Akinwale14:

lol, i yaff updated, come and read

Lol, captain want to open a sanitary pad business for his Melody.


Okenwa why did you snatch your brother's girlfriend na?


thanks damsel

This stalker is really a psycho

The trauma he must have gone thru been constantly reminded that u ar nt good enough(i.e the stalker-Ezenwa). His efforts to try to improve which is constantly not appreciated by his father nd stealing his gf? jeez. Enjoyed every bit maam. I think we are allowed to ask 4 more because right now I am Oliver twisting

Thanks for the update dear

Nice one damsy.
But do you know that am not feeling the vibe very well? I mean, u should calm down, explain to us, the car, the outfit both melody and joel wore, the super store, you get?
you didn't even tell us if melody's feeling the connection or she can explain.
When ezenwa remembered his dad you didn't tell us where he was. I dnt even have a picture of what his house looks like. Same happened at the asylum.
Is okenwa dark, fair or in the middle? Ionno.
no bad vibes intended but i think if you try to give more explanations on environment and characters we would be closer in each others imaginations. Lets feel what you felt before putting this up.
Nice one bytheway.

damsel well done ooo
are you sure you were the person that posted this particular chapter? it didn't look like your work sha.

Khriztarl:
Nice one damsy.
But do you know that am not feeling the vibe very well? I mean, u should calm down, explain to us, the car, the outfit both melody and joel wore, the super store, you get?
you didn't even tell us if melody's feeling the connection or she can explain.
When ezenwa remembered his dad you didn't tell us where he was. I dnt even have a picture of what his house looks like. Same happened at the asylum.
Is okenwa dark, fair or in the middle? Ionno.
no bad vibes intended but i think if you try to give more explanations on environment and characters we would be closer in each others imaginations. Lets feel what you felt before putting this up.
Nice one bytheway.

Ayemi oooo, na wetin this girl post?

Abeg, make una no vex ooo, i was very occupied in the morning, so i sent this particular chapter to Preshbeauty so that she could help me post with my account too. I guess i will have to modify it then, thanks for your observations, i wouldn't have even known.


Preshbeauty come and explain yourself mbok.

damselposh:


lol, i yaff updated, come and read

Thanks for the update

Khriztarl:
Nice one damsy.
But do you know that am not feeling the vibe very well? I mean, u should calm down, explain to us, the car, the outfit both melody and joel wore, the super store, you get?
you didn't even tell us if melody's feeling the connection or she can explain.
When ezenwa remembered his dad you didn't tell us where he was. I dnt even have a picture of what his house looks like. Same happened at the asylum.
Is okenwa dark, fair or in the middle? Ionno.
no bad vibes intended but i think if you try to give more explanations on environment and characters we would be closer in each others imaginations. Lets feel what you felt before putting this up.
Nice one bytheway.

Thumbs up.. This were my observation and subsequent suggestions..

damselposh:




Ayemi oooo, na wetin this girl post?

Abeg, make una no vex ooo, i was very occupied in the morning, so i sent this particular chapter to Preshbeauty so that she could help me post with my account too. I guess i will have to modify it then, thanks for your observations, i wouldn't have even known.


Preshbeauty come and explain yourself mbok.

Oh really, that explains it..

you people should not be angry please, the fault is from me, i didn't copy it well the way she sent it to me on Whatsapp. damsel abeg no vex for me.

Preshbeauty:
you people should not be angry please, the fault is from me, i didn't copy it well the way she sent it to me on Whatsapp. damsel abeg no vex for me.

young woman you should be fined.
you got me feeling like damsy was in a hurry. Please don't do that again, if not, me i will just cry o.

Thanks for helping out bytheway. I appreciate alot.

You people too get wahala. Do you think description is easy. If it's easy why not not create a thread to post your story. Both the sender and poster did well... After all, you are not oiling her account. Please continue your good work, I am a linguist, I know how daunting and tasking description is to narration.

Starberg:
You people too get wahala. Do you think description is easy. If it's easy why not not create a thread to post your story. Both the sender and poster did well... After all, you are not oiling her account. Please continue your good work, I am a linguist, I know how daunting and tasking description is to narration.

She responded well to this,and they simply stated out what they felt it should have been.writers do know how to handle critics/suggestions like this. So there's no need for this

mhizv:


She responded well to this,and they simply stated out what they felt it should have been.writers do know how to handle critics/suggestions like this. So there's no need for this

We can't have two cool heads in thesame boat... If you going to criticise, you should be to pay for some services...

