Omar09:


Yup. I suspected that line. Have you actually seen a real man, and if you have, what is your qualification of a real man?

Belafonte:


I am old enough to know that the man immediately loses his respect. He is head in nothing but name and title.

Every idiot knows that women only respect money. How many times have men on here been advised to forget women and go make money so they can qualify for a woman’s love? Have you yourself not read it, at least, twenty times on nairaland?

Forget all this scaremongering, we done wise. We sabi as e dey go. Men must make money or suffer disrespect. Shikena

crackkhaus:

1. You're asking questions pretending as if women don't already misbehave once they start paying ALL the bills in the house.

2. Was it not on this same section someone asked his wife to pay her own children's fees, and he received the insult of his life?
What about the one that was considering running away to live with his mother after he lost money?
Or just yesterday, one asked his fiancée to purchase her own wedding gown, what she will wear on her own body, and she's not picking his call again?

3. See ehn, any man that loses his financial standing and is unfortunate enough to be married to a woman who will start bossing him around, he better avoid her as much as he can and make sure he is trying very hard to get his finances back in order...not forming head of house all over the place. He should even temporarily move away for a while on his own accord, if it comes to that.

The only woman who will take care of a grown man who is not contributing a dime without complaining after sometime, is his own mother - there's no Nigerian wife or girlfriend like that.. You can quote me anywhere, I will defend my statement. NONE whatsoever!

4. Sometimes when I see women wondering why a lot of men don't joke with their mothers, I am always beside myself with laughter - they must be blind or stvpid, or both.

Belafonte:


I’m not sure I know what a real man is o. But I’m sure nairaland women can give you the perfect definition

bukatyne:


1. For the women that misbehave, why are they misbehaving? How did the man behave when he had money? We don't need to go far; on this thread, you told women to either pay their bills or be submissive to their husbands (I am thinking subservient) because submissiveness has nothing to do with who has the money. Let's assume the women take your advise and are opinionless, subservient and docile because the man is the breadwinner. Do you honestly think that they would remain that way when the husband no longer has the 'money'? If a family operates 'he would pays the piper, dictates the tune' model, why would someone who no longer play the piper want to dictate the tune?

2. As for the fiancee ish (she is actually his wife, they are married traditionally), what is their culture? If he is an Igbo man who knows the groom carries the bulk/all the wedding expenses, I would understand the wife's annoyance, I only frown at her reaction. I have attended Yoruba weddings where it was felt the groom did 'too much' and the girl's family are termed bad, uncultured, evil etc. I have seen cases where a Yoruba groom offers to do some stuffs and the girl's family says no out of 'pride' and 'self-respect'. The school fees one is a case; the one that wants to run to his mother's place because he did not tell his wife he was sacked and swindled of his severance pay by his sister. It would be good to know how they started.

3. I will agree with you for the type of 'pay the piper dictate the tune' marriage most people advocate here. If a husband and wife were living in love and harmony, keeping one purse and taking joint decisions before the husband loses his job, it will continue. Like they say, 'as you lay your bed, you lie on it.' You can now decide to gently 'straighten the sheets' in LewsThe.rin's words. Or a marriage where there was a clear divide that the husband provides while the wife takes care of the chores.

Except you have dated or married all Nigerian women, you can't speak for them. Let us agree that only Nigerian mothers can take care of a man who is not contributing a dime. You will agree that this Nigerian mother was/is a Nigerian wife. It is either most of these sons are fatherless (that's why they enjoy the care of the mother alone) or it is just another stereotype about Nigerian women how it is believed no Nigerian husband can be faithful.

4. Maybe the mothers only took care of their sons abandoning the daughters else the sons and daughters should carry the mothers in high esteem if it was about providing or sacrificing. It is the duty of parents to care for their kids who will in turn care for them (without disrupting) the martial bond. Most of the mothers clinging to their sons (funny how they do not cling to daughters) do so because they have replaced an emotionally absent husband with the son. We Yorubas like to refer to kids especially male ones as the 'mother's husband' especially when the primary husband is irresponsible or absent. In a well grounded family, the parents would nurture their kids to become upstanding members of the society and go back to their pre-children martial state especially when they have the money/health/time.

