₦airaland Forum

Anni3e:
I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.

Madam I support your decision 1,000%

The situation you have explained above is exactly the kind of life my dad lived.
Now he has retired with nothing to show for it.

I have had to on several occasions support my younger ones because of his mess.

I even buy him medications out of my meagre resources.

Such men don't take good counsel from their wives.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

My advice to you. Buy the land in your kid’s name and as for your husband, leave him. He will come around when it’s time for him to ask any of his siblings for help, it might not necessarily be financial help. There is a saying “Dem nor dey advice tortoise say that water na hot water”

MrTechy:
Include his name but don't let him know, do everything possible not to let him know

, If you buy a land even if in the best place on earth without my knowledge, i will never trust you again. Our divorce will just be a matter of time. What is marriage?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAG44u1s8Qs

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Madam, I must lay in bare. Your husband is a big f00l . That land you're talking about, don't ever put his name on the property, otherwise you loose everything if and when they eventually kill him.

Anni3e:
I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.

.



You're a wise woman.

hennylove:
we do share bills but I only concentrate on feeding totally which you know it's expensive. What is good man does it mean if I am not working he will not do these things? I want him to grow up and learn how to do things like a man should do. He has a lot of misplaced priorities which is making me do too much that I forget to take care of my personal needs. I have talked for over ten years and decided to start acting. For the first time we couldn't pay rent at the right time because he was waiting for rent from me as usual while he has been sending bulk of his money to his people instead of thinking of rent. I have over tried and made him too nonchalant.

Money money money!!! The root of all evil. Most marriage wahala Money must de involve in one way or the other.
I must make dis money in quantum

ibkayee:
Lol change how?

I haven't gotten 'that' mail I'll explain better when we 'see'

Acidosis:
I haven't gotten 'that' mail I'll explain better when we 'see'

Lol hmmm

crackland:
In 2020, Nigerian women still don't want to share bills equally...they'd rather behave like their primitive fore-mothers.
They ought to take a cue and learn from women who are civilized.

Times have changed but they'd rather remain cave women.

When it is bitches: He is stingy

When it is family: They are leaches

I been Don leave nairaland for long ooo..
this lockdown is capable of reviving old bad habits o.

[quote author=Chukspaul78 post=89731384]Don't go and buy a land without ur husband's name written in the paper or documents make him the head in everything u do, I believe he's a very nice man that forgotten about his own future and family to that of his siblings get the land made him start investing on it.[/quote)



Guy, how far now? It's like u re a correct Igbo man like me. A man is the head of the house no matter what? Where are u from?

pocohantas:
Amen oooo!!!

Oh Stale! Shock me!

My dear, na u fit this people. I often times wonder the kind of lives peoole on here live outside of this forum. Because the way they comment ehn. I only thank God that I only meet them here and not in the real world . There are still good provider men out here . The only thing NL males talk about is sex, women and splitting bills. Dazall

Liverpoolfc:
You can't helping your siblings and lack in days of needs. Never, i repeat never. Even if they are demons. The first line of defense in days of lack is your family. Your wife can divorce you but your siblings will never do so. No human being can separate me and my siblings, nothing is too big for me yo give them. We suffered too long together, you can't just come from no where and start to form limits. Your siblings you fail to raise will pull you down. As you grow, let them grow too. @op.,let your husband also ask from them and see their response.

Other pple have put up stories here not just the op, someone even put a link to an Instagram page of pastor adeyemi, of Daystar church talking about this issue, , sir, remove that silly idea that every giving returns blessings that is a lie, if u decide to give foolishly like the op's husband, the reward wld be pain ND suffering in yrs to come, then you wld look back ND lament. " Had I known"

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

So you even want to tell him. Some women sef! Like someone mentioned in this thread, Nigerian women talk a lot. Talk and Talk. No action. The only action is to be popping out babies. A whole Nine good years. In life you have to be strategic. Someone is not living up to his responsibilities and you want to tell him you are rich enough to buy property. If you tell him, you will dig yourself into a deeper hole. People whose brain has been twisted by religion will tell you it is wrong to lie to your husband. They will tell you to pray for him and do dry fasting. Hehehe! What are you praying for? When God has given you wisdom and money to buy property. Apply wisdom. Invest for yourself and your children. Be wise.

PLEASE! STOP! PAYING THE BILLS IN THE HOUSE! If he brings 2k for the week, don't add anything on it, cook what it can reach and take your kids out to have a good meal. And DON'T GET PREGNANT for a 3rd child until you have a good plan on ground. He will not change until you let him feel the burden at home! BE WISE WOMAN! TAKE ACTION!!! SAVE YOUR MONEY! IF HE WANTS TO BE DOING BIG MAN OUTSIDE, LET HIM KNOW HE IS A POOR MAN INSIDE HIS OWN HOUSE!

pocohantas:
The problem with Nigerian women is that you guys talk too much. At the end, your men don’t listen to you.

They only call you nags, petty, accuse you of trying to separate their family...etc

Talk less and act more! I don’t have time to be talking nonsense with you every time. I calculate my moves and proceed. After that, I activate my sit-down-dey-look-mode. If you wanna perish, you will perish alone.

thanks.
Too much words unnecessary

ibkayee:
Person A: My husband is spending money that should be used on his immediate family on his other family members, including his sisters' husbands. They are essentially leeching off him and we are suffering for it. Sometimes he is eveb dishonest about the amount of money he can spare for his immediate family and ends up giving it to them instead

Narrative twisters: sO yOu DoN't wAnT to sHaRe biLLz

If they don’t twist the narrative and blatantly lie about what you are saying, they will have nothing to argue against.

cococandy:
If they don’t twist the narrative and blatantly lie about what you are saying, they will have nothing to argue against.

