₦airaland Forum

Hello folks, I have to put this here, cos I feel I have had enough. Please nobody should quote me cos I intend taking this post down afterwards.

I have issues dealing with a very weak wife(27), mostly where her friends and neighbours are. Since I married her 4 years ago I have allowed her handle things her way and its always from one issue to another. Always disturbing me with irrelevant gossips that wouldn't put food on my table. I paid heavily for a fashion designer school, still same issue of madam versus students bullshit. In feb I asked her to stop, so I can have peace, thanks to covid 19. When I decided I have had enough, I told her I wouldn't want to see anybody in my house going forward, since they have turned my house to a gossip zone whenever I am away at work. Once, she hears peoples voice, she opens my door and starts hailing people who its obvious are unhappy with my decision, they even teamed against her. I see her actions as plain weakness.

I have tried dialogue, yet no improvement. So I decided to go very hard on her. I told her that anytime I see her with those click of friends, I would not hesitate to embarrass her outside. This morning, she had gone to get mop then begins the regular gist, I had to immediately shout her to go inside.

Its obvious that my mode of life contradicts her way of life, I have decided to bend a little bit to accomodate her. Once I drive out, kapish my house becomes a meeting ground, all sorts of gossips in the estate are disclosed.

Am I going too hard on her or is there any better way to handle this.

Please DONT QUOTE ME..

U marry a gossip as a wife..sowie

charles009:
Hello folks, I have to put this here, cos I feel I have had enough. Please nobody should quote me cos I intend taking this post down afterwards.

I have issues dealing with a very weak wife(27), mostly where her friends and neighbours are. Since I married her 4 years ago I have allowed her handle things her way and its always from one issue to another. Always disturbing me with irrelevant gossips that wouldn't put food on my table. I paid heavily for a fashion designer school, still same issue of madam versus students bullshit. In feb I asked her to stop, so I can have peace, thanks to covid 19. When I decided I have had enough, I told her I wouldn't want to see anybody in my house going forward, since they have turned my house to a gossip zone whenever I am away at work. Once, she hears peoples voice, she opens my door and starts hailing people who its obvious are unhappy with my decision, they even teamed against her. I see her actions as plain weakness.

I have tried dialogue, yet no improvement. So I decided to go very hard on her. I told her that anytime I see her with those click of friends, I would not hesitate to embarrass her outside. This morning, she had gone to get mop then begins the regular gist, I had to immediately shout her to go inside.

Its obvious that my mode of life contradicts her way of life, I have decided to bend a little bit to accomodate her. Once I drive out, kapish my house becomes a meeting ground, all sorts of gossips in the estate are disclosed.

Am I going too hard on her or is there any better way to handle this.

Please DONT QUOTE ME..

Get your wife a job.

didnt you notice her behavour atleast a glimes of it before marrying her, or she suddenly changed?
thats my question.

my suggestion to you will be to change environment or get her a job that is time consuming even if the pay is little. she wont have time for gossips

ifex370:
Get your wife a job.

The guy said,"please, don't quote me". respect that please.

Find a tasking job for her.
For such a person, there should not be an idle moment

Op how many children do you have?The reason I'm asking is because I want to know if that's her own way of dealing with loneliness.or get her a networking type of business,so the gossiping traits will be channelled into inviting customers.

chii8:
Op how many children do you have?The reason I'm asking is because I want to know if that's her own way of dealing with loneliness.or get her a networking type of business,so the gossiping traits will be channelled into inviting customers.

2

You think this common phenomenal among women is a problem

Wait till she starts stepping out on you with a close friend of yours, then you would know what really a problem is.

It's her nature. Even if you get her a job she would still gossip with the people there.


Stop trying to change people, you will be very happy if you learn to live with them..

The fact that you don't gossip doesn't mean you don't have other bad habits that she herself doesn't like.

Bro, its quite obvious your wife lacks ambition hence her need for gossip. My advice is this : discuss this with your spiritual leader ; let him counsel her and if she does not change, bring the issue before her parents.

you can't change people...but environment attimes changes people a lot.....my piece of advice,

1....kindly relocate to a more isolated area...e.g and estate or new site where people are lesser in the compound and area and ensure your neighbors are all working.


2....After relocating...try to get a job or shop for her...or you buy her a laptop where you'll ask her to type 50pages per day before you come back from work that its a piece you'd be using at work.


3....Introduce her to Nairaland....she will get tired of their gist and will always want to check the latest news and also learn some things about life on Family section.



Trying to change her won't work out soon.
Best of lucks Sir.

The day one marries a spouse who doesn't share same ethical leanings with him/her, automatically he becomes a subjugable or a conscientious carefree person, or a subjugator. Your type of wife doesn't deserve neither a subjugator nor a subjugable husband, citing your submission. So, you have to use a conscientious carefree approach to help her overcome her weakness unconsciously/unwittingly or wittingly - It'll be mutual lose and win for both of you while it lasts. If you can perfect it, she'll gradually overcome it, unless she doesn't value you in particular and the bond that holds two of you in general.

@charles009

I suppose I am allowed to mention you.

That's the issue with marrying whose personality doesn't match yours. That's a typical female behaviour ,its normal. Small talks,busy bodies,gossiping,malice ,that's a natural thing for women.
You can curb it by:
1) making a fence or something to separate your house from others
2)if you can't afford the above you can get her lots of books (self development, motivational etc) and movies to read and watch.
3)set projects and goals both of you can achieve together to distract her.
4)introduce her to a female friend of yours with worthy character and who commands respect. Encourage her to visit her and invite her over.

