Amumaigwe:


Go learn punctuation first. Then you may be able to convince potential subscribers that your contents won't be whack because of the aura of laziness your write-up exudes.

Thank you sir for your kind information

pansophist:


I suspect that the poster is not living up to his fatherly duty. No wife will disrespect a man in such a way if he is of value. Surprisingly (well not surprising), he didn't mention anything about that at all.

I disagree with you. An unwise woman who is being egged on by an evil older woman can do worse. The worst offence was what the OP committed which is cheating, there is nothing more for the OP to mention that could be worse than cheating.
.

Parisian:
And you think your children will regard you or still be "yours"? Lmao....

They won’t regard me cos we are mate huh? I go beat sense into into there head. If u marry one wife, they tend to give u problem that is more than separating two persons fighting

Amumaigwe:


Go learn punctuation first. Then you may be able to convince potential subscribers that your contents won't be whack because of the aura of laziness your write-up exudes.

Thank you sir for every mistake lies our strength.
Thank you.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

Bro, Liberia is not like Nigeria, the children can sue their dad and can report him to the police, so you don't dare beat them just because of human right, I was there and I can relate to what this man is saying. I as a Nigerian have settled marital issues trying g to let both parties know that no home is perfect but with prayers and good understanding they can forever be together.
So there are limits that... The poster can attest to that

Ngoze:
To you this is an advice..... Ridiculous. If any man should try this in his home he will completely destroy it totally. Don't think with your balls think with your brain. A father or a mother has a responsible to his or her child. Whatever issues he has with his wife should not be taken on the children. This is between him and his wife. A loving father can easily win the heart of his children. He should just be patient and keep on loving his children later on they realize it. Children are not tools for parent they are human beings too they have a mind of their own, with time things will become clear

I think you being sentiment here . well I understand how you feel coz you seems to be the first to oppose . funny being without knowledge

Paul8000:

Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

Your wife didn't turn your children against you, you turned yourself against your family, when you were busy with your concubines don't you know they were watching, I'm sure you weren't caring for them then, you don't know what it feels like to see your father misbehave. Pray and Involve the family, they will give you another chance if they notice you've really changed

OP, it doesn't matter what you did in the past, your wife's treatment of you says a lot about her; she is toxic. The only thing you can do with a toxic spouse is divorce, unfortunately.

Leave that woman before she kills you.
She doesn't have respect and love for you.

There are things you don't do as a man, over gentleness can make a woman think you're weak,
1.Don't cheat despite the fact that your country ladies are open minded ladies who don't care to ask a man out, if am lying quote me,
2.16 whole years marriage is not a joke,
3.You can't beat your children because of the law in the land, they might sue you same applies to your wife?
4.Please don't opt for divorce rather look for someone whom your wife will listen to either her family member, your pastor that can make her speak..
5. Call your elder kids and talk to them like a father let them know that if you have issues with the mother it does not concerns them because tomorrow they will also have a family and cannot condon this indiscipline.
6. Let your children know that every child has a mother but not all child have a father to call his own ... Mamehn you mo take eh ezeh yah, you mo no PRI PRI ousa again mamehn ... Liberia is my second home...
May the good Lord restore peace in your home... GOD BLESS YOU

mechanics:
If you wedded in the church, then go and meet your marriage committee and explain things to them, they will then call her and talk to her, this her character surprises me o, that's not how a godly wife should behave, she should be very careful if not her actions won't take her any were.

I take your points. There have been cases where a wife even disrespect a marriage committee with insults etc.

A Godly woman will not go to such an extent no matter the husband's offence. Admittedly, what the OP did was very very bad. But he has apologized and likely still is. So why asking the children to openly disrespect their father? It is like urging them to disobey God, who says HONOUR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER. That is my point. It is wrong.
.

majamajic:
If u did pay her Bride price , do contact her family members and yours

If u wedded her do contact your wedding parents or the Reverend

Let someone come between , a sensible person

Involve someone

She has a lot to say , involve someone that can make her speak out

as in na she marry you or na you marry her? No matter what people will say here and your family, she will never change just for the fact that she’s the breadwinner or she own your house. I’m sorry to say you have to let her go ASAP and fix your life for better. Nigerian woman wey don wacko non feet change to normal.Money gives power especially when you are married to an idiot...let her go even with the kids then take her to court on child sharing. Period

The OP came here to seek for advice and possible solution; all I read are mainly blame blame blame. The OP has admitted he has done wrong and he is remorseful and looking for a way forward not additional blame.

