when they erupt, they certainly will not take out on someone they 'love' because men really love when they love.

RisenPhoenix:


Frustration, transfer of aggression all the same. Women go to the extent of using hot iron, razor blades, cable wires, and hot water. Their intent is to really damage and their anger is not sated until this damage happens. Where is the so called maternal love at that point in time? And how does love die so suddenly just because there is a need to slake their anger on someone? That is why I insist that the love eas never there in the first place.

Men do not take out business place frustrations on their wives. They just go silent and enter their man caves. It is only when the woman refuses to let well enough alone and insists on dragging her wahala into his man cave after him that he may erupt. When a man is angry from work, let him be; no questions, no offers to talk about anything, least of all his work worries; and certainly not the ideal time to tell him about your great uncle's very important (to you) burial ceremony.

Psychologists call it conflict

When opposing emotions occupy the same space.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin
Like life and death

What concerns me here us specific behaviours that some mothers have been reported to engage in
in social media e.g burning, flogging with wire,putting pepper on genital and so on

Where is the anger from?

0m0nnakoda:

Psychologists call it conflict

When opposing emotions occupy the same space.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin
Like life and death

That is because psychologists fail to accept that in reality, there is no real love in the situation; only possessiveness. So they struggle to find ways to rationalise how a person can claim to love and still do something so destructive to the alleged object of their love.

0m0nnakoda:
What concerns me here us specific behaviours that some mothers have been reported to engage in
in social media e.g burning, flogging with wire,putting pepper on genital and so on

Where is the anger from?

Women have been taught that a happy woman must have a successful career and a happy home. They soon come to realise that this fake Africa magic dream that they have been indoctrinated in since childhood is nowhere near realistic, so they are unhappy in life, in marriage. This frustrates them no end, and an angry woman must vent by harming others who are weaker...ie the kids. Furthermore, they are seen as a part of the obstacle to her path to the ever elusive 'happiness'. So destroying them will sometimes temporarily assauge the anger.

RisenPhoenix:


That is because psychologists fail to accept that in reality, there is no real love in the situation; only possessiveness. So they struggle to find ways to rationalise how a person can claim to love and still do something so destructive to the alleged object of their love.

Well first we need to define what

REAL LOVE is
What does that mean and how do we recognise it?

Is possessiveness not part of love?

RisenPhoenix:


That is because psychologists fail to accept that in reality, there is no real love in the situation; only possessiveness. So they struggle to find ways to rationalise how a person can claim to love and still do something so destructive to the alleged object of their love.



Women have been taught that a happy woman must have a successful career and a happy home. They soon come to realise that this fake Africa magic dream that they have been indoctrinated in since childhood is nowhere near realistic, so they are unhappy in life, in marriage. This frustrates them no end, and an angry woman must vent by harming others who are weaker...ie the kids. Furthermore, they are seen as a part of the obstacle to her path to the ever elusive 'happiness'. So destroying them will sometimes temporarily assauge the anger.

I think you are in danger of attributing all abuse to women

In my view it seems that a lot of reports involve women but some involve men too

I have seen this with a lot of Nigerian military and their children seem equally violent too

0m0nnakoda:


Well first we need to define what

REAL LOVE is
What does that mean and how do we recognise it?

Is possessiveness not part of love?

Only men feel real love. It includes a genuine desire to promote another's interests over oneself's for the other person's sake alone. Women never feel that way. If they act in a way that promotes another's interest over theirs, they do it for show, as part of a complex pretence structure that they erect around themselves to gain social admiration. That is why for example, women spend more time spreading the fact that their kids are studying in Oxford or Havard; and tend to push their kids more towards socially prestigious seeming majors like medicine or law; while a father usually couldn't care less if his kids all studied music or played football as long as they are happy and making money.

0m0nnakoda:


I think you are in danger of attributing all abuse to women

In my view it seems that a lot of reports involve women but some involve men too

I have seen this with a lot of Nigerian military and their children seem equally violent too

Men need time to bond with their children. Love doesn't come automatically, but once it comes, it stays. Military men for example, rarely stay for long with their kids, so they tend not to bond well in the first place. He can hurt his kid because he doean't love him.

My mother did most of the punishments except you really bleeped up, then my dad will step in and fvck up your whole life with intense flogging.

RisenPhoenix:


Only men feel real love. It includes a genuine desire to promote another's interests over oneself's for the other person's sake alone. Women never feel that way. If they act in a way that promotes another's interest over theirs, they do it for show, as part of a complex pretence structure that they erect around themselves to gain social admiration. That is why for example, women spend more time spreading the fact that their kids are studying in Oxford or Havard; and tend to push their kids more towards socially prestigious seeming majors like medicine or law; while a father usually couldn't care less if his kids all studied music or played football as long as they are happy and making money.

