₦airaland Forum

I really feel for you, I really do.

I can feel your heart beat fast, I can feel your voice trembling, I can feel your hands shake as you typed this with tears in your eyes.

May God comfort us all.

Honesty001...... Honestly, I love the way this man is treating you like garbage. You know why?

YOU DID SAME TO HIM!

From the way you described him in your first paragraph, it was obvious that you loathe him. You despised him so much and even made him look like he is just nothing. Infact, you even left hin at a point and was lashing plenty guys on a steady for a very long time.

You ladies will never have sense.

I know 3 ladies in same situation as you and do you know the funny part? They all married from Anambra as you!

Its not as if Anambra guys are bad. Ironically, Anambra men are the most loving, sweetest men to marry on earth. I can bet my balls that you are about 7-10 years younger than him!

Anambra men marry late though and the reason is simple. They were hustling in rain and in sunshine to make their future family safe, comfortable and happy.

But most of you ladies are so morronic, stuppid and mentally unstable. You don't have foresight. Yall already have a perception of the type of prince charming that will come and sweep you off your feet. If its not working, you try to fall back on the initial guy that you called "Not my class, has an accent, not from a rich home... Blah blah blah"

I know the solution to your problem but I will never tell you because I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, LOOK OLD AND MAYBE... DIE LONELY.

AngryIgboMan:
Honesty001...... Honestly, I love the way this man is treating you like garbage. You know why?

YOU DID SAME TO HIM!

From the way you described him in your first paragraph, it was obvious that you loathe him. You despised him so much and even made him look like he is just nothing. Infact, you even left hin at a point and was lashing plenty guys on a steady for a very long time.

You ladies will never have sense.

I know 3 ladies in same situation as you and do you know the funny part? They all married from Anambra as you!

Its not as if Anambra guys are bad. Ironically, Anambra men are the most loving, sweetest men to marry on earth. I can bet my balls that you ate about 7-10 years younger than him!

Anambra men marry late though and the reason is simple. They were hustling in rain and in sunshine to make their future family safe, comfortable and happy.

But most of you ladies are so morronic, stuppid and mentally unstable. You don't have foresight. Yall already have a perception of the type of prince charming that will come and sweep you off your feet. If its not working, you try to fall back on the initial guy that you called "Not my class, has an accent, not from a rich home... Blah blah blah"

I know the solution to your problem but I will never tell you because I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, LOOK OLD AND MAYBE... DIE LONELY.

You are truly your moniker.

AngryIgboMan:
Honesty001...... Honestly, I love the way this man is treating you like garbage. You know why?

YOU DID SAME TO HIM!

From the way you described him in your first paragraph, it was obvious that you loathe him. You despised him so much and even made him look like he is just nothing. Infact, you even left hin at a point and was lashing plenty guys on a steady for a very long time.

You ladies will never have sense.

I know 3 ladies in same situation as you and do you know the funny part? They all married from Anambra as you!

Its not as if Anambra guys are bad. Ironically, Anambra men are the most loving, sweetest men to marry on earth. I can bet my balls that you ate about 7-10 years younger than him!

Anambra men marry late though and the reason is simple. They were hustling in rain and in sunshine to make their future family safe, comfortable and happy.

But most of you ladies are so morronic, stuppid and mentally unstable. You don't have foresight. Yall already have a perception of the type of prince charming that will come and sweep you off your feet. If its not working, you try to fall back on the initial guy that you called "Not my class, has an accent, not from a rich home... Blah blah blah"

I know the solution to your problem but I will never tell you because I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, LOOK OLD AND MAYBE... DIE LONELY.

This one weak me

Marriage as an institution has no problem, it is how the people behave in it that gives it bad publicity. The truth is that marriage comes with a lot challenges. It is sometimes unbearable, especially if you are unfortunate to encounter a little-minded partner. It is childish to use your past as a tool to haunt and abuse you, when he knows you don't have anything to do with it anymore. Does it mean he doesn't have a past?

Your story is very, very pathetic and sadden. You can't continue living this way, because you are slowly losing it. Why not think of a way out: involve his family and yours, the church, and any person you know he respects. Walking out of the marriage or separation should be the last resort. Whatever decision you make, note that you need to start living.

Lolzzz... I doubt any man born will have the temerity to display this kinda nonsense drama close to me. If I no wipe the stupidity commot from him face. Mtcheeew. Imagine the arrant nonsense.

With the irritating attitude you went on to yoke yourself with such sociopath?

AngryIgboMan:
Honesty001...... Honestly, I love the way this man is treating you like garbage. You know why?

YOU DID SAME TO HIM!

