Mavis I pray You don't used and wasted by this family oh.

Just see what the aunty is saying.

You still sound like you are so much in love.
Wish you well oh.

Please remember you have a lot of options.
Don't heed to people saying you have no option.

RisenPhoenix:


Please rephrase your question.

A married man wants to bring his lovechild into his marital home. You said men don't do that. Why is there a defaulter here?

faithfull18:
Is the baby mama willing to release the child? If yes, you can take up caring for the child as your own.

It's painful but you can't undo what has been done.

Focus on God, He is the only one who can give you the much needed will you need now.

Why would a sane mother release her child for another to take as their own?

SweetCunt97:
Why would a sane mother release her child for another to take as their own?

It happens, not everybody wants to be tied down with a child esp. if they are still young and naive.

Mavis3:
Thank you so much Nooil. I really appreciate your input and everyone here. I will do as you have said because I really need answers too.

You should come out of this difficult situation empowered and happy, no matter how long it takes to become so.
There is a child now, and it has a right to a father, remember this.
You deserve to be happy, remember this.
Your husband also deserves same. Remember this.
Are your happys in the same path or crossed? What do you think is your husband’s greatest joy now, you or his love child? Or what? What do you think he wants most now? Face this well. What do you want the most now? Can you get if from each other?
My point is to take you to different options. You have options especially as you have a job.
You know you can be happy with another life and man or without any? Especially as you don’t have a kid yet?
Are you sure your husband doesn’t secretly want to be with his girlfriend and child? Think this through well well.
Don’t because of staying married agree to having the child in your lives and maltreat him/her later. He/she does not deserve anything but love and care, and did not ask to be born. If you cannot be party to this? Leave now darling, it is okay to. If you can find a way to love the innocent child and are sure your husband still loves you? Or if it is okay for you to share him with another because they may still be an item, you know? Then you may stay. Otherwise this is all a recipe for disaster.
In all, make that decision that empowers your soul. The happiness of it will come later.
(I think I have said a lot of meaningless drivel up here...but I hope somehow, you get the essence of it). The truth of this is that I feel that you and your husband now want different things. I may be wrong though so facing my questions may help you know for sure.
Take care.

SweetCunt97:
Why would a sane mother release her child for another to take as their own?

I also would like to know
Especially if they are not incapacitated in any way.

faithfull18:

It happens, not everybody wants to be tied down with a child esp. if there are still young and naive.

In this case they would give it up to their family or to strangers (adoption).
It is spooky to give up the baby to the wife/partner of your lover, don’t you think?

merahki:



In this case they would give it up to their family or to strangers (adoption).
It is spooky to give up the baby to the wife/partner of your lover, don’t you think?

The father of the child will be the one to claim the child as in this case esp. if the babymama is proven to be financially incapable of doing so.

merahki:



I also would like to know
Especially if they are not incapacitated in any way.

The baby mama might be gearing up to be second wife.

I am wondering why a side-chic not interested in a permanent relationship with a married man would have a baby for him.

bukatyne:


The baby mama might be gearing up to be second wife.

I am wondering why a side-chic not interested in a permanent relationship with a married man would have a baby for him.

As someone said up there its a script the man is playing out.....pastor, aunty (best friend, big uncle, daddy and mum waiting to enter the the scene).
Council long ago had already been set and confirmed, the Aunty is just masquerading when things set na still that pastor go officiate that kangaroo Union.
P.S.....If your Husband been wise that side chick would have been used for a surrogate.

KpagoGIN:

As someone said up there its a script the man is playing out.....pastor, aunty (best friend, big uncle, daddy and mum waiting to enter the the scene).
Council long ago had already been set and confirmed, the Aunty is just masquerading when things set na still that pastor go officiate that kangaroo Union.
P.S.....If your Husband been wise that side chick would have been used for a surrogate.

If she is Yoruba, the parents of the man might have paid bride price on the baby Mama sef.

God help the OP.

