₦airaland Forum

Richy4:
You know this whole thing is a mind game.. it's just for the spouse to feel guilty based on what has transpired. I know what you were talking about but those species of ladies who will be happy that their spouse went else where to eat.. forsaken her own food is not common. Even at that my sis, Every man knows their spouse weaknesses.. and can use it.. so also the women knows whom they married and can tell one or two things that can make the man come begging.. I know that lots of women does silent treatment more in a relationship... And that draws the man to her to know how to calm her..and reconcile the problem.

The silent treatment method has been overused so much that it has become weak. Not every woman will be threatened by refusal to eat, no sleeping at home or side chick.

If a grown man prefers to sulk and behave like a child instead of talking to his wife, then he should be ignored till he recovers or scolded like a child

crackkhaus:
When a wife insists & refuses to apologize, what happens?

They have to look for a way to resolve their issues. They decided to come together and live with each other's flaws and short comings. It may be that one of them takes offence easily and the other doesn't see why little things should cause that kind of reaction. They have to meet halfway.

But silent treatment has never made things better. It only breeds contempt and prolongs the matter till it blows up in their faces. The root of it is, ego.

These days, family don't always side the man at the detriment of the wife anymore. Both of them need to make their marriage work. It's not the woman's job alone.

ImaIma1:
They have to look for a way to resolve their issues. They decided to come together and live with each other's flaws and short comings. It may be that one of them takes offence easily and the other doesn't see why little things should cause that kind of reaction. They have to meet halfway.

But silent treatment has never made things better. It only breeds contempt and prolongs the matter till it blows up in their faces. The root of it is, ego.

These days, family don't always side the man at the detriment of the wife anymore. Both of them need to make their marriage work. It's not the woman's job alone.

In summary, there's no need for anyone (husband or wife) to offer an apology even if they are in the wrong.
They should learn to overlook whatever happened and live with their partner's shortcomings/inability to apologize.

Thanks, that's all I wanted you to admit.

crackkhaus:
In summary, there's no need for anyone (husband or wife) to offer an apology even if they are in the wrong.
They should learn to overlook whatever happened and live with their partner's shortcomings/inability to apologize.

Thanks, that's all I wanted you to admit.

Admit what?

You draw a conclusion on your own and say it's what I admitted. Please point out where I said an apology isn't required.

Sterope:
When you something to her that will make her feel like smashing your head with a hammer, what should she do then?

I'll try as much as possible not to.
I can't hurt her to that extent.
Same way I don't expect her to hurt me to that extent

pocohantas:
Lol. I don’t know why guys do this nonsense. Ironically they can’t stand same treatment and would give you fancy names for doing it.

Makes me wonder why they can’t open their mouth and talk. Say what is doing you o, before you go poison person out of inbuilt anger.

Lol
Almighty pocohantas mentioned me.

24kmagic:
Lol
Almighty pocohantas mentioned me.

Na my mention cause your unforgiving spirit?
You better change.

Try is the keyword but this was not the answer to the question. Your post painted a picture that women do the hurting not men.

24kmagic:
I'll try as much as possible not to.
I can't hurt her to that extent.
Same way I don't expect her to hurt me to that extent

crackkhaus:
It's funny how you quoted her post twice but failed to see the sentence about how an apology is very necessary and should not be that hard so couples can move on.

She was actually the only female here that had enough sense to state that an apology is very necessary for all parties involved i.e dealing with the root problem instead of just the reaction to the problem.

But perhaps you can humour me with an answer to the question below... maybe by some miracle, you won't go on an emotional tirade for being called out...

So in your own opinion, is a wife acting MATURE for refusing to apologize, or does your sermon about MATURITY only take effect when a frustrated husband decides to emotionally manipulate his wife into getting the apology he deserves?

I'm sorry, I don't have an answer to that.
I'm a calm guy. I don't have time to talk and shout. If you want to talk, I'm ready, but I won't be the one to initiate that talk.
I go just de look you.

