₦airaland Forum

Moneystopnonsen:
All I see here is a woman who out of her desperation took advantage of a friend who cared so much for her.
1) you lured him to sleep with you in a bid to check if you will get pregnant, he barely resisted.
2) you got pregnant and moved the topic to marriage, dude did a lot of fighting with his mind and decided to marry you, because he still had that soft spot of not to hurt a friend.
3) you entered marriage and started been verbally abusive, how can you constantly do that to a man and expect love in return.
This is the mistake most women make and until you are punished to the extreme you never learn.
4) your family is even suprised you are still with him, meaning you have sold him to ur family and rubbished his image because you have no value for him. You no try
5) its a good thing he still dots on his kid, he has transfered all his love to his kid, he also cares about the child's sanity so he is not planning to leave you.
6) you deserve the sexual torture you are getting now, sex comes with a lot of happy alignment from the heart. How can you allow a baby, a man u see as a baby to climb you. And am sure you have told him to his face that he acts like a baby.

My advice.
1)Retrace your steps and control your mouth.
2) stop been abusive verbally to your husband. Control your mouth and learn to be tolerant as if you seek change, then be ready to endure.
3) then never take ur house matter to your family again, and just know that u have spoilt the relationship between ur hubby and family and it will take a whole long while to have it rebuilt.
4) reduce the level you interact with ur family members especially when hubby is around, let all the time be for him, even if he won't value it at first. Do those small small things that you think doesn't count. It will go a long way
5) na u Sabi ur husband pass us. Name advice you give urself go work pass.
Cheers.

Been down this road.

God bless you!

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I [sup][/sup]don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

Y do I feel I know this Op

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

Both of you need to see a relationship coach.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you.

I'm reading and learning, my father and mother are still together and my sister is still married. I just feel I will be looked as s failure...

He makes my child, I see the bond and I love it, if I I lesve the won't be so close. I want to give my child s sibling, he is always crying for someone to play with.
I want to leave with two children, because I do notvwsnt to remarry if this marriage fails.

pls this is better. stay and if possible have 3 kids with him.
if things don't improve coparenting is better
with 3 kids u can focus on your children and maybe have a side guy for sex and companionship

madam! let me see ur pic ,so i can advice u, i got Phd in marriage marijuana.

Did I hear "Cross River men"? If so, you don enter one chance o. Their men are known to be very lazy, eating off their women, I don't mean Akwa Ibom o. I'm not sure there's anything you can do to change him, it's in their blood

foxxydude:
You used the "keep a n+$gga baby" trick on him and you expect him to be happy?

Unfortunately, this summarizes the whole thing.

She took advantage of him. Used him to solve her OWN health issues.

I know this story is likely fake like the others here...but let's humour them.

Romanoff:
No one is born again if they are still fornicating.

Only a pretender would be raising up holy hands in the choir stand and be living a life contrary to the scriptures.

The Bible says "if the foundation be destroyed, what will the righteous do?" I believe you both need to trace your steps back to God. Put Him in the centre of your marriage. Seek counselling from older couples in your church and maybe involve your pastors in the counselling sessions.

Marital crisis are not a war you fight physically and with insults. It is a war you fight with wisdom and on your knees.

God help you sis.

You should have given your advice without judging her. Jesus came for the sinners and the ungodly, not for the righteous.

Woman, learn to respect your husband. He must not earn your respect. Respect and submit to him and the love will come naturally.

If he insults you, ignore and watch how he'll change.

There can't be two captains in one ship. Stop dragging superiority with your husband.


Edited ***

It seems this woman is just after her own selfish interest. You manipulated a man into getting you pregnant and marrying you. As if that wasn't enough, you want to have another child for him just because you want to walk away from the marriage with 2 kids incase it fails. What exactly is your interest in the marriage?

You never loved that man. He sees the evil in you and I pray he doesn't give you that child.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you all. I'm reading and I totally appreciate.
I know I have to learn how to be humble but trust me it's easy to lie and say I can or I will but. It's not.
Wwe had no settee when we got married and I was like let's work on this it will be nice, he said okay but no real plans to do, I had to save and get it.

