₦airaland Forum

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

Confusedwomsn:
I've asked for s separation but he said no, we should live together and maybe one day thevlove will grow back.

I said okay let's have one child together while waiting for the love to grow back, he said he is not sure.
When I make move to leave, he will act nice and treat me nicely and later he will go back to normal.

Confusedwomsn:
He was very caring, loving and s choir member, I thought he loved me. Then we will sit and plan everything together discuss, I was in Love not until hi pregnancy.... You won't understand sometimes I feel he was pretending, sometimes I wonder if it's spiritual...

Confusedwomsn:
I now truly believe I'm being manipulated and abused emotionally.
We had s deep talk about separating and all of s sudden money that I always quarrel and fight for food suddenly pooped out and he even got fuel willingly. I bet you if I'm open to sex he will but in the next two weeks he will turn back to tormenting me.
This is s true life story..

I was asked why he is still with me.

He doesn't love me and does not want to lose my love. He knows I love deeply and I'm all about building our home with my being and he is scared of that.
I'm not falling for it anymore, today I've realized my worth.

I never trapped or deceived any one with pregnancy, I'm not desperate to be married and my biggest mistake was loving this man.
I fell in love with my best friend, shared my darkest fears and secrets with him, I've been s loyal wife and mother and served with my sweat.
I'm not perfect but I'm gold, I know my worth..i refuse to be manipulated again .

Thank you for your words, I appreciate.

Confusedwomsn:
I'm reading and learning.

Sorry I did not explain well, we were best friends and lovers, we were even living together and I never told him to marry me...

We already talked about getting married the next year before the pregnancy happened and everything changed. I swear with my life this is the truth.

Confusedwomsn:
I've asked for s separation but he said no, we should live together and maybe one day thevlove will grow back.

I said okay let's have one child together while waiting for the love to grow back, he said he is not sure.
When I make move to leave, he will act nice and treat me nicely and later he will go back to normal.

djon78:
That's one thing I learnt from my dad. Any man that wants to marry his daughter, he will warn you strictly that on no account you maltreat his daughter.
And all his son in law no dey try any nonsense at all
One lawyer came to marry my sister who is a doctor. My old man tell the guy he was not serious. I sorry for the guy. But he knew what he was doing. The guy that later married her is very responsible and my sister is enjoying her marriage.

Romanoff:
I believe you both never knew each other. To say you were friends or best friends now seems to be a lie.

The signs were there that he never loved you or wanted to marry you. He prolly married you out of pity and now resents you.

This is how I know he doesn't love you.

1. He doesn't help you out in the house and only wants to press his phone and hang out.

2. He earns more than you and still lets you support the house 80%. (Unless you both agreed it should be that way so he can save up for a family project).

3. He refuses to touch you and let's you beg for sex.

Quick question, why did you marry him, what were the things that attracted you to him or convinced you he'd make a good husband?

Confusedwomsn:
Yes, I nag, I shout, I insult him but it's because I'm frustrated.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.. It's not easy ooooooo, it's not easy.
But I'm sincerely trying my best, ixmve out in all I have and my best into this home.
I want my kids with one man ooooooo, I don't want s broken home but its not easy.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, but I'll work on my attitude but please pray for me. Pray for me thank you.
I just want to pour out my soul, I feel light now.

Confusedwomsn:
I now truly believe I'm being manipulated and abused emotionally.
We had s deep talk about separating and all of s sudden money that I always quarrel and fight for food suddenly pooped out and he even got fuel willingly. I bet you if I'm open to sex he will but in the next two weeks he will turn back to tormenting me.
This is s true life story..

I was asked why he is still with me.

He doesn't love me and does not want to lose my love. He knows I love deeply and I'm all about building our home with my being and he is scared of that.
I'm not falling for it anymore, today I've realized my worth.

I never trapped or deceived any one with pregnancy, I'm not desperate to be married and my biggest mistake was loving this man.
I fell in love with my best friend, shared my darkest fears and secrets with him, I've been s loyal wife and mother and served with my sweat.
I'm not perfect but I'm gold, I know my worth..i refuse to be manipulated again .