Lizzyangel:
3....Introduce her to Nairaland....she will get tired of their gist and will always want to check the latest news and also learn some things about life on Family section.



Trying to change her won't work out soon.
Best of lucks Sir.

I will not advice him to introduce her to the most caustic forum I have ever known. You want misandrist and misogynistic ideologies to corrupt her?

Keep on talking to her, overtime, she'll adjust.

Working on each other's flaws to better accommodate the other is what relationship is all about.

Kingarthur21:
I will not advice him to introduce her to the most caustic forum I have ever known. You want misandrist and misogynistic ideologies to corrupt her?

you're the one taking it in such direction...there are mature minds and topics on Family section where she can learn from and if possible change her lifestyle after reading others marital stories.

charles009:
Hello folks, I have to put this here, cos I feel I have had enough. Please nobody should quote me cos I intend taking this post down afterwards.

I have issues dealing with a very weak wife(27), mostly where her friends and neighbours are. Since I married her 4 years ago I have allowed her handle things her way and its always from one issue to another. Always disturbing me with irrelevant gossips that wouldn't put food on my table. I paid heavily for a fashion designer school, still same issue of madam versus students bullshit. In feb I asked her to stop, so I can have peace, thanks to covid 19. When I decided I have had enough, I told her I wouldn't want to see anybody in my house going forward, since they have turned my house to a gossip zone whenever I am away at work. Once, she hears peoples voice, she opens my door and starts hailing people who its obvious are unhappy with my decision, they even teamed against her. I see her actions as plain weakness.

I have tried dialogue, yet no improvement. So I decided to go very hard on her. I told her that anytime I see her with those click of friends, I would not hesitate to embarrass her outside. This morning, she had gone to get mop then begins the regular gist, I had to immediately shout her to go inside.

Its obvious that my mode of life contradicts her way of life, I have decided to bend a little bit to accomodate her. Once I drive out, kapish my house becomes a meeting ground, all sorts of gossips in the estate are disclosed.

Am I going too hard on her or is there any better way to handle this.

Please DONT QUOTE ME..

Find her a job 2 hours away from home. She is a reflection of your choice so manage the situation. You wanted someone you can control. You have it!

Kingarthur21:
I will not advice him to introduce her to the most caustic forum I have ever known. You want misandrist and misogynistic ideologies to corrupt her?

She will corrupt NL with gossip. Biko keep her away.

ifex370:
Get your wife a job.

you are an illiterate, he said it like twice,
Pls don't quote me and you went ahead to quote him?

I pity your wife, nwanyi ibem ndoo.

Kingarthur21:
@charles009

I suppose I am allowed to mention you.

That's the issue with marrying whose personality doesn't match yours. That's a typical female behaviour ,its normal. Small talks,busy bodies,gossiping,malice ,that's a natural thing for women.
You can curb it by:
1) making a fence or something to separate your house from others
2)if you can't afford the above you can get her lots of books (self development, motivational etc) and movies to read and watch.
3)set projects and goals both of you can achieve together to distract her.
4)introduce her to a female friend of yours with worthy character and who commands respect. Encourage her to visit her and invite her over.

Nice one bro, I will surely try this..

@bold, she needs to be more mature. This will be like handling a baby if he does all that for her. She needs to grow up.

Lizzyangel:
you can't change people...but environment attimes changes people a lot.....my piece of advice,

1....kindly relocate to a more isolated area...e.g and estate or new site where people are lesser in the compound and area and ensure your neighbors are all working.


2....After relocating...try to get a job or shop for her...or you buy her a laptop where you'll ask her to type 50pages per day before you come back from work that its a piece you'd be using at work.


3....Introduce her to Nairaland....she will get tired of their gist and will always want to check the latest news and also learn some things about life on Family section.



Trying to change her won't work out soon.
Best of lucks Sir.

Grammar

LordKO:
The day one marries a spouse who doesn't share same ethical leanings with him/her, automatically he becomes a subjugable or a conscientious carefree person, or a subjugator. Your type of wife doesn't deserve neither a subjugator nor a subjugable husband, citing your submission. So, you have to use a conscientious carefree approach to help her overcome her weakness unconsciously/unwittingly or wittingly - It'll be mutual lose and win for both of you while it lasts. If you can perfect it, she'll gradually overcome it, unless she doesn't value you in particular and the bond that holds two of you in general.

Ybaby:
She will corrupt NL with gossip. Biko keep her away.

cococandy:
Grammar

LOL. If only I could be half as good as you when it comes to writing grammar.

LordKO:
LOL. If only I could be half as good as you when it comes to writing grammar.

What? Me?

Well thank you even though I don’t think I’m good like that. I appreciate the compliment

Ybaby:
She will corrupt NL with gossip. Biko keep her away.

...but you always knew that about her
Why are you complaining now?

Graxie:
I pity your wife, nwanyi ibem ndoo.

Let us call a spade a spade biko
Who can stand such behaviour? Be it male or female?

Asiri ajoka! O na ebute nsogbu n'ogbaghara n'ezi n'ulo
Onwere onye ga kpa agwa oma, ha si na omere njo?
Ihe karia a too ya aka!

Chai. It not her fault. Guess she grew up in a communal household. E go hard to change that kain person o.

@ charles009

What does your wife do in terms of productivity?
Is she a resourceful wife?

Graxie:
I pity your wife, nwanyi ibem ndoo.

Very disappointing.Call a spade a spade. Must you always side your gender even when they're wrong? Smh.