From the way you described him in your first paragraph, it was obvious that you loathe him. You despised him so much and even made him look like he is just nothing. Infact, you even left hin at a point and was lashing plenty guys on a steady for a very long time.

You ladies will never have sense.

I know 3 ladies in same situation as you and do you know the funny part? They all married from Anambra as you!

Its not as if Anambra guys are bad. Ironically, Anambra men are the most loving, sweetest men to marry on earth. I can bet my balls that you are about 7-10 years younger than him!

Anambra men marry late though and the reason is simple. They were hustling in rain and in sunshine to make their future family safe, comfortable and happy.

But most of you ladies are so morronic, stuppid and mentally unstable. You don't have foresight. Yall already have a perception of the type of prince charming that will come and sweep you off your feet. If its not working, you try to fall back on the initial guy that you called "Not my class, has an accent, not from a rich home... Blah blah blah"

I know the solution to your problem but I will never tell you because I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, LOOK OLD AND MAYBE... DIE LONELY.

She never liked him at first but later gave in to his pressure for a relationship.. That's her crime ryt? Biko remain angry, who knows wetin u done go through to pour such bile.

elektra:
Since the is no law firm around you, have you thought of starting a business? You need to start making money.

You think he'll let her make money?

... female lawyer who can tolerate abuse... nice premise to your favour. let's hear from the defendant

I am tired from just reading what you wrote up there. It is is like living in hell. You married a man who finds it hard to forgive and in addition is very possessive

People that struggles to forgives are not suppose to get married. It is their types that murder that partner. If you run away he will kill you.

I know that I shouldn't say this but the day you will be truly free is the day he dies.

Lawyer wey man dey treat like doormat!... that one na lawyer?
Osi... “he keep me malice”

Your own is much of a problem. Only you need to first find your lost self-esteem. Them don collect Saturday for your hand give you Sunday...

You didn’t train your ‘dog’ well.. na you fvck up!

Pele dear

Honesty001:
This is the story of my marital life.I need your advice nairalanders. please no insults.

I married at the age of 23 ,that was immediately I finished nysc.I met my hubby while preparing for law school.He toasted me for a period of two years. I actually refused to date him because I felt he was short, not from a rich home,had an accent, and not really my class. Nevertheless I was sill in constant communication with him.I was very free with him which I regret. During that period he came to Lagos took me out we made out and he was so happy I had agreed. when he went back to his place of work(Anambra) I did not feel happy.I told him I wasn't interested in the relationship.He called my cousin to talk to me .I insulted him and told him I do not love him as he is irritating me,even with all the insult he kept toasting me.

He was very sure I was his wife.He said God showed him in his dream. He told us to fast together so that God can reveal it too me since I wasn't sure.I fasted but nothing was revealed.I followed my sister to a church ,the pastor of the church told me that if I married that suitor coming for me I will regret it. I told him what the pastor said and he started crying begging my sister that he will forever love me.


I told him that if in the next 6months we still communicate that means we are meant to be together. During this period I dated someone else and I was not in communicado with him. Suddenly I felt an urge to call him,even though I did not know that month was the 6 month.I called him and that is how we renewed our communication. He told me too choose between the guy I was dating and him.I choose him and broke up with the guy because I felt the guy was not ready for marriage for the next 5 years, while I was as he was still hustling. I agreed to date him and marry him on the condition that he will not use how I treated him and refused him to judge me. My ex and a male friend a toaster from nysc called me and I warned them to stop calling me.He picked up the call and told them to stop calling.Anyways My father wasn't happy because he felt he was from a poor home,but I didn't care again because I felt he had potentials and that he loved me dearly since he fought for me. He and my mum were close. We did introduction.During nysc I was not allowed to go for any event.He always wanted to know where I was every minute.If I didn't pick my call the series of explanation will be much. Even to attend my pastor's birthday was a problem.I had too beg but it all fell on deaf ears.He will cry when he is upset with me and he will start cursing and swearing for himself.i will beg .My roommate witnessed all these and told me that he was controlling me too much .When I had a quarell with him I told him what she said even though I did not mention her name. Before that I used to gossip about my roommate and neighbours with him.I was so naive,I told him about my past relationships,even about my toasters.I trusted him so much.I thought I was confinding in my best friend.Anyways he made me delete her number and disassociate myself from her after a 3 days quarell.He came down to my place of service and He made me swear with my womb that I never chatted with her after blocking her on WhatsApp.I refused to swear as it is against my principles.I walked out and he dragged me back to the room.

