Hi. I love your advice. Quite sensible and diplomatic.
I don't know if you read the part that she said two of his younger ones have built their own house and still call him for money... of course what I deduce from this is that while they were using their savings and income to build, they would leech on the man for the money to feed and survive so that their building project won't suffer.

There is no culture. I repeat no culture that includes one to become stupid and not smart because one needs to extend help to siblings...
If you have siblings that calls only when to get something and not your well being is SCAM
If you have siblings that won't say 'Brother , we have built our own house and we think is time to start a building project and we want to be of help either in cash or moral support', that is not Family. They are blood suckers.

Since OP's husband have refused to wake up to reality, she should better act fast. In our present day economy, one of the biggest challenges for a family man is house rent. If you can overcome that and have your own then you can practically have rest of mind to focus on more important investment.
An average Nigerian works yearly for his/her landlord.

What if this man is no more tomorrow? I can bet you with this kind of family settling, they will all march to come and claim properties they did not know how it came neither would they ever remember to care for the two kids their so called beloved big brother left behind.

OP please put the name if the landed property if possible in the name of one of your kids especially the male child in case of tomorrow.

Please be smart and prayerful in dealing with this issue. Change your strategy on how you approach your husband with this issues too. Because of the men's ego factor.
Good luck

bukatyne:


Ok.

Do you want to solve the problem permanently and live in love, harmony and planning together

OR

Do you want to solve the problem with a temporary equally damaging measure and live with bitterness in your heart like a 'Nigerian wife?'

Does buying the land change the fact that his family is capitalizing on his sense of 'duty' to suck him dry and leaving you to pick up the bills you are currently complaining about?

The choice is yours ma'am.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Buy the land in your name. In fact, build the house in your name without him, because if you have his name on the property and anything happens to him tomorrow, his family members will come for the house and kick you and your children out. Dont forget to start a business if you have not done that already.

Wicked family members they are.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

pls can you throw more light on mutual benefit/chapel hill/piggy bank. Are they investment platforms?

Fight him to standstill that he is abusing you and the children financialy.Stop paying for utilities and fees., Call his pastor if not yielding. Ask and insist taking more money for upkeep. Threaten to quit him and take ur children away. That is before they sack you... He is possessed by demon of the family to die early for them and

bukatyne:


Ok.

Do you want to solve the problem permanently and live in love, harmony and planning together

OR

Do you want to solve the problem with a temporary equally damaging measure and live with bitterness in your heart like a 'Nigerian wife?'

Does buying the land change the fact that his family is capitalizing on his sense of 'duty' to suck him dry and leaving you to pick up the bills you are currently complaining about?

The choice is yours ma'am.

Like a "woke" Nigerian wife.

crackland:

Like a "woke" Nigerian wife.

Why going to quote comment of hours ago?

Trying to prove a point that you are here and ignoring?

You are a wise woman,right now the well being and future of your kids should be paramount to you. From all indication if per adventure he goes totally broke, he'll be discarded by his siblings. It's just so unfortunate that some good women with character have annoying husbands.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Acidosis:


That's the summary of the issues my dear

Well, no it isn't

The premise of the thread is not about the fact that she's paying bills, she's complaining about her husband not putting his immediate family first financially, neglecting them as a result.

The same woman you want to make out has an issue sharing bills is the same one that has been planning for the both of them to save for their children's future and wants to invest money into getting a property?

I get it though, it's an easy narrative to latch onto for a lot of you

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property . I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

the bolded ,there are people here that will tell you otherwise ,don't mind them o. Men like your husband will only end up in the "I was once a rich man " category,the question is are you willing to go down with him?.

Yes you are supposed to do things together with your husband,but it takes two to tango,your husband is not willing to play ball with you hence the ball is in your court to leave something for yourself and your kids in the future.


I am saying this because my aunty made the mistake of joining finance with a financially reckless man who is a cheerful giver outside while neglecting his own, she continues to regret it till date. Be wise.

soderican:

Pls how does this program work? Would like to do the same for my kid bro. Any information will be helpful

People that have interest in computer programming, machine learning, data science, website development can acquire these skills on udemy.com. After about 3 months training, they can start applying for computer programming and website developer jobs, or can even stand on their own. There's nothing he can't learn on udemy, even shoe making, just that it requires internet connection.

Anni3e:
Shut up. I have two very rich brothers, I have never demanded from them, my family knows their boundary and don't interfere in each other's business.

Madam you need to be strategic .Do not allow your husbands people deprive you of your man and your marriage.

I understand what you are going through because my mother went through the same thing. My father was the only son that survived after the biafra war claimed two of his brothers.Naturally his sisters turned to leeches and felt very entitled.My father built houses for those of them in their husbands houses so that they can be comfortable,he sent some to school from primary to university and even secured a job for them.When he passed away some of this his sisters did not even stay a second by his grave when he was been lowered .They left the grave side to go and drag and arrange food for their husbands families that would be coming in group for the burial. They did not give two fu.cks about their benefactor.

Their brother(your husband)sleeps beside you ,he eats your food ,he makes love to you.I hope you understand the power you yield over that man above his relatives.Bring in your A game.Show him love,give him good food and good sex let him not even have the chance to pick their calls.When you finish making good love to him ,in the middle of the night whisper the investments he need to focus on while massaging his back.

My mother married at a young age of 16 she did not know her left from her right.The moment she found her foot in the family she started directly her husband accordingly even at that it was not easy for her because his sisters fought her to a standstill

I wish you the very best I know you can sort yourself out all you need is to seat and strategize.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Best place to get an impactful advice in a matter like this is not NL, because more than 80% of men on NL are chauvinists. Therefore, they will support your husband's decision against yours. They don't understand that once a man is married, most of his focus and commitment should be on his wife and kids, same applies to his wife. Other than your husband's aged parents, his siblings are not entitled to his money. He can choose to gift them money and presents during festive times and nothing more. His siblings should allow his raise his own children and build a house for his family.