Many seem to paint a picture of finality. Is there a man-made problem that has no solution?

Adultery is a very very heinous sin against God and wife. But should the adulterer die even while remorseful? Should his life completely end because of that wrong?

It takes everything for a man to kneel down for his wife to plead for forgiveness and the OP said he has done that. Some are still asking that he has not told all the story. Which story could be worse than saying you have cheated on your wife? What else could be worse than that?

From the children's name the OP family believe in the Bible. There is no reason for any man to cheat on his wife. But do you know that some women use sex as a weapon to foist their will on the family in order to wrest headship from the man? Remember this woman does not so much rely on OP financially since she has a well paying job too.

Is adultery an unforgivable sin? And if you divorce because of that, what guarantee do you have that your next husband will remain ever faithful to you? When there is a problem, a wise person first of all examines his or herself.

Divorce is not the answer. But OP right now is living in the midst of enemies created by himself. That woman can conveniently take care of those three children without the OP. Any attempt for the OP to try to win their hearts through taking them out bla bla will be matched by that woman. The woman is self sufficient.

My prayer is that OP should not be poisoned one day. Living with a bitter woman and embittered children who have clearly taken sides is not an experience even meant for the devil - it is unbearable.

If I were OP, I will move out and separate and beg God to help me be chaste. I will use the opportunity to sort out myself and get closer to God. What will be will be. If God forgives OP and the woman does not, it will still be difficult.

While some persons are soft and can be forgiving some are eternally unforgiving. Marriage is a union of two good forgivers. Where that is not the case it is difficult, very.

Sadly, the woman is employing the weapon of manipulation to have the children openly disrespect their father. Meanwhile the Bible says children should HONOUR, not just respect HONOUR their father. DO TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT

.

If you do not have a manipulative spirit as a woman and evil advisers you will not suddenly learn that for one offence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btZwkaCP6so

Cblessing:

Hello Paul,


Hope you get to read this.


I made same mistake; I impregnated my long time girlfriend who now has a 5-year-old daughter for me.


No woman, I repeat, no woman will ever truly forgive any man such infraction.


My advice:

Take off your mind from your wife and children for the meantime. If possible, get a new apartment for yourself.



Give adequate, quality attention to your son (from your mistress) for now. He, and at least, one of your 5 children will be your succor tomorrow, worse case scenario.


Women detest competition and they do not wish their men to have ALTERNATIVES; that drives them crazy.


You will become happier and alive instead of drowning emotionally like you are doing at the moment.


If your mistress is still single, get closer to her and you'll be happy you did.


Do not make the mistake of marrying her hurriedly though. Just keep her as a mistress.


If she is married, just bond with your son like never before.


Your wife will likely come around and behave much better to you. The 3 older children will do same.



If the above does not happen, get someone else pregnant, leave the other kids for your wife and move on with your life knowing that you, at least, have 2 children who will love, respect, and adore you and check on you when you become old.


This is Africa. Men can marry more than 1 wife. No woman should hold you to ransom for any reason; not when you work hard and make good money to take care of your family.


Cheers

I hope the OP doesn't go ahead and follow your example as that'll land him in big trouble.

Focusing all of your attention onto your other mistress' child will only make your other children hate you even more.

What happens if the one you're doting on becomes useless and the other ones you ignored become successful? Such things can happen, especially if the first wife has laid a heavy curse on your head.

Let this be a lesson for men who cheat.

bbankky:



She has not forgiven you for cheating on her, she is just not voicing it out.

she has forgiven me... because she accepted the child and has been raising him like her own for the past 5 years. She treats him ... so many people doesn’t know that Samuel is not her biological child because they can’t tell the differences between our 4 together and him...

OP , I would advise you to readup on Maryam Sanda and that female lawyer who stabbed her Husband to Death.Secondly, while I would not advise you to DIVORCE her, i just want u to know that she may end up STABBING you one day. The children would simply corroborate the story that their Father has been abusing their mother for a long time. What that Woman is planning for u is beyond what u think she is. Pls be careful about eating her food too.
May we not get involved with a WOMAN WHO HAS UNFORGIVING SPIRIT.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Parisian:
Lol. Do you know something else Polygamous men face, dejection from their kids, not being shown love etc

I also thank God this is the 21st century and African women now have sense. Whether or not he impregnates 100 women , he remains on the losing side as the women will always prefer their mothers.