Fastfoward to post marriage he judges me with the past.Talks about how I treated him badly.He doesn't trust me at all.He says I cheated on him by dating the other guy.He dosent like seeing me talk with guys or someone he dosent know.Meanwhile he has a lot of friends I don't know o.He flushed my sim inside toilet and made me change my line and leave Facebook and WhatsApp. He made me leave nairaland too after he saw the p.ms .I don't have any friends.I have no one to confide in. Anytime I talk and he dosent like my point of view he will shout at me and shut me up like I am a dullard,when we are watching news or movie.He hardly apologises or commends me .He is quick to criticize.When he is angry he will refuse to eat my food and I will beg.Even when I am wrong I will beg.He never accepts that he is wrong.I always beg and cry.

when I was pregnant,I was down with malaria a lot of times and couldn't do any chore.He took me for deliverance and acted as if I brought the sickness upon myself.when I tell him how I feel he turns it around and puts the blame on me. He is good with words and manipulative, to the extent I use to think I need a checkup on my brain cos he makes it seem I am forgetful.

The good thing about him is that he is not a womanizer.He provides and works hard for the family.We do not lack any food.

Anything he says I must do it,if I don't do it due to forgetfullness he will say I forgot because I don't respect him and value his words.He is always frowning,even when he comes back from work.He hardly laughs.I am a stay at home mum. I do not have a job yet though I am searching as there are no law firms here as this is a village. I cannot even play with him or confide in him he won't even answer me.If I ask a question he will say why am I asking or ignore me.He says I don't respect him.I do everything in my power to make him feel like the head of the house to my emotional detriment. when I opened up to him that I wanted him to be more caring and loving ,at least to ask how my day was or commend me when taking care of our two kids or even say I look beautiful.He did not accept he was wrong. he kept me malice for almost 3 months giving me silent treatment and I kept to myself.During that period i told him I wanted a seperation as he always threatened me with a divorce.We decided to stay for the kids.when we tried to talk and settle .He slapped me and used a belt on me telling me not to talk while he is talking.He dosent respect me. please ladies before you get married have a good job or a means of livelihood.Even though he sponsored my masters in law .He dosent pray again as he says I made his spiritual life to deplete.He belongs to charismatic.

I am scared of making friends as I feel he may not like it.I am lonely.only my kids keep me company. I have low self esteem.If you see me you won't believe I have masters in law. look soD timid.Do you know he shouts at me in public,in church.

Note-I am very gentle,friendly and free spirited.I play a lot and I like laughing and gisting.He provides food and loves his children so much,he sponsored my masters.He buys me cloths and makes sure I don't lack.He works very hard. If I decide to leave now I have 0 naira in my account.He said he will take the kids.I will be left empty .mature Nairalanders what is your opinion?

my dear sis.. Am sorry all this are happening to u and my prayers are with you sis..
Firstly there are 3criteria for marriage.. U must love the partner naturally... It must be the will of God for u and lastly hr must be born again.. Having said all these, u seems not to like his height and accents yet u went ahead with the marriage, and let me tell u little about God... HE will not reveal to u His mind if u make out with a finace u arent married to.. Those were your flaws but as it is now if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do? These are the things the righteous will do... u will have to open up to your parents and if he still go to church, u can let in your church pastor for counselling and prayers.. He is a a good man but due to his physical looks hes feeling unsecured and he has low self esteem.. He needs counselling too

Marriage is worth it

Your marriage however, is not

Donald3d:


First of all, what's the age difference ?. I suspect it might be at least 7-10 years

Never for once in your post did you state that you love him. RED FLAG

Never for once did you really state a core, good characteristic a husband, or any spouse should have RED FLAG

The fact that he fought for you, and sponsored your masters, and loves his kids, doesn't make him a good husband. Those were the only "good" things you spoke of him, nothing else. His priorities as a good husband are first to take good care of you emotionally, physically and in all areas, before anyone else, including your children.

I am not trying to judge you, I just wanted to point out certain facts and prevent other people from making the same mistakes you've made.

Now, to the resolution.

Don't let me sugarcoat things and deceive you, the only way to solve this problem is to change his mentality and mindset, without which no resolution is possible.

True love is all about selflessness, he shows no single sign of selflessness, he sees you as a trophy, a game he played for so long, and he owns you, possibly revenge for the way he was treated by you.

Can this be fixed ? Yes it can, but its a lot of hard work, it won't come easily, its not easy to change a mentality that has been built over decades. But its doable.

You can also ask God to touch his heart, and fix his mind.

If you can get him to do it, both of you can see a marriage counselor. He needs his mentality changed.

You deserve to be loved, appreciated and treated with respect.

Did you make a mistake, yes.
Is it going to be hard to resolve if you chose to stay in the marriage, yes.
Is it doable, yes.