The same with the generator, our television, our sir conditioner, our fans, even stabilizer, even extensions. Our gas cylinder was stolen but I had to replace it,
I do sell these with joy because I want to make my home comfortable but when I see men struggle to put their home together I feel jealous, my mom said I should stop buying properties but I can't, how will I see something that is good for my home and not do it.
I've calmly asked him why he does not think about providing these things for us. Even when these things get bad, he will ignore not until I quarrels and shout or report to people before he will grudgingly do it.

I'll try to be humble but trust me it's not easy, I told him just play your role small and I will worship you because with all I'm going true it's difficult because I'll just pretend and be cursing you in my mind.
When I hustle and save to get these things, I'm never appreciated. I'm not boasting but I just felt like explaining how I truly feel...

I wonder why people will be blaming this lady. She is married to a man that has no sense of direction. How can a man like this get respect from a woman.
Why will the woman not be frustrated?

The lady is carrying a very big cross.

djon78:
I wonder why people will be blaming this lady. She is married to a man that has no sense of direction. How can a man like this get respect from a woman.
Why will the woman not be frustrated?

The lady is carrying a very big cross.

Are you minding them?

G12:
Woman, learn to respect your husband. He must not earn your respect. Respect and submit to him and the love will come naturally.

If he insults you, ignore and watch how he'll change.

There can't be two captain in one both. Stop dragging superiority with your husband.


Edited ***

It seems this woman is just after her own selfish interest. You manipulated a man into getting you pregnant and marrying you. As if that wasn't enough, you want to have another child for him just because you want to walk away from the marriage incase it fails.

You never loved that man. He sees the evil in you and I pray he doesn't give you that child.

I'm not dragging anything, i want him to be the captain, I will be extremely happy if he is the captain.
It's my cross and I'll carry it, you can judge me but your not my GOD.
God is my judge

I'm not in evil person, yes I have s bsd attitude but I'm not evil.
I was 23yesrs and he was 3o when we got married but somehow everybody See Me as s manipulative human being that trapped him, you can judge me and call me liar but GOD is my judge.
You think if I did not love him I'll open my legs for him.
I'm not perfect but I've suffered with sweat and blood to build this home

All I see is a woman who manipulated her boyfriend into getting her pregnant... He even asked you to remove it but you kept it... He on his own part because of the pregnancy decided to marry you ( heavy manipulation )... Your case is a lesson to other persons who may find themselves in similar scenario...

I am tired of the numerous sad marriage/relationships stories I read here daily. It's really cray-yay.

Seems nunnery is the next best thing now.

Where mutual love, respect and understanding abounds, miracles happen. Redefine the terms of your marriage, if possible. I won't cast aspersions on you. I know what it is like to be in your shoes, and truth is, it's the most tiring thing anyone can go through. Unreciprocal love and respect can be really frustrating, and with time, resentment and disrespect sets in.

I hope you work things out with your husband. I truly hope you do.

PS: With no intent to sound tribalistic, but I'll advise you for a next time, if you have to marry from a clan, tribe or state, do background checks, please. Cross-Riverian guys are really lazy. They despise hustle. All they sit and wait for is comfort to fall upon them without doing anything. But them sabi fork o!

Stop being a nag, if you're. You'll give yourself high BP. It's highly unnecessary. Next time, find a man who is self realized and can lead.


Don't beat yourself up over this issue. Find peace, ma'am.

djon78:
I wonder why people will be blaming this lady. She is married to a man that has no sense of direction. How can a man like this get respect from a woman.
Why will the woman not be frustrated?

The lady is carrying a very big cross.

You are a man, I guess you know the difference between pity and love right?

Let us assume that your best female friend played a cancer card on you,.. telling you how her world will come to an end without having a baby... and u were overwhelmed emotionally, she says can we try to have a baby? I just want to know if what the doctor said was true.. Please help me, .. what will u do?..

Second stage, when she got pregnant, the guy pleaded that she should terminate it, she refused.. all of a sudden she started singing the songs of marriage...different from the original let us try to have a baby . he doesn't want to offend her considering her medical condition..

Third stage, she wanted another baby again... I know that whenever the word cancer comes up, every one's sense of reasoning disappears. That could have been what happened to the Husband.

The man marry you out of pity

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much for everything.. We just had s deep talk about everything and we have decided on s separation and maybe s divorce later on... Thank you

.

