₦airaland Forum

Michellekabod2:
To a man,a good wife is one that submits to him,tolerate him,compromise for him. Just he,himself and him.

What men call good in a woman is what benefits them not the woman themselves.
You can never see a man praise his wife saying "she is a strong woman,pursued her dreams and goal,made a name for himself. I admire her confidence,her diligence and how she takes Care of herself". It always has to be "I love her so much,she sacrificed for ME,made compromises for ME, stood by ME and endured MY excesses"

A woman's need is never in a man's agenda.

Today a man opened a thread praising his wife, all I saw was celebrating self centeredness and encouraging women to settle for the less(when men aren't willing to settle for less).



Self duty is the best form of sacrifice.

Mizwisdom:
Yea, I should have used 'may', but for a woman to refuse her own share of money that way after many years of marriage, seems more likely that she is scared than she willingly did it out of her free will...
.

Sterope:
So how come you don't know this?

EJanni:
that's not true my brother. I have seen where a woman did all of these and more and the man continued to dehumanise her in every way. He did her a favour by marrying her. He sàys.

babyfaceafrica:
Equal right is good but has negative I outs in marriage... The truth is that their can't be two captains in a ship.. One is a full captain, the other is a co-pilot

freshvine:
one day I was in the village sitting with my grandfather when my grandmother walked past. He called her her and told her to kill this chicken for him ( pointing at my grandmother chicken picking food on the ground), my grandmother shouted calling him by name, " Ahaonu, eree eree, what happened to your various chickens roaming about?

Few hour later, my grandmother killed the particular chicken and made a whole chicken pepper soup for him, my grandfather shared it, took some part and returned the other to her.

Later I asked my grandmother why she had to do that and she told me he is her husband. Whatever makes him happy comes first.

My grandfather died at over 100 years and the wife followed after 10 years clocking 96 and they were buried close to each other.

proclinician:
You are very confused and stop beating around the bush. Just in about ten years from now or less you will get married that's if you want to and do not go there and start behaving like a bitch. Issa simple sturv

AreaFada2:
Audio wives, audio husbands everywhere.

That couple celebrating 40 years will soon be dinosaur marriage type. Extinct.

Whenever Humans become too smug and feel too clever, nature deals with us.

Make people continue with oversabi in marriage and everything else. We don kukuma destroy the earth enough. The earth won't even miss us.

post=86985624:
Just Yesterday, we came across this post below on a thread talking about how are you going to share 100K between your parents.
We answered and posted an image of sharing it 50/50 to our mothers and fathers @[color=#006600][/color].

But later in the day, the post below from this very wise lady almost changed our perspective to this matter.

Enjoy The GOLDEN words below....



Wow, this is a Frontpage material.
You are blessed among women Freshvine!
You are a woman of virtue.
It is sooo refreshing to know that we still have reasonable and sensible people like you on this forum sis.
This is a breathe of fresh air, Freshvine.
Hugs Hugs Hugs dearie...

Again, Stay blessed Freshvine,
You are truly a breath of fresh air.

Michellekabod2:
Avoid my posts,the way I avoid yours...cheers

travelland:
She's doing it out of love and not necessity. If you have been around such age groups you will understand that they easily spoil kids unlike how they brought up their own. No woman, living free of intimidation will hand over her own share like that when she's no longer working. There's something wrong in that marriage, I'm sure of it.

Euegene100001:
That would be like 1 in a 100 men .He probably never really liked her he did her a favour he says.

djon78:
Story. There are lots of good men married to terrible wives.
Men should just pray God favours them with a good wife. It's the best thing that can happen to any man. And good women are rare. They don't easily come by.

I mean women that will give a man peace.

Another observation good women give birth to and raise good female offspring.
Once you see a good wife, she always raises good daughters.

kazyhm:
Again what determines doing something out of love..........is the recipient the determining factor ?

Because going by your opinion.....giving the money to hubby is out of intimidation...while coveting the money and the hand it over to a grandchild as a gift is loving.

You really don't understand the statement...."happy ever after"

And beside is the grandchildren from a different blood other than the grandpa ?