Sterope:
Try is the keyword but this was not the answer to the question. Your post painted a picture that women do the hurting not men.

8/10 times, that's the case

pocohantas:
Na my mention cause your unforgiving spirit?
You better change.

I'm working on it, but it takes time and an understanding woman.

24kmagic:
I already told myself that that's what I'm going to do in any relationship or marriage I find myself. I don't have strength to talk or shout. I'm a cool headed unforgiving spirit guy.

Not only will I reject your food, I will also leave the house for you. I will just ignore you completely.

Women will do something to you sometimes and you'll just feel like battering her. Thank goodness I don't have that violent spirit. What I have is an "ignoring spirit."

I swear I no go even do like say you de exist.
I think keeping malice is something I'm somehow good at. It's not like I like it tho.

The unforgiving spirit destroys the carrier more than any one else. You imprison yourself by keeping people in your heart.

LOL. Your opinion is very curious.Thank goodness it is nothing but an ill-foundd opinion. When did humans hurting each other become a gender issue?

How about if I said that I believe otherwise based on experience and all?

24kmagic:
8/10 times, that's the case

ImaIma1:
And how does that even help the marriage. It doesn't even bother women like it used to. Some women, like my friend, will just leave bread on the fridge for you and not bother herself cooking till you recover. Her husband has learned to talk, seeing that not eating her food even makes her happy not to stress herself in the kitchen.

Malice is childish, and refusing to eat or coming home is pointless and foolish. Imagine refusing to eat the food you pay for or staying in the house where you pay rent while the person you are trying to pepper is eating the food and lying comfortably in the house. Chai!

Every lady keep chantin malice is childish as if no be the same head man take do pikin stil dey him head, most times ladies repeat what they've bin corrected for like a thousand times ... what you gurls play blind to is what if there as bin communication n still no changes
No wahala, you must av heard of this epilogue on jingos "offer last yle stock last". i av no ish with her been unbothered buh when the foodstuff finish & the house rent is due is either she pays or leave.

ImaIma1:
Admit what?

You draw a conclusion on your own and say it's what I admitted. Please point out where I said an apology isn't required.

Let's start again, I'll number it this time so you don't confuse yourself.

1. A wife who has refused to apologize, is she displaying MATURITY?

2. When such a wife refuses to apologize even though she is in the wrong, what should her husband do?

All that your meandering story about how they have to meet halfway, or they have to find a way to resolve the issue, is much too abstract for my very realistic senses.

3. How should she be handled exactly?
Should she be begged to apologize, or should the apology be forgotten and everyone moves on?

Na simple queshons...

24kmagic:
I'm sorry, I don't have an answer to that.
I'm a calm guy. I don't have time to talk and shout. If you want to talk, I'm ready, but I won't be the one to initiate that talk.
I go just de look you.

The comment wasn't for you bruv.

It's a hard question though, probably why the intended recipient is still struggling and dragging us to and fro..

pocohantas:
Lol. I don’t know why guys do this nonsense. Ironically they can’t stand same treatment and would give you fancy names for doing it.

Makes me wonder why they can’t open their mouth and talk. Say what is doing you o, before you go poison person out of inbuilt anger.

Why is every gurl on these thread assuming and concluding there is no communication prior the man so called "childish" behaviour.
i can imagine correcting someone over a particular act a thousand time yet she repeat it, what if there as bin several talks or communication yet no change.. enough of the assumption there is no communication.

crackkhaus:
Let's start again, I'll number it this time so you don't confuse yourself.

1. A wife who has refused to apologize, is she displaying MATURITY?

2. When such a wife refuses to apologize even though she is in the wrong, what should her husband do?

All that meandering story about how they have to meet halfway, or they have to find a way to resolve the issue, is much too abstract for my very realistic senses.

3. How should she be handled exactly?
Should she be begged to apologize, or should the apology be forgotten and everyone moves on?

Na simple queshons...

The burden of marriage to an insensitive person.

