₦airaland Forum

ImaIma1:
It is both immature to refuse to apologize and using the silent treatment. Both are wrong.

However, the topic of discussion was silent treatment; refusing to eat or sleep at home like it is the only way to solve issues in marriage.

I have seen it destroy rather than build up in different couples and it's always better to talk through issues.

Besides, the issue is mostly when the guy is hurt and refuses to talk, but rather starts sulking around the house and using the silent treatment. And not when he talks about it and she still refuses to apologize. Either way, I honestly believe the silent treatment does more harm than good

Let me let you in on a little secret, free of charge...and this is from a good number of men including myself.

See, any man who easily moves on from conflict with his partner every single time without giving an attitude, without needing an apology and acting like all is well, simply does not care about her enough to be hurt by her. It's not about maturity all the time, but genuine disinterest.
You can't really hurt someone who's not emotionally invested in you.

So while some women may go around believing that the man in their lives always apologizes and moves on quickly/swiftly from grudges, then go ahead to erroneously misconstrue this action as a depiction of his love and maturity...it usually comes as a rude shock to such women in the long run when he does something drastic which she was never expecting.

pocohantas:
Lol. The first step is admitting there is indeed an issue. God will do it for all of us.

Amen ma

crackkhaus:
Let me let you in on a little secret, free of charge...and this is from a good number of men including myself.

See, any man who easily moves on from conflict with his partner every single time without giving an attitude, needing an apology and acting like all is well, simply does not care about her enough to be hurt by her. It's not about maturity all the time, but genuine disinterest.
You can't really hurt someone who's not emotionally invested in you.

So while some women may go around believing that the man in their lives always apologizes and moves on quickly/swiftly from grudges, then go ahead to erroneously misconstrue this action as a depiction of his love and maturity...it usually comes as a rude shock to such women in the long run when he does something drastic which she was never expecting.

So you are saying that the true test of a man's love is when he puts up and attitude when offended?

And the ones that easily forgive do not love their woman.

This your secret is too fallacious to be valid.

My friend must be in the best marriage ever because her husband keeps malice with her and puts up an attitude like 3 weeks in a month. One week he is fine. He must really love her.

ImaIma1:
So you are saying that the true test of a man's love is when he puts up and attitude when offended?

And the ones that easily forgive do not loves his woman.

This your secret is too fallacious to be valid.

My friend must be in the best marriage ever because her husband keeps malice with her and puts up an attitude like 3 weeks in a month. One week he is fine. He must really love her.

I told you before, sarcasm will not be able to deliver you here.


Since you can't read between lines, here it is again:

See, any man who easily moves on from conflict with his partner EVERY SINGLE TIME without giving an attitude, needing an apology and acting like all is well, simply does not care about her enough to be hurt by her. It's not about maturity all the time, but genuine disinterest.
You can't really hurt someone who's not emotionally invested in you.

crackkhaus:
I told you before, sarcasm will not be able to deliver you here.


Since you can't read between lines, here it is again:

Oga I don't need your secret.

If that's how you show love, keep it up. It's not general.

ImaIma1:
What if the wife is not moved by the man refusing to eat but rather glad not to stress in the kitchen? Probably one that doesn't really enjoy cooking.

What if he has the type of wife that goes to bed and snores away and not worry herself if he comes home or not?

And also the type that would take refusing to have sex as a break?

There are women like this that won't let things bother them and wait for whenever the husband is ready to communicate his feelings properly.

How will such a man cope when he sees that his tantrums and being ignored?

In my place, when u are about to get married, your mum and the elderly women will call u and sternly admonish you over one particular thing.
Don't ever allow your husband 2 nights without eating your food. U do that, one of your legs is already out of the house unknowingly.
I usually see that as one foolish admonition but as I got older, I see the sense in what they said.
Ur mum will tell u when u call her that u fkked up. Simple.

