₦airaland Forum

All my Dreams have been whisked away ,
floating through a cloudy day,drifting past a moonlit night,past cloudy tendrils,soft and white. Higher and higher into the sky,dissapearing as they fly ,i see them only from afar,lost behind a twinkling star.

Wisps of laughter,light and love,sprinkled from a world above,fill my head with sunny light as i sleep throughout the night.

It is far better to hope,dream and quit ,than to live in a world ripped at the seam,where all your plans and hopes fall through,and there is no place ,it seems for you..

SOLEMN THOUGHT
My eyes hurt

My soul aches

My spirit shut

My heart gate

My moon is dark

My world is empty

With soots of setback

My life’s cruel

Burning love’s fuel

The rope is friendly

The blade will guide

Both may send me to

The other side

Guy, don't do it. See, no matter what you're going through, there's always a way out. Don't let your setbacks make you think otherwise. Your problem isn't the worst there is. There are people out there going through worse situations whether you believe if or not, and they've somehow decided not to give up because they are hopeful (even though nothing tangible gives them that hope).

Me nor know if na joke you dey joke o! Although I really hope you are, but if not, please don't do it, you are important. The world needs you. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

LATELY
Lately,
Loneliness creeps in
unwelcomed but yet appreciated
consoling me,drawing me to the warmth of her bosom
Teaching and instructing me to tread the path with dread.

Lately,
Tears of bitterness in the wilderness have flooded like out of me and like the ocean tide has brought to my shore mixed blessings of indecision,frustration and passion

Lately ,
The road has led me
blackness over my eyes
thirst for a change in my soul
for the things I know not,yet know so well to a point of utter and foolish folly
The enchanting rose with thorns of caution

Lately,
I sit and wonder
think and ponder
about the many winds of life
and the many moods of love
and I sigh and say to myself
Lately I do not know anymore



Now listening to Gloomy Sunday -Rezső Seress

Living in this country is both a curse and fate I have come to embrace eventually. It's a battle very few every get to win. The soil kills dreams, the water drowns prospects. Uncertainty everywhere. This is the life my forefathers lived, even my parents and now that my flowers should sprout, the thorns are choking them and I cannot afford to live an unfulfilled life. I am having miscarriages of dreams and life is 'ONCE',fleeting and ephemeral, what then should I live for when life have scorched the freshness of my soul and hope.

See... I am fed up...

-
I sit alone in the basement brooding ,in a world with no kith or kin .
My heart falter since I lost my banter
Memories and tears cascade down in torrents .
I soliloquy and sigh to the many faces of life
Human minds are walls of excitement ,grief and torment
Being raised in life endless struggle and misery.
lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere .
I am the loner,wanderer and sojourner.
Until slowly and suddenly I.heard the night sound .
In the middle unknown and unspeakable encirclement .
The whisper gained current and I heed your soft call .
Like a lullaby urging my step in the safe path to your haven .
Then I heard you clearer like a humming bird .
Like an infant learning to step to step ; I crawl into the sojourn .
My heart beats like an anvil thrust on a steel .
Half-mile you opened my shutter mind and show me into your bossom. My ancestors are calling, to take my hand and lead me through the falling sunset ,together we embrace the brightening sunrise .

Where no grief and pain have got no might.

I prayed to be different, to excel and went through the path. It's an oath never to falter. I am the black sheep, coz I am open minded, coz I dare to be different, and I didn't make myself this way. I just want to live differently from the world of lies, hypocrites, backstabbers and the so-called politically correct. My family dissent me, except for one or maybe 2.

I realize I might never find my soul tribe in this terrestrial. I am free spirited, empathetic and an old soul but the world applaud the manipulators, desperadoes and Vile men.

I am not a saint but an expressive man, conscientious and reflective. I believe in retribution and Karma.

Yet I live miserable. I live a life of solitude.

I live a life people love to hate. They loathe my gut and cringe at my conviction.

Poster boy of sadness, pain and lack.

I am the cast out. I have no friend.

NOW I HAVE TO BORROW SOME LINES FROM THE LATE ZULU SOFOLA-WEDLOCK OF THE GODS.


And Thunder inseparable

Our love shall live forever

Our light to keep it aglow

Our thunder to demolish all obstacles

We shall leave this cursed place.

We shall go to where there is peace

We shall ride on the cotton of heaven

The rain shall wash our tears and pain

The sun shall dry our sweat

The night shall hide and protect us

Over and over we shall forever roam

Beautifully as we impress.



