₦airaland Forum

charlesELIKIBA:
oh wow.
this has got to be my best read so far.
you maybe right about comparison because sometimes I feel anything my cousins are today is out of their fathers wealth and not a fresh beginning like mine. that's the only comparison I can think of
truth is for me I have blamed my own mother the most, you know for giving me out.
to be honest if I have anger for anyone on if I was treated differently, that anger will be on my mother.
and this has affected our mother, son relationship.... it's not there at all.
I am beginning to think I know what to do.

it's just poped on me after reading what you wrote. maybe my uncles wife is expecting of me like a son because I have refused to recognise my mother as my true mother. just maybe this is the connection that needs to be broken. I need to love my mother more and unconditionally.

I think I need to talk to my mother about how i feel. oh boy can belive I am teary just writing this sentence. I feel this is it really.

MODIFIED: I FINALLY SPOKE TO MY MOM ABOUT IT.

I spoke to my mother today and she said my cousins were crying they wanted me to stay with them at their base (this was after she and I, I was 4yrs old when we visited them the first time.)
at that time my cousins were 5yrs, 4yrs and 3yrs respectively.

so when they revisited hometown, on their way back to the base the kids were crying uncontrollably and my uncle and the wife couldn't bear it anymore and they had to turn back to come pick me up.

she said it wasn't that she couldn't care for me in a own little or do we say penury way (even tho I still feel as a mother she could have insisted the most but she did it of freewill. if you can't trust anybody with your kid at least not your blood brother)(but she has a history of her kids not spend childhood with her, so I find it as a cheap excuse from her)

years later she said she ask my uncle why he returned me and he said it was the devils work.

we just had this discussion tonight and all this while I tot she just begged them to cater for me.

kunletexs:
Your story remains me of a true life story of a rich man who brought a poor relative under his care, Sent him to school, fed him etc.

Now when it was time for him to look for job, na so he tried and tried no result. Isn't know how God directed him to a pastor's church (if you like do me I can give you his number) who first question he asked him was the uncle who brought him to lagos. The native boy was all full of praise for his uncle who he even hinted bought all this clothes, the pastor said he smiled and luckily a hausa man selling cloths passed by the pastor and he ought another cloths for him, prayed and anointed him and sent him on his way home.

Immediately the uncle saw him, in exclamation he asked him where he got the cloth he wore as it wasn't the same clothes he wore when he was going out that morning, which he casually told him of the pastor who bought him the cloths.

SIR, THE UNCLE SLUMPED BUT NOT BEFORE HE SAID "OGUN TI BA" meaning charms has been destroyed. He had stroke and later died.

Now, to people telling you they housed you and be grateful, I would say yes but you dreams is passing a message God want to communicate to you what he has saved you from. Please seek a good pastor and let him pray with you so you can know the full meaning of the dream but I know their care was due to the facts that they were diabolical and it might be towards you. Have a good day.





Dm me if you want to have the pastor number or if you are in lagos, I can describe his church location to you







M

charlesELIKIBA:
oh wow.
this has got to be my best read so far.
you maybe right about comparison because sometimes I feel anything my cousins are today is out of their fathers wealth and not a fresh beginning like mine. that's the only comparison I can think of
truth is for me I have blamed my own mother the most, you know for giving me out.
to be honest if I have anger for anyone on if I was treated differently, that anger will be on my mother.
and this has affected our mother, son relationship.... it's not there at all.
I am beginning to think I know what to do.

it's just poped on me after reading what you wrote. maybe my uncles wife is expecting of me like a son because I have refused to recognise my mother as my true mother. just maybe this is the connection that needs to be broken. I need to love my mother more and unconditionally.

I think I need to talk to my mother about how i feel. oh boy can belive I am teary just writing this sentence. I feel this is it really.

MODIFIED: I FINALLY SPOKE TO MY MOM ABOUT IT.