Okay... Seperation.... Not bad but Who is gonna take all thé properties you bought with your own Money

Richy4:
You are a man, I guess you know the difference between pity and love right?

Let us assume that your best female friend played a cancer card on you,.. telling you how her world will come to an end without having a baby... and u were overwhelmed emotionally, she says can we try to have a baby? I just want to know if what the doctor said was true.. Please help me, .. what will u do?..

Second stage, when she got pregnant, the guy pleaded that she should terminate it, she refused.. all of a sudden she started singing the songs of marriage...different from the original let us try to have a baby . he doesn't want to offend her considering her medical condition..

Third stage, she wanted another baby again... I know that whenever the word cancer comes up, every one's sense of reasoning disappears. That could have been what happened to the Husband.

The cancer was a typo error... Don't have cancer and I've never hard... I had ovarian cyst

Ybaby:
I see you trying. Well done sis.
Read books on the Male and female energy so that you can be the woman and he will be the man. For him to have a good paying job - means he is a man and responsible too.
Let him be that man for you, talk to him as you will take to your boss but with cleavage and bumshort.
Give him food like a king, he should have a special plate, cup, chair etc and just stroke his ego at every chance.
It will take time for him to genuinely trust you again o because too much damage but if you want him - keep at it. If he is trying to provoke you start crying and take on the damsel in distress mode rather than the witch mode.
If you must abuse him say things like just because you are bigger and stronger and richer than me you want to be cheating me ... it is not fair.
Stop buying things in the house, ask him nicely so that he too will have property in the house -making it harder for him to check out
Stop that nonsense of competing with him- you are not a man. Act a little helpless and need that man. Send sweet text messages. Let him know you can not afford to lose him. Stop making him feel he is just there to help you make babies. No baby talk at all... if you use your female wiles well he will be the one to fcccuuk you into pregnancy. Love is very powerful. Use it.

You have a man who has a good job. That is 80%

About house chores, it is men who have no finance power that are forced to do house chores or in the abroad where they have no help. Cover his weakness of untidyness with your tidiness.

Some other woman will take that man in and he will be for her everything you have been dying for him to be for you because she will string his guitar properly.

What you will gain- a man that works as a machine for you so you dont age quickly, a man that adores you back.

You are equal but he is the head. Treat him that way geniunely for 6months straight.

PS this advice is not for women with men who are not financial capable o. Give those ones a broom and mop o. Let them sweep the whole street.
Thanks

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tabithababy:
.

Okay... Seperation.... Not bad but Who is gonna take all thé properties you bought with your own Money

I will keep what I bought and he will keep his... We boughtbour car together so I'll balance him off to keep the car.
I have so many stuffs in this house, so he Willie moving out.
Our child stays with me but he can have him anytime he can.
I'm not happy but I'm not sad. I'm just relieved and I pray even if our marriage failed we can successfully copsrent.

Confusedwomsn:
I will keep what I bought and he will keep his... We boughtbour car together so I'll balance him off to keep the car.
I have so many stuffs in this house, so he Willie moving out.
Our child stays with me but he can have him anytime he can.
I'm not happy but I'm not sad. I'm just relieved and I pray even if our marriage failed we can successfully copsrent.

Better. Be careful though cos that's how my neighbors jobless husband came and tried to move away everything in their home while she was at work if not that the gateman insisted Madam must be present.

Did you know that finally it was only the TV that the man left with, the woman had bought every other thing. Even the Driver of the ppty moving vehicle left ashamed when they Sawa what happened. Thankfully no child yet so she is starting all over again hopefully with a better man.

Kingarthur21:
wrong!

You are implying that men can not have female friends he doesn't harbor thoughts of sleeping with later on or dating?that is not true

I discourage men from being casual friends with women. It's either, you are her boyfriend, fùcking her or you are related to her by blood. Anything other than that, you are on your own.

Richy4:
You are a man, I guess you know the difference between pity and love right?

Let us assume that your best female friend played a cancer card on you,.. telling you how her world will come to an end without having a baby... and u were overwhelmed emotionally, she says can we try to have a baby? I just want to know if what the doctor said was true.. Please help me, .. what will u do?..

Second stage, when she got pregnant, the guy pleaded that she should terminate it, she refused.. all of a sudden she started singing the songs of marriage...different from the original let us try to have a baby . he doesn't want to offend her considering her medical condition..

