Please I need good advise from nairaland forum.

I met my boyfriend in my granny's house on Dec. 25th 2006 and since then we are great lovers. He didn't told me that he had a wife earlier and a son which I later learned from his kid sister in 2007; I confronted him and he told me that he forget to tell me because they are not together again. He told me that he is working on divorce with her and immediately he divorce her, he will marry me. Last year June, he proposed to me to marry him but I told him that he had to divorce his first wife and he will also marry me legally which he agreed. I believe him because his ex-wife is not living with him but his son is staying with her and I have the key to his house that I went there whenever I feel and I never met his wife there. I had knew almost all his family, he also knew mine and he went home to my village to do new year with me and my people and we did a little family introduction there. It was after this that I learn from an outsider that another woman is having his baby girl which I asked him and he said that was when he was still at teenage years.

Yesterday I was coming back home from my office when I saw his junior brother and he told me that he want to go and meet my boyfriend, I said I also want to see him and we should both go together. We met my boyfriend on the road and he told me that I should go home that he is coming to meet me home now that they want to have a meeting with his mother. I agreed and left and told him not to keep me waiting long for him. As I was going home, I met his senior sister coming out from an hospital which is nearby my house with a new baby at her back, I greeted her and ask that where does she see baby (since she is not pregnant) she laugh and make to go but then turn back and she asked me that didn't my boyfriend told me that his wife just delivery a baby girl this afternoon (the girl he told me he was divorcing). I was shocked and short of word. I told her no and left.

This guy has not only hurt my and my emotion but my entire family also. I have not see him since then and he didn't also call me. Please I need adivce, what should I do?

are u asking me?so u don't know what to do?get a new life baby gurl

Desa,oye:

Please I need good advise from nairaland forum.

I met my boyfriend in my granny's house on Dec. 25th 2006 and since then we are great lovers. He didn't told me that he had a wife earlier and a son which I later learned from his kid sister in 2007; I confronted him and he told me that he forget to tell me because they are not together again. He told me that he is working on divorce with her and immediately he divorce her, he will marry me. Last year June, he proposed to me to marry him but I told him that he had to divorce his first wife and he will also marry me legally which he agreed. I believe him because his ex-wife is not living with him but his son is staying with her and I have the key to his house that I went there whenever I feel and I never met his wife there. I had knew almost all his family, he also knew mine and he went home to my village to do new year with me and my people and we did a little family introduction there. It was after this that I learn from an outsider that another woman is having his baby girl which I asked him and he said that was when he was still at teenage years.

Yesterday I was coming back home from my office when I saw his junior brother and he told me that he want to go and meet my boyfriend, I said I also want to see him and we should both go together. We met my boyfriend on the road and he told me that I should go home that he is coming to meet me home now that they want to have a meeting with his mother. I agreed and left and
told him not to keep me waiting long for him. As I was going home, I met his senior sister coming out from an hospital which is nearby my house with a new baby at her back, I greeted her and ask that where does she see baby (since she is not pregnant) she laugh and make to go but then turn back and she asked me that didn't my boyfriend told me that his wife just delivery a baby girl this afternoon (the girl he told me he was divorcing). I was shocked and short of word. I told her no and left.

This guy has not only hurt my and my emotion but my entire family also. I have not see him since then and he didn't also call me. Please I need adivce, what should I do?

HA

@ poster

Please how old are you?

Means he must have continued sexual relationship with his boy's mother and still keep claiming that he had nothing to do with her neither does he love her

hmmm, this is serious!

Am surprised by busy_bodi that someone post her mind on the net for advice and you use your busy_bodi to say that it is a big lie. How can you use you own to destroy another person's idea.

The lady in question live the same area with her inlaw and if you don't know, in Yorubaland, even a 5 minutes kid can be put on back.

Please rest with your busy_bodi.

Desa,oye:


This guy has not only hurt my and my emotion but my entire family also. I have not see him since then and he didn't also call me. Please I need adivce, what should I do?

Wat kind of question is dis? Wat again do u want to do with him? May be u shuld force him to marry u.

I think the first thing you should do is learn english so u can express urself properly and meet reasonable people and not lowlifers who'd cheat on you and y did u choose sm1 married why why why

Mumu babe, After the guy don hammer your bikini.


Next time use your head and not your eyes.

My sister runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

You have trusted him too much and he took you for a MUGU, you never did any research whatsoever and u just fell in love.

This is a hard lesson for women, God will help u out.