Read this book in 1999 . And I cried. Now I am at the edge and verge of jumping from the cliff .

Back there things got ugly and heartless to boot
I don't quite record the details but I got blood on my shoes
The blackest hour in the blackest country is right before the dawn
But nobody seems to be traveling this road that I'm on
Nobody wants to be traveling this road that I'm on
Tired of looking for shelter, too long out in the cold
I am on the wastes and the stateless and I bought and I sold
The blackest hour in the blackest country is right before the dawn
But nobody seems to be traveling this road that I'm on
Nobody wants to be traveling this road that I'm on
Nobody wants to be traveling this road that I'm on
Love never made good a sinner or turn it to a saint
Luck never made a winner but a loser I ain't
The blackest hour in the blackest country is right before the dawn
Nobody seems to be traveling this road that I'm on
Nobody wants to be traveling this road that I'm on
Nobody wants to be traveling this road that I'm on

Playing --------------------

BLACKEST HOUR- BY TOMBSTONE THREE

Hang in there bro... the light is near

Op, don't do the unthinkable with your post. From your post, I see a man with great future ahead. We are here on transit. Never take a life you never created as there is a greater being who has given this soul and there is a purpose for every creature.

OP there are three types of people in this world:
Those that have FAITH
Those that have HOPE
Those that are HOPELESS

I am a Man of Faith. I don't hope and my fate is never hopeless.
You'll be back. I can tell. Have Faith.

Abeg is it a crime to be broke or what rule has been breached for living a life not up to societal standard. Is it a sin to have made efforts and everything seem to be nought and gone south?They say nothing last forever but poverty seem to have made a perennial pact with my life despite my 10000+ efforts to free myself from it.

Family doesn't help matter, you are inconsequential and no one, I mean no one cares if you are alive, they view you with derision and would only backbite about you, they spite you, yet they would never want you to make it.

In my own situation, I am a butt of joke of people, even family members, from my mom, who keeps telling her friends I have no purpose in life and I might not get a breakthrough, till probably my 50s.

I have tried leaving the country 4 times and once contemplated to go the unpalatable jungle /desert route. I promised myself not to ever return if it works fine.

I don't have an opinion even in my family as even my stepsisters treat me as an outcast.

I wake up to survive . My Bachelor' degree of 12 years has never helped too,jobless and hopeless . I am the villain. I lost my confidence and most of my mastery a long time ago. I am lonely and alone, and my baby mama would not even pick my calls again. I am sad and terrified.

Call me a coward.

THIS LIFE AIN'T FOR ME!!!

I like your write-up though.....

I tried smoking Marijuana couple of time to relieve my mind off my miseries. thought I could help myself and get distracted from the uneventful life and path I am treading:but no all I got is a short lived euphoria and I am back to the status quo, at some point it was distorting my mind and I was starting to reason too wildly and I feel it's too foreign to my body system.

I wouldn't want to add mental illness to the myriads of problems facing my life.

Oh I forgot to add I have a shoe that have seen off its better times ,3 shirts that I can't put on and go out to the public.

At the moment my self esteem is at abyss low and even though I try to lighten myself up � It's only flickers that comes up. I am just a living dead with nothing to boast of.

How else can someone be jinxed

EMPTY....

SOLEMN

VOID

CRAVING

NOOSE

BROOD

BLOOD

TEARS

YEARS

SHACKLES

CHAIN

SHAME

SILENCE

TIMELESS

GUTLESS.

BLANK

DARK

SAD

VIOLENT

CASKET

HEAVY

DEATH

GOODBYE



those are the words running through my blank mind ...

Tall dreams but they are just mirage in reality. Is it fate, is it karma? And in all fairness I have never wished anyone bad or ever even prayed against my enemies.

Am I jinxed or am I under a spell??

I am tired.

I am hopeless

I am giving up!!!

You will rise Again...

I see the struggle of an average Nigerian in your write up but be positive mindset.

It can only get better.

Do not embrace the rope or the blade.

This path you walk, you are not alone in it but do you know? Thousands are holding on to every available lifeline they can while others are creating there own life line.

Do not give up.

Please don't look down on yourself brother, you're not the only one passing through hard time just that not everyone is ready to talk about it.
You can chat me on WhatsApp on this number 0812 073 9535 if you don't mind so as to help each other.

quote author=HOPELESSS post=88895320]All my Dreams have been whisked away ,
floating through a cloudy day,drifting past a moonlit night,past cloudy tendrils,soft and white. Higher and higher into the sky,dissapearing as they fly ,i see them only from afar,lost behind a twinkling star.