Without working on his mind, physically and spiritually. You can't fix this situation.

Thank you so much

Beatswim:
my dear sis.. Am sorry all this are happening to u and my prayers are with you sis..
Firstly there are 3criteria for marriage.. U must love the partner naturally... It must be the will of God for u and lastly hr must be born again.. Having said all these, u seems not to like his height and accents yet u went ahead with the marriage, and let me tell u little about God... HE will not reveal to u His mind if u make out with a finace u arent married to.. Those were your flaws but as it is now if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do? These are the things the righteous will do... u will have to open up to your parents and if he still go to church, u can let in your church pastor for counselling and prayers.. He is a a good man but due to his physical looks hes feeling unsecured and he has low self esteem.. He needs counselling too

okay

Well, UjuJoan2 once said that anyone who gets treated bad in marriage probably deserves it because they treated their partner bad during courtship.

I figure that this situation applies to this theory.

SweetCunt97:
You think he'll let her make money?

He will.He submitted my c.v.,also he wanted me to start a business but I was too scared to start as I felt I wouldn't make profit.when I gained courage to start the money was no longer there.

crackland:
Well, UjuJoan2 once said that anyone who gets treated bad in marriage probably deserves it because they treated their partner bad during courtship.

I figure that this situation applies to this theory.

Who among us didn't treat a toaster bad? Do you know what it feels like to be in your prime and have so many men after you? It gets into our head, even the best of us.
Some men are so desperate that the only way to get rid of them is to insult them outrughtly.

But this poster made a mistake, you never go back . . Never. It's like a golden rule. You don't insult a man today, and then marry him tomorrow.

So oga knows she married him because she had no other choice, of course his own shakara will start now.

So yes, she made her bed . . . Let her lie on it

UjuJoan2:
Who among us didn't treat a toaster bad? Do you know what it feels like to be in your prime and have so many men after you? It gets into our head, even the best of us.
Some men are so desperate that the only way to get rid of them is to insult them outrughtly.

But this poster made a mistake, you never go back . . Never. It's like a golden rule. You don't insult a man today, and then marry him tomorrow.

So oga knows she married him because she had no other choice, of course his own shakara will start now.

So yes, she made her bed . . . Let her lie on it

@bold: Ibi ti a ti ni 'odaro', a kin so 'ekale'.

Where you have said good night/goodbye, you don't say good evening.


That's what came to mind when I read the story.

UjuJoan2:
Who among us didn't treat a toaster bad? Do you know what it feels like to be in your prime and have so many men after you? It gets into our head, even the best of us.
Some men are so desperate that the only way to get rid of them is to insult them outrughtly.

But this poster made a mistake, you never go back . . Never. It's like a golden rule. You don't insult a man today, and then marry him tomorrow.

So oga knows she married him because she had no other choice, of course his own shakara will start now.

So yes, she made her bed . . . Let her lie on it

You're my woman crush today.

In my opinion, the man should never have married her after all that negativity she threw at him. Him sef get im own for body...

For now, they should manage themselves together.

DontBullshitMe:
Another "arrangee" story. I identify a fake story when I read one.

SMH.

It is not fake.

UjuJoan2:
Who among us didn't treat a toaster bad? Do you know what it feels like to be in your prime and have so many men after you? It gets into our head, even the best of us.
Some men are so desperate that the only way to get rid of them is to insult them outrughtly.

But this poster made a mistake, you never go back . . Never. It's like a golden rule. You don't insult a man today, and then marry him tomorrow.

So oga knows she married him because she had no other choice, of course his own shakara will start now.

So yes, she made her bed . . . Let her lie on it

Na wa o.It is well

crackland:
You're my woman crush today.

In my opinion, the man should never have married her after all that negativity she threw at him. Him sef get im own for body...

For now, they should manage themselves together.

For me, that is a very red flag.

Someone treats you shabbily and you go ahead to marry them?

My next question is why?

AngryIgboMan:
Honesty001...... Honestly, I love the way this man is treating you like garbage. You know why?

YOU DID SAME TO HIM!

From the way you described him in your first paragraph, it was obvious that you loathe him. You despised him so much and even made him look like he is just nothing. Infact, you even left hin at a point and was lashing plenty guys on a steady for a very long time.

You ladies will never have sense.

I know 3 ladies in same situation as you and do you know the funny part? They all married from Anambra as you!

Its not as if Anambra guys are bad. Ironically, Anambra men are the most loving, sweetest men to marry on earth. I can bet my balls that you are about 7-10 years younger than him!

Anambra men marry late though and the reason is simple. They were hustling in rain and in sunshine to make their future family safe, comfortable and happy.