There is one thing we have to understand about Nigerian men. They are too egoistic. Now, how do u work around an egoistic man? U bow. That is what he want and rule from the ground. Learn when to surrender even if u are right and look for plan B.
Once a man see you are not dragging headship with him, he will be relaxed around you. Then u will have him at your palm.
If he refuses to eat the first time, let a day pass for anger to subdue. Actually, whatever the man is doing later than a day is ego play. Approach him. No relationship succeed without communication. Even if he don't want to talk, women re known to be very cunning and sly when they want to, he is also your husband, u will know how to get him to see his error. He may not ask for forgiveness that day but he will ask albeit subtly especially the more dominant ones.
Marriage has nuggets.
Very simple ones. Just that we are too blind to follow them.

Even the worst narcissist can cower before his wife if she know the right button to press.

crackkhaus:
Let me let you in on a little secret, free of charge...and this is from a good number of men including myself.

See, any man who easily moves on from conflict with his partner every single time without giving an attitude, needing an apology and acting like all is well, simply does not care about her enough to be hurt by her. It's not about maturity all the time, but genuine disinterest.
You can't really hurt someone who's not emotionally invested in you.

So while some women may go around believing that the man in their lives always apologizes and moves on quickly/swiftly from grudges, then go ahead to erroneously misconstrue this action as a depiction of his love and maturity...it usually comes as a rude shock to such women in the long run when he does something drastic which she was never expecting.

You know that the opposite of love is not hatred, it is indifference.

@bold: Very very true.

sassysure:
In my place, when u are about to get married, your mum and the elderly women will call u and sternly admonish you over one particular thing.
Don't ever allow your husband 2 nights without eating your food. U do that, one of your legs is already out of the house unknowingly.
I usually see that as one foolish admonition but as I got older, I see the sense in what they said.
Ur mum will tell u when u call her that u fkked up. Simple.

There is one thing we have to understand about Nigerian men. They are too egoistic. Now, how do u work around an egoistic man? U bow. That is what he want and rule from the ground. Learn when to surrender even if u are right and look for plan B.
Once a man see you are not dragging headship with him, he will be relaxed around you. Then u will have him at your palm.
If he refuses to eat the first time, let a day pass for anger to subdue. Actually, whatever the man is doing later than a day is ego play. Approach him. No relationship succeed without communication. Even if he don't want to talk, women re known to be very cunning and sly when they want to, he is also your husband, u will know how to get him to see his error. He may not ask for forgiveness that day but he will ask albeit subtly especially the more dominant ones.
Marriage has nuggets.
Very simple ones. Just that we are too blind to follow them.

Even the worst narcissist can cower before his wife if she know the right button to press.

@bold: Spiritually or physically?

bukatyne2:
@bold: Spiritually or physically?

Emotionally.
Don't even give such moments a chance to sprout cos when it does that and grow to maturity, u may not like the seed it will bear.

Nib it immediately.

I have seen complaints about husbands not eating. It's a serious thing o. As long as u did the right thing and he still refuses to eat. Report him. U are covered and if its the olden days, he will bring one hen to appease you.
And if u are wrong, u get soft landing.

sassysure:
In my place, when u are about to get married, your mum and the elderly women will call u and sternly admonish you over one particular thing.
Don't ever allow your husband 2 nights without eating your food. U do that, one of your legs is already out of the house unknowingly.
I usually see that as one foolish admonition but as I got older, I see the sense in what they said.
Ur mum will tell u when u call her that u fkked up. Simple.

There is one thing we have to understand about Nigerian men. They are too egoistic. Now, how do u work around an egoistic man? U bow. That is what he want and rule from the ground. Learn when to surrender even if u are right and look for plan B.
Once a man see you are not dragging headship with him, he will be relaxed around you. Then u will have him at your palm.
If he refuses to eat the first time, let a day pass for anger to subdue. Actually, whatever the man is doing later than a day is ego play. Approach him. No relationship succeed without communication. Even if he don't want to talk, women re known to be very cunning and sly when they want to, he is also your husband, u will know how to get him to see his error. He may not ask for forgiveness that day but he will ask albeit subtly especially the more dominant ones.
Marriage has nuggets.
Very simple ones. Just that we are too blind to follow them.