I spoke to my mother today and she said my cousins were crying they wanted me to stay with them at their base (this was after she and I, I was 4yrs old when we visited them the first time.)
at that time my cousins were 5yrs, 4yrs and 3yrs respectively.

so when they revisited hometown, on their way back to the base the kids were crying uncontrollably and my uncle and the wife couldn't bear it anymore and they had to turn back to come pick me up.

she said it wasn't that she couldn't care for me in a own little or do we say penury way (even tho I still feel as a mother she could have insisted the most but she did it of freewill. if you can't trust anybody with your kid at least not your blood brother)(but she has a history of her kids not spend childhood with her, so I find it as a cheap excuse from her)

years later she said she ask my uncle why he returned me and he said it was the devils work.

we just had this discussion tonight and all this while I tot she just begged them to cater for me.

SweetCunt97:
That's d problem with people glossing over details! You think I'll be grateful to anyone who I asked for help in my time of need and the person insulted me plus put me down? Omo that shit don cancel all the fake help o. Afterall this uncle paid his fee till ss2 come use am wella like boy boy. No wonder Nigeria is where it is, una suffering and smiling too much. Imagine not being able to sit in ur uncle's house and you talking about being grateful? The woman obviously saw the op shining destiny, who knows if they tried tapping from it sef. Guy shine your eyes, don't let people give you sweet while they tapping chocolate from u.

The OP ought to be very proud of his accomplishments after all the insults, the set backs, they thought he'd remain a penniless teacher but he broke out of his comfort zone to excel. You people should try to read in-between lines OK. Blowing out another kid's candle won't make yours shine brighter.

Professorcplus:
Not moved by your last statement though. I read your write-up twice and I never see where your uncle and his wife gone wrong. He sponsored you to the point of enrolling for waec exam and you developed hatred in your mind towards his family because of silly excuse.

Even if he sponsored your uni, you will still tagged his a bad person for not securing you a "good job". Quote me.

I repeat, you need to develop a positive mental attitude in your behaviour, thought and speech and never portray them as an antagonist in your story but instead focus more on your challenges and how you overcome it despite all odds to motivate someone and even your "future" kids.

Only if you hear other's people worse experience and yet they never form hatred to people involved. Remember what goes around comes around. If you postulate a harmful belief among your circles, sooner or later, your will be in their position and they will use same belief on you.

Count your losses and celebrate your victory.

Professorcplus:
Not moved by your last statement though. I read your write-up twice and I never see where your uncle and his wife gone wrong. He sponsored you to the point of enrolling for waec exam and you developed hatred in your mind towards his family because of silly excuse.

Even if he sponsored your uni, you will still tagged his a bad person for not securing you a "good job". Quote me.

I repeat, you need to develop a positive mental attitude in your behaviour, thought and speech and never portray them as an antagonist in your story but instead focus more on your challenges and how you overcome it despite all odds to motivate someone and even your "future" kids.

Only if you hear other's people worse experience and yet they never form hatred to people involved. Remember what goes around comes around. If you postulate a harmful belief among your circles, sooner or later, your will be in their position and they will use same belief on you.

Count your losses and celebrate your victory.

charlesELIKIBA:
so apparently you can't invest on a child who isn't your blood because you see it as a lost investment?

for you adoption means your investment on a child is secured.

you my friend are an example of a bad woman, this means if you should have another man's child in your house, you would deprive that child of the good things you can provide for her because to you, it's not a safe investment.

for your info I never stated anywhere in my posts I was maltreated or did I paint my uncle and his wife black. I can't spell out all the details to you because that's not the aim of my post. I was here to ask a simple question but I also needed you guys to know where I was coming from.

charlesELIKIBA:
HELLP NAIRALANDERS

I will be brief with my writeup as much as possible so I can explain my connection with this lady.

My single mom gave me away at a tender age of 5 to her elder brother (financial difficulties i assume), this ''aunty'' happens to be the wife of this my mother's elder brother.

Aready they had 4 children, all boys.

The home was a tough upbringing with strict rules about socialising, we weren't allowed to bring friends home or go to friends places. It was pretty strict and my uncles wife i would say was the mastermind of it all, she was strict and mean maybe because it was a house of 5 boys.

Growing up in my uncles home, I wouldn't say I was treated diffrently because I always got matching outfits with my uncle's children during christmas, gifts during christmas, same portions of food BUT IN ALL I was always scared of doing somethings my cousins would do. I didn't feel free growing up, i felt diffrent from them. In some cases they attended the best schools than I (but I never attended a govt. school or a bad private school).

