₦airaland Forum

ibkayee:
I don’t know what you’re talking about, sorry

You don't to be sorry .... true words don"t care.

kodix:
Honestly this is devastating,men and women do it but you re now a victim,divorcing her is not the solution because you don't know what the next person will be! So is better you keep it secret and live your life may this is as a result of a mistake, since 2004 you have just 2 children minus this boy it will be one so divorce is not worth it,change is constant she might even enjoy herself more with her son and daughter if she stop staying with you and you will start afresh, remember you are not getting younger if I guess you are above forties now so act wisely

I can't believe you're a man giving OP this trashy advice. This is the highest level of deciet and disrespect a man will ever experience. Imagine all the nonsense the OP endured during her pregnancy, pampering and playing with a child that's not his, paying his school fees and enduring his teenage tantrums. OP don't forgive a snake no matter what. The highest you can do is help the boy since it's not his fault. Marry a younger woman that will bare you more children. In today's world it's a crime to be a nice guy infact it is weakness. It is a sunk cost fallacy of breaking up being hard, experience the pain so that you will change. The society decieved you, I don't know why but I feel so pained.

nuelyoyo:
Please how much did you pay for the DNA test?

Father is 40 - 50k and same amount each for each child whereas mum is free.

The above is for PERSONAL whereas LEGAL is about 10k - 20k added for each. LEGAL is tenable at embassies and courtrooms while PERSONAL is basically for peace of mind as the name connotes.

There are many labs taking swab samples in Nigeria and the price is negotiable.

I hope that clarifies.

Thank you very much, Bro

movement2020:
Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

movement2020:
Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

He went too far by doing DNA? Don't you think he must have had doubts which made him go for DNA? So, despite having doubts, he should just ignore his doubts until one day one useless drunk will come from nowhere and ask this guy to handover his(stranger) child? How will that be?

Accept it as fate and move on so that the wife will continue sleeping around and bring in more bastards.

It's heartbreaking, but I think your wife should go for DNA too, who knows if the child was exchanged after delivery.
After wife's DNA , any decision you take is okay, ...

Cleanworld:
Brother, Some truth are better taking to the grave.

Sit down Look. if you can.

i am not surprised, it is a female saying this.

My own is that it is not our business. This is a family matter, if you have anyone in your family that you can confide please do. SM is not the best place for seeking advice.
As for me i would ask you, what are your principles as a man?
Does your principles allow you to forgive and continue the marriage?
Does your principles say no! the marriage is over?
Are you the type of man that can sleep on the same bed with a cheat?
Are you the type of man can close his eyes to the truth of not being the father of a 12 year old boy?
Whatever your principles are stick to them.

pamidez:
Father is 40 - 50k and same amount each for each child whereas mum is free.

The above is for PERSONAL whereas LEGAL is about 10k - 20k added for each. LEGAL is tenable at embassies and courtrooms while PERSONAL is basically for peace of mind as the name connotes.

There are many labs taking swab samples in Nigeria and the price is negotiable.

I hope that clarifies.

Thank you very much, I am happy I am hearing this from someone who actually did a DNA test. So many people will come online and tell us how DNA test is still very expensive. With the amount you stated, I don't see how an average guy out there shouldn't take a DNA test if he has a doubt in his mind. May God grant you wisdom to handle the situation you are in based on the result you disclosed.

.

SweetCunt97:
Well, I'll advise the op to think deeply before taking harsh decisions. The deal has been done, I don't think such drama is necessary.

Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife first and see where that goes.

Na Dem

movement2020:
Note : The lady was not married when she conceived. It was a long distance relationship that caused the havoc. Though, that is not an excuse.

Did you even read what Op wrote up there...

Married 15years now...
First born (the boy) 12years plus..

Please, how is the lady not married when she conceived

movement2020:
Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

I don't quite follow. Why should he live separately with his daughter?

Option 2: Why should he take it as his destiny?
We are really funny with our assertions in here.

@op, a woman that can push another man's child to another (a son at that), is capable of killing you.. You need to separate from that woman. But before you do, trace the origin of the boy and why he was pushed to you.

I feel there is a wicked plan between your wife and the boy's dad

Cleanworld:
Brother, Some truth are better taking to the grave.

Sit down Look. if you can.

Not this type of truth.

What if the biological father comes for his son, or sues for custody claiming that the child was kept away from him by the man and his wife?

The man should find out why the boy was pushed to him by the wife

Obaakran:
Na Dem

Naaaa.. I strictly believe in d sanctity of marriage. Getting someone serious and getting married simply means hanging one's boot. No be everyone get that OT though. She passing off another's man's baby as her husband's dey very wrong... Should the innocent child suffer d stupid actions of d silly mother?

pamidez:
Thanks for the question.

I was in the hospital labour room (theater) when the baby was born, cleaned up in my presence and handed over to me. It happened in a private hospital and ours was the only birth that day. There was absolutely no swap.

This is heart wrenching, but what is scary is how calm you are, you are way too calm for someone that is going through this, I'm getting scared of the outcome when you finally confront your wife, it is well.

movement2020:
Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

I'm trying to understand the kind of thought process you have for you to be able to type out all these, you say he should get a divorce and then tell him to love his wife and take the secret to his grave, why are you contradicting yourself?

Biglittlelois:
I'm trying to understand the kind of thought process you have for you to be able to type out all these, you say he should get a divorce and then tell him to love his wife and take the secret to his grave, why are you contradicting yourself?