@Desa,oye
This is terrible.You don't know what to do ke?How are you sure that if you eventually get married to him,some other fine girl will not tell him to divorce you before he can marry her.You've made mistakes already and two wrongs will not make a right.it will be wrong to continue in a serious relationship with such a man

:d

I wonder the sort of answer you expect to get?
First mistake: You agreed todate a married men who has not divorced his wife and is proposing to marry you

Second Mistake: You still agreed to become a concubine when he hasn't sorted with his wife.

Third Mistake: he didn;t tell you about his baby girl and you heard somewhere else. Yet your alarm bell never rang?

Finally; when will girls learn? These mistakes keep reoccuring yet we never seem to learn from them or remedy them
A guy who isn't divorced will NEVER be serious with you. He is just enjoying himself. Pls lets learn from our mistake!!

Poster
Go and brush up your grammar you could hardly make sense.

Emperoh:

I wonder the sort of answer you expect to get?
First mistake: You agreed todate a married men who has not divorced his wife and is proposing to marry you

Second Mistake: You still agreed to become a concubine when he hasn't sorted with his wife.

Third Mistake: he didn;t tell you about his baby girl and you heard somewhere else. Yet your alarm bell never rang?

Finally; when will girls learn? These mistakes keep reoccuring yet we never seem to learn from them or remedy them
A guy who isn't divorced will NEVER be serious with you. He is just enjoying himself. Pls lets learn from our mistake!!

i wonder ooo, Nobody should tell you to run from that kind of man, he's been deceiving you all this while,yet you're still asking what u shud do, wake up girl .Am sure there are better men out there who are single and would treat u faaaaaaaaaaaaaar better that this a**hole

Meanwhile,please get someone to proofread your post another time, so that some of us will understand u better,ok?

@poster
why are you so childish that you can't make use of your senses wisely. Why do you chose to date a married man at the first place despite the fact that he told you that he wants to divorce his wife. Why can't we gurls reason for once. So you want him to divorce his legally married wife so that you will take over. Will you like it for somebody should do you what you planned to do? You are the only person that will answer your question. You made a great mistake so dust yourself and keeping moving. Try to learn from your mistakes.

[s]Stop going for material things, it will not help you.[/s]

Some ladies and their stupid desperacy for marriage. I tireoo

@ Poster,
You made some silly mistakes but it's time to stand up, dust yourself and go ahead with life.
You cheapened yourself by agreeing to get involved with a man who is even a prospective divorcee. It just spells 'desperate'

Next time, stay away from married men, weather they are about to get a divorce or what ever. They are married and that is what they are.

KAI , NAIRALANDERS,

see as una finish the poor girl wey think say she go gather small supporters. i laugh!

i read her story but quite frankly every other person has said it all. wat i want to highlight is this,
its not everyone that comes to nairaland that has a degree or can express themselves in good spoken or written english. pls u guys shuld reduce this attitude of insulting people. if Seun ever reads this, i think he shuld begin to address this issue of fellow nairalanders throwing insults at people for starting up threads regardless of how dumb,irrelevant and senseless the contents of their threads may be.

Also from my experience, any girl in this country or anyother place can be fooled by a guy. some girls intentionally allow themselves to be fooled. no b u holy pass, so if she admits that she dated a married guy, please let d girl be.

My very humble contribution

Deep Soul:

I'm a sucker for properly spoken and written English but really, it isn't the reason for this post.

You guys should leave the girl's English alone jooo!

Atleast we all understood what she said!

thanks deep soul, some people didnt get the benefit of free education thanks to our theiving and mis guided politicians
people, leave this girl alone. english is not our first language.

so sad this is yet another case of lies, damn lies and more lies.

oluwdashmi:

@ poster

what else do you want to do other than declare to him that you have caught him and walk away. Although it is painful depending on how long you are able to put yourself together but life goes on. As for your family, don't tell them anything but if they ask you about him, tell them you are no longer together.

I am a victim of your story but in my own case, it was the wife that called me and was weeping badly on phone as if she was dying. She kept crying and begging me to stay away from her husband cos he has been a different person ever since he met me (she knew me thru calls and text msgs). Although, I noticed the guy is cunny and finds it difficult answering some of my questns about marriage but I decided to be calm until his secret is revealed.

Immediately, I called my guy but he denied it saying the lady is a blackmailer and that I shouldn't mind her. I pretended as if his explanation was understanding but called the wife and we both met. She told me how he has been maltreating her, how he has promised to divorce her before the end of 2008 and that she has been crying for days. Infact her eyes were swollen and she kept crying in the eatery where we met and I was even the one cosoling her. The wife and I planned to keep it secret that we ever met then I turned him to a money making machine.

This is a guy who comes visiting my pple as a son in-law to be. Anyway, I didn't tell them anything and they never asked about him cos they said they prayed about it but received a msg that I should be careful.

