Honesty001:
Na wa o.It is well

I'm really sorry if I was too insensitive to what you are going through, but you should never have gone back to him.

People never get over such hurt, they may bury it and pretend, just to get what they want. But they never truly forget.

On the other hand, he should never have married someone who treated him so badly in the past. But I guess you are a beauty, someone obviously out of his league. Another reason why you should never have married him.

Just keep ignoring him, get yourself a source of income and start building your life.

Honesty001:
ok I will beg him, because I have never begged him.We have been married for 3 years.

First step

Show deep remorse and appreciate him for his provision, faithfulness and child care abilities.

Goodluck

crackland:

You're my woman crush today.

In my opinion, the man should never have married her after all that negativity she threw at him. Him sef get im own for body...

For now, they should manage themselves together.

Lol @ woman crush.

He wanted to marry a fine girl na.

They should just keep managing themselves jare. We all have to live with the choices we make.

Honesty001:
Na wa o.It is well

I just read your posts fully now, and honestly I think the problem is you. You want a man that worked hard all day to come home and tell you how beautiful you are? Seriously? Is that all you have to offer? Your beauty?

Maybe the man is beginning to realise that you were not worth it afterall. What exactly do you have to offer? Aside from your looks?

He even tried to get you a job and your refused to work.

The man works hard, doesn't cheat on you, provides for you, loves his kids and is generally responsible. And you are here complaining.

So you expect him to be perfect, without any flaws? Are you perfect yourself?

You need to accept his shortcomings and learn to live with it. If you want him to gist with you, show him the advantages in gisting with you. Don't talk about redundant things that are of no interest to him. Don't try to change him, when you are not even improving and advancing yourself.

Grow up!

UjuJoan2:


I'm really sorry if I was too insensitive to what you are going through, but you should never have gone back to him.

People never get over such hurt, they may bury it and pretend, just to get what they want. But they never truly forget.

On the other hand, he should never have married someone who treated him so badly in the past. But I guess you are a beauty, someone obviously out of his league. Another reason why you should never have married him.

Just keep ignoring him, get yourself a source of income and start building your life.

Thanks a lot

If not that you studied law I would say I'm reading my friend's story. I had stopped calling her when it seemed as if I was the one keeping our friendship sibce we got married but her story last month made me shed tears. For 5 mths her line was off cos her baby spolt her phone and he said she will never use another phone until he says so.5 mths . 2legit job opportunities wasted that she should stay at home n look after children. A graduate oo.He is A charismatic and workaholic.

If you see how humble he was when we were in Uni, Chai.

Men are really doing it to women

UjuJoan2:


I'm really sorry if I was too insensitive to what you are going through, but you should never have gone back to him.

People never get over such hurt, they may bury it and pretend, just to get what they want. But they never truly forget.

On the other hand, he should never have married someone who treated him so badly in the past. But I guess you are a beauty, someone obviously out of his league. Another reason why you should never have married him.

Just keep ignoring him, get yourself a source of income and start building your life.

Forget about him. She should have looked out for herself.

When a vengeful person wants to exert revenge directly or indirectly, you don't blame them for doing what will make the vengeance happen, you try to prevent it. She was the one that made the mistake.

There was only one person that knew perfectly what they had in mind to do in the future marriage and it definitely wasn't her.

You can't blame an aggressor for succeeding; it's all they've ever wanted in the first place since you slighted them.

LadySarah:
If not that you studied law I would say I'm reading my friend's story. I had stopped calling her when it seemed as if I was the one keeping our friendship sibce we got married but her story last month made me shed tears. For 5 mths her line was off cos her baby spolt her phone and he said she will never use another phone until he says so.5 mths . 2legit job opportunities wasted that she should stay at home n look after children. A graduate oo.He is A charismatic and workaholic.

If you see how humble he was when we were in Uni, Chai.

Men are really doing it to women

Her story is exactly like a lady i know as well. Exact same issue. Only difference is that OP is based in Anambra while this lady is based in Lagos. This one husband took her android phone away from her and gave her a Torch light phone and very importantly she must tell him any step she's got to take, its the guy that will give permission, If he doesnt permit her, so be it. You know what, she actually saw all these traits in him but love clouded her sense of reasoning. Last time we saw, i just told her that God will help her. Some people are better off being a BabyMama or BabyFather.

Honesty001:
ok I will beg him, because I have never begged him.We have been married for 3 years.

But in your first post you said you beg and cry even when he is the one wrong, why are you now saying you have never begged him? hope your esteem is not taking a toll on you.

How long ago did he wanted you to work or do business?because I find it hard to take from one you said doesn't like seeing you with other people. Also are you very sure he doesn't have money to spare you for business? Just ask him officially to forgive you if he is still hurting from your past, perhaps that is what you mean by begging. But the danger here is that such a person who get his high by having control over you can hardly be satisfied with all the begs you can give.

My advice for you is to ask for money again for business when you sense he has enough but please think hard for a way to get your back off the ground even if it means separating for a while. Him threatening you with divorce and leaving the children is another manipulation scheme to continually subdue you. Your energy should be on how to get yourself up so that you can help you and your kids stop wasting it on crying over him.

start a business! don't waste time. get something doing. he will fight any possibility of you being independent so expect that

What about your family and friends dear OP?
Your family is well to do and didn’t even want him for you at first, why haven’t they snatched you back to safety?
It doesn’t make sense that you are still there, considering
For what it’s worth? I don’t believe the story at all. I could be wrong though.

bukatyne:


And good old revenge.

