₦airaland Forum

Don't trust anyone

I would say...Alawe! Don't run away from sciences and further maths. Stop looking for comfort zones and follow that engineering path

You were born to be happy.

merahki:
I ran from this when I saw it?
Maybe I would say something to many- years- younger -than -now -me, who had become an adult though? This is because I would change nothing about my childhood (well maybe I would attend a different primary school than I did? In retrospect oo because I loved the school then. My parents indulged me too much that I made them put me in a school that wasn’t in their plan. They downgraded ).

Back to the OP, I would tell her to not shrink and withdraw from my dad when I realised he had become too sick to get well. The irony is that he is the person I loved (still do) the most, the best and the truest in the whole world. I was his briefcase, lol, took me everywhere. He knew just about everything and was totally quiet and cool about it. Not so bubbly but rich like old, beautiful brandy. Funny/with a sense of humour that can reach Madagascar. He would visit me in secondary school and I would want to burst into a million pieces, with pride. Everybody (village and city) wanted his attention one way or the other. To us he was well, The Sun, the Star and Everything. Shaped my mind, disciplined us too, and was relentless about this. Every night, circling around him and he feeding us “life” was always the high points of our days, with my mother smiling like a cat/laughing giddily in one corner as if she created him
When he became chronically sick, (in a household that at that point just barely kept its self on the middle class roster- (his illness caused the contracts to stop coming etc) I was filled with something bad (a mix of .shame that we didn’t have enough money anymore to save him- and we had grown up upper-middle class or just below it, .resentment at him for being sick and helpless and taking up scarce resources -the helplessness I could not bear to watch happen at all, .some loss of confidence at our financial state, .self-pity which was definitely totally selfish of me. When he died the first fleeting thing I felt (outside initial grief and crying) was relief (that he didn’t have to suffer anymore but also, because I didn’t have to feel that bad thing (?shame and helplessness mostly I guess) anymore). Then the grief engulfed me by the third day. Another irony- I was paid my first 3 month accumulated salary at the end of the month he was buried/one month after his death. That would have helped a lot with his management, and subsequently I would have been giving him pocket money sha, to supplement my mother’s salary.

So I would tell that me to crawl into bed with my dad and read him all the books he couldn’t read again (reading was his passion)...tell him stories about my graduation...hug him many times every day...and be sure he knows exactly how much he meant(means) to me. (like he knew I did before he got sick). Wondering if he knew the negative feelings I had towards his end on earth tears me apart sha. I know he would have forgiven me since if he did...and was most probably was even too sick to notice, but forgiving myself took a looong time. Sometimes (rarely through) I would be caught up in a feeling of intensely missing him...but I don’t ever want to lose that even if it can make me sad. But it is good sad sha. But I never bought anything for my dad with my money. Bummer.
Gosh I am a daddy’s “girl” shaa. If there was ever a positive spin to the Elektra Complex then I would be its poster child.
Quick confession: I think I look for my father’s qualities in men. Maybe that’s why...
This was a very hard thing to post. I am sure I didn’t even put my thoughts down well.
(Shakes it off)

You have a way of allowing your mind to flow. Reminds me of what literary critics call stream of consciousness. I felt like I was there all along through this painful period in your life time. Made me want to hug you like you are my sister.

Always put God first in whatever you do.
Don't be too quick to judge others, understanding is the key.
Love but never depend on people.
Be proud of yourself
Be a go- getter
Never allow someone makes you feel less of yourself.
If your best isn't appreciated, leave. Never force yourself on people.
Be above unnecessary anger.
The lists continues.

Allah comes first before anything, endeavour to make mama proud, limit your expectations in people to avoid stories that touches, learn to be financially independent, all men are evil, so beware!

Listen more to your inner core not anyone not even your mind or body ... Listen to that angel residing in your inner core .....

Also, Always roll with people who are achievers and conquerors not complaints ..... The achievers will motivate you complaints will demotivate you


Never back down from an endeavour .... Never get derailed .... Eliminate all confusionists or pretend for those ineliminable.....


No matter what the Atheist says , The Highest Soul is Supreme and Deserve to be Praised !!

Don't try to change anybody, just tell them what to change... Leave the change to them and move on .... Don't be dragged into pit by them ....

Keep to time ... No time .....

Stargurl20:
Allah comes first before anything, endeavour to make mama proud, limit your expectations in people to avoid stories that touches, learn to be financially independent, all men are evil, so beware!