Even the worst narcissist can cower before his wife if she know the right button to press.

Your misrepresentation of what a man's ego is, caught my attention. The ego (man's sense/awareness of self) isn't the same thing as egoism/egotism - even egoism (self-interest which usually breeds selfishness or self-centeredness or greed), which is about negative morality, is slightly different from egotism (conceit) which is about negative psychology/mentality. All men have ego, but not all men are egoistic and/or egotistic.

The ego, which is innate in all men and a positive possession, is equivalent to a woman's pride (sense of self), which is innate and a positive possession too. All women have pride, but not all women are egoistic and/or egotistic, just like men.

It's one's (man or woman) inability to conquer egoism and egotism that make them opportunistic/expedient and imperious/crass, respectively.

And on this "There is one thing we have to understand about Nigerian men. They are too egoistic. Now, how do u work around an egoistic man? U bow. That is what he want and rule from the ground."

The kind of man you talked about in the quote above is an egotistic/conceited (imperious/crass) man, and the formula to use bring him down, like most of you have been doing since time immemorial and just as you rightly stated, is disingenuousness - unfortunately there's nothing worthy about either an egotistic man or a disingenuous woman - same formula is also used to bring down an egotistic woman. Anyone of the manipulative ethical leanings remains a small-minded person.

An aristocratic woman (a proponent of fairness) won't put up with an egotistic man in the first place, least of taking to disingenuousness to subjugate him.

sassysure:
Emotionally.
Don't even give such moments a chance to sprout cos when it does that and grow to maturity, u may not like the seed it will bear.

Nib it immediately.

I have seen complaints about husbands not eating. It's a serious thing o. As long as u did the right thing and he still refuses to eat. Report him. U are covered and if its the olden days, he will bring one hen to appease you.
And if u are wrong, u get soft landing.

I was just pulling your legs

ImaIma1:
Oga I don't need your secret.

If that's how you show love, keep it up. It's not general.

1. I wasn't telling you because I think you need it.

2. I don't know how the conversation suddenly became about me.


If you can't keep yourself and your emotions in line when having conversations with strangers, that's your headache...
It never takes very long to get y'all to start hyperventilating, lol

bukatyne2:
You know that the opposite of love is not hatred, it is indifference.

@bold: Very very true.

In relationships/marriages, yes this is usually the case.

If it gets to hatred, the hurt person will definitely plan the others' death - crime of passion

sassysure:
There is one thing we have to understand about Nigerian men. They are too egoistic. Now, how do u work around an egoistic man? U bow. That is what he want and rule from the ground. Learn when to surrender even if u are right and look for plan B.
Once a man see you are not dragging headship with him, he will be relaxed around you. Then u will have him at your palm.
If he refuses to eat the first time, let a day pass for anger to subdue. Actually, whatever the man is doing later than a day is ego play. Approach him. No relationship succeed without communication. Even if he don't want to talk, women re known to be very cunning and sly when they want to, he is also your husband, u will know how to get him to see his error. He may not ask for forgiveness that day but he will ask albeit subtly especially the more dominant ones.
Marriage has nuggets.
Very simple ones. Just that we are too blind to follow them.

Even the worst narcissist can cower before his wife if she know the right button to press.

Hi Sassysure,

I don't think all Nigerian men are egoistic or busy dragging head and tail.

An ego isn't necessarily a bad thing , it becomes a problem when preserving it overshadows a person's reasoning.

I also believe there's not one definition of what a man should be.

Everyone is different and will define "man" according to their needs. Eg for some,a man is not a man if he is not footing family bills 100%, for another a man is not a man of he does not foster a good relationship with his children.

None of them are wrong.

There are some men who are very mellow and laid back,these type of men generally go for women who have very dominant character traits.

These men are the ones that have wives that people tend to say are bossy .

The relationship dynamics in these sort of homes will be different, with the woman being in the forefront while the man appears just chilled out.

The man here may also be the peacemaker, who will go almost any extent to maintain that stability, same in the home of the woman who will say sorry even when her husband is wrong just for that peace to reign.

