Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill (unfortunately I didn't take a screenshot of the hotel stuff). In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screenshots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it. Again, I attached photos, but scratched out names just in case.

Thank you,

Tasha

You need to stop confronting him without concrete evidence then.

Your husband his into it.

Madam,... I have read through your post and you have every right to suspect your husband cuz he might probably be into scam...... but then, u really need to take a chill and take your time to observe him to the point of no escape, (that is if he’s really into scam or whatever) while doing that, be very sure you didn’t do anything to destroy your marriage ..... the best way to catch a monkey is to act like one..... One thing I know for sure is that , he cannot hide forever..... but don’t act hastily to make things get worse, someone that is capable of breaking door, can unapologetically break you o...

Hello lady, I don't understand why couples check each others phone. I guess it is based on trust. You don't trust your husband. Roundcube webmail is an email messaging platform.

Your husband is behaving weird no doubt. You did not say if he has a regular job. You can get detectives to track his IP and hack into those mails instead of giving yourself high blood pressure.

Your marriage is not adding up.

The trust in your relationship is under serious attack.

Your hubby's attitude is very worrisome tbt. His phone is surely loaded with super incriminating 'juice'.

Nothing kills a relationship quicker than secrets, lies, assumptions, mistrust, and the likes.

Sit him down and let him know how his actions are affecting your relationship negatively.



All the best Tasha.

@Tasha, from your story above, it is evident that man is hiding many things from you, it is not about just a girlfriend or two, that man is flirting seriously around. Yes, he is. If it were to be just a girlfriend or two, there are ways he can take a break from communicating with them while you are around unlike what we have here where he is terribly messing around. Furthermore, he may also be involved in some shady business which may affect you negatively in the near future that is if this story is actually true,
@tasha, I may have to tell you that the chance you have with this relationship succeeding is just 3% that is only if the works of your husband hands backfires and he came back to his normal sense (if he ever have one before).
Start looking for a way to distance yourself from him to give yourself headache-less life. That is just your husband lifestyle and I don't see you changing it again if what you've done so far could not. Have a nice day



Modified: those calling me home breaker should take a chill and give the husband a name. When you are telling your wife lies, hide things from your wife, become aggressive to protect those things you are hiding from her,... Is the husband building home or destroying home?

Thank you so much but you know what's weird I am not hurt. Hard to believe I know.

I've been on this forum long enough over 10 years now with breaks in between and I can shut down anytime I want.

This is all comical to me, what's sad is people that are ACTUALLY going through loss seeing how so little their pains are viewed because a child is trying to be "Savage"


I actually don't care seriously, at least I am not being trolled for stealing, begging or keeping friends offline.


I am just a yaba left escapee with Daddy issues.

sisisioge:



Baby girl, oya no vex. Pele. I know you're so hurt about our insensitivity here on NL but biko overlook our silliness. We are mostly young people who haven't procreated, love unconditionally, been totally responsible for others or suffered heart wrenching losses. May God heal and pacify you. May you be able to smile again within the shortest time. Believe me,it will happen. Your baby is with angels now, resting and suffering no pain. Please be consoled darling. Death for us all is inevitable... May God help us live a happy worthwhile life. Pele omoge.

Mstick:
Thank you so much but you know what's weird I am not hurt. Hard to believe I know.

I've been on this forum long enough over 10 years now with breaks in between and I can shut down anytime I want.

This is all comical to me, what's sad is people that are ACTUALLY going through loss seeing how so little their pains are viewed because a child is trying to be "Savage"


I actually don't care seriously, at least I am not being trolled for stealing, begging or keeping friends offline.


I am just a yaba left escapee with Daddy issues.

Nice! May your strength be renewed. Cheers maami