As for me I don't see any need to bring to notice any deep details. Even prolific writers still have their flaws

Starberg:
You people too get wahala. Do you think description is easy. If it's easy why not not create a thread to post your story. Both the sender and poster did well... After all, you are not oiling her account. Please continue your good work, I am a linguist, I know how daunting and tasking description is to narration.

Human being,u no fit satisfy them

Starberg:
You people too get wahala. Do you think description is easy. If it's easy why not not create a thread to post your story. Both the sender and poster did well... After all, you are not oiling her account. Please continue your good work, I am a linguist, I know how daunting and tasking description is to narration.

If you are what you claim you are, then you will know that criticism spurs a writer on..It helps them to plug in the loopholes..

You should also be able to differentiate between suggestions, constructive and destructive criticism..

That we've not opened a thread doesn't mean that we can't write..

“Every writer has a problem writing”

Let's not derail the thread any further.. Peace...

You are doing well@ the writer. Please, try to paint descriptions with words. It helps your readers create mental images of what you are trying to say.
You are doing well once again.

EkopSparoAyara:


If you are what you claim you are, then you will know that criticism spurs a writer on..It helps them to plug in the loopholes..

You should also be able to differentiate between suggestions, constructive and destructive criticism..

That we've not opened a thread doesn't mean that we can't write..

“Every writer has a problem writing”

Let's not derail the thread any further.. Peace...

Mr or Miss... I am not sure you are anywhere near the corridor of literature to tell you the type of Narrative techniques a writer can use. I don't care whether you call it fair critic on the piece or not, you can't force a writer to use a particular narrative technique to suit your reading pleasure.


From a Linguist point of view, that piece was originally written by the writer. But for the case of hanging to 1tenth audience, she had to shift the blame on the person that posted it. To some audience, indepth description could make a piece so boring and uninteresting. That was why Alexandra Pope in his poem Criticism, castigated some writers for over stressing their readers/audience just to show them their writing prowess, but end up making it a ballistic piece.


For your information, we have people from different disciplines reading it. Olarotimi wrote better than Wole Soyinka in their chosen genre, but who is taking the glory? Even the unreadable and cumbersome prose written by Wole Soyinka; The Interpreter, was classified as one of the best prose fiction, of which, if it were Chinua Achebe that wrote it, it would be downplayed.


What you are diving into, is the work of Stylisticians to unravelled. Your duty here is to read, and pass your comment on the story and not the writer.

Starberg:



We can't have two cool heads in thesame boat... If you going to criticise, you should be to pay for some services...

As for me I don't see any need to bring to notice any deep details. Even prolific writers still have their flaws

Why bitter? Even the writer isn't.

If she had a problem with their request,then she would have told them She already said she's gonna try working on it.. So why still bitter? Geez

You're over stressing an issue that even the writer has settled already.

damselposh:




Ayemi oooo, na wetin this girl post?

Abeg, make una no vex ooo, i was very occupied in the morning, so i sent this particular chapter to Preshbeauty so that she could help me post with my account too. I guess i will have to modify it then, thanks for your observations, i wouldn't have even known.


Preshbeauty come and explain yourself mbok.

I love you and I love your stories.

Additional description,was just suggestions made. And you as the writer can choose to or not. It's your story. Pretty sure most writers learn everyday from lil critics and suggestions made by readers.

Bros that's pissed over nothing,take a chill pill pls

Anyway sha come and update o

mhizv:


Why bitter? Even the writer isn't.

If she had a problem with their request,then she would have told them She already said she's gonna try working on it.. So why still bitter? Geez

You're over stressing an issue that even the writer has settled already.

You must be very funny... I am not bitter. The diversion is unnecessary. How do you expect the writer to respond ? Won't she follow your directives? Since customers are always right.

see how dem dey blow English on top nothing please allow damselposh post her story in peace.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO


They hopped into the car after the mechanic was done fixing it. Melody couldn't help feeling butter flies in her stomach, ever since they came out she had been grinning from ear to ear. They hit the road in silence and Melody felt the need to start up a conversation, she turned to stare at Joel and then let out a full breathe before saying,



"You have a nice car" she smiled.



"Oh, thanks" Joel said swerving the car to the right.



"Okay" Melody shrugged, her plan didn't seem to work.



"You know? I like your physique" Joel finally said sparing her a glance.



"My physique? what is there to like? me that is fat and round like an orange" she chuckled staring out through the window.



"You seem to have inferiority complex" Joel said with anger creeping up his face.



"No, i don't, but if you had said you like my complexion, or you like any other features of mine that doesn't have to do with my physique, i would have agreed with you, but i am just fat and there is nothing there to like" she said casually.



"You are not fat, you are chubby" Joel hissed.