None of these homes are better than the other .
Eating out of your spouse's hand isn't some sort of secret exclusive to females,pride is not exclusive to males,there are very proud females with very happy husbands same as very proud males with extremely happy wives.

There are a lot of men who have their wives willing to take a bullet for them not because they are forceful and bullish but just because their approach is softer ,flexible and they also know the right mumu buttons to press.

Not everyone huffs and puffs if there's a problem, that doesn't mean that there's a bomb waiting to explode.

Some people actually prefer to talk like adults calmly,in a measured manner, refusing to be talked to/at like a child or treated like a second class citizen.

When one person spouse or partner feels hurt,it is VALID to them even if it's not your intention to inflict that hurt.

When you know your spouse has your best interests at heart and wouldn't go out of their way to hurt you or manipulate you,it gives you the confidence to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you feel this way or I'm sorry what I said made you feel this way and then go on to explore your action or inaction .

The most perfect of relationships still has issues and frustration as life can be challenging .

When reasonable people are involved,BOTH are willing to do whatever it takes to make their marriage work,leaving all inconsequential fights behind .


One shoe does not fit all. I guess the key is for each couple to know what works for them and stick to their own formula.

Sorry for the epistle..I think human beings are very fascinating and complicated generally.

crackkhaus:
1. I wasn't telling you because I think you need it.

2. I don't know how the conversation suddenly became about me.


If you can't keep yourself and your emotions in line when having conversations with strangers, that's your headache...
It never takes very long to get y'all to start hyperventilating, lol

Check our conversation. You are the one who has been getting emotional and trying hard to prove a point.

I made a comment and if you decided that it's your business, that's your business.

bukatyne2:
An offence is as perceived by the recipient of the action/inaction.

'You said this thing and I did not like it: I am sorry'; 'you did XYZ: I am sorry.'

Worst case, apologize for how your actions made the person feel and not the action itself

It is well.

Buka please allow me quote a shortened version of this your comment again.

The sentences in bold too sweet me for belle, and perfectly summarizes all our plenty talks here.

Just knowing that something, no matter how little, upsets your spouse, is enough to jolt a sensitive wife/husband into apologizing for the feeling caused even if they don't agree that the action which caused that feeling was wrong.

ImaIma1:
Check our conversation. You are the one who has been getting emotional and trying hard to prove a point.

I made a comment and if you decided that it's your business, that's your business.

Getting emotional by asking you questions?

Every comment to you was a question...questions which you kept doing Tom & Jerry with, until you had nothing else to say than to tell me about how I show love.

Abeg go away...

bukatyne2:
I was just pulling your legs

I know.

I only talked about it because we sometimes tend to allow little things like not eating food etc to linger and linger and become another thing all together when there are many ways we can approach it.

Takotsubo:
Hi Sassysure,

I don't think all Nigerian men are egoistic or busy dragging head and tail.

An ego isn't necessarily a bad thing , it becomes a problem when preserving it overshadows a person's reasoning.

I also believe there's not one definition of what a man should be.

Everyone is different and will define "man" according to their needs. Eg for some,a man is not a man if he is not footing family bills 100%, for another a man is not a man of he does not foster a good relationship with his children.

None of them are wrong.

There are some men who are very mellow and laid back,these type of men generally go for women who have very dominant character traits.

These men are the ones that have wives that people tend to say are bossy .

The relationship dynamics in these sort of homes will be different, with the woman being in the forefront while the man appears just chilled out.

The man here may also be the peacemaker, who will go almost any extent to maintain that stability, same in the home of the woman who will say sorry even when her husband is wrong just for that peace to reign.

None of these homes are better than the other .
Eating out of your spouse's hand isn't some sort of secret exclusive to females,pride is not exclusive to males,there are very proud females with very happy husbands same as very proud males with extremely happy wives.

There are a lot of men who have their wives willing to take a bullet for them not because they are forceful and bullish but just because their approach is softer ,flexible and they also know the right mumu buttons to press.

Not everyone huffs and puffs if there's a problem, that doesn't mean that there's a bomb waiting to explode.