KpagoGIN:

As someone said up there its a script the man is playing out.....pastor, aunty (best friend, big uncle, daddy and mum waiting to enter the the scene).
Council long ago had already been set and confirmed, the Aunty is just masquerading when things set na still that pastor go officiate that kangaroo Union.
P.S.....If your Husband been wise that side chick would have been used for a surrogate.

Over sense no go kee you. The husband just used a surrogate as a side chick. Misplaced priority

cococandy:
Classic. Forgive a cheating husband and accept his love child.
See how the sky is not falling right now? And everything is relatively okay? Y’all keep the same energy when your wives bring their sides’ kids home.

The real cheating is what he seems to be putting on the table i.e. having her finance the fruit of his labor.
and something tells me since IVF is a bit expensive his village people supporting him now will still point to the same well he drank from.
As the Aunty rightly said no body denies his blood something tells me that she speaks for the family, shame and betrayal seems to be keeping them afar for now...………. but somebody must come from the husband side.

Gift7428:
Mavis I pray You don't used and wasted by this family oh.

Just see what the aunty is saying.

You still sound like you are so much in love.
Wish you well oh.

Please remember you have a lot of options.
Don't heed to people saying you have no option.

My point exactly
I just knew the family was involved
If they haven't even done intro already
She had better get all she can now
If not they would play her like a Spanish guitar

bukatyne:


If she is Yoruba, the parents of the man might have paid bride price on the baby Mama sef.

God help the OP.

A close family friend had an issue sounding similar but strangely strange...…… on the day of the said wedding ceremony the said husband and his best friend said they were going to seat with the said side-chick parents and trash out things, hours later guest were reporting live and direct that there was serious eating of riceand chicken, reception have set and almost finishing.
those I pity where the ones left with the wife at home to guarantee her that no ceremony was taking place.
P.S.....people from village came and lodge at the house she was busy doing catering work, not knowing elders have already set a table before her.

Lool
She's just a side chick and he dated her for a whole year.
Lmao
Who no like better thing?
Even if the guy didn't plan it the side chick isn't mad na.
After hearing that the man has money(not knowing that it's even joint money) and seeing that he doesn't have a child yet the woman sharply carried pregnancy.

Even man that is married and has kids with his wife side chicks still use to carry belle and become second wife talkless of the one that doesn't have kids.

Op, I'm curious why you guys didn't try surrogate delivery.
It's mostly very effective as long as you have good eggs and his sperm is good.

Least I forget you guys better do DNA test.

Also, op I think at this junction you need to decide if you still want to remain married to the man.
It'll help you know how to react.

As for the money you shouldn't be forced to contribute to his child's upkeep.
It should be optional.

Me I no dey like all this outside pikin because no matter how nice you are to them the mother will always poison their minds.
Talk less of co wife matter.

Sha, don't fight your husband.
Fights never lead to anything good.
Only leads to hurt.
Keep a level head and decide where you want to go with this.
Life doesn't begin and end with marriage.

And try surrogacy

KpagoGIN:

A close family friend had an issue sounding similar but strangely strange...…… on the day of the said wedding ceremony the said husband and his best friend said they were going to seat with the said side-chick parents and trash out things, hours later guest were reporting live and direct that there was serious eating of riceand chicken, reception have set and almost finishing.
those I pity where the ones left with the wife at home to guarantee her that no ceremony was taking place.
P.S.....people from village came and lodge at the house she was busy doing catering work, not knowing elders have already set a table before her.

Hmmmmmm.

Mavis3,
I'm sorry about your current suffering.Everything you feel is valid.Your pain,the feelings of betrayal,anger ,thoughts,hatred,revenge etc

Personally,I think forgiveness is a personal process and it's not something that happens instantly,you have to process and decide what your own version of is however long it takes you.Do not let for yourself to be bullied/railroaded into anyone's version of what good wifery should look like.


When you and hubby were getting married,I am sure there were plans and thoughts of having children and when it became a struggle,your husband's desire did not change,same way as yours remained.

You have a right to have a child,same as he does, unfortunately some people may have urged him on to start trying with someone else. His family is 100% aware and probably were the first people he ran to tell,do not be decieved.

Marriages that usually steer through infertility successfully are most times cases where the man is the one with a problem.

