omonnakoda:
There is nothing like African parenting

There 100s of different ways people parent even In Nigeria before we expand to Africa

Some force religion on you,others don't. Some are Christians, Muslim's etc

Some have houseboys and drivers

Others hawk goods after school


Some are polygamous others are not.

Etc

There is o, for example, you ever heard your child call uncles/aunties by name? Ever heard your child shout back at you and say 'I HATE YOU'? Ever seen a child that you fully take care of, schooling, feeding and so on, yet same child calls the cops on you because you gave him or her a konk on the head for bad behavior?

African parenting is that old school parenting that has kept Africans in check for generations now(Lowest tobacco use, lowest drug abuse, lowest violence against parents/family members), unfortunately it is dying with each passing day because these new school parents have been brainwashed to believe love is freedom and freedom is love.

abbey621:


There is o, for example, you ever heard your child call uncles/aunties by name? Ever heard your child shout back at you and say 'I HATE YOU'? Ever seen a child that you fully take care of, schooling, feeding and so on, yet same child calls the cops on you because you gave him or her a konk on the head for bad behavior?

African parenting is that old school parenting that has kept Africans in check for generations now(Lowest tobacco use, lowest drug abuse, lowest violence against parents/family members), unfortunately it is dying with each passing day because these new school parents have been brainwashed to believe love is freedom and freedom is love.

How old are you?

Always believing they are right, only their opinion matters and they never apologise when it’s obvious they’re wrong

What African parent fails to understand is that you, as a parent can claim you love your child (ren). Unfortunately, this type of love is too selfish.
Being too overly assertive and possessive is not love.
As parent, it is not enough to pay your wards school fees, it's not even about being strict or being principled. Rather,it is more of seeing things from the perspective of your children. They are individuals too, growing up in a demanding society that is unforgiving and hostile. You don't want to put pressure on them, else they crack. Some are lucky, while some are not, result of which we witness in today's society. Each child's threshold to psychology stress is different. It can make or Mar such child, if car isn't taken.
That being said, i want us to know that their isn't one way method set in stone for raising a child. That's one other mistake, we parents make. Each child has, his or her own strenghts and weak point. The psychological fabric of a child is too tender to toy with. It is very dangerous!

Another, is a child will only be willing to unravel him/herself to you as a parent( depending on the relationship between the child and the parent) You can't force it! But you can allow it to happen by building a healthy relationship with your children.

The kind of parenting we have is the kind of society we are experiencing. Parenting is the most difficult job in the world!

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of two healthy parents living separately.

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

i don't believe they're treated as kings. parents feel the soft works/ indoor should be done by female while
the outdoor / heavy duties should be performed by males.

like my community, female sweep the compound and wash dishes while the male,
wash the cars, go to farm, fetch firewood, break them learn how to defend themselves and others.

e.g female sweep around the farm while the male cut down trees, clear the forest and go hunting

There's nothing wrong about African parenting. I was raised by morally upright and Christian parents who instilled in me so many fruits of the spirit though i had my own fair share of youthful exuberance like stealing money from their wallets, ran away from church services to play video games and all but my parents never spared the rod when you err and they always showered encomiums when you make them proud. My parents, two middle aged people who loved each other so deeply that when one fall sick ,the other would be crying and we (children) usually make fun of them.
Till date there are some responsibilities like laundry, cooking and cleaning i don't delegate and I don't eat out too. I learnt that from my parents.
Make God bless me so i go fit build a house for them, buy my father his dream Ford F150 and a trip to Stamford bridge to watch his darling Chelsea fc play.

Amanee:
Everything abeg


From the forceful religion to the heavy discipline to maiming of dreams to the ignorance...

I keep praying that I never raise my child the way I was raised

when you think about it, it hurts. but it was necessary even though you feel you didn't need the discipline.
look at America where parents don't discipline their kids. all they tell them is 'you are grounded'.
what kind of English is that grounded. it doesn't exist in Nigerian parents dictionary.

which is why every week you hear of school shooting in America because the children weren't disciplined and punished
when they were younger. as an African child, you fear and love your parent but white kids only love their parents.

that fear needs to be instilled in the kids. if you don't believe me, come to Ghana and see how spoiled kids are.
they don't even greet their parents good morning or say thank you. this things don't happen in Nigeria.
you may hate it, think it is too extreme but it is necessary. someone has to be the bad guy in order to get things done.