Third stage, she wanted another baby again... I know that whenever the word cancer comes up, every one's sense of reasoning disappears. That could have been what happened to the Husband.

This is no justification. Did she force him to impregnate or marry her?
Why did he impregnate her and go on to marry her if he wasn't interested.

That guy is totally directionless.
You are with a woman that hustles and works her as.s off. Born pickin for you supports you. And yet he doesn't know how to be a man in his home.

He is irresponsible, immature. I am sorry for that woman.
It's just because the woman in question has a soft heart.
If it's those mean ones, she for Don Waka tey tey.
A woman that hustles like that can still get hooked to another man that will value her, because she is industrious.
What the poor lady needed was a real man that will complement, support and love her.

That guy is totally misfit and mean.

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

You should not be confused.

You clearly pressured him to marry you after testing his penis to get pregnant.

The surprising thing is how you both are 'best friends', he could help you test your fertility yet hates the idea of getting married to you.

What he is doing is clearing frustrating you which he has the weapon to because you were friends and he knows what you were expecting in marriage and just has to dk the opposite.

He is either angry because:
a. He is married to you;
b. He is married at all.

Since you were once besties, remember how you got his attention and exploit it:

When you have his attention, apologize for the events that led to the marriage. He might have thought you planned the who marriage thing from the get go.

Thereafter, ask what his expectations of a wife are and see where you measure up/fall short.

Tell him yours and where he falls short.

From there, you can start working towards mending the relationship between you two.

Goodluck.

Omar09:
I discourage men from being casual friends with women. It's either, you are her boyfriend, fùcking her or you are related to her by blood. Anything other than that, you are on your own.

I am not saying it is right or wrong,I also don't support it,he said it doesn't happen,I was disproving him based on the fact it happens

djon78:
You should have given your advice without judging her. Jesus came for the sinners and the ungodly, not for the righteous.

A sinner in the church? Who claims to be born again?

If she said he wasn't a Christian or just a church goer, I'd have been less judgemental.

Someone who leads people to God's presence and still comfortable fornicating, there is every thing wrong with that.

Confusedwomsn:
I'm not dragging anything, i want him to be the captain, I will be extremely happy if he is the captain.
It's my cross and I'll carry it, you can judge me but your not my GOD.
God is my judge

Lady I understand you. You don't need to explain anything to them. You needed a true leader that knows what it means to be the captain of the home. That's why you are frustrated.
But you married an immature, directionless man.

It's a cross you have to carry if you have the perseverance. And there is no guarantee he will change.

Confusedwomsn:
Yes I'm reading all comments and listening.
Yes, people tell me to ignore, respect him, be loyal, endure it, pamper him, treat him like s King but I try ooøo but sometimes I'll feel frustrated and be like who is taking care of me, my dear it's not easy.
I believe he is still with me because I'm s hustler and he knows by God's grace I can never be poor.
My friends all wonder why I hustle so much when my husband is working and I'm working too but they never know.
If you ask him if he wants to end the marriage he will say no that we can be married but I can go to meet s man to make me happy.
If he sees me sitting with s man to talk, I'm sorry prostitute but when I ask him for sex, I should go and meet s man. Then I'm the prostitute

@bold:

That is where people get it wrong.

That you are not leaving does not mean you ignore.

You have to work things out and know where you stand.

Confusedwomsn:
I've asked for s separation but he said no, we should live together and maybe one day thevlove will grow back.

I said okay let's have one child together while waiting for the love to grow back, he said he is not sure.
When I make move to leave, he will act nice and treat me nicely and later he will go back to normal.

What do you think he is gaining from the marriage that he doesn't want to let go?

Romanoff:
A sinner in the church? Who claims to be born again?

If she said he wasn't a Christian or just a church goer, I'd have been less judgemental.

Someone who leads people to God's presence and still comfortable fornicating, there is every thing wrong with that.

And do you know how many of them that full our churches?
Repentance and true change of a human being can only come from genuine encounter with God. And most times we humans judge people a lot.

I have seen music ministers like that change and turn a new leaf. Judging them or playing righteous won't change them. It's only God that will humans, nothing else does
All you owe them is to keep praying for them.