₦airaland Forum

What if this guy is involved in some female trafficking for sex in another country. The story about hotel, women, and his friend. Patience is the name of the game. He seem shady though.

tammie24:
don't listen to this blockhead
They are probably partners in the scam
Your husband is using you
Used you to get to Canada
Soon as he gets citizenship he'll dump you like a bad habit
He may even kill you and make it look like an accident
I'm even scared for you
Being close to your mum is just to secure his position in your family, to give you the impression that he cares
The igbos are the most dangerous tribe in Nigeria
Get out of that marriage fast!

This is hateful and dumb,are you even educated?

What if he has a legit buisness he doesn't want you to know about? Granted people do scam but not everyone, you need to work on trusting him,else you will cause the end of your marriage and blame yourself!

Continue to browse your husband's phone; never get tired until you are dead. marriage is not by force, if you do not want to marry again because you are suspecting him, then breakup, either in court or ordinarily.

you even go to his phone without his consent or permission in this modern world. go on, it never set. my advice for you is to stop checking your husband phone at any slightest opportunity. if you do not know what he does for a living, you can ask him. if you think your marriage is threatened; leave that marriage and move on with your life, if you prefer that.

thank you

Mishydoo:
This is hateful and dumb,are you even educated?

What if he has a legit buisness he doesn't want you to know about? Granted people do scam but not everyone, you need to work on trusting him,else you will cause the end of your marriage and blame yourself!

HATE SPEECH on the Igbos. However, it is not social media unethical practice.
Your advice is ok apart from that hate speech. Table shakers will advise you to react and end up regretting; it is better you calm down or move out of that marriage if you are seriously unhappy about what you have observed. as for me, i will prefer you leave than being killed by what you might cause.

Tasha, he won't change, it will be worse, he is using your address now, probably your joint account to commit fraud, he is very nice and close to your mother and sister, he may compromise their address as well, he expects to make big money using your country and you, your family and if he does, he will escape fast yet you and your family will go to jail because of his crimes. He is a criminal. Please, check deposits and withdrawals in your account, don't be so correct, open your eyes and study his behavior, read his emails, etc. Be safe! If he gets frustrated, he can kill you or your mom.
Get the records from your internet provider, phone company about phone numbers and web places he contacts, get the deleted history from your laptop, keep all information safe and ask for help and advice from your mom and local authorities, or just your family, close friend.

Is it by force to read his messages

They say it is good to start with doubt so to end with certainty. Stop worrying yourself. Investigate him and clear your doubt once and for all.
Already you don't trust him anymore. So, if you still need your marriage do the needful before you loose your marriage to doubt.

NB: advice based on your story

Oga, if you have ever stepped your feet outside Nigeria and seen how "most" interracial marriages involving Nigerian men end up, then you'd apologize for your comment.

Any foreign woman, especially one from a developed country getting married to a Nigerian man does so at her own peril as it always mostly ends in tears. They are all for the paper and financial security.

Heffalump:
How do you mean about Nigerian men?

Don't make a global statement when you do not have proves to substantiate your claim, just because of one sad case. Did you read the part where Tasha7 wrote that her Nigerian husband is a very lovely man to be with? .....even to her family members. Those are the characteristics of most Nigerian men married to foreigners. Nigerian men standout among other African men any day, any time!!!

Your statement is viewed from the perspective of jealousy

Hello Tacha!
It's nice you wrote in seeking opinions and never kept things to yourself.

The fact is, your husband loves you greatly; he might be into something fishy that's why he doesn't want you to have unlimited access to his gadgets. He's doesn't want you to get hurt by things you might see, which might all be to hit the cash and make you happy.
Talk things over with him. All will be fine.

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill (unfortunately I didn't take a screenshot of the hotel stuff). In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screenshots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it. Again, I attached photos, but scratched out names just in case.

Thank you,

Tasha

Take this advise. u need to go undercover. Act like u are sorry. Apologize to him, Ask him to forgive u for doubting him. He needs to trust you, if he does. Then he will make a mistake, that mistake will help u discover what he is hiding. He would trust u to the point of dropping off his phone again someday or doing something that will give u hint

Mishydoo:
This is hateful and dumb,are you even educated?

What if he has a legit buisness he doesn't want you to know about? Granted people do scam but not everyone, you need to work on trusting him,else you will cause the end of your marriage and blame yourself!

a legit business?

this is the most senseless comment av read

your husband seems to be doing something like yahoo .or online scam.
but there is some questions you need to answer so we can knw how we advice you.

what kind job did he told you he was doing when he first started the LDR?

have he ever gone through your phone in your presence ?

some guys don't like there wife goes through there phone unless they don't have anything to hide .

i don't know how I can advice you ,I have been on this forum for almost 15yrs.
so am just like a living legend here.

I wish you the best as you get good advice here.

Mishydoo:
This is hateful and dumb,are you even educated?

What if he has a legit buisness he doesn't want you to know about? Granted people do scam but not everyone, you need to work on trusting him,else you will cause the end of your marriage and blame yourself!

listen to yourself

gypsey:
yea right! I don't believe you.

You dont believe me because I am not into shady/likely criminal activities like you? Lol

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill (unfortunately I didn't take a screenshot of the hotel stuff). In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screenshots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it. Again, I attached photos, but scratched out names just in case.

Thank you,

Tasha

^^^@Tasha7, I'll be brutally honest here and now... your gut instinct is right! He is a very creepy person and even violently broke the bathroom door. These kinds of guys who act nice to their spouse's family members and then hide phones from their wives can kill as well! Stay off this TOXIC marriage Tasha, do not let him ever manipulate your mind... And YOU would have learned a LOT from this experience. Remember... Do not be ashamed to leave and become single again, when you find your TRUE PURPOSE in life, ask real questions while dating offline/online, and read up on 'Emotional Intelligence' from books/free online and on YouTube. A far BETTER man with a good career and character will then appear in your life as if by some kind off magic... Because you would have earned it through self-awareness! PS: Are you in your 20s or 30s... And do you have kids yet? I have more to say... But let your family members also read some of the feedback on this thread to gain more clarity. Talk to you later.

boldx:
Hello lady, I don't understand why couples check each others phone. I guess it is based on trust. You don't trust your husband. Roundcube webmail is an email messaging platform.

Your husband is behaving weird no doubt. You did not say if he has a regular job. You can get detectives to track his IP and hack into those mails instead of giving yourself high blood pressure.

Your marriage is not adding up.

D IP address can't be track and hack cause he is using a proxy. Don't ask me how I know.