Although, I have already left you the best advice earlier.

For peace to reign, use your first child's name to buy the land . Your husband maybe under the influence of different JuJu, being used to demand money from him . When you start the building, he will wake up from his sleep.

ibkayee:

Well, no it isn't

The premise of the thread is not about the fact that she's paying bills, she's complaining about her husband not putting his immediate family first financially, neglecting them as a result.

The same woman you want to make out has an issue sharing bills is the same one that has been planning for the both of them to save for their children's future and wants to invest money into getting a property?

I get it though, it's an easy narrative to latch onto for a lot of you

You think they don’t know. Someone like crackland abi crackhead will come to twist the thread. One would wonder if they don’t marvel at the effort they put into changing the narrative.

pocohantas:


Why going to quote comment of hours ago?

Trying to prove a point that you are here and ignoring?

Na wah.

Come, local champion... what do you want?

crackland:

Na wah.

Come, local champion... what do you want?

Good, I knew you must tie wrapper on your waist, with chewing stick in your mouth and come out.

Local champion indeed. Coming from the only man found in the midst of every petty squabble. How rich!!!!

pocohantas:


You think they don’t know. Someone like crackland abi crackhead will come to twist the thread. One would wonder if they don’t marvel at the effort they put into changing the narrative.

Person A: My husband is spending money that should be used on his immediate family on his other family members, including his sisters' husbands. They are essentially leeching off him and we are suffering for it. Sometimes he is eveb dishonest about the amount of money he can spare for his immediate family and ends up giving it to them instead

Narrative twisters: sO yOu DoN't wAnT to sHaRe biLLz

pocohantas:


Of course, it hurts you that some women do not carry your matter for head. This gives credence to my point. Sisters, don’t kill yourself over man troubles, they like it ooo!!!

The ones that have horseband, how far? Everyday thread for Nairaland. So much for being antagonized for not having one. Looks like no woman must escape the hell you all bring.


Hahahahahaha!

A "hell" that you so desperately wish for!

That's why you can't help but comment on every marriage-related thread

I see you and your type on Facebook groups everyday, praying for a so called "horseband" with your post-wall self

Snaagg:



A "hell" that you so desperately wish for!

That's why you can't help but comment on every marriage-related thread

I see you and your type on Facebook groups everyday, praying for a so called "horseband" with your post-wall self

Oga keep quiet. Typical response. You always see types na, no be NL male you be. Always seeing what they want to see. SELECTIVE VISION.

Oya o, gist me what else you see? Great seer!

It's poverty mentality.
It's killing Nigeria already.
The spirit of give me, give me. U will continue to look for awof even when they make you president. U will continue to collect and collect. Look at where it has landed Nigeria.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

My dear, the truth be told. His siblings don't mean well for him and his family. They are not ready to see him progress in life. It's your duty to be insistent on what is mutually beneficial to you and your children. When the worst happens they will run away from him. Go and build that house make a will and put your kids as heirs to everything you own.

Your husband has been colonised by his people already.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

You married into a curse.

ibkayee:

Person A: My husband is spending money that should be used on his immediate family on his other family members, including his sisters' husbands. They are essentially leeching off him and we are suffering for it. Sometimes he is eveb dishonest about the amount of money he can spare for his immediate family and ends up giving it to them instead

Narrative twisters: sO yOu DoN't wAnT to sHaRe biLLz

Lmao. Like does it make sense

To think this is coming from the logical gender. I am impressed.

sigiyaya:

I am not married but i suffer the same problem as your husband. I am the first child in my family and i spend almost all i earn on my family. My father died when a was young and i see myself as the father of the family and this affects my relationship with my girlfriend whom i am sure i would marry soon.

.

Wow. How do you cope with the stress?

pocohantas:


Oga keep quiet. Typical response. You always see types na, no be NL male you be. Always seeing what they want to see. SELECTIVE VISION.

Oya o, gist me what else you see? Great seer!

I've sha told you before that it's best that these people don't actually find out anything about you

Else they'll go into a depression when they aren't able to use the same stale 'picture' of your life that they've created in their heads and are trying to force

Blablabla

pocohantas:


[s]Oga keep quiet. Typical response. You always see types na, no be NL male you be. Always seeing what they want to see. SELECTIVE VISION.

Oya o, gist me what else you see? Great seer!

[/s]

I expected a smarter comeback tbh.. but then again I'm not surprised. Poco-dimwit-hantas!

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

You are one of the most intelligent women on this forum. I just love you

ibkayee:

I've sha told you before that it's best that these people don't actually find out anything about you

Else they'll go into a depression when they aren't able to use the same stale 'picture' of your life that they've created in their heads and are trying to force

Hahaha. They don’t know what is happening. I enjoy seeing them shoot blank shots.

I am not about to take their bullets away from them. I am nice like that. So I will just remain their favourite broke ugly evening newspaper.

sigiyaya:

I am not married but i suffer the same problem as your husband. I am the first child in my family and i spend almost all i earn on my family. My father died when a was young and i see myself as the father of the family and this affects my relationship with my girlfriend whom i am sure i would marry soon.

You will marry her if she doesn't leave you before you learn to draw the line.

Snaagg:


I expected a smarter comeback tbh.. but then again I'm not surprised. Poco-dimwit-hantas!

Like yours was smart. It is smart that the only thing you can come up with is my supposed marital status. You must be the smartest person in your family then.

pocohantas:


Like yours was smart. It is smart that the only thing you can come up with is my supposed marital status. You must be the smartest person in your family then.

Like you are in yours!