Most of them are going through hell. They'll pretend for outsiders but if you ask them to tell you the truth then you'll hear some horror stories.

As for those who think that being a married man and running around sleeping with different women without protection is good just know that what goes around comes around and what usually comes around in that case is HIV/Gonorrhea/Herpes etc.

Martinez39s:
@paul8000

1) Are you the breadwinner/provider of the family?
2) Does your wife make more money than you currently?

I am the breadwinner ... I make more money than her

Paul8000:

she has forgiven me... because she accepted the child and has been raising him like her own for the past 5 years. She treats him ... so many people doesn’t know that Samuel is not her biological child because they can’t tell the differences between our 4 together and him...

If she's raising a child that's the product of your infidelity to her then it's either that she's a very good woman, who's not at all what you describe her to be, or a very smart woman.

Honest question for you but would you have accepted to raise a child that was the product of your wife's extramarital affair?

Parisian:
Actually, he not only cheated but has a 6yr old child outside wedlock.

Forgiveness my ass! Dude is lucky she hasn't cut off his John Thomas yet

pansophist:


I suspect that the poster is not living up to his fatherly duty. No wife will disrespect a man in such a way if he is of value. Surprisingly (well not surprising), he didn't mention anything about that at all.

He purposely didn't mention in his first post that he cheated on his wife several times, impregnated another woman and got his wife to look after that other woman's child. That's three strikes he's hit her with in succession. He's probably done something else that he hasn't disclosed yet.

Investnow2017:


I take your points. There have been cases where a wife even disrespect a marriage committee with insults etc.

A Godly woman will not go to such an extent no matter the husband's offence. Admittedly, what the OP did was very very bad. But he has apologized and likely still is. So why asking the children to openly disrespect their father? It is like urging them to disobey God, who says HONOUR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER. That is my point. It is wrong.
.

Yeah, we are saying the same thing, let him try his MC first, they will now advice him on what to do next.

Op what have u done?

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Are you sire you didn't do such to your parents? Because karma is real

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...



I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail.

/
Read the above statement 100 times.

You knelt down to beg your wife?

She has your balls in her purse. It didn't start recently. You just never paid attention. You are not a man.

/

It takes a sensible child to see through the emotional blackmail of some mothers always talking bad of their husbands in front of the kids.

Paul8000:

I am the breadwinner ... I make more money than her

You really need to start taking charge in your house. Your are weak and confused. One of these days, call your children for a meeting and ask them why they disrespect you, and ask them what grievances they have with you. During that meeting, make it known to them that you love them as a father and you have no ill intentions toward them. After that, sternly and solemnly warn them that such disrespect and disobedience ends that very moment or you seize playing your role as a father and provider toward them. If the house is yours, let them know that no disrespectful one among them shall stay under your roof.

As for your wife, you need to do the following:
(1) stand your ground and boundaries,
(2) stop being too caring,
(3) stop thinking marriage is a do-or-die thing, and don't be afraid of losing her and the marriage if situation demands these.
Once you abide by these three, confront your wife and tell her that you are tired of her rubbish. Either she opens up and tells you what grievances she has with you and you guys settle your differences amicably, or she leaves your house and the marriage is dissolved. If she decides on persisting in her toxicity, she can go to blazes for all you care. The house is yours, I presume, and you ought to make the rules and take charge.

I am sure you will not take my advice; like many men, you probably think marriage is such a do-or-die thing, and hence you would grasp at straws and consider certain opinions to salvage a shipping ship even at the expense of your peace of mind.

A lot of you men might disagree but just know that any woman or marriage that is compromising your peace of mind and happiness is worth doing away with.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

You dey mind am! Who cares if they like you? As long as they give you your respect and you play your part as their father.
With age, they'll come to understand better. But, being a sissy, doesn't do any shit!
Some brain resetting slaps, would have cut this msunery short, a long time ago! Dem never born monkey

This is from the African Perspective. The best approach bro. Try this out. I can imagine what you are going through now. The Lord is your Strength.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.