I like the fact that you put Allah first. Implicitly, you accept Muhammad as his messenger, and by default you must love him. So how come you say men are evil when Rasul is a direct mercy from Allah.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
I like the fact that you put Allah first. Implicitly, you accept Muhammad as his messenger, and by default you must love him. So how come you say men are evil when Rasul is a direct mercy from Allah.

Anobi Muhammad (S.A.W) is a perfect being and shouldn't be compare to men of these days. Or better still..., Men of today are evil. So, beware!

bukatyne:
1 & 2 fantastic!

You know, after studying the Bible more, is realized that most of the people we pray to be like were never the ones on 'top' e.g. Joesph, David before he became King, Daniel, Esther (not such a fan sha ), Joshua & Caleb, Samuel, Nehemiah, Ezra, etc. etc.

Please can you explain a bit more?

Stargurl20:
Anobi Muhammad (S.A.W) is a perfect being and shouldn't be compare to men of these days. Or better still..., Men of today are evil. So, beware!

It seems you must have some bitter experiences. Well, I'm just here to say that is not true. Even though I do not know your experiences. Men are not evil

I would have told the younger me that I should have learnt a skill & started working earlier in life.

- I should have started from 15 years, Yes 15.
- Tell myself that School is for enlightenment, learning a skill & doing business is for making money.

truthsayer009:
Please can you explain a bit more?

Joseph was a prime minister reporting to the monarch, ditto Daniel.

Joshua & Caleb were just soldiers/young men before Joshua led Isreal.

And so on.

None of these people where the 'head', 'overall leader' yet they created impact and value in their little corner.

Someone can become a leader by virtue of position yet not have the influence or clout to make a name for themselves.

I'd tell her she tried. The longer I live, the more amazed I am at the self discipline, maturity and self esteem I displayed when I was younger. Doesn't mean I didn't have moments of stupidity but overall, it was good.

Nonetheless, I'd still tell her to have taken more chances, not have been so scared of change, fallen in love (I thought I'd do this when I was older, my older self is more cynical though and my heart has walls now), procrastinate less, I pushed everything forward and somethings I never got around to.

I'd tell to just breathe and stop worrying (Things just never became the disaster my mind always made me believe they would be).

Lastly, should have tried harder. You could have done so much more. Academically especially.

1.Calm down! That body that is scratching you to go and marry...if only you know the.way you rushed in thats the way you will rush out.

2. Listen to your parents go for a medically-inclined course.

bukatyne:
Joseph was a prime minister reporting to the monarch, ditto Daniel.

Joshua & Caleb were just soldiers/young men before Joshua led Isreal.

And so on.

None of these people where the 'head', 'overall leader' yet they created impact and value in their little corner.

Someone can become a leader by virtue of position yet not have the influence or clout to make a name for themselves.

I see what you mean now.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
It seems you must have some bitter experiences. Well, I'm just here to say that is not true. Even though I do not know your experiences. Men are not evil

Well.... You're a male, so defending your male folks is expected, isn't it?
Lol... The experiences aren't my personal ones, but my beloveds.

Stargurl20:
Well.... You're a male, so defending your male folks is expected, isn't it?
Lol... The experiences aren't my personal ones, but my beloveds.

Well, That's where you are wrong. Where the notion that gender is some sort of hive in which they are connected still confuses me. Wouldn't you say your experiences are unique from other women, therefore a unique individual yourself? Wouldn't a man put himself between danger and his family? Regardless of what gender this danger is from? Wouldn't you protect your son from danger, regardless of the fact that it is being inflicted by another woman? The idea of collectivism can never make sense. This is because the family unit wouldn't exist if it did, humanity would have been extinct a long time ago. I do not feel within myself to defend someone solely based on the fact that we share a gender, I would assume you do not as well. This is not about whose experience this is ( if you could share them, I would really like to listen ma), but the fact that condemning an entire subspecies is completely wrong. If you had said that some men are evil or better still, some people are evil, I wouldn't even bother quoting you. But I know someone else might have made a similar explanation to you but you still didn't buy it. But I am happy that you put Allah first, it means you believe His words as the absolute truth and that you will obey his laws over your desires.