"Well that is what they tell us to make us feel better, i am fat and i know" Melody sneered.



"You are not fat, you are chubby" Joel hissed again.


"What is the difference between the two?" Melody looked at him.


"The difference is that you are Chubby and that lady over there is fat, can you now see the difference?" Joel said just in time to see a fat lady standing by the road side.



"Okay, i give up, i am not fat" she said laughing out loud.



"I love chubby women, you know that saying? that real men eat flesh and not bone, you know when you are holding the person, it's like you are holding something, so nne ijuru eju (Girl, you are thick)" Joel said giving her a wink.



"I thought you are an aje butter pikin? so you can speak your language?" she said laughing hard while she held her stomach.


"Of course, i can speak my language, nothing like aje butter in this one ooo" Joel said laughing too.



"Okay sir" Melody replied.



"See don't spoil this moment now with this your sir sir of a thing, you already know my name" he said sparing her a glance.



"You know? you don't look like you laugh and play like this, those first times i spent with you, i was even scared of talking to you, you were so serious" she said looking at him.


"I am only serious when i am on duty, but when i am with someone i love, i can play ooo" he said casually.


Melody's heart started beating fast, she wondered if he knew what he said and what it meant, she looked at him but he still drove on like he never said a thing.



"What did you say?" she asked as her heart still beat.


"I said i can play when am with the person i love" he repeated again casually.


Melody shrugged, since he didn't read meaning to what he said, she wasn't going to either. They stayed in silence again for few minutes before Melody spoke up.



"Uuuuuuhn, can i keep these?" she asked pointing at her outfit.


"Can you keep what?" Joel asked turning to look at her.


"These clothes i wore today, i know you already got too many for me, but can i still keep these ones?" she said pouting her lips even though he wasn't looking at her.


"Sure, you can, they are yours now, i didn't even have plans of taking them back because i knew you were going to stretch them with your thick body" Joel replied with a chuckle.



"Fat you mean?" she said with a tuant.



"Thickness overload, did you see how they were staring at you back there at the shopping mall,? girl you good" he said winking at her.


Melody smiled looking away shyly, she didn't like the fact that he was beginning to have control over her heart, she blushed and the butterflies in her belly came back.










The old man's eyes flicked open, he found himself in a strange room. The ceilings were painted white with a ceiling fan hanging from there, he looked to his and saw a water dispenser placed with water filled to the brim. He looked up a little and his eyes rested on the plasma television hung on the wall. Aside those things he saw, the room was empty, then he remembered the bed he was laying down on, he looked down and noticed that he wore a big blue gown worn mostly in the hospital, he wondered if he was in the hospital or dead.



"Okenwa?" he called out slowly but got no response.


"Okenwa?" he called out again this time around raising his voice up a bit higher than before. The door flung open and a young man came into the room with a bucket of water and a small napkin towel, when he got close to the old man, he let out a muffled scream.



"Oh my God, you are awake sir" he asked as a smile plastered on his face.



"Udoka,? you are here? what of Okenwa?" the old man asked again.


"Sir, Okenwa is fine, you will have to rest first, i will send for him later". the young man said moving the drip stand a bit.

Once again we (I and Preshbeauty) apologize for yesterday, although i already modified the chapter and added a few descriptions, so let the argument stop already so that we can enjoy the story.


thank you all for reading and making out time to comment. I LOVE YOU ALL

damselposh:
Once again we (I and Preshbeauty) apologize for yesterday, although i already modified the chapter and added a few descriptions, so let the argument stop already so that we can enjoy the story.


thank you all for reading and making out time to comment. I LOVE YOU ALL

Leave them,I'll soon bomb them

Thanks for the update

Starberg:


You must be very funny... I am not bitter. The diversion is unnecessary. How do you expect the writer to respond ? Won't she follow your directives? Since customers are always right.

This isnt the first time I'd be reading stories on NL and they get critiques. It was a suggestion!!
If she doesn't want to,she definitely can. If she decides to give in to their demands, nothing wrong in that. Stop been overly uptight about it.

She already settled it. So you can stop! Write your own story and do as you please.

damselposh:
Once again we (I and Preshbeauty) apologize for yesterday, although i already modified the chapter and added a few descriptions, so let the argument stop already so that we can enjoy the story.


thank you all for reading and making out time to comment. I LOVE YOU ALL

Thanks for the update

Their father is finally awake.

thanks OP.


And please those people arguing should stop Biko, she already settled the matter and she modified the chapter as well, you people should allow let me enjoy this story in peace.

Wow, so the father is finally awake, I see Melody loving Joel in return

Thanks for the update