It's like if their school fees was 1m naira per term, mine would be 150,000 per term.

I lived with them until I was about 16 or 17 and one morning I woke up and they said i was going back to my mother at 15 or 16 like any kid, you would start to develop conscience (sense), maybe breaking some rules and being stubborn just like their own kids. This I assume was why they wanted to send me back to my mother OTHERWISE I CAN THINK OF NOTHING ELSE I DID WRONG OR DIFFRENT.

In all of these years living with them, I saw my mother as a strange person. I had no motherly connection with her. My anty to me, was my real mother. Whenever we went visiting my mother in very rare occasions, it was always awkward.

Well long story short, I found myself back in my mother's arms, to a new environment i knew nothing about and starting to learn to live with a woman called my mother. I was naive, had no choice but to accept realities on ground. Do you know that feeling of living in a pouch house and wake up next morning in a 1 room surrounded by thick bushes. Yes that was the change.

I was enrolled into a school, my uncle was repeatedly forced to send/ pay my schoolfees until i was in ss3 and i called him to inform him about waec enrolment. He told me on the phone ''all the exams i have been writing, how many have i passed'' and that was it. He never sent a dime anymore meanwhile at this point his children, my cousins were already miles ahead of me suddenly in education. When i left the home, the eldest son went to canada to school, the second who is my agemate was already in a private uni in Nigeria and the 3rd who i am senior to with a year is preparing to go to ukraine for school and years later the last born who i spoonfed and chewed meat for attended uni in Ghana.

Well long story short, since my uncle had failed me. My mother said it was time i go to my father. My father was old retired pensioner. My mother took me to him, as expected awkward encounter. I have never known this man, no memory of him. Well he said he would find my enrolment money and he did, he later passed on a year or two later.

I enrolled waec and pased in one sitting, thanks to miracle centres.

PS: i must say i was never an intelligent student. i wasn't even average but i wasn't the poorest and neither of my uncles children were better. We were all poor educationally.

Long story short another uncle sprang up and paid for my university diploma which i later acquiried.


YEARS LATER my uncle and aunty decided to move back to our home town, please note the home my mother stayed in was this my uncles home. It was the boy quarters, the main house was not even in sight as at the time i was returned to my mother. We did series of bush clearing and snakes killing lol. well my uncle returned home town after retirement and setup the main structure ( a 5 bed room duplex) and thats were they lived while i and my mother lived in the BQ.

I WAS very angry with myself that i happened to still live with them AGAIN, i needed to get out of their sight, my condition was bad. i was a mere teacher to some rickety school. In all of this my uncle's wife always ensured she knew what i was upto and she derived satisfaction when she knew i wasn't doing better than her kids who were all abroad. i turned to their errand boy again after years of neglect. i was very angry with myself and needed to save to get out of the house.

Well i did manage to save up and leave the house and i promised myself never to return to that house. i felt neglected, i felt they sent me away because the goodthings were coming and they couldn't bear to see me share in them because to me they were my parents.


YEARS LATER, my aunty was sick with cancer
please note before i left the home, my uncle and aunty always sent me to travel journeys to get them medicines from a monastry. i attended such trips severally and ran other seperate errands but i never dared to drive their car talkless ask for the key. i always washed their car in the mornings, i would never also dare to see myself in the living room of the duplex with the remote in hand. when they moved back to the hometown, that fear in my childhood started again but this time i was mature enough to know i would never m amount to anything in life if i continued this again hence the reason i needed to move out.

So my aunty sickness grew worse, the husband flew her to india and back but the sickness grew worse. in all of this cancer times i never went back to the house to see her. I only heard of her conditions from my siblings (my half siblings, my mother was married to 3 men in diffrent years and she had only me for my father, another for another man and 3 for another man, i was the lastborn of all).

Then my aunty died. The day she died, i saw her in my dreams and she was crying saying ''she forgave me''. A day or two later i went to my sisters store and she told me of my aunty death, i went to my rented apartment and cried profusely. i later summouned courage and maybe sympathy and went to my uncles house and i cried before my uncle and told him to forgive me too for all abandoning them all this while.