Men are willing to be that bad guy which is why kids love heir mothers more

Yonce:


You are 100% right.

People are getting heavily influenced by the parenting styles introduced by the western media.

Which is ironic because the eastern world aka Asia have very similar parenting styles to Africans and those people fight to limit their children from western exposure.
They know what's up!

It's not about Western influence ma'am. You are the one making the comparison here. No society is totally immaculate in concept and ideologies. Its what you and I experienced while growing up.

kiddkash:

when you think about it, it hurts. but it was necessary even though you feel you didn't need the discipline.
look at America where parents don't discipline their kids. all they tell them is 'you are grounded'.
what kind of English is that grounded. it doesn't exist in Nigerian parents dictionary.

which is why every week you hear of school shooting in America because the children weren't disciplined and punished
when they were younger. as an African child, you fear and love your parent but white kids only love their parents.

that fear needs to be instilled in the kids. if you don't believe me, come to Ghana and see how spoiled kids are.
they don't even greet their parents good morning or say thank you. this things don't happen in Nigeria.
you may hate it, think it is too extreme but it is necessary. someone has to be the bad guy in order to get things done.

Men are willing to be that bad guy which is why kids love heir mothers more

You are mixing things up, and this what African parent do too. Moral values need to be taught and need to be understood by the children. You don't just throw it at them . Children are unrefined and naive. You mold them to not what you want them to be, but what they need to be. This is by making them take responsibility, not by forcing it on them, but by making them see reasons why they need to, to make them better and responsible person.

Too much demands/responsibilities from female children while raising a bunch of irresponsible male children. Any little mistake from Kemi in the kitchen, her mother will say "is that how you will be cooking for your husband". It is very wrong. I've never heard any parents tell their male children when they misbehave "is that how you will be treating your Queen when you marry". There are a lot of great things that could come out of female children beyond marriage. We need to stop sending that myopic message to our female children that they are being built for one man. Let's build them for society and the world in entirety.

Beating/flogging does not work. If it worked, our society won't be like this. Our politicians were beating too when they are young, but that did not stop them from being heartless.

Forcing religion on children boxes their creativity. That's why the likes of Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton may not come from this part of the world in the future. Why can't Parents create open-minded kids? If you are Christian, you can tell them why they should be Christians not to force them. Show them proofs that the stories of the Bible truly happened. There are a lot of archaeological, physical proofs in Israel, Greece, Egypt to support that. But, let your home be filled with different books of spirituality. As a Christian, we assume the kids are Christians because they follow us to Church by force. We fail to let them know why they should be Christians, so once they step out of home, maybe to Uni or out of the country, they forget all the years of Church training.

Our parents should give children the chance to ask questions. If you ask any Oyibo kids not to do sth, the first thing he/she will ask you is "why". African Parents will say "shut up, don't talk when I'm talking". Every invention in this world come from that simple 3 letters "why". Why can't human fly, why can't human go underwater, why can't human float, why do we always come down when we jump up, etc

The way our Parents teach sex education is bad. Some parents won't even talk about it. Teach your kids abstinence, let them know all the reasons in the world to wait but also stylishly teach them how to wear a condom and what "morning-after pill" is.

Almost everything is wrong with our style of parenting. Look at our society and you will discover I am saying the truth. Our President, Senators, Governors, People behind subsidy scam, Boko Haram, fake Pastors, fake Imams didn't fall from the trees.

omonnakoda:


How old are you?

Mid 30s

hayoholla:


You are mixing things up, and this what African parent do too. Moral values need to be taught and need to be understood by the children. You don't just throw it at them . Children are unrefined and naive. You mold them to not what you want them to be, but what they need to be. This is by making them take responsibility, not by forcing it on them, but by making them see reasons why they need to, to make them better and responsible person.

I have been a child. Children don't think there are consequences to actions. it's an intuition that need to be corrected
not pampered. I went to a missionary school (it was like half military, half seminary)
at night, we scaled the fence to go watch football, eat out or play video games. we were talked to,
but we still did it.
our manager Rev. Fr. Vitus Mbamalu knew kids are stubborn and example has to be made to deter others.
he punished us severely. I hated him then, and felt he was wicked. but now I understand it was for our own good.
because one of us could have been kidnapped, killed, suffer serious bodily harm, ran over by a car. but as kids,
we always wanted to do what they said we shouldn't do.