But most of you ladies are so morronic, stuppid and mentally unstable. You don't have foresight. Yall already have a perception of the type of prince charming that will come and sweep you off your feet. If its not working, you try to fall back on the initial guy that you called "Not my class, has an accent, not from a rich home... Blah blah blah"

I know the solution to your problem but I will never tell you because I WANT YOU TO SUFFER, LOOK OLD AND MAYBE... DIE LONELY.

You really are angry

Honesty001:
Na wa o.It is well

Have you tried apologized to your husband for treating him shabbily during courtship?

He keeps mentioning you don't respect him. Ask him what 'respect' means to him.

You also mentioned he wants you to start a business since no Legal firm around? What business do you want to do? What funds would be used to finance it?

Starangel4321:
my dear sister, don't stress yourself,your husband clearly has a case of narcissism, you should probably read on it and how narcissists behave in marriage and you'll clearly understand why he acts towards you in such manner,its up to you to take whatever decisions is best for you and your kids and decide if you love him enough to stay and endure the hardships of being married to a narcissist,if so you really need to brazen up and stop being expectant of affections which may never come. In the interim pick yourself up,give your life a meaning career/ business wise. If you can't get a white collar job over there look around and see what business you can do,no matter how little just don't sit idle......start saving little by little you can keep a piggy bank for starters(it may come in handy) .Please read on narcissist personality disorder and their attitudes in marriage, Google Suzanna Quintana and begin your journey to recovery,download her free book "you're still that girl" begin reading and thank me later........You sound like someone who is very emotional and I can relate 100% but believe me you need to be strong,you're losing your self esteem and self worth already and I get it,that's what narcissist do they suck you dry until you are left beaten and battered emotionally to a meshy state,worse thing is that people around you will never understand your plight.. Please pick yourself up and make yourself happy, play with your kids,pray to God for healing intervention, the Lord is your strength.please connect with trusted close friends and family, you will need the support. Begin to use the GRAY ROCK technique for him(pls read up knowledge is power) from now on,focus on loving yourself and kids while putting yourself together just make sure you do your normal housewife duties

I read up on narcissist disorder and that was why I refused to apologize any longer.what we do now is too keep to ourselves. He hardly talks to me now.

bukatyne:
Have you tried apologized to your husband for treating him shabbily during courtship?

He keeps mentioning you don't respect him. Ask him what 'respect' means to him.

You also mentioned he wants you to start a business since no Legal firm around? What business do you want to do? What funds would be used to finance it?

'Respect'means doing everything he wants me to do.I have asked him several times.

MMotimo:
Yes, marriage is soooo worth it but you have to choose the right partner for the journey.

Your problem is not money. The issue is that you have completely
succumbed to the abuse and your mind has come up with a perfect excuse for staying. Truth is, if you had money today, even **** if**** you left, you would go back to him. If you got a high paying job today, it wouldn't mater. If your family rescued you today, you would still go back to him

What you need is the emotional strength to leave. It is in you but it is buried deep. Only you can dig it up and free yourself from the shackles of abuse. You are a victim of abuse who has learnt to live with it. You need to unlearn it

P.S. If this is just about appealing for funds, please disregard the above.

Gosh! I don't blame you!I came here for advice since I don't trust anyone enough to tell my issues to and this is what you can say.Who needs your stupid money.

Honesty001:
'Respect'means doing everything he wants me to do.I have asked him several times.

Did he give examples? How does he want them done?

The truth is that you CAN'T do everything your husband wants you to do.

You can't even do everything he NEEDS you to do talk more of his wants.

This is where love and understanding would have helped.

What does he want/need you to do? How does he want them done? What constraints do you have?

I think you should beg his forgiveness first. He hasn't forgiven you for insulting him while he was 'toasting you'.

bukatyne:
For me, that is a very red flag.

Someone treats you shabbily and you go ahead to marry them?

My next question is why?

Questionable self-worth, unhealthy emotional dependency, lack of confidence, etc..

crackland:
Questionable self-worth, unhealthy emotional dependency, lack of confidence, etc..

And good old revenge.

And it is easy for such people to snap because anyone who would marry someone for revenge is not in a balanced place.

bukatyne:
Did he give examples? How does he want them done?

The truth is that you CAN'T do everything your husband wants you to do.

You can't even do everything he NEEDS you to do talk more of his wants.

This is where love and understanding would have helped.

What does he want/need you to do? How does he want them done? What constraints do you have?

I think you should beg his forgiveness first. He hasn't forgiven you for insulting him while he was 'toasting you'.

ok I will beg him, because I have never begged him.We have been married for 3 years.