NOW ABOUT MY AUNTY SAYING SHE FORGAVE ME IN THE DREAM: i did not do her any wrong neither did i wish death on her. All her life her greatest fear was maybe i would become greater than her children. She loved these comparisms, i was never wicked to her, i never cursed her, i was never rude to her unless i some instances when she sends me errands and i tell her i have other things to do.... Otherwise i never was negative to her instead she is the one nobody likes, by nobody i mean my uncles family. Nobody talks good of her, they say she controls my uncle and also squandered his money but in all of this i never spoke of my experiences living with them and somethings they did wrong that made me feel diffrent, i did not even tell you guys neither have i told my mother ever. i don't see them as anything that would stop my growth in life. i hate to talk about the bad in people.

WELL BACK TO REASON THE TOPIC WAS CREATED, why do i keep repeatedly seeing her in my dreams even after her death and its always on a negative role. its either in the dream she still plays mother, or she is gossip about me in the dream or she is against me in the dream, just think of anything negative in a dream and she will be the mastermind. This is really beginning to worry me. Why is she still attached to me in the dreams?

After she died, her husband, my uncle started his own sickness but has been sick for years now, he is bed ridden. The family has repeatedly asked him if there is anything he and his late wife did in the past to amount such sickness were he is living in pain but refused to die and he would not answer. One time they said, he said ''it was out of ignorance'' and thats all he ever said about anything.

It will also be good to note that of all my 4 cousin brothers and i today, i am the most successful by far.

i just finished my house (a 3bedroom, 2 bedroom, 1 bedrrom bungalow)
january this year i bought my 3rd car.
i travel round the world effortlessly.
YES I DID TURN OUT FAR BETTER THAN MY COUSINS WHO YOU KNOW HAD THE BEST EDUCATION.

I don't want to talk of their conditions, lets concentrate on me.


So this is my much writeup... I had to skip many things so you can bear to read but please be free to ask me questions.

Why do I repeatedly see my aunty in my dreams.... just before this writeup, i had just woken up from another dream she was present in, she was whispering to the ears of a very good friend of mine and then the friends turned to me and was like '' ah cahrles na so you be''?...and i was angry and was like '' how can you believe something someone you just met told you against i your best friends word'' and minutes later dream ended and i woke up.

At this point i am thinking of going spiritual to know why this is happening but this will be a first in my life. There are two popular places i have never being in my life until lately last year... One is a shrine and the other is a police station. Last year was my first time to be in a police station.
I was driving my unregistered car. That was my offence.

charlesELIKIBA:
HELLP NAIRALANDERS

I will be brief with my writeup as much as possible so I can explain my connection with this lady.

My single mom gave me away at a tender age of 5 to her elder brother (financial difficulties i assume), this ''aunty'' happens to be the wife of this my mother's elder brother.

Aready they had 4 children, all boys.

The home was a tough upbringing with strict rules about socialising, we weren't allowed to bring friends home or go to friends places. It was pretty strict and my uncles wife i would say was the mastermind of it all, she was strict and mean maybe because it was a house of 5 boys.

Growing up in my uncles home, I wouldn't say I was treated diffrently because I always got matching outfits with my uncle's children during christmas, gifts during christmas, same portions of food BUT IN ALL I was always scared of doing somethings my cousins would do. I didn't feel free growing up, i felt diffrent from them. In some cases they attended the best schools than I (but I never attended a govt. school or a bad private school).

It's like if their school fees was 1m naira per term, mine would be 150,000 per term.

I lived with them until I was about 16 or 17 and one morning I woke up and they said i was going back to my mother at 15 or 16 like any kid, you would start to develop conscience (sense), maybe breaking some rules and being stubborn just like their own kids. This I assume was why they wanted to send me back to my mother OTHERWISE I CAN THINK OF NOTHING ELSE I DID WRONG OR DIFFRENT.

In all of these years living with them, I saw my mother as a strange person. I had no motherly connection with her. My anty to me, was my real mother. Whenever we went visiting my mother in very rare occasions, it was always awkward.

Well long story short, I found myself back in my mother's arms, to a new environment i knew nothing about and starting to learn to live with a woman called my mother. I was naive, had no choice but to accept realities on ground. Do you know that feeling of living in a pouch house and wake up next morning in a 1 room surrounded by thick bushes. Yes that was the change.