Thank you for your words, I appreciate.

Kingarthur21:
wrong!

You are implying that men can not have female friends he doesn't harbor thoughts of sleeping with later on or dating?that is not true

YESTERDAY THERE WAS NEWS OF A GIRL GETTING MOLESTED BY 5 MALE BESTIES ALL AT ONCE.
THERE ARE JUST VERY FEW MEN IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD THAT CAN GENUINELY KEEP A WOMAN AS A FRIEND WITHOUT HARBOURING NEGATIVE FEELINGS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX CAN BE FRIENDS BUT THE "BEST FRIENDS" THING IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. SOME OF THEM GO OVER THE LIMIT TO LAY TOGETHER, SHOWER AND DRESS TOGETHER. THE WOMEN INVOLVED ARE JUST LIKE SQUIRRELS FOOLING THEMSELVES WITH FOXES. THERE'S BEEN CASES OF BESTIES HAVING INTIMACY BEHIND THEIR PARTNERS. NOW IT'S RAPE.
THE WHOLE IDEA HAS ALWAYS BEEN BULLSHIT TO ME AND MAYBE THAT IS WHY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN OUT OF TROUBLES.

I'M JUST CHECKING THE THREAD TO SEE THAT THE POSTER MARRIED HER MAN BECAUSE SHE GOT PREGNANT BY MISTAKE WHILE THEY PLAYED BESTIES. LOL. .

CAPSLOCKED:
YESTERDAY THERE WAS NEWS OF A GIRL GETTING MOLESTED BY 5 MALE BESTIES ALL AT ONCE.
THERE ARE JUST VERY FEW MEN IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD THAT CAN GENUINELY KEEP A WOMAN AS A FRIEND WITHOUT HARBOURING NEGATIVE FEELINGS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX CAN BE FRIENDS BUT THE "BEST FRIENDS" THING IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. SOME OF THEM GO OVER THE LIMIT TO LAY TOGETHER, SHOWER AND DRESS TOGETHER. THE WOMEN INVOLVED ARE JUST LIKE SQUIRRELS FOOLING THEMSELVES WITH FOXES. THERE'S BEEN CASES OF BESTIES HAVING INTIMACY BEHIND THEIR PARTNERS. NOW IT'S RAPE.
THE WHOLE IDEA HAS ALWAYS BEEN BULLSHIT TO ME AND MAYBE THAT IS WHY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN OUT OF TROUBLES.

I'M JUST CHECKING THE THREAD TO SEE THAT THE POSTER MARRIED HER MAN BECAUSE SHE GOT PREGNANT BY MISTAKE WHILE THEY PLAYED BESTIES. LOL. .

Kingarthur21:
my stance was not whether its right or wrong,my stance was that opposite sex besties do happen.

The thing with opposite sex besties is that the ladies enjoy free stuffs,protection,companionship,esteem boost while the men hope to enjoy sex and romance to make up for his time and money.
The guys usually start making moves,depending on how responsible the guy is. A responsible guy will start making advances for a relationship (even when he is not in love) with the lines "i have always loved you ever since but i was shy to make my intentions known" or "i have always loved you ever since but you were in a relationship" ,most girls will be fooled by this to believe that he actually harbored feelings for her and begin to date. The irresponsible guys will start flirting or trying to initiate sex in exchange for the companionship,free movie tickets,et Al she has enjoyed.
My advice to guys,if you are best friends with a lady don't allow yourself to be her white knight if you will feel cheated when she doesn't recipocrate with sex and romance.

I AM GOING TO PHOTOCOPY THIS AND PASTE IT EVERYWHERE IN MY STREET.

Confusedwomsn:
I now truly believe I'm being manipulated and abused emotionally.
We had s deep talk about separating and all of s sudden money that I always quarrel and fight for food suddenly pooped out and he even got fuel willingly. I bet you if I'm open to sex he will but in the next two weeks he will turn back to tormenting me.
This is s true life story..