There's an interesting study that shows that divorce rates increase when the woman is ill Vs when the husband is ill.
See link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26315504

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

Apply it to your case and get brain.

Time to re evaluate the relationship. If you want to adopt,be aware that you are adopting for yourself because his family wil likely not accept the adopted child especially as he's not shooting blanks.They will say why adopted when he has a biological child .

The child and the other incoming children deserve to have their father in their lives ,you cannot stop him.He was running another household under your nose and you didn't even know.

Some have accepted a co wife and other children while not living in the same house.It depends on you,do you love him very much and do you think you can love him inspite of all this.Do you want the marriage with him to continue?

He has a whole other family which will keep expanding ,even if you bear your own children later on,these ones will not disappear unfortunately.

Children deserve to be loved by their parents.You do not owe them love neither should you be wicked to them.Its not their own doing.
I'm saying 'them' now just to prepare you for the future because this baby is not the last one.

Did you consider surrogacy? I wonder what his thoughts are now and whether he would want to finance it or even the IVF.

Last option though is to open up your marriage and be wife number one,she has had a son so in some tribes that makes him the heir to whatever kobo your husband has.


First step is to reorganize your finances, separate it from his.He now has another home he has to finance,unless you don't mind them being part and parcel of your budget.

Start saving and preparing for your own children.They will also need an inheritance.

I'm surprised your husband had an affair for one year( he confessed to one year,it may have been ongoing for longer) and you did not know or suspect. Abi you turned a blind eye , good Nigerian wifey style?

He may not be happy to separate the money though so be prepared for blackmail,strife and family meeting

Pele o.

oyoolima:
Mavis3,
I'm sorry about your current suffering.Everything you feel is valid.Your pain,the feelings of betrayal,anger ,thoughts,hatred,revenge etc

Personally,I think forgiveness is a personal process and it's not something that happens instantly,you have to process and decide what your own version of is however long it takes you.Do not let for yourself to be bullied/railroaded into anyone's version of what good wifery should look like.


When you and hubby were getting married,I am sure there were plans and thoughts of having children and when it became a struggle,your husband's desire did not change,same way as yours remained.

You have a right to have a child,same as he does, unfortunately some people may have urged him on to start trying with someone else. His family is 100% aware and probably were the first people he ran to tell,do not be decieved.

Marriages that usually steer through infertility successfully are most times cases where the man is the one with a problem.

There's an interesting study that shows that divorce rates increase when the woman is ill Vs when the husband is ill.
See link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26315504

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

Apply it to your case and get brain.

Time to re evaluate the relationship. If you want to adopt,be aware that you are adopting for yourself because his family wil likely not accept the adopted child especially as he's not shooting blanks.They will say why adopted when he has a biological child .

The child and the other incoming children deserve to have their father in their lives ,you cannot stop him.He was running another household under your nose and you didn't even know.

Some have accepted a co wife and other children while not living in the same house.It depends on you,do you love him very much and do you think you can love him inspite of all this.Do you want the marriage with him to continue?

He has a whole other family which will keep expanding ,even if you bear your own children later on,these ones will not disappear unfortunately.

Children deserve to be loved by their parents.You do not owe them love neither should you be wicked to them.Its not their own doing.
I'm saying 'them' now just to prepare you for the future because this baby is not the last one.

Did you consider surrogacy? I wonder what his thoughts are now and whether he would want to finance it or even the IVF.

Last option though is to open up your marriage and be wife number one,she has had a son so in some tribes that makes him the heir to whatever kobo your husband has.


First step is to reorganize your finances, separate it from his.He now has another home he has to finance,unless you don't mind them being part and parcel of your budget.

Start saving and preparing for your own children.They will also need an inheritance.

I'm surprised your husband had an affair for one year( he confessed to one year,it may have been ongoing for longer) and you did not know or suspect. Abi you turned a blind eye , good Nigerian wifey style?

He may not be happy to separate the money though so be prepared for blackmail,strife and family meeting

Pele o.