But sha, I showed the guy.

the wonders of being nigerian. God help that country of ours. everybody just tearing each other hearts as they go along.

yimiton:

@ Poster,
You made some silly mistakes but it's time to stand up, dust yourself and go ahead with life.
You cheapened yourself by agreeing to get involved with a man who is even a prospective divorcee. It just spells 'desperate'

Next time, stay away from married men, weather they are about to get a divorce or what ever. They are married and that is what they are.

can you condemn the liar too. i always say the naija women are as bad as the men.

storm0210:

KAI , NAIRALANDERS,

see as una finish the poor girl wey think say she go gather small supporters. i laugh!

i read her story but quite frankly every other person has said it all. wat i want to highlight is this,
its not everyone that comes to nairaland that has a degree or can express themselves in good spoken or written english. pls u guys shuld reduce this attitude of insulting people. if Seun ever reads this, i think he shuld begin to address this issue of fellow nairalanders throwing insults at people for starting up threads regardless of how dumb,irrelevant and senseless the contents of their threads may be.

Also from my experience, any girl in this country or anyother place can be fooled by a guy. some girls intentionally allow themselves to be fooled. no b u holy pass, so if she admits that she dated a married guy, please let d girl be.

My very humble contribution

thank you especially when it is naija man with thier PHD in telling lies and scheming you are dealing with. people that can easily set up churches and mosques to deceive men and God who wont they deceive? my sister was gulible so what> is she the first or last? make una go sit down jare.

As I was going home, I met his senior sister coming out from an hospital which is nearby my house with a new baby at her back, I greeted her and ask that where does she see baby (since she is not pregnant) she laugh and make to go but then turn back and [b]she asked me that didn't my boyfriend told me that his wife just delivery a baby girl [/b]this afternoon (the girl he told me he was divorcing). I was shocked and short of word. I told her no and left.

The elder sister must be very irresponsible to have, apparently, assumed it was okay for her brother to have a wife and a girlfriend at the same time. But how can a day-old baby be piggybacked o?


@poster, just get a hold of yourself, be strong and move on. Nobody holds the key to your happiness, anyway. keep living and keep loving. Don't let the selfish bastard change who you are. Just learn from your mistakes and move on.

Well look well before you lick.

Maybe you were carried away with one thing or the other, thats why you never find out earlier.
Well mistakes can get you stronger.

JJYOU:

the wonders of being nigerian. God help that country of ours. everybody just tearing each other hearts as they go along.can you condemn the liar too.
i always say the naija women are as bad as the men. thank you especially when it is naija man with thier PHD in telling lies and scheming you are dealing with.
people that can easily set up churches and mosques to deceive men and God who wont they deceive? my sister was gulible so what> is she the first or last? make una go sit down jare.

So it is only Nigerians ehnn?

Where exactly do you live where everyone seems to be a saint? People break each others' hearts all over the world- not peculiar to Nigeria.
How many foreigners have you actually LIVED with to see how they also manipulate themselves?
How many churches are in America also decieving and manipulating gullible people?
How many people lost money to fraudulent investment 'gurus' in America?

My point is that Nigeria is not unique in those things. Of course Nigeria has many faults of her own but to simply put Nigeria into the equation whenever someone does something wrong is not the correct way to analyse things.

thank your star u didn't find your head in his pot of concussion.

he might be a ritualist, who knows.

so run as far as you can.

@ poster. You told you all you wanted to hear. How on earth do you think he will dump his wife and kids for you just like that? Dnt you know this is Africa and Nigeria to be precise, extended families will always interfere and bring couple back together. But what were doing with a married man ehn?

its a sad one . . . honestly . . you failed to understand some certain principles . . .

come na true ohh. how can a baby less than a day old be piggy backed? leave him move on arent u happy u diddnt become second wife?
@oluwdashmi
cmon you must have not thought well before you acted oh
the wife came to beg u to leave her husband alone you sympathised with her and said u understood yeat u turned him into a money making machine. dint you stop to think
that u wer still spending the womans husbands money? aka her familys money! at the end of the day still the same thing as dating him. you should have just walked away.

@ poster

I will be frank with you, you had all the classic signs but refused to budge, dont come running demanding advise when you knew all along he was never yours in the first place. There is no other way of putting this, your acted as a doormat and he walked all over you. How on earth did you expect him who did not think you worthy of knowing his past take you seriously. Girl you are not at a crossroad, you are at the bustop, get off and move on. I suggest you immerse yourself in qualitative education, better yourself, occupy your mind by studying constructive english et al, then maybe, just maybe years after he may wonder how he let a gem go.

Good Luck.