I was asked why he is still with me.

He doesn't love me and does not want to lose my love. He knows I love deeply and I'm all about building our home with my being and he is scared of that.
I'm not falling for it anymore, today I've realized my worth.

I never trapped or deceived any one with pregnancy, I'm not desperate to be married and my biggest mistake was loving this man.
I fell in love with my best friend, shared my darkest fears and secrets with him, I've been s loyal wife and mother and served with my sweat.
I'm not perfect but I'm gold, I know my worth..i refuse to be manipulated again .

Thank you for your words, I appreciate.

UjuJoan2:
You want to have another baby in the middle or all that mess? I don't get it.

You are not really staying because of the child, are you? You are staying because you don't want to be divorced single mother. You don't want be ashamed and disgraced. You need him to make you a whole woman, accepted by the society.

So if he is that important to you, to the point that you will rather die in the marriage, then stop talking back to him and suck it up. Stop disturbing him and stop expecting affections and love. Stop believing he will change . . . . Stop being greedy!

I only feel for that child, and the one I know you will somehow manipulate him in to having again.

crackkhaus:
I also wonder if you didn't read through her posts and updates to see exactly what is going on.

The man she's married to does not care about her or her respect, he is not looking for it. For a man to tell his wife to go ahead and sleep with other men if she wants to, then nothing she does/says gets to him. He even earns more than her, yet is not interested in contributing to their home.
Nigga is just there fulfilling all righteousness, I saw it from the first post but nightingale who has been living with him is still busy singing hymns hoping for a miracle.

There are only three things available in a woman's arsenal to keep a man under her thumb - the sex she gives him, the respect she has for him, or the children she birthed for him.
A man who doesn't care about having sex with a woman or being respected by her, has become immune to her manipulations & blackmail. Your friend here has lost both of these things - she can't use sex to hold him ransom because he doesn't care if she sleeps with other men. And he doesn't need her respect hence he is okay with not providing even though he can, and doesn't mind her doing whatever she wants and likes.

The only thing left is the kid which she said he dotes on. Remember, the only reason he even married her in the first place is because of that same kid (pregnancy), something which he was manipulated into in the name of testing womb efficiency.

So yes, she has the blame, there's no sugar-coating it.
The man is simply not seeing her at all, I'm sure she's dead to him already. The only thing he seems to care about is the child and remaining with him trying to manipulate/force the love and affection out of him, simply means she has still not learnt her lesson from the beginning.

freecocoahubby:
Which worth? I don't think you are worth much tbh and that's why you found yourself in a toxic situation.

You're already damaged goods and no man will marry you after you divorce this your "friend".. you know why? because:
1. Your attitude stinks.
2. You are so dumb and insecure that you brought an innocent soul into this world with a man you were not in a relationship with, just to prove something to yourself
3. You come with extra baggage (yes this kid you bore for your "friend" is extra baggage for any quality bachelor out there).

So, instead of disturbing us on Nairaland, why not get up and leave the marriage since you don't "need" him. You rude, uncouth thing! Now that you've proven to your pathetic self that you can have a child, take your child and leave!

Confusedwomsn:
[s]Is this all?
You all believe it's fun to cyber bully someone, you know you can express your opinion about me without insulting me.
Did I offend you or do you know me or whst.

As you've caused me to shed tears this Sunday, so will tears be your portion all your life and happiness will be far from your life until your death. Thank you [/s]

freecocoahubby:
Lmaoo!

Chai, you really as a very confused, dumb idioot. Who da hell do you think you are? You really think God will answer your stupid prayers or what.. the same you that verbally abuses your husband whom you committed FORNICATION with and trapped into marriage with a baby?