My dear I had to go back and check the OPs posts to make sure I hadn't missed anything when I saw their blatant lies lol

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.
Modified:
For those quoting me wrongly always bear in mind that family is blood however bad yours may be.
Helping family will never stop his progress unless he has no plan.

In spite of how you twist a wrong...it never make a right for Candle bears no cost lighting Another.

lol, what plan can you have when your brothers who are always begging you for money have built their own houses and you are still living in a rented house.

1) You were on point until that land matter you planned to buy and not include him in it, that's a sign of (selfishness from your side) sorry if I was too blunt. Marriage is selflessness nothing in it.

2) He is use to that kind of life more so your in-laws are greedy and inconsiderate.

3) Your husband has little mistake here and that's the fact that he doesn't say no in all demands. You can't wast all your money on family matter alone.

4) Saying you are tired is just a way of women. When it comes to money matter women get tired easily mostly when their money is involved in family upkeep. Such mentality is a SCAM and must stop.

5) Lastly, we can't judge your husband here because an elder that hear from one mouth and condemn other parties is called "Agba-osika" (wicked elder) so, by Friday, tell your husband that committee of NL elders wants to see him. Lets here from him too.

God bless your home.

Till we see.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

crackland:
Let them? Why do we have to let them?

Isn't it basic that a wife should be earning enough to be able to cater for herself and her children, just in case her husband slumps and dies the next minute?

The real problem here is that too many Nigerian women want to depend on their husband's wealth, or rather they want to fall-back on it. They have no bigger ambition than this.
Thank goodness I was not brought up around women of this sort.

Some people are simply generous to a fault and I bet the OP's husband falls in this category. He's not the first of his kind, and as a matter of fact I have a personal experience with such but I'd rather not share here.

The success of men like him almost always depend on the kind of wife he has because it's only a woman who has no financial weight in the eyes of her husband that will have no influence over him when it comes to financial decisions. FACT.

A husband who knows that his wife is at a financial level close or equal to his, will not take her opinions lightly and will want to find a way to heed to her warnings - this is a simple truth most women still don't want to accept.

I agree but those men won’t pick such women , who they may believe to be challenging over their decisions, or feel intimidated by

Joedave25:
You are Wicked and very irresponsible. Quote me anywhere. Why would you wish her husband dead. Must you vomit stuff like this?.Must you comment?

Well empty vessels they say makes the loudest noise.

You're a bastard. I pray you die in an explosion with your entire family!

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Will you also be satisfied when he buys properties in his name alone? Don't start what you can't finish

Ur husband is lyk my parents. Anybody that helps don't invest, even to build house na war

Phraences:
So you even want to tell him. Some women sef! Like someone mentioned in this thread, Nigerian women talk a lot. Talk and Talk. No action. The only action is to be popping out babies. A whole Nine good years. In life you have to be strategic. Someone is not living up to his responsibilities and you want to tell him you are rich enough to buy property. If you tell him, you will dig yourself into a deeper hole. People whose brain has been twisted by religion will tell you it is wrong to lie to your husband. They will tell you to pray for him and do dry fasting. Hehehe! What are you praying for? When God has given you wisdom and money to buy property. Apply wisdom. Invest for yourself and your children. Be wise.

Lol. People make me laugh sometimes, when de say invest in urself n children. Men should be wise for dis statement. It shows dat women see men as maga n not partner, wen maga stop paying de go dere way

[quote author=Anni3e post=89700076]I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings. [/quote

In my own opinion, if you tell him you have that kind of money, are you sure he won't collect it from you to feed his so called family members?

Why not buy the land in your children's name and tell him after buying.

Also, open up to his siblings that he is not taking care of his immediate family. They might think you are enjoying all their brother's wealth. Open up to them.

Tell them you will appreciate it if they can talk their brother on your behalf.

Talk to God in prayers to draw the heart of your husband to you and your children.

My submission. Thank you.

Amanee:
Default setting ko factory setting ni

I'm a first born and I watch out for my damn self EVERYTIME

When I read your comment, I knew you had a way with words......wasn't at all surprised to find "writer" on your profile

Your husband needs to call his younger ones together and probably establish them with a trade or something. He should make them realise he has needs and family too.

About your land please, continue building it. Don't fight him and don't argue with him in the presence of your children.

Just keep praying for him

Liliantalks:
I agree but those men won’t pick such women , who they may believe to be challenging over their decisions, or feel intimidated by

I am not one of such men.

And even broke women can have very nasty, controlling, and entitled attitudes too.
You can see a lot of them on Nairaland.

Twoclans:
Madam you need to be strategic .Do not allow your husbands people deprive you of your man and your marriage.

I understand what you are going through because my mother went through the same thing. My father was the only son that survived after the biafra war claimed two of his brothers.Naturally his sisters turned to leeches and felt very entitled.My father built houses for those of them in their husbands houses so that they can be comfortable,he sent some to school from primary to university and even secured a job for them.When he passed away some of this his sisters did not even stay a second by his grave when he was been lowered .They left the grave side to go and drag and arrange food for their husbands families that would be coming in group for the burial. They did not give two fu.cks about their benefactor.

Their brother(your husband)sleeps beside you ,he eats your food ,he makes love to you.I hope you understand the power you yield over that man above his relatives.Bring in your A game.Show him love,give him good food and good sex let him not even have the chance to pick their calls.When you finish making good love to him ,in the middle of the night whisper the investments he need to focus on while massaging his back.

My mother married at a young age of 16 she did not know her left from her right.The moment she found her foot in the family she started directly her husband accordingly even at that it was not easy for her because his sisters fought her to a standstill

I wish you the very best I know you can sort yourself out all you need is to seat and strategize.

ur dp is weird

Viciheaka:
ur dp is weird

I know