Omar09:


I didn't ask them, did I?

bukatyne:


@Bold:

I see.

I wonder how many 'money' an average man has in Nigeria.

I don't base my principles on what I read here, I have read a myriad of strange things.

Let me ask you: In a traditional marriage where he feels he should be in control, the wife should shut up and let the man take 'charge', what value does the man have when he has no money?

God give unto you as you desire. And please make a lot of money, sure you don't want small 'respect'.

Belafonte:


My desire is to have plenty money, peace of mind and no fake love. So, thanks for your prayer.

Now, to the issue of your question: in an ideal marriage, money is not the determinant of headship of the home but we do not dwell in ideal times. As the days go by, we see and even experience a massive shift in culture and even religious teachings. And we know culture to be “way of life”. At the end of the day, one must face reality and insure themselves against self delusion.

crackkhaus:

Lol, Buka there are some arguments that are not even necessary because the reality is enough.

There is NO woman that will take over the financial needs of her man indefinitely without getting fed up, not even YOU. Forget if I know you personally or not, the easiest thing you can do here to prove this wrong is to type it for everyone to see that you don't have any problems being the sole financial provider in your home for the next 5years - 5years is even too long, but I stretched it out given your Christian faith which might allow you to persevere than most.
However, at the end of the day, even you don't want be the sole financial provider over your husband and home for the long term, there's no need to deceive ourselves here.

As for you saying that because men talk about money a lot, then we should make sure we have plenty money (Dangote kind) to earn eternal submission from a wife, well, that is not a valid argument.
Nigerian women don't need a man to be excessively "billions" rich before they behave humble around him, just have more money than she does and the magic is 100% complete - that's how you people roll.

It's that easy.

bukatyne:


Please leave culture out of it.

It is only my faaji at parties, dressing in my native attire for parties, dancing and spraying especially when there is live band singing your oriki with talking drum. O lawd! etc. that I align with culture.

In an ideal marriage, the husband does not lord it over his wife or treat her shabbily because he is the head. He leads by example and with love. He genuinely loves his wife and only seek her greater good. They make decisions together and he does all he can to make her happy. His love makes her glow from within.

A traditional man cannot behave traditionally and expect to reap the benefits of an ideal marriage.

'Nigerian' husbands and wives full ground so there is enough to go round.

bukatyne:


When you or anyone else is really ready to have the discussion of husband/wife/money/headship/sole provider, I will be ready.

You can't tell wives to be subservient to their husbands and do chores because he is the sole provider and wonder why they don't want to be sole providers when the husband loses his income and is not ready to switch roles.

A housewife would keep the house warm and prepare a warm meal for her husband because he would be tired as he has gone out all day to toil. A non-earning husband (he doesn't deserve the honour to be called a househusband) would be home all day and wait for a wife who went out to toil to make his meal else she would be tagged 'disrespectful.'

I raised a lot of points in my previous posts and if you really want to discuss this, would address them.

Leave me out of this. You don't know me to assume what I would or wouldn't do in a certain situation.

Belafonte:


The attires and all are traditions and customs, I’m talking about how people actually live and relate with each other.

The older generation men lorded it over there wives and had longer marriages, today’s men are more malleable and have shorter marriages. Today’s men are more romantic and they receive more disrespect even with better living conditions. Many men have been burnt. Why do you think red pill threads are being published with a vengeance? Go and read all the threads, it’s always a case of I thought she wanted an equal I was wrong. You talk like this because you are bound by your Christian faith, many women aren’t even the churchy ones.

bukatyne:


@ bold: I just told you that one I adhere to. Also add names to it. I so love love love our local names

Hahhaahaha! @ bound by Christian faith. I find it funny.