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

travelland:
Did you read the post? Grand pa got his own
share, i repeat he got his own share. The greed in him won't allow him allow her keep hers. This thing has been happening for years now, she can't keep any money of her own even though he has his own



I thank God for sparing me from a relationship that could have ended this way. Guy always kept his money but never failed to manipulate me to spend mine.

kazyhm:
Lol....you're here sharing the money for them


When they say two becomes ONE and you re seeing her own and his own.........

Husband love your wife
Wife respect your husband

back2sender:
Exactly my brother.
If a man is happy with with his wife and the wife is not happy with the man, the marriage will survive.
BUT
if a man is not happy with his wife and the wife is happy with the man, the marriage will not last.

absolutefrag:
We should avoid generalization when looking at marriages. That is a recipe for unhappiness. In some situations the man might insist that the money be handed to his wife and in others they might decide to share or spend jointly on an existing projects. And they can all be right, depending on what works for them. People should do what works for them to attain success without seeing things only from one angle.

Treasuredvessel:
All marriages are not the same.From comments its obvious its men who need marriage more but women are often made to feel they need it more,they can behave badly and expect the woman to take it all,but would not take such from the woman.Women shine your eye,most of this people just want to use you to advance or fulfill their desires of having a dummy,they do not care about seeing that you thrive or are happy.Even the Bible which we now use to justify abuse does not support the assertions made here,1 Cor 13 tells us what love is,we have people who are not willing to do all of that but still expect worship.

travelland:
These are the scriptures dishonest people use in manipulation. What does it mean to love your wife?it means being patient,tolerant, forgiving, sacrificing yourself and understanding. What do you think Baba should have done if he truly loves his wife? to me I think he should have asked if her share is okay for her, if she said no he should have offered her his own too.

kazyhm:
Lol........you did excellently well on the definition of loving ones wife

Please what the definition of woman respecting her husband ?

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Dara30:
Marriage isn't for children.you can be 40 years and have a mind of 18years old boy. My own little experience on marriage.Most marriages fail because the two people involved expect much from eachother,parents , friends and not been truthful to each other .I married at the age of 25 and this year December is my 6th year in marriage.The first one year of our marriage was hell even thou I dated my hubby for 4years.Sometimes the problem comes from me and other times from hubby. Once we start having issues then the next I will do is to move my things back to my parents house.my dad and mom will seat me down and give me lots of advice especially on the area of respecting my husband and they will drive me back to my hubby's place. This whole thing made me angry cause I felt they were supporting my hubby not knowing they were really helping me .My mom bought me a book on my !My Marriage must work! .My mind set then was let me just divorce him mind you money was never the issue for the qurels not that he has lots of money at least he was ok for a guy of 29. One day I sat myself down and adviced myself ,called my husband and apologizeed to him for not been a good wife to him and also listed out things he does that I am not happy about. We decided to work things out and ever since then no more major qurels list I forgot my husband's friend was the one always feeding me with false info I don't know what his intentions was but I thank God the � did not break my marriage. Your spouse must offend you but the ability for you to let go the healthier for you and ur marriage. Most men have one dirty habit such as smoking ,drinking , staying out late and womanising.My sister don't kill urself pray to God he will change. My husband was a big time smoker never knew all this year's of dating it was after marriage I noticed and that was one of the problems But today the sight of cigarettes and alcohol irritates him.The day your wife tells you she is tired of cooking ,my dear let her be you can help out making the meal or you both eat out it's all about understanding your wife is not your maid .

kazyhm:
Lol........you did excellently well on the definition of loving ones wife

Please what the definition of woman respecting her husband ?

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

travelland:
Mamma is suffering from Stockholm syndrome. There's no sane woman, living a happy and fulfilled life that won't want even a bit of indepence when it comes to money. Mamma still has grandkids that she may want to give money occasionally plus at that age they derive joy in helping people, so it seems Mamma is clueless about her need to do the above things? sadly, Mamma's Stockholm syndrome has gone unnoticed for decades

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.