He had to be the bad guy. I thank him for it today because I was a kid. even though I made great memories with friends
still it was bad

Virtually everything

abbey621:


I see nothing bad in this, the freedom alloted in the West came at a costly price, teen pregancies, abortions, STDs, emotional trauma etc. No one can prevent these things completely but at least in 9ja it is curbed to a certain degree by parental, societal and religious influences. Let's talk about another factor, immaturity. Our 9ja boys are very immature, while our girls are amazingly naive, when you add the type of freedom you're talking about better believe chaos awaits. Take a look at our universities, most were sent to study but we all know what happens! Girls turn themselves into thots, boys believe anything is f*ckable! I think we should just leave things the way they are and lessen the restrictions once they reach the university becasue they're going to do what they want regardless

I can agree to that part but then they should learn to stop pestering their kids too...like when are you getting married, I have you seen the man/woman, and be praying day and night for that spouse to land overnight. They should allow it to occur naturally, since they decided to follow that principle. My friend's mom was telling her to keep searching for job but not to forget the husband part. Lol, my mom is not different too even though her own isn't much tho. My cousin bro, Hahahaha his own dey another level. All these things can make someone make mistake in choosing a spouse to spend his/her life with.

Military and dictatorial type of parenting.

Do what i say, dont ask questions, argue or even suggest anything. you know nothing kid we your parents know it all..
My opinion sha.

saajus:
Too much demands/responsibilities from female children while raising a bunch of irresponsible male children. Any little mistake from Kemi, "is that how you will be cooking for your husband". It is very wrong. There are a lot of great things that could come out of female children beyond marriage.

Beating does not work, if it worked, our society won't be like this. Our politicians were beating too when they are young, but that does not stop them from being heartless.

Efforcing religion on children boxes their creativity. That's why the likes of Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton may not come from this part of the world in the future. Why can't Parents create open-minded kids? If you are Christian, you can tell them why they should be Christians not to force them. Show them proofs that the stories of the Bible truly happened. There are a lot of archaeological, physical proofs in Israel, Greece, Egypt to support that. But, let your home be filled with different books of spirituality.

Our parents should give children the chance to ask questions. If you ask any Oyibo kids not to do sth, the first thing he/she will tell you is "why". African Parents will say "shut up, don't talk when I'm talking". Every invention in this world come from that simple 3 letters "why". Why can't human fly, why can't human go underwater, why can't human float, why do we always come down when we jump up, etc

Almost everything is wrong with our style of parenting. Look at our society and you will discover I am saying the truth. Our President, Senators, Governors, People behind subsidy scam, Boko Haram, fake Pastors, fake Imams didn't fall from the trees.

well said, especially that part...is it how you do this and that for your husband...as if that's the only thing women came to the world to do. It's even making many ladies to end up with those they don't love just to answer that name "Mrs". Family is good but having it with the right person is the best.

The shut up part..Lol, only God can save us ooo...Anyway the new generations are trying with that part, kids ask questions these day.

flogging teaches you many things. you become stronger and more morally prepared

There's nothing i hate more than the western way of child parenting... Parents being so soft that their children even talk back at them with harsh words.. African parenting system has its flaws but with type of natural potential dimwits we are.. i really think that the African system suits us well... but frankly in all honesty the best parenting system I've envisioned is that of the Asians, a bit of African and western... Balanced

Christthesaviour:
Good morning guys

What do you think is wrong about the Nigerian/African style of parenting?

To me, I think Nigerian/African parenting is the best but African parents think they are always right even when they falsely accuse you which I don't think is right.

What else do you guys think? Let's discuss.

African parents use force and fear to educate their children at the expense of love and understanding.

hayoholla:


It's not about Western influence ma'am. You are the one making the comparison here. No society is totally immaculate in concept and ideologies. Its what you and I experienced while growing up.

I didn't make it about Western influence, the person I was replying did.


I just don't like the way most millennial parents are raising their kids, (It's none of my buisness tho) because they're largely influenced by the western culture. While there's a good majority of ideas to take from these white people, I don't think their form of parenting is one of them.