I was enrolled into a school, my uncle was repeatedly forced to send/ pay my schoolfees until i was in ss3 and i called him to inform him about waec enrolment. He told me on the phone ''all the exams i have been writing, how many have i passed'' and that was it. He never sent a dime anymore meanwhile at this point his children, my cousins were already miles ahead of me suddenly in education. When i left the home, the eldest son went to canada to school, the second who is my agemate was already in a private uni in Nigeria and the 3rd who i am senior to with a year is preparing to go to ukraine for school and years later the last born who i spoonfed and chewed meat for attended uni in Ghana.

Well long story short, since my uncle had failed me. My mother said it was time i go to my father. My father was old retired pensioner. My mother took me to him, as expected awkward encounter. I have never known this man, no memory of him. Well he said he would find my enrolment money and he did, he later passed on a year or two later.

I enrolled waec and pased in one sitting, thanks to miracle centres.

PS: i must say i was never an intelligent student. i wasn't even average but i wasn't the poorest and neither of my uncles children were better. We were all poor educationally.

Long story short another uncle sprang up and paid for my university diploma which i later acquiried.


YEARS LATER my uncle and aunty decided to move back to our home town, please note the home my mother stayed in was this my uncles home. It was the boy quarters, the main house was not even in sight as at the time i was returned to my mother. We did series of bush clearing and snakes killing lol. well my uncle returned home town after retirement and setup the main structure ( a 5 bed room duplex) and thats were they lived while i and my mother lived in the BQ.

I WAS very angry with myself that i happened to still live with them AGAIN, i needed to get out of their sight, my condition was bad. i was a mere teacher to some rickety school. In all of this my uncle's wife always ensured she knew what i was upto and she derived satisfaction when she knew i wasn't doing better than her kids who were all abroad. i turned to their errand boy again after years of neglect. i was very angry with myself and needed to save to get out of the house.

Well i did manage to save up and leave the house and i promised myself never to return to that house. i felt neglected, i felt they sent me away because the goodthings were coming and they couldn't bear to see me share in them because to me they were my parents.


YEARS LATER, my aunty was sick with cancer
please note before i left the home, my uncle and aunty always sent me to travel journeys to get them medicines from a monastry. i attended such trips severally and ran other seperate errands but i never dared to drive their car talkless ask for the key. i always washed their car in the mornings, i would never also dare to see myself in the living room of the duplex with the remote in hand. when they moved back to the hometown, that fear in my childhood started again but this time i was mature enough to know i would never m amount to anything in life if i continued this again hence the reason i needed to move out.

So my aunty sickness grew worse, the husband flew her to india and back but the sickness grew worse. in all of this cancer times i never went back to the house to see her. I only heard of her conditions from my siblings (my half siblings, my mother was married to 3 men in diffrent years and she had only me for my father, another for another man and 3 for another man, i was the lastborn of all).

Then my aunty died. The day she died, i saw her in my dreams and she was crying saying ''she forgave me''. A day or two later i went to my sisters store and she told me of my aunty death, i went to my rented apartment and cried profusely. i later summouned courage and maybe sympathy and went to my uncles house and i cried before my uncle and told him to forgive me too for all abandoning them all this while.

NOW ABOUT MY AUNTY SAYING SHE FORGAVE ME IN THE DREAM: i did not do her any wrong neither did i wish death on her. All her life her greatest fear was maybe i would become greater than her children. She loved these comparisms, i was never wicked to her, i never cursed her, i was never rude to her unless i some instances when she sends me errands and i tell her i have other things to do.... Otherwise i never was negative to her instead she is the one nobody likes, by nobody i mean my uncles family. Nobody talks good of her, they say she controls my uncle and also squandered his money but in all of this i never spoke of my experiences living with them and somethings they did wrong that made me feel diffrent, i did not even tell you guys neither have i told my mother ever. i don't see them as anything that would stop my growth in life. i hate to talk about the bad in people.

WELL BACK TO REASON THE TOPIC WAS CREATED, why do i keep repeatedly seeing her in my dreams even after her death and its always on a negative role. its either in the dream she still plays mother, or she is gossip about me in the dream or she is against me in the dream, just think of anything negative in a dream and she will be the mastermind. This is really beginning to worry me. Why is she still attached to me in the dreams?