I think this is hazy.
First it is not even clear in this case parents children

WHOSE INTEREST we are talking about and how they can be objectively separated
Biologically it is to a parents interest that their child succeeds them and so using the term INTEREST is just wrong
There is such a thing as genetic pool loyalty/affinity that is a powerful biological driver of behaviour

Sometimes interests coincide or are irrevocably bound

RisenPhoenix:


Frustration, transfer of aggression all the same. Women go to the extent of using hot iron, razor blades, cable wires, and hot water. Their intent is to really damage and their anger is not sated until this damage happens. Where is the so called maternal love at that point in time? And how does love die so suddenly just because there is a need to slake their anger on someone? That is why I insist that the love eas never there in the first place.

Men do not take out business place frustrations on their wives. They just go silent and enter their man caves. It is only when the woman refuses to let well enough alone and insists on dragging her wahala into his man cave after him that he may erupt. When a man is angry from work, let him be; no questions, no offers to talk about anything, least of all his work worries; and certainly not the ideal time to tell him about your great uncle's very important (to you) burial ceremony. Even when they erupt, they certainly will not take out on someone they 'love' because men really love when they love.

Men transfer biz aggression to their wives in full force.
Sometimes, like the kids or house maids, u are not aware that a biz has gone wrong. Just small thing may trigger the beating, some crazy and insane words etc. Loads of it. And they will never come out to tell u why the went off tangent. More than half of spousal abuse especially from the men are from transferred aggressions.

That aside, that a woman don't love her child is actually wrong.
I will not go into details but look for a thread here where boys lamented on why they hate their dads most and love their mums more than their wives.

RisenPhoenix:


Only men feel real love. It includes a genuine desire to promote another's interests over oneself's for the other person's sake alone. Women never feel that way. If they act in a way that promotes another's interest over theirs, they do it for show, as part of a complex pretence structure that they erect around themselves to gain social admiration. That is why for example, women spend more time spreading the fact that their kids are studying in Oxford or Havard; and tend to push their kids more towards socially prestigious seeming majors like medicine or law; while a father usually couldn't care less if his kids all studied music or played football as long as they are happy and making money.

Seems you are saying this from personal experience.
All women are not like her.

There are cases where the mother actively hates their child for one or more reasons and even try to kill them but I want to focus on those cases where the violence is episodic or intermittent and for the intention of "discipline" rather than abuse

0m0nnakoda:


I think this is hazy.
First it is not even clear in this case parents children

WHOSE INTEREST we are talking about and how they can be objectively separated
Biologically it is to a parents interest that their child succeeds them and so using the term INTEREST is just wrong
There is such a thing as genetic pool loyalty/affinity that is a powerful biological driver of behaviour

Sometimes interests coincide or are irrevocably bound

The lover should consider the interest of the loved one above his.

That is why I stated that love inferes that one thinks of another's interest even when it conflicts clearly with his; ie a parent is more interested in promoting his child's success even when his success is re.tarded; and for purely altruistic reasons; ie not for reason of shared interest. Clearly, only men have this trait.

Biologically, neither parent has any real benefit in being succeeded by a child. The alleged benefits in passing on one's genes first proposed by Darwin; while widely discussed; are amorphous and unprovable at best. However, there could be a financial interest in having a child. To a man, this does not make sense, since the financial costs of raising a child are far more than the returns; so a man's support for his children can be considered purely altruistic. To a woman however, her outlay is minimal and the returns high, so raising a child (with the help of a hardworking husband doing most of the work) serves her desire for a future provider (when her husband can no longer fulfill that role) admirably well.

This is why women inculcate a sense of loyalty and love for themselves in their children. And this is why women tend to look for the most compliant provider to raise their kids; while always seeking the best genetic stock to sire them; ie the kid's provider is not always their biological father; a very common situation. This shows that the purpose for women's having kids is not altruistic but financial. Having real love for those kids would therefore be a disadvantage to a woman.

RisenPhoenix:


The lover should consider the interest of the loved one above his.

That is why I stated that love inferes that one thinks of another's interest even when it conflicts clearly with his; ie a parent is more interested in promoting his child's success even when his success is retarded; and for purely altruistic reasons; ie not for reason of shared interest. Clearly, only men have this trait.

Biologically, neither parent has any real benefit in being succeeded by a child. The alleged benefits in passing on one's genes first proposed by Darwin; while widely discussed; are amorphous and unprovable at best. However, there could be a financial interest in having a child. To a man, this does not make sense, since the financial costs of raising a child are far more than the returns; so a man's support for his children can be considered purely altruistic. To a woman however, her outlay is minimal and the returns high, so raising a child (with the help of a hardworking husband doing most of the work) serves her desire for a future provider (when her husband can no longer fulfill that role) admirably well.

This is why women inculcate a sense of loyalty and love for themselves in their children. And this is why women tend to look for the most compliant provider to raise their kids; while always seeking the best genetic stock to sire them; ie the kid's provider is not always their biological father; a very common situation. This shows that the purpose for women's having kids is not altruistic but financial. Having real love for those kids would therefore be a disadvantage to a woman.

You are repeating yourself
In the case of children you fail to define your terms interest and love

Who is the judge of interest when dealing with children? And discipline
Should children get everything they want?