DeAlphaMale:
There's nothing i hate more than the western way of child parenting... Parents being so soft that their children even talk back at them with harsh words.. African parenting system has its flaws but with type of natural potential dimwits we are.. i really think that the African system suits us well... but frankly in all honesty the best parenting system I've envisioned is that of the Asians, a bit of African and western... Balanced

Asian parents are involved in their children's life in totality.
They don't encourage slacking and are quick to put you in line. They embody the tough love troupe 1000%

crackland:

You know..

The thing is, unless you want to be a 'yes son', 'okay son', 'whatever you want son' kind of parent, there'll always be something you do that will cause a child to think you're not doing it right.

EVEN AT THAT, THEY WILL STILL COMPLAIN THAT YOU INDULGED THEM TOO MUCH THAT WAS WHY THE ENDED UP USELESS.

30% Discount for the first 10 people

kiddkash:

when you think about it, it hurts. but it was necessary even though you feel you didn't need the discipline.
look at America where parents don't discipline their kids. all they tell them is 'you are grounded'.
what kind of English is that grounded. it doesn't exist in Nigerian parents dictionary.

which is why every week you hear of school shooting in America because the children weren't disciplined and punished
when they were younger. as an African child, you fear and love your parent but white kids only love their parents.

that fear needs to be instilled in the kids. if you don't believe me, come to Ghana and see how spoiled kids are.
they don't even greet their parents good morning or say thank you. this things don't happen in Nigeria.
you may hate it, think it is too extreme but it is necessary. someone has to be the bad guy in order to get things done.

Men are willing to be that bad guy which is why kids love heir mothers more

How did you come up with the bold? It's incredibly naive to assume they don't discipline their kids because they don't use whips on their children or because of a few school shooters among millions. Children are humans not goats. Laying down house rules applicable in every sphere with consequences if such rules are broken is important. What about other countries in the world? Europe? Asia?

I'm not speaking against spanking your children because it'll be a waste of time. But the politians who steal, the business men that carry out corrupt practices, the law enforcement that harasses citizens, the citizen that litters, the public figures who speak against the inventions of the west as "immoral" or "satanic" but turn around to use such inventions not long after were not spared the rod as children.

American parent:Ella what gift did your boyfriend get you for your birthday.
Ella response:He got me lots of chocolates,candy and a beautiful necklace.I love my prince charming.
Parents:We are so happy for you baby.(They called her and hug her)
Nigerian Parent:Ella,hope no boy is giving you anything or telling you sweet things.I don't want to see any boy around you.Boys are wicked ooo.Close that your legs well oo,don't say i did not warn you.
Ella response:Okay mummy.
Note:Ella is 12yes old today
I love African parents sha in some aspects they are trying.Nobody are perfect.

Welcome to Africa/Nigeria
Where all parents graduate at the top of their class or as we say it carry first position

crackland:
Una own children go still complain about una own style of parenting.

Just wait small...

Fact!

Every generation complains about the previous.

We become more conservative as we grow older.

Due to more life experience, being more cautious, taking roots, raising kids and preferring stability and security instead of adventure and new exciting things.

Culture and values only very gradually evolve.

I now value things parents said back then that looked like just bugging me.

We need a careful balance between discipline and being relaxed, between scolding (only when really necessary) and listening, between expectation/pushing and praising their efforts. We need to realise all kids are not same: emotionally, intellectually and personality wise. We must be flexible and adjust as needed.

ukaface:
African parents can never go wrong. They know it all,you can't correct them, because such would be termed disrespectful.

Yes because they are more experience than their children. Only in fewer cases they may be wrong. You can blame your parents for a lot of things until you have children you will NEVER understand what is means to be a parent.

Some children dont have parents and some parents have abandoned their responsibilities. If you have parents actively in your life, providing for you, advising, scolding and catching your bills. Shut the hell up and be grateful.

Don't buy it

Not every African parents there are exception e.g my always stands to be corrected, but my dad hell no, but yay I always state my POV and most cases he doesn't have a choice than to flow with me.

[s]>

Mizwisdom:


I was thinking she is a Nigerian
that's why I mentioned a tribe.
.

[/s]