The questions are very hard.

24kmagic:
I'm working on it, but it takes time and an understanding woman.

Lol. The first step is admitting there is indeed an issue. God will do it for all of us.

pocohantas:
Lol. The first step is admitting there is indeed an issue. God will do it for all of us.

Long time. How are you?

mimimile93:
Long time. How are you?

I’m fine. Long time too...
Hope you are staying safe?

bukatyne:
The burden of marriage to an insensitive person.

The questions are very hard.

Lmao...you're always so honest.

I'm waiting for her to come and lecture us on how a woman who refuses to apologize is acting so mature, but the man who responds with silent treatment and avoiding her/her food is the immature person between both of them.

Or perhaps, for a husband to avoid being called immature/childish:
- he has to beg her to come and apologize
OR
- just forget about the apology and move on

crackkhaus:
Let's start again, I'll number it this time so you don't confuse yourself.

1. A wife who has refused to apologize, is she displaying MATURITY?

2. When such a wife refuses to apologize even though she is in the wrong, what should her husband do?

All that your meandering story about how they have to meet halfway, or they have to find a way to resolve the issue, is much too abstract for my very realistic senses.

3. How should she be handled exactly?
Should she be begged to apologize, or should the apology be forgotten and everyone moves on?

Na simple queshons...

She should be dragged by the hair and forced to apologize.

Is that more clear for your "realistic" senses?

When you find the questions to your answer, let me know. Because I don't see how following up with silent treatment when a spouse refuses to apologize will solve the matter.

anslem04:

Every lady keep chantin malice is childish as if no be the same head man take do pikin stil dey him head, most times ladies repeat what they've bin corrected for like a thousand times ... what you gurls play blind to is what if there as bin communication n still no changes
No wahala, you must av heard of this epilogue on jingos "offer last yle stock last". i av no ish with her been unbothered buh when the foodstuff finish & the house rent is due is either she pays or leave.

Is malice mature?

crackkhaus:
Lmao...you're always so honest.

I'm waiting for her to come and lecture us on how a woman who refuses to apologize is acting so mature, but the man who responds with silent treatment and avoiding her/her food is the immature person between both of them.

Or perhaps, for a husband to avoid being called immature/childish:
- he has to beg her to come and apologize
OR
- just forget about the apology and move on

Honesty is one of my trademarks

I have seen a lot of these things happen in real life maybe that's why I am not politicially correct.

I have seen men and women who get 'tired' of been 'mature' and just want apology or acknowledgement to move on.

A friend told me of a marriage that broke down due to the wife's inability to apologize. The guy kept his maturity for 10yrs by apologizing first/ ignoring till he could no longer move on and the marriage crumbled.

The wife would just move on afterwards like nothing happened.

It just boils down to love and sensitivity: If you love someone, you would apologize immediately he/she takes offence even if it something you 'feel' shouldn't warrant it. That is where sensitivity comes in.

An offence is as perceived by the recipient of the action/inaction.

Like Takotsubo typed, an apology is really nothing for peace at the end of the day.

'You said this thing and I did not like it: I am sorry'; 'you did XYZ: I am sorry.'

Worst case, apologize for how your actions made the person feel and not the action itself

It is well.

pocohantas:
I’m fine. Long time too...
Hope you are staying safe?

Yeah!

ImaIma1:
She should be dragged by the hair and forced to apologize.

Is that more clear for your "realistic" senses?

When you find the questions to your answer, let me know. Because I don't see how following up with silent treatment when a spouse refuses to apologize will solve the matter.

What will solve the matter na? Should he beg the wife to apologize or forget about the apology?

You sha thought sarcasm will deliver you here...
Three simple questions, you could not deal with head-on.

Just for you to admit that it's very IMMATURE to refuse to apologize, and that it's very important for peace to reign whether the wife feels an apology is necessary or not, na hin dey hard you so like hard shít.
And you people wonder why some men will choose to ignore you and your food...