Some people actually prefer to talk like adults calmly,in a measured manner, refusing to be talked to/at like a child or treated like a second class citizen.

When one person spouse or partner feels hurt,it is VALID to them even if it's not your intention to inflict that hurt.

When you know your spouse has your best interests at heart and wouldn't go out of their way to hurt you or manipulate you,it gives you the confidence to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you feel this way or I'm sorry what I said made you feel this way and then go on to explore your action or inaction .

The most perfect of relationships still has issues and frustration as life can be challenging .

When reasonable people are involved,BOTH are willing to do whatever it takes to make their marriage work,leaving all inconsequential fights behind .


One shoe does not fit all. I guess the key is for each couple to know what works for them and stick to their own formula.

Sorry for the epistle..I think human beings are very fascinating and complicated generally.

Na naija man ego make naija dey like this.
Nothing to add again.
Hey, I'm a Nigerian and if there is something our men have and know how to flaunt, it's their ego. From.our styles of religious practices to homes and offices to politicians.
Arrrh.
The size of their ego is bigger than the whole Asia.

crackkhaus:
Let me let you in on a little secret, free of charge...and this is from a good number of men including myself.

See, any man who easily moves on from conflict with his partner every single time without giving an attitude, without needing an apology and acting like all is well, simply does not care about her enough to be hurt by her. It's not about maturity all the time, but genuine disinterest.
You can't really hurt someone who's not emotionally invested in you.

So while some women may go around believing that the man in their lives always apologizes and moves on quickly/swiftly from grudges, then go ahead to erroneously misconstrue this action as a depiction of his love and maturity...it usually comes as a rude shock to such women in the long run when he does something drastic which she was never expecting.

I dont know which of your post to quote so I decided to quote this. I believe this topic is about conflict resolution in marriage, in light of silent treatment and not eating madams food which you're in full support of.
I believe couples can come to term with which conflict resolution is best for them, without having to go through the unhealthy silent treatment way. Someone said a married man got tired of always begging the wife first and eventually backed out, realistically humans would get tired of acts they see to be unhealthy to them emotionally, because seriously no human will be cool with being the one to beg ALL the time whether right or wrong. Sooner or later you will be pushed to your limit.
This isn't different from men using silent treatment and ignoring foods from their wives, maybe it could work out in a couple of times but trust me that woman would soon be pushed to the limit and see no use of whether you're silent or not even eating.
It is likened to biological control of pest, before you know it the pest you're trying to eliminate will soon get used and become resistant to whatever treatment you're using on it.
The best is to find a midway that would work for both partners without having to keep malice with each other(it can be emotionally draining), or subject one patner to always be the one to beg. Both arent healthy.

Takotsubo and lordko, you both hit the exact nail on the head, you explained it as it should be, good one.

Sapphire11:
I dont know which of your post to quote so I decided to quote this. I believe this topic is about conflict resolution in marriage, in light of silent treatment and not eating madams food which you're in full support of.
I believe couples can come to term with which conflict resolution is best for them, without having to go through the unhealthy silent treatment way. Someone said a married man got tired of always begging the wife first and eventually backed out, realistically humans would get tired of acts they see to be unhealthy to them emotionally, because seriously no human will be cool with being the one to beg ALL the time whether right or wrong. Sooner or later you will be pushed to your limit.
This isn't different from men using silent treatment and ignoring foods from their wives, maybe it could work out in a couple of times but trust me that woman would soon be pushed to the limit and see no use of whether you're silent or not even eating.
It is likened to biological control of pest, before you know it the pest you're trying to eliminate will soon get used and become resistant to whatever treatment you're using on it.
The best is to find a midway that would work for both partners without having to keep malice with each other(it can be emotionally draining), or subject one patner to always be the one to beg. Both arent healthy.

I already stated it in a comment to someone on the first page I think... ignoring/avoiding a wife and refusing her food is not a definite solution and will wear out depending on the kind of woman she is.
You can read through.