Wisps of laughter,light and love,sprinkled from a world above,fill my head with sunny light as i sleep throughout the night.

It is far better to hope,dream and quit ,than to live in a world ripped at the seam,where all your plans and hopes fall through,and there is no place ,it seems for you..

[/quote]

Thank you for the kind words. I am a believer in the saying that "after the rain, comes the sunlight " but just like everyone differ I have my own pain threshold and I feel I am crossing that line and I cannot think straight. I am feeling awkward and life is gradually draining out of me.

What else can I say

annayawchee:
You will rise Again...

I see the struggle of an average Nigerian in your write up but be positive mindset.

It can only get better.

Do not embrace the rope or the blade.

This path you walk, you are not alone in it but do you know? Thousands are holding on to every available lifeline they can while others are creating there own life line.

Do not give up.

HOPELESSS:
Thank you for the kind words. I am a believer in the saying that "after the rain, comes the sunlight " but just like everyone differ I have my own pain threshold and I feel I am crossing that line and I cannot think straight. I am feeling awkward and life is gradually draining out of me.

What else can I say

you will survive

I hope so but I have since crossed the lain threshold and I almost can't feel a thing...

annayawchee:
you will survive

HOPELESSS:
I hope so but I have since crossed the lain threshold and I almost can't feel a thing...

Who/what is your muse??

Create your own lifeline and hold on tightly to life,

I'm depressed too, whenever it feels like I can't do this shit called life anymore I look at the bright side of life, the tiny ray of hope in it, the people that makes me smile then I create my own lifeline out of this memory and here I am still living.

I'm not over it yet but I will tame this monster.

Look at the bright side bro..

You will surely survive this.

I feel your pain @op. Even though you have to work and walk through the dark alone, never give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I am a walking wreck and I am not proud to look at my footprints. I remember no one called me during my last birthday, no one text me and I feel the world will never care or show any degree for anyone that much is not happening for or the one that hasn't figured out himself.

I wish I can take the easy way out. There are better people, great beings that have walked to the other side of the divide.

I keep asking why I am alive when I am living in pain, anger and humiliation.

The Covid 19 period has really brought flood of emotions into me and I am finding it hard to breathe.

I am swimming against the tide but each stroke seems like my last. I am exhausted brethren.

SIGH

sageb:
I feel your pain @op. Even though you have to work and walk through the dark alone, never give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Waited too long for a jackpot, a miracle, or at least a LIFELINE.

All I see is pain, bitter-sweet experiences and downward into the slide again....


Waiting and still waiting for a Lifeline in this Lifetime.

Now listening to Reuben Gray-LIFELINE

HOPELESSS:
Waited too long for a jackpot, a miracle, or at least a LIFELINE.

All I see is pain, bitter-sweet experiences and downward into the slide again....

What do you look forward to?

A place of my own where I can lie down and sleep without pressure. A different life away from my penury, lack and Unfulfilment. I need a lifeline. I want to live a life of contentment and I want to take my photography dream to an enviable height. White collar job or not. In fact I want to survive

Mindlog:
What do you look forward to?

HOPELESSS:
A place of my own where I can lie down and sleep without pressure. A different life away from my penury, lack and Unfulfilment. I need a lifeline. I want to live a life of contentment and I want to take my photography dream to an enviable height. White collar job or not. In fact I want to survive

Good to read that in the midst of the darkness, you desire life. You write from the soul, tap from that energy and it would set you on the path of what you have listed. First convince yourself you are not worthless.

Thanks . I am grateful for the kind words

Mindlog:
Good to read that in the midst of the darkness, you desire life. You write from the soul, tap from that energy and it would set you on the path of what you have listed. First convince yourself you are not worthless.

Deep sigh....


Thanks

sageb:
I feel your pain @op. Even though you have to work and walk through the dark alone, never give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

@OP let me just mention this here if you like quit but someone might see my post and be encouraged.
I graduated in 2009 with a 2:1 BSC in Electrical/Electronics Engineering. For 4 years I did not get a job with that good course and grade.
Many of my mates walked out of our final exams into jobs waiting for them.
Needless to say, things have changed, many of those guys even buzz me to send them money today.

Summary, every body faces challenges in life, if you quit you deny yourself the chance for a better day .