It's possible she is the don't touch his phone crew. I am truly feeling for her, this type of disappointment can be draining. You go from denial to shame and then to anger. I don't know how she will pull through, I hope we all are learning, assuming she is penniless, I don't think he would have been sorry at all. Now they want to guilt trip her into raising a love child with her money.

I am wondering why the usual geng members have not told the OP to divorce the man.

Mavis3, please divorce that horseband..he doesn't deserve you.
At least you're still young and attractive, you can get any other man to love you sincerely and weather the storms with you.

Let him take care of his love-child alone and leave you to seek happiness elsewhere instead of trying to force you to accept his irresponsibility.

Graxie:
It's possible she is the don't touch his phone crew. I am truly feeling for her, this type of disappointment can be draining. You go from denial to shame and then to anger. I don't know how she will pull through, I hope we all are learning, assuming she is penniless, I don't think he would have been sorry at all. Now they want to guilt trip her into raising a love child with her money.

You don't need to touch phone to know.
People give themselves away by their actions unless the man is beyond sharp.
Men are usually sloppy and will slip up at some point.She probably was.engulfed in her own TTac issues and left him to his own devices.

No one can guilt trip.her without her permission.
If she starts thinking of building an empire for her own children,she will be steadfast about planning whatever money she has.

This is time for him to prove his worth as head of home by financing the two families alone while standing firm ( jokes ooo)

They just need to rejig bills ,she takes her own portion of the bills for running the house and then keeps the rest for her own plans.

Also.time to recheck the names on deeds and properties of they have any.

Unfortunately,I may sound mercenary but in her case ,being naive has not helped her.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love her husband,she can go on loving him,she just has to face reality,have her own plans and be smart about MONEY.

Yes,money is what matters for now,love can hold on while she thinks carefully.

I know my husband deserves to be happy and so do I. But he won't be happy at the expense of me being unhappy.

My sister I know I can't love that child. Not now anyways. I don't hate him too, I just don't know what I feel about him.

And right now, I can't explain what I feel for my husband as well.

I think what he wants most now is being a father. And to experience fatherhood and everything that comes with it. I want that for him as well.

For me, I want to be a mother too but not to the child he had with his girlfriend.

His Aunty sent a message she is coming by the house this evening she wants to see me. I know he has told her what transpired yesterday and this morning.

I dey wait.

merahki:



You should come out of this difficult situation empowered and happy, no matter how long it takes to become so.
There is a child now, and it has a right to a father, remember this.
You deserve to be happy, remember this.
Your husband also deserves same. Remember this.
Are your happys in the same path or crossed? What do you think is your husband’s greatest joy now, you or his love child? Or what? What do you think he wants most now? Face this well. What do you want the most now? Can you get if from each other?
My point is to take you to different options. You have options especially as you have a job.
You know you can be happy with another life and man or without any? Especially as you don’t have a kid yet?
Are you sure your husband doesn’t secretly want to be with his girlfriend and child? Think this through well well.
Don’t because of staying married agree to having the child in your lives and maltreating him/her later. He/she does not deserve anything but love and care, and did not ask to be born. If you cannot be party to this? Leave now darling, it is okay to. If you can find a way to love the innocent child and are sure your husband still loves you? Or if it is okay for you to share him with another because they may still be an item, you know? Then you may stay. Otherwise this is all a recipe for disaster.
In all, make that decision that empowers your soul. The happiness of it will come later.
(I think I have said a lot of meaningless drivel up here...but I hope somehow, you get the essence of it). The truth of this is that I feel that you and your husband now want different things. I may be wrong though so facing my questions may help you know for sure.
Take care.

Mavis3:
I know my husband deserves to be happy and so do I. But he won't be happy at the expense of me being unhappy.

My sister I know I can't love that child. Not now anyways. I don't hate him too, I just don't know what I feel about him.

And right now, I can't explain what I feel for my husband as well.

I think what he wants most now is being a father. And to experience fatherhood and everything that comes with it. I want that for him as well.

For me, I want to be a mother too but not to the child he had with his girlfriend.

His Aunty sent a message she is coming by the house this evening she wants to see me. I know he has told her what transpired yesterday and this morning.