And it is easy for such people to snap because anyone who would marry someone for revenge is not in a balanced place.

That too...

Honesty001:
This is the story of my marital life.I need your advice nairalanders. please no insults.

I married at the age of 23 ,that was immediately I finished nysc.I met my hubby while preparing for law school.He toasted me for a period of two years. I actually refused to date him because I felt he was short, not from a rich home,had an accent, and not really my class. Nevertheless I was sill in constant communication with him.I was very free with him which I regret. During that period he came to Lagos took me out we made out and he was so happy I had agreed. when he went back to his place of work(Anambra) I did not feel happy.I told him I wasn't interested in the relationship.He called my cousin to talk to me .I insulted him and told him I do not love him as he is irritating me,even with all the insult he kept toasting me.

He was very sure I was his wife.He said God showed him in his dream. He told us to fast together so that God can reveal it too me since I wasn't sure.I fasted but nothing was revealed.I followed my sister to a church ,the pastor of the church told me that if I married that suitor coming for me I will regret it. I told him what the pastor said and he started crying begging my sister that he will forever love me.


I told him that if in the next 6months we still communicate that means we are meant to be together. During this period I dated someone else and I was not in communicado with him. Suddenly I felt an urge to call him,even though I did not know that month was the 6 month.I called him and that is how we renewed our communication. He told me too choose between the guy I was dating and him.I choose him and broke up with the guy because I felt the guy was not ready for marriage for the next 5 years, while I was as he was still hustling. I agreed to date him and marry him on the condition that he will not use how I treated him and refused him to judge me. My ex and a male friend a toaster from nysc called me and I warned them to stop calling me.He picked up the call and told them to stop calling.Anyways My father wasn't happy because he felt he was from a poor home,but I didn't care again because I felt he had potentials and that he loved me dearly since he fought for me. He and my mum were close. We did introduction.During nysc I was not allowed to go for any event.He always wanted to know where I was every minute.If I didn't pick my call the series of explanation will be much. Even to attend my pastor's birthday was a problem.I had too beg but it all fell on deaf ears.He will cry when he is upset with me and he will start cursing and swearing for himself.i will beg .My roommate witnessed all these and told me that he was controlling me too much .When I had a quarell with him I told him what she said even though I did not mention her name. Before that I used to gossip about my roommate and neighbours with him.I was so naive,I told him about my past relationships,even about my toasters.I trusted him so much.I thought I was confinding in my best friend.Anyways he made me delete her number and disassociate myself from her after a 3 days quarell.He came down to my place of service and He made me swear with my womb that I never chatted with her after blocking her on WhatsApp.I refused to swear as it is against my principles.I walked out and he dragged me back to the room.

Fastfoward to post marriage he judges me with the past.Talks about how I treated him badly.He doesn't trust me at all.He says I cheated on him by dating the other guy.He dosent like seeing me talk with guys or someone he dosent know.Meanwhile he has a lot of friends I don't know o.He flushed my sim inside toilet and made me change my line and leave Facebook and WhatsApp. He made me leave nairaland too after he saw the p.ms .I don't have any friends.I have no one to confide in. Anytime I talk and he dosent like my point of view he will shout at me and shut me up like I am a dullard,when we are watching news or movie.He hardly apologises or commends me .He is quick to criticize.When he is angry he will refuse to eat my food and I will beg.Even when I am wrong I will beg.He never accepts that he is wrong.I always beg and cry.

when I was pregnant,I was down with malaria a lot of times and couldn't do any chore.He took me for deliverance and acted as if I brought the sickness upon myself.when I tell him how I feel he turns it around and puts the blame on me. He is good with words and manipulative, to the extent I use to think I need a checkup on my brain cos he makes it seem I am forgetful.

The good thing about him is that he is not a womanizer.He provides and works hard for the family.We do not lack any food.

Anything he says I must do it,if I don't do it due to forgetfullness he will say I forgot because I don't respect him and value his words.He is always frowning,even when he comes back from work.He hardly laughs.I am a stay at home mum. I do not have a job yet though I am searching as there are no law firms here as this is a village. I cannot even play with him or confide in him he won't even answer me.If I ask a question he will say why am I asking or ignore me.He says I don't respect him.I do everything in my power to make him feel like the head of the house to my emotional detriment. when I opened up to him that I wanted him to be more caring and loving ,at least to ask how my day was or commend me when taking care of our two kids or even say I look beautiful.He did not accept he was wrong. he kept me malice for almost 3 months giving me silent treatment and I kept to myself.During that period i told him I wanted a seperation as he always threatened me with a divorce.We decided to stay for the kids.when we tried to talk and settle .He slapped me and used a belt on me telling me not to talk while he is talking.He dosent respect me. please ladies before you get married have a good job or a means of livelihood.Even though he sponsored my masters in law .He dosent pray again as he says I made his spiritual life to deplete.He belongs to charismatic.

I am scared of making friends as I feel he may not like it.I am lonely.only my kids keep me company. I have low self esteem.If you see me you won't believe I have masters in law. look soD timid.Do you know he shouts at me in public,in church.

Note-I am very gentle,friendly and free spirited.I play a lot and I like laughing and gisting.He provides food and loves his children so much,he sponsored my masters.He buys me cloths and makes sure I don't lack.He works very hard. If I decide to leave now I have 0 naira in my account.He said he will take the kids.I will be left empty .mature Nairalanders what is your opinion?

Don't you have family that can talk to him

Because you will soon get depressed

Since he is providing, can you start savings