So I feel I should let you know that Allah says in surat Al-ahzab verse 35 that: "Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward."
In that verse, Allah affirms that there are indeed good men and so do we have good women. So if my words do not count as anything, sister, shouldn't Allah's words do? I'm very sorry for my mansplaing but our belief is a very vital aspect in our definition of a Muslim.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Well, That's where you are wrong. Where the notion that gender is some sort of hive in which they are connected still confuses me. Wouldn't you say your experiences are unique from other women, therefore a unique individual yourself? Wouldn't a man put himself between danger and his family? Regardless of what gender this danger is from? Wouldn't you protect your son from danger, regardless of the fact that it is being inflicted by another woman? The idea of collectivism can never make sense. This is because the family unit wouldn't exist if it did, humanity would have been extinct a long time ago. I do not feel within myself to defend someone solely based on the fact that we share a gender, I would assume you do not as well. This is not about whose experience this is ( if you could share them, I would really like to listen ma), but the fact that condemning an entire subspecies is completely wrong. If you had said that some men are evil or better still, some people are evil, I wouldn't even bother quoting you. But I know someone else might have made a similar explanation to you but you still didn't buy it. But I am happy that you put Allah first, it means you believe His words as the absolute truth and that you will obey his laws over your desires.


So I feel I should let you know that Allah says in surat Al-ahzab verse 35 that: "Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward."
In that verse, Allah affirms that there are indeed good men and so do we have good women. So if my words do not count as anything, sister, shouldn't Allah's words do? I'm very sorry for my mansplaing but our belief is a very vital aspect in our definition of a Muslim.

Thanks for making me understand, Sir. I truly believe in Allah's words. So, if Allah said there are good men, so there are!
But, don't you think the numbers of the bad ones has oversurged the good ones immensely? And it's seriously frightening

Kaamisha:
You have a way of allowing your mind to flow. Reminds me of what literary critics call stream of consciousness. I felt like I was there all along through this painful period in your life time. Made me want to hug you like you are my sister.

This post is filled with warmth.
Thank you.

Stargurl20:
Thanks for making me understand, Sir. I truly believe in Allah's words. So, if Allah said there are good men, so there are!
But, don't you think the numbers of the bad ones has oversurged the good ones immensely? And it's seriously frightening

Yes, bad people have increased in general. But I wouldn't lie, women do have it worse in some circumstances.
The issue stems from us deviating from Allah's law and not inculcating the pristine religion in our society.
I don't know where you live but if one lives in an environment that encourages wrongdoings then it will be even harder to find good men.
But if one lives in a region where they practice the religion pristinely, I mean a place where they use the religion to establish justice not foster injustice (because there are places like that too), one would truly find peace and happiness amongst good people.
But in general, the increase in evil is a terrible thing for good people because evil begets evil and then one day you (as a good person) so have no choice but to partake in it.
But the first step in make the world better is bettering ourselves first.

Although I would have loved to hear those experiences and maybe we could discuss how to avoid being afflicted by such evil. But it's fine too if you don't want to. afterall, it's personal.

Do have a nice day ma.


PS: The fact that you understand is the happiest thing that has happened to me today. May Almighty Allah keep on increasing you in understanding.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Yes, bad people have increased in general. But I wouldn't lie, women do have it worse in some circumstances.
The issue stems from us deviating from Allah's law and not inculcating the pristine religion in our society.
I don't know where you live but if one lives in an environment that encourages wrongdoings then it will be even harder to find good men.
But if one lives in a region where they practice the religion pristinely, I mean a place where they use the religion to establish justice not foster injustice (because there are places like that too), one would truly find peace and happiness amongst good people.
But in general, the increase in evil is a terrible thing for good people because evil begets evil and then one day you (as a good person) so have no choice but to partake in it.
But the first step in make the world better is bettering ourselves first.

Although I would have loved to hear those experiences and maybe we could discuss how to avoid being afflicted by such evil. But it's fine too if you don't want to. afterall, it's personal.

Do have a nice day ma.


PS: The fact that you understand is the happiest thing that has happened to me today. May Almighty Allah keep on increasing you in understanding.

Allahu Mo Ameen. May Allah also increase your knowledge. Thanks for the piece

merahki:
This post is filled with warmth.
Thank you.

The fact that you are not afraid to show the vulnerable part of you on a forum where everyone is wearing masks and people are firing despicable comments left, right and center is impressive to me and speaks volumes of the wonderful character traits you seem to possess.