Should they be denied privilege or be punished? Is that in anyone's interest?
Whose interest? Does punishment mean absence of laws

You seem to think interests are separate and parallel

That one loves does not mean one is Jesus Christ who recommends love AS MUCH AS oneself not MORE THAN

sassysure:


Men transfer biz aggression to their wives in full force.
Sometimes, like the kids or house maids, u are not aware that a biz has gone wrong. Just small thing may trigger the beating, some crazy and insane words etc. Loads of it. And they will never come out to tell u why the went off tangent. More than half of spousal abuse especially from the men are from transferred aggressions.

That aside, that a woman don't love her child is actually wrong.
I will not go into details but look for a thread here where boys lamented on why they hate their dads most and love their mums more than their wives.

Men who beat their wives do not love them, nor do they claim that they do. Most men are in loveless marriages. However, almost all women claim to love their children. That they can harm them so badly, and sometimes even abandon them to go live with a more attractive man than their ex husband, shows this to be untrue.

Boys claim to love their mums and hate their dads because the mums made them to think that way, not because their mothers love them more. Boys are naive and naturally hardwired to seek female approval, so they are easy to manipulate. Girls on the other hand, instinctively understand what their mothers are trying to do and resist their manipulations; especially when a girl enters into the stage where she herself is becoming a woman. That is why there is a lot of mother-daughter conflict, and ultimately, power play.

RisenPhoenix:


Men who beat their wives do not love them, nor do they claim that they do. Most men are in loveless marriages. However, almost all women claim to love their children. That they can harm them so badly, and sometimes even abandon them to go live with a more attractive man than their ex husband, shows this to be untrue.

Boys claim to love their mums and hate their dads because the mums made them to think that way, not because their mothers love them more. Boys are naive and naturally hardwired to seek female approval, so they are easy to manipulate. Girls on the other hand, instinctively understand what their mothers are trying to do and resist their manipulations; especially when a girl enters into the stage where she herself is becoming a woman. That is why there is a lot of mother-daughter conflict, and ultimately, power play.

Why does your theory on mother daughter a relationships not apply to father son relationships

sassysure:


Men transfer biz aggression to their wives in full force.
Sometimes, like the kids or house maids, u are not aware that a biz has gone wrong. Just small thing may trigger the beating, some crazy and insane words etc. Loads of it. And they will never come out to tell u why the went off tangent. More than half of spousal abuse especially from the men are from transferred aggressions.

That aside, that a woman don't love her child is actually wrong.
I will not go into details but look for a thread here where boys lamented on why they hate their dads most and love their mums more than their wives.

See how you expertly called it 'hate' for dads, but for wives, it's just loving her less.

Correction: no one actually hates their dads unless he was really shitty to them. Even if he was shitty to his wife (their mother), but maintained a good relationship with the kids, it's never enough to hate him.
It's just a matter of preference for people who love moms more than dads - obviously the mom was more hands-on.
It's not love versus hate.


Regarding the topic, there are a lot of grey areas and one cannot emphatically say mothers are more violent.
I think it depends more on the dynamics of the husband-wife relations with regards to the children.

Families where the father is the one trying to control every little detail will translate into him being the disciplinarian.
Alternatively, families where the mother is the one who endeavours to be in everyone's business by some degree of control, means she will be the disciplinarian.

0m0nnakoda:

You are repeating yourself
In the case of children you fail to define your terms interest and love

Who is the judge of interest when dealing with children? And discipline
Should children get everything they want?

Should they be denied privilege or be punished? Is that in anyone's interest?
Whose interest? Does punishment mean absence of laws

You seem to think interests are separate and parallel

That one loves does not mean one is Jesus Christ who recommends love AS MUCH AS oneself not MORE THAN

Interest here means a course of action that results in a situation that is to one's benefit.

Love obtains when you are ready to take an action that results in a net loss for yourself purely to obtain a net benefit for another.

It is obviously in the interest of the child to receive well balanced care, nurture (physical and psychological) and preparation for a future life of independence. Laws, boundaries and punishment are necessary for raising a socially well adjusted individual.

Interests are not always parallel and seperate. Sometimes they are shared; like a mother's interest in raising her child to be successful. Both parties benefit from this. Sometimes they conflict; like when a father raises his child to be successful. In most cases, the expenses to the father outweigh the returns from the successful child, so there is a conflict of interest. This is especially pronounced when the mother knowingly attributes a child to his non biological father. The adopting father in this case loses out totally, since the child will likely revert back to the biological father when he's grown, resulting in a total loss for the adopting father.

The Bible is a book of old anecdotes and wise sayings which may or may not be accurate. There is also no definitive evidence that Jesus did say this; and even if he did, it still does not refute my statement. If you loved another as you loved yourself, then by implication, you would have to choose the other person's interest over yours at least half of the time.

0m0nnakoda:

Why does your theory on mother daughter a relationships not apply to father son relationships

Bonded father-son relationships are not as conflicting as mother-daughter relationship as a rule.

RisenPhoenix:


Bonded father-son relationships are not as conflicting as mother-daughter relationship as a rule.

Who made that rule Abba Kyari or Malami?

0m0nnakoda:

Who made that rule Abba Kyari or Malami?

Observation.