Different options. He can choose from any. In every marriage, there are certain secrets couple live with till end. Some might not be able to keep such while some would. Different strokes for different folks.

It's a hard decision but don't use how pestering the issue is to take a decision. Even in divorce without any extra marital affairs, the kids bear the brunt.

What am trying to tell Op is that, he should consider the kids before he acts. Not because of today but tomorrow we all don't know. The future and happiness of the family lies in his decision.

Like the yoruba adage - Okun o kin wa ruru, ka wa ruru. It requires lots of wisdom and patience

What would you advise?

AFONAMARO:
Not this type of truth.

What if the biological father comes for his son, or sues for custody claiming that the child was kept away from him by the man and his wife?

The man should find out why the boy was pushed to him by the wife

I presume in this case that the real father doesn't even know any about it. that's women for you and to bust your bubbles 60% of Nigerian homes are in this situation. its pathetic.

keep safe

angelfallz:
i am not surprised, it is a female saying this.

You shouldn't be surprise when gender issue is your problem. take it or leave it in 21 century equality is the bae

keep safe

angelfallz:
i am not surprised, it is a female saying this.

You shouldn't be surprise when gender issue is your problem. take it or leave it in 21 century the better you start to think of equality the better it will be for you to balance equations.

keep safe

Cleanworld:
I presume in this case that the real father doesn't even know any about it. that's women for you and to bust your bubbles 60% of Nigerian homes are in this situation. its pathetic.

keep safe

That's what have been saying. They have called me all sorts. Mad, foolish, etc. If only DNA can be done on all of us, we would be shocked.

movement2020:
Different options. He can choose from any. In every marriage, there are certain secrets couple live with till end. Some might not be able to keep such while some would. Different strokes for different folks.

It's a hard decision but don't use how pestering the issue is to take a decision. Even in divorce without any extra marital affairs, the kids bear the brunt.

What am trying to tell Op is that, he should consider the kids before he acts. Not because of today but tomorrow we all don't know. The future and happiness of the family lies in his decision.

What would you advise?

He is under no obligation to be in the boy's life anymore, it's a choice he has to make on his own, and pls this not knowing what the future holds bs is becoming stale, seems most people use it as a manipulation tactic to force someone to do what they do not want to do, and I know what you mean by saying that is if the boy becomes successful, he'd loose out, but who cares, so freeking what if that happens, is it his fault that his mum was a cheat, instead, when the boy come of age and sees things logically as a man, he will appreciate Op for taking care of him as his son for 12 years.

So my advice is to divorce his wife, she should leave with her son, in fact, if I'm Op, I'll look for ways to find out who the real father is cos the boy deserves to know his real father.

Biglittlelois:
He is under no obligation to be in the boy's life anymore, it's a choice he has to make on his own, and pls this not knowing what the future holds bs is becoming stale, seems most people use it as a manipulation tactic to force someone to do what they do not want to do, and I know what you mean by saying that is if the boy becomes successful, he'd loose out, but who cares, so freeking what if that happens, is it his fault that his mum was a cheat, instead, when the boy come of age and sees things logically as a man, he will appreciate Op for taking care of him as his son for 12 years.

So my advice is to divorce his wife, she should leave with her son, in fact, if I'm Op, I'll look for ways to find out who the real father is cos the boy deserves to know his real father.

Good. Your intervention is not complete ma'am. What about the welfare of the young girl putting into consideration the man's job?

AFONAMARO:
Not this type of truth.

What if the biological father comes for his son, or sues for custody claiming that the child was kept away from him by the man and his wife?

The man should find out why the boy was pushed to him by the wife

I presume in this case that the real father doesn't even know any about it. that's women for you and to burst your bubbles 60% of Nigerian homes are in this situation. its pathetic.

keep safe

simp

Cleanworld:
You shouldn't be surprise when gender issue is your problem. take it or leave it in 21 century the better you start to think of equality the better it will be for you to balance equations.

keep safe

There is no such thing as equality
And what has what you just typed relate to what the op typed or your suggestion?

pocohantas:
Whatever you want to do, do.

Na your fellow man give am the belle. It is all part of the bro-code.

Take heart.

See response.

I'm shocked by OP's patience sef ,if it was me Corona Virus or no coronavirus every where suppose don burn down both her, her bastard, her family everything CUT OFF as a cancer..one fool on FP said he should take it to his grave I just know they're females I don't think a full grown man will say that..chai! DNA test should be compulsory forget the nonsense called love or trust ....This two words has blinded and wounded many!

Cleanworld:
I presume in this case that the real father doesn't even know any about it. that's women for you and to bust your bubbles 60% of Nigerian homes are in this situation. its pathetic.

keep safe

Where did you get your statistics from or are you making an inference from this case and other similar cases you know?

There is a loophole in your story

Married for 15yrs ,The boy been the first is 12yrs

And u claimed she was in school when she conceived ,and u married her after she told u she was pregnant for u.

Any ways I can kill for this

God please don't let me fall a victim of this.

Homeboiy:
There is a loophole in your story

Married for 15yrs ,The boy been the first is 12yrs

And u claimed she was in school when she conceived ,and u married her after she told u she was pregnant for u.

Any ways I can kill for this

God please don't let me fall a victim of this.

I swear man.