Hope you are not equating length of marriage to value? The same older wives that dump the men once their kids are stable enough to accommodate them? Haven't you seen the outcry of old men abandoned by their wives in the disguise of 'Omugho' and visiting children?

For every man burnt, you do realize there are also women burnt? How many men are churchy?

It is not even about Church alone; marry the person you genuinely love and loves you back. That is the first step.

Of course, I know Red Pill and MGTOW is a response or reaction to toxic feminism that changes women from warm wives to monsters. Some of the girls also saw their mothers burnt and don't want to go that way.

Belafonte:


So, the older women don’t like their marriages with their ‘domineering’ husbands, the younger ones don’t like their marriages with their malleable husbands. What’s left? Maybe marriage isn’t worth it after all. No wonder many are opting out en masse.

About marrying the person that loves you back, we don’t know who loves us back or if said love will last. I’m sure people who divorce didn’t think they’d be unmarried down the line.

The redpill/mgtow is actually a response to what you just said above, women using men, at least, this is how men see it. Women complain and nag and make lists of what makes marriage last long and at the end the women aren’t satisfied. So, the men are like “well, f*ck it. Find your happiness elsewhere. I’m done tying to please you.” That is the root of the redpill. That nothing you do for a woman is neither appreciated nor worth the effort and so just do your own thing.

bukatyne:




Marriage is beautiful when you marry your soulmate whom you love and loves you back.

How you would find the person is your assignment.

Belafonte:


Now, you’re just stunting on the rest of us.

I officially dislike you for rubbing it in

bukatyne:


Awwwwww!

In another news, my Ozil just scored a goal!

Gosh! see the pure joy on his face.

I am so so happy for him.

bukatyne:


Awwwwww!

In another news, my Ozil just scored a goal!

Gosh! see the pure joy on his face.

I am so so happy for him.

crackkhaus:
As long as the woman always remembers her place, I don't believe any man will have a problem taking a larger share of the financial responsibilities.

The issue usually comes when she is mostly dependent on you and still insists on having things go her way.

How that logic works in their heads is what the universe does not understand.

crackkhaus:

Lol, Buka there are some arguments that are not even necessary because the reality is enough.

There is NO woman that will take over the financial needs of her man indefinitely without getting fed up, not even YOU. Forget if I know you personally or not, the easiest thing you can do here to prove this wrong is to type it for everyone to see that you don't have any problems being the sole financial provider in your home for the next 5years - 5years is even too long, but I stretched it out given your Christian faith which might allow you to persevere than most.
However, at the end of the day, even you don't want be the sole financial provider over your husband and home for the long term, there's no need to deceive ourselves here.

As for you saying that because men talk about money a lot, then we should make sure we have plenty money (Dangote kind) to earn eternal submission from a wife, well, that is not a valid argument.
Nigerian women don't need a man to be excessively "billions" rich before they behave humble around him, just have more money than she does and the magic is 100% complete - that's how you people roll.

It's that easy.

bukatyne:


All these threads

The major problem we have is that Nigerians want to mix and match culture and religion which are two ends of a spectrum especially when it comes to marriage.

If you want to stick with culture, please do.
If you want to stick with religion, please do.

For instance, in Christianity, nowhere was it taught that a man is the sole provider; a man's headship is not tied to finance or not. Whether he earns more, less or not at all, he is the head.

A husband is also expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. That means no cheating, rudeness, bullying, selfishness, intimidation etc and all the works in a typical Nigerian marriage. His wife comes first before anyone else including their kids and they are one. He is to nourish and cherish her with everything she's got.

A wife is to submit (not slavery or subservient) to her husband and be loyal to him. His happiness and interests are paramount and she uses everything she has to make him happy in response to his love. He comes first even before the kids.

The love of a man makes a woman blossom... The woman in turn takes care of the man.

frankkydee:


Reverse is the case these days

bukatyne:


Reverse of what?