I dey wait.

That's easy.

Divorce him and you will be a mother to a child with another man(husband) who will be patient enough to go through treatments with you dear.

cococandy:
Classic. Forgive a cheating husband and accept his love child.
See how the sky is not falling right now? And everything is relatively okay? Y’all keep the same energy when your wives bring their sides’ kids home.

Shut the fvck up!

Isn't it your FELLOW WOMEN advising her to forgive and accept the child?

The front page is littered with women telling her to forgive him.. but of course you're too blind and biased to see that.

What's my own sef, not like I expect much intellectual prowess from an Owerri street rat who married her ancestor in a desperate quest to travel to America

Sixfeetbelle:


A married man wants to bring his lovechild into his marital home. You said men don't do that. Why is there a defaulter here?

Okay now I get. I didn't go deeply through the op's post because it seems that her complaint is not relevant at all. Her husband should have just manned up in my opinion and married the second lady before impregnating her, and there will have been no need for any begging.

And the husband did not say that he wants to bring the baby home for her to take care of; either financially or physically. And even if he did say so, he is not doing it in a deceitful way by pretending that the baby is hers but with her full consent. There is no equivalence between this and what women do via paternity fraud where they deceitfully trick a man into ignorantly taking care of a baby that is not theirs.

RisenPhoenix:

Okay now I get. I didn't go deeply through the op's post because it seems that her complaint is not relevant at all. Her husband should have just manned up in my opinion and married the second lady before impregnating her, and there will have been no need for any begging.

And the husband did not say that he wants to bring the baby home for her to take care of; either financially or physically. And even if he did say so, he is not doing it in a deceitful way by pretending that the baby is hers but with her full consent. There is no equivalence between this and what women do via paternity fraud where they deceitfully trick a man into ignorantly taking care of a baby that is not theirs.

Sixfeetbelle and some others here just want to be deliberately obtuse by feigning ignorance of this very important point.

I wonder how a man will successfully deceive his wife into raising a child from his infidelity, which is something women have an A+ in doing.

cococandy:
Lmao

It's funny abi

Unfortunately, it's the only solution that will not destroy the home. Her eternal resentment will only poison and make her miserable.

Forgiveness and acceptance is the hard but best solution...and it's the key as well

It seems her mind is already made up. She's just looking for encouragement to do what she has already decided to do...and there's no shortage of that here.

Mavis3:



Thank you for this. I feel the same way.The child is not part of my plan and I really don't see him as my responsibility but solely his and I don't think I can give my consent to that.

I bet you would have preferred you and your husband adopt right?

Instead of you to accept the child as yours since the child is your husband blood. You are allowing your mind to be filled with ungodly thoughts..

Oh! It's the financial that is your concern right? Then split the account and take what's yours.. This even shows that you didn't forgive him truly but just trying to live by it..

Remember Nine Years no child.. So, is you or your husband getting any younger? You doesn't beat you, he still loves you and takes care of you. He didn't vent his anger or frustration for not having child or children, he protects you from relatives/outsiders and you don't appreciate it..

What if he decides to marry another wife today, will you divorce him?

Tell me is there a place in the Bible that condemn polygamy? Please give me the verse biko.


Many of us are hypocrites.. We claim to be christian yet we can't practice the true doctrine of the bible "Forgive & Forget"..

Imagine how everyone is condemning the Husband. And that will keep poisoning your mind and heart.

Someone even said he broke the marriage vows as if he or she understands what marriage vow is.. He's still having her under his roof, he still love and cares for her..So which vow was broken?

Becareful the kind of council you receive out here.. The deed is done. Just live in peace with your husband..

Poster let me advice you ahead, please there are people you shouldn't waste your time replying. They are good in making light of women problems here, they applaud rapists, cheating, Child Abuse and even women slavery. Do yourself a favor by ignoring such, they are already here. Be wise. In fact it's enough, stop updating this thread, you have enough advice to pick from.

^ ^
Lmao... This one will die from hate very soon.

I can't wait

Reading your comments is making me stronger and helping.me to take decisions which as at yesterday I couldn't take.