Make una see drama here o. Your curse holds no water dear and will backfire on you hundred folds.. you that is already living in tears and misery sef

Confusedwomsn:
Let God be the judge.
Even if if this forum is s faceless forum, do you know what your words can do.
Did I offend you or insult you in any way, did I.
Say all you want but trust me, I serve s living God that never fails.
He will y judge accordingly. Thank you

freecocoahubby:
Lmaoo!

Chai, you really are a very confused, dumb idioot. Who da hell do you think you are? You really think God will answer your stupid prayers or what.. the same you that verbally abuses your husband whom you committed FORNICATION with and trapped into marriage with a baby?

Make una see drama here o. Your curse holds no water dear and will backfire on you hundred folds.. you that is already living in tears and misery sef

Confusedwomsn:
Let God be the judge.
Even if if this forum is s faceless forum, do you know what your words can do.
Did I offend you or insult you in any way, did I.
Say all you want but trust me, I serve s living God that never fails.
He will y judge accordingly. Thank you

Confusedwomsn:
Is this all?
You all believe it's fun to cyber bully someone, you know you can express your opinion about me without insulting me.
Did I offend you or do you know me or whst.

As you've caused me to shed tears this Sunday, so will tears be your portion all your life and happiness will be far from your life until your death. Thank you

Confusedwomsn:
Let God be the judge.
Even if if this forum is s faceless forum, do you know what your words can do.
Did I offend you or insult you in any way, did I.
Say all you want but trust me, I serve s living God that never fails.
He will y judge accordingly. Thank you

Confusedwomsn:
Let God be the judge.
Even if if this forum is s faceless forum, do you know what your words can do.
Did I offend you or insult you in any way, did I.
Say all you want but trust me, I serve s living God that never fails.
He will y judge accordingly. Thank you

andyanders:
Woman, just hold on to urself as this is a public forum. Take the advise that can heal ur wound and pick up ur life. Don't expect everyone to side u. Don't 'cus of this develope BP. I wish u good health and pray u pull 2ru this.

Ybaby:
You that called the father of your son "very slow"
You see how painful words are - even from faceless people talkless of from your wife.
You say you know your worth but do you know your husband's worth
When we say stop insulting him - you say it is not easy I am trying my best

Can you see how @freecocoahubby words is hitting right through you and you donot even know his first name.

You have narccissitic tendencies that is someone who does evil but does not see they do evil

I have told @freecocoahubby to stop giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Stop manipulating your husband and expecting him to leave his will and follow yours.

freecocoahubby:
Shut the fvck up!

You are no Christian and there's nothing godly about you.

What Christian woman results to curses the minute they feel offended? It's your type that maltreat and even kill housemaids and then lift up holy hands in church on Sunday. Audio sister mary. Oponu!

This is why you've been cursed with the miserable marriage you found yourself in

deleSayo:
Sorry madam, God is not wicked and he will not grant your evil prayers.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

You can't just pick up your phone and think because this is s faceless forum you'll insult and abuse someone that did nothing wrong to you.
did I offend or insult you?
You said my life is miserable but why add to my misery, why.
Youve called me all sorts but I kept mute and you continued.
What did I do to you?
Say it.
I've forgiven you but my prayer for stands until you ask God for forgiveness.

freecocoahubby:
You've spoken well .. but no I won't stop telling her the truth! She's a fake "Christian", a manipulative biitch who uses religion as a weapon! I'm glad she exposed her true colours

freecocoahubby:
Let her develop BP na.

In fact, OP whats your email address? Let me send you my picture so you can take it to Amadioha to pray for my downfall because I told you the unfiltered truth . Idioot!

Ybaby:
You that called the father of your son "very slow"
You see how painful words are - even from faceless people talkless of from your wife.
You say you know your worth but do you know your husband's worth
When we say stop insulting him - you say it is not easy I am trying my best

Can you see how @freecocoahubby words is hitting right through you and you donot even know his first name.

You have narccissitic tendencies that is someone who does evil but does not see they do evil

I have told @freecocoahubby to stop giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Stop manipulating your husband and expecting him to leave his will and follow yours.