My conversation with the other lady is about a situation where the wife is wrong, refuses to apologize, and her husband is left to do what exactly?

Maybe you can help her out...

What are the options available to him at this point?

anslem04:
what is the essence of maturity if not to forestall peace when situation arises.
what if "malice" is the only source of backup for peace @that moment, or won't you rather pick malice over domestic violent you guys call it "malice" buh to some of us we know it as "silence".i.e period 2 cool off
Let even assume the man is acting all childish, what stops the woman from taking mature steps .... or is maturity only for men.

Horses will fly first

Women are moon, men are sun...
Women are lakes, men are the ocean...
Women are roses, men are iroko...
Women are babies, men are adults...

I could go on and on

sassysure:
Na naija man ego make naija dey like this.
Nothing to add again.
Hey, I'm a Nigerian and if there is something our men have and know how to flaunt, it's their ego. From.our styles of religious practices to homes and offices to politicians.
Arrrh.
The size of their ego is bigger than the whole Asia.

Where as been a perfect submissive husband taken foreign men ... where women race seems to have a upper hand how are they treating the men. no wonder many fathers are paying child support for a child they can't see without permission from the woman.
Why women av a huge problem with men's ego is simply because that is the only hinderance to controlling a man a man's ego remains is most trusted firewall, men do not give it up these women know what they are doing .. the aim is control.

crackkhaus:
Horses will fly first

Women are moon, men are sun...
Women are lakes, men are the ocean...
Women are roses, men are iroko...
Women are babies, men are adults...

I could go on and on

Mo chill with da poem geng not so gud with poetry buh i understand these one

crackkhaus:
Getting emotional by asking you questions?

Every comment to you was a question...questions which you kept doing Tom & Jerry with, until you had nothing else to say than to tell me about how I show love.

Abeg go away...

Am I obligated to answer your questions? No.

It is when you had nothing else to say that you were telling a stupid secret about what you imagine love is.

anslem04:
Where as been a perfect submissive husband taken foreign men ... where women race seems to have a upper hand how are they treating the men. no wonder many fathers are paying child support for a child they can't see without permission from the woman.
Why women av a huge problem with men's ego is simply because that is the only hinderance to controlling a man a man's ego remains is most trusted firewall, men do not give it up these women know what they are doing .. the aim is control.

They are not perfect submissive men but know when to use their head instead of their heart.
U call them submissive men yet they still rule over you
Don't let me start o.
Una get strength for una woman only.
In other words........ Let me reserve my comment

sassysure:
They are not perfect submissive men but know when to use their head instead of their heart.
U call them submissive men yet they still rule over you
Don't let me start o.
Una get strength for una woman only.
In other words........ Let me reserve my comment

really !! apparently those whitemen are using only there heart certainly not there head ... which explains why there laws favour only women.
Point of correction, a white man does not rule me .. i live a life of choice, how i want and where i want ... check the word sovereignty, independence ... 2019 election in naija proved the whites got no shit control or rule over us.
Talking of strength is A.J & adesanya champion of the world fighting women or you wana see list of naija men doing us proud around d world,

ImaIma1:
Am I obligated to answer your questions? No.

It is when you had nothing else to say that you were telling a stupid secret about what you imagine love is.

If you really felt no obligation to answer, you would have ignored and not bothered trying, only to end up still failing miserably.

This one you're doing now is just damage control, take it easy...

anslem04:
Mo chill with da poem geng not so gud with poetry buh i understand these one

Balenciaga geng

Lol. Some people get energy sha.

Kai!!!

Biglittlelois:
Takotsubo and lordko, you both hit the exact nail on the head, you explained it as it should be, good one.

When people post to educate, not to argue, win or induce headache- you will know.

crackkhaus:
If you really felt no obligation to answer, you would have ignored and not bothered trying, only to end up still failing miserably.

This one you're doing now is just damage control, take it easy...

Guy, you keep shooting yourself in the foot. Because everything you are saying I am doing is what you are doing...damage control for instance.

Nigga rest...you like fight and quarrel. Everything hot hot and serious. Abeg bother someone else