Your counsel is so deep. Thank you. The meeting has started already o.

To me not finding out, I can't explain why I didn't find out. Normally I don't check his phone not because he said so, but I didn't really think it was necessary.
He can leave his phone at home and go out and I still won't check because I have my own that keeps me busy.

And his routine activities remained same.
Normal hanging out with friends
occasionall travelling, he has never slept out, only when he is out of town And his phone is always there , he will not rush to pick his phone when its ringing and all that.

My job is quite demanding and the truth is once I am home from work, I don't bother my head with other stressful things. I just want to relax and enjoy being home.

My dear I can not accept a co wife o. I gree say I will be tagged jealous and all but I will not accept a co wife. I can't deal with it.

I saw a post on this platform some tine.ago about surrogacy and I got their details. We booked for an appointment and even had a virtual session with the pioneer who also had her children through surrogacy.

Because we have a project at hand now, we decided to keep that on hold as it requires plenty of money and concentrate on the project so we will not be overwhelmed and stretched above our limit.
We have visited the ministry of youth and women affairs to make enquiries about adopting before all this wahala came up.

About the money issue, i am sure that is why his Aunty is coming this evening.

oyoolima:
Mavis3,
I'm sorry about your current suffering.Everything you feel is valid.Your pain,the feelings of betrayal,anger ,thoughts,hatred,revenge etc

Personally,I think forgiveness is a personal process and it's not something that happens instantly,you have to process and decide what your own version of is however long it takes you.Do not let for yourself to be bullied/railroaded into anyone's version of what good wifery should look like.


When you and hubby were getting married,I am sure there were plans and thoughts of having children and when it became a struggle,your husband's desire did not change,same way as yours remained.

You have a right to have a child,same as he does, unfortunately some people may have urged him on to start trying with someone else. His family is 100% aware and probably were the first people he ran to tell,do not be decieved.

Marriages that usually steer through infertility successfully are most times cases where the man is the one with a problem.

There's an interesting study that shows that divorce rates increase when the woman is ill Vs when the husband is ill.
See link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26315504

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

Apply it to your case and get brain.

Time to re evaluate the relationship. If you want to adopt,be aware that you are adopting for yourself because his family wil likely not accept the adopted child especially as he's not shooting blanks.They will say why adopted when he has a biological child .

The child and the other incoming children deserve to have their father in their lives ,you cannot stop him.He was running another household under your nose and you didn't even know.

Some have accepted a co wife and other children while not living in the same house.It depends on you,do you love him very much and do you think you can love him inspite of all this.Do you want the marriage with him to continue?

He has a whole other family which will keep expanding ,even if you bear your own children later on,these ones will not disappear unfortunately.

Children deserve to be loved by their parents.You do not owe them love neither should you be wicked to them.Its not their own doing.
I'm saying 'them' now just to prepare you for the future because this baby is not the last one.

Did you consider surrogacy? I wonder what his thoughts are now and whether he would want to finance it or even the IVF.

Last option though is to open up your marriage and be wife number one,she has had a son so in some tribes that makes him the heir to whatever kobo your husband has.


First step is to reorganize your finances, separate it from his.He now has another home he has to finance,unless you don't mind them being part and parcel of your budget.

Start saving and preparing for your own children.They will also need an inheritance.

I'm surprised your husband had an affair for one year( he confessed to one year,it may have been ongoing for longer) and you did not know or suspect. Abi you turned a blind eye , good Nigerian wifey style?

He may not be happy to separate the money though so be prepared for blackmail,strife and family meeting

Pele o.

Thank you Graxie.
Just like you said I have enough to.pock from.

Thank you all for your advice and it has really helped me to draw a plan and arm myself for what ever is coming.

At least I feel better compared to how I felt yesterday.




[ author=Graxie post=88160716]Poster let me advice you ahead, please there are people you shouldn't waste your time replying. They are good in making light of women problems here, they applaud rapists, cheating, Child Abuse and even women slavery. Do yourself a favor by ignoring such, they are already here. Be wise. In fact it's enough, stop updating this thread, you have enough advice to pick from. [/quote]