A woman would have to be fashioned from white roses, scented dust, and a tinge of angelic essence, for her to open her mouth to say I'm sorry.
The thing dey hard una and every man who has lived with a partner knows this.

The lady Takosubo who you were hailing, was actually the only one who had the dispassionate ability to encompass the true situation in the OP... yet for some reason, the summary of her very long post which is an apology completely escaped your understanding.

ImaIma1:
Is malice mature?

Is not apologizing mature?

crackkhaus:
Is not apologizing mature?

None is right.

crackkhaus:
What will solve the matter na? Should he beg the wife to apologize or forget about the apology?

You sha thought sarcasm will deliver you here...
Three simple questions, you could not deal with head-on.

Just for you to admit that it's very IMMATURE to refuse to apologize, and that it's very important for peace to reign whether the wife feels an apology is necessary or not, na hin dey hard you so like hard shít.
And you people wonder why some men will choose to ignore you and your food...

A woman would have to be fashioned from white roses, scented dust, and a tinge of angelic essence, for her to open her mouth to say I'm sorry.
The thing dey hard una and every man who has lived with a partner knows this.

The lady Takosubo who you were hailing, was actually the only one who had the dispassionate ability to encompass the true situation in the OP... yet for some reason, the summary of her very long post which is an apology completely escaped your understanding.

It is both immature to refuse to apologize and using the silent treatment. Both are wrong.

However, the topic of discussion was silent treatment; refusing to eat or sleep at home like it is the only way to solve issues in marriage.

I have seen it destroy rather than build up in different couples and it's always better to talk through issues.

Besides, the issue is mostly when the guy is hurt and refuses to talk, but rather starts sulking around the house and using the silent treatment. And not when he talks about it and she still refuses to apologize. Either way, I honestly believe the silent treatment does more harm than good

ImaIma1:
Is malice mature?

what is the essence of maturity if not to foster peace when situation arises.
what if "malice" is the only source of backup for peace @that moment, or won't you rather pick malice over domestic violent you guys call it "malice" buh to some of us we know it as "silence".i.e period 2 cool off
Let even assume the man is acting all childish, what stops the woman from taking mature steps .... or is maturity only for men.

bukatyne2:
Honesty is one of my trademarks

I have seen a lot of these things happen in real life maybe that's why I am not politicially correct.

I have seen men and women who get 'tired' of been 'mature' and just want apology or acknowledgement to move on.

A friend told me of a marriage that broke down due to the wife's inability to apologize. The guy kept his maturity for 10yrs by apologizing first/ ignoring till he could no longer move on and the marriage crumbled.

The wife would just move on afterwards like nothing happened.

It just boils down to love and sensitivity: If you love someone, you would apologize immediately he/she takes offence even if it something you 'feel' shouldn't warrant it. That is where sensitivity comes in.

An offence is as perceived by the recipient of the action/inaction.

Like Takotsubo typed, an apology is really nothing for peace at the end of the day.

'You said this thing and I did not like it: I am sorry'; 'you did XYZ: I am sorry.'

Worst case, apologize for how your actions made the person feel and not the action itself

It is well.

I LOVE you abeg, I mean it..anybody wey no like am should kill themselves.

What has and will always be my problem with majority of the females here, and why I can never get along with most, is their expert ability to judge situations as if the person reading on the other end is not aware of what goes on in the world - as if inside their head is where the world revolves and is their residence.

The OP was clear - a reaction to insensitivity from a wife not apologizing for her wrong, but trust your sisters to deal with the IMMATURE reaction of the man and not the IMMATURE cause from his wife...even going as far as dwelling on the dog analogy.

Gosh, I hate stvpid people with a passion I swear...

For a man to refuse his wife's food and ignore her, means something has hurt him. Na only person wey dem marry as witch keep for house go boldly talk say she doesn't care if her husband, HER OWN HUSBAND, eats her food or ignores her for weeks/months even when she was wrong. Lmao...