After she died, her husband, my uncle started his own sickness but has been sick for years now, he is bed ridden. The family has repeatedly asked him if there is anything he and his late wife did in the past to amount such sickness were he is living in pain but refused to die and he would not answer. One time they said, he said ''it was out of ignorance'' and thats all he ever said about anything.

It will also be good to note that of all my 4 cousin brothers and i today, i am the most successful by far.

i just finished my house (a 3bedroom, 2 bedroom, 1 bedrrom bungalow)
january this year i bought my 3rd car.
i travel round the world effortlessly.
YES I DID TURN OUT FAR BETTER THAN MY COUSINS WHO YOU KNOW HAD THE BEST EDUCATION.

I don't want to talk of their conditions, lets concentrate on me.


So this is my much writeup... I had to skip many things so you can bear to read but please be free to ask me questions.

Why do I repeatedly see my aunty in my dreams.... just before this writeup, i had just woken up from another dream she was present in, she was whispering to the ears of a very good friend of mine and then the friends turned to me and was like '' ah cahrles na so you be''?...and i was angry and was like '' how can you believe something someone you just met told you against i your best friends word'' and minutes later dream ended and i woke up.

At this point i am thinking of going spiritual to know why this is happening but this will be a first in my life. There are two popular places i have never being in my life until lately last year... One is a shrine and the other is a police station. Last year was my first time to be in a police station.
I was driving my unregistered car. That was my offence.

Professorcplus:
Not moved by your last statement though. I read your write-up twice and I never see where your uncle and his wife gone wrong. He sponsored you to the point of enrolling for waec exam and you developed hatred in your mind towards his family because of silly excuse.

Even if he sponsored your uni, you will still tagged his a bad person for not securing you a "good job". Quote me.

I repeat, you need to develop a positive mental attitude in your behaviour, thought and speech and never portray them as an antagonist in your story but instead focus more on your challenges and how you overcome it despite all odds to motivate someone and even your "future" kids.

Only if you hear other's people worse experience and yet they never form hatred to people involved. Remember what goes around comes around. If you postulate a harmful belief among your circles, sooner or later, your will be in their position and they will use same belief on you.

Count your losses and celebrate your victory.

friday2011:
No mind d guy... I believe the story is not complete, he has bitterness in him and he feels for him to have achieved more than those cousins, he must rob it on there faces.

Blackpearlous:
This is not spritual at all, more like the child in you is still very scared of her and you mind keeps playing this dreams of your fears.


You must acknowledge bthey are fears and you must treat then as just fears don't attach a spiritual meaning to it, might go worse, only if your pastor is not so abstract.


So take it one step at a time daily.
*Write the dreams out.
*Understand the dreams.
* Don't take it as literal.( Eg represent your aunt as just your fears and it could be any one you fear not just her, discussing with your friends as betrayal and you don't like betrayal)
* Then think of it as I can handle it. If you have done the previous test and say the dream is that you are afraid of betrayal then deal with it. Ask yourself questions do I need to trust people more? Or I trust too nuch? Does my friend show any sign of betrayal?
*Take reality every tine, live in reality and not the dream and change what you can leave what you can't.
* Take your note and say you will get better.
* This way you will build a mental intelligent against the dreams and it will because so normal and you can actually dream and understand better.


I hope it will help you. Cheers
*

holusormi:
Oloriburuku ni yin sir !! - see why I keep saying it , leave these family assholes and stop helping them - they will find a way to make you bad - stupid cunt!!!

charlesELIKIBA:
oh wow.
this has got to be my best read so far.
you maybe right about comparison because sometimes I feel anything my cousins are today is out of their fathers wealth and not a fresh beginning like mine. that's the only comparison I can think of
truth is for me I have blamed my own mother the most, you know for giving me out.
to be honest if I have anger for anyone on if I was treated differently, that anger will be on my mother.
and this has affected our mother, son relationship.... it's not there at all.
I am beginning to think I know what to do.

it's just poped on me after reading what you wrote. maybe my uncles wife is expecting of me like a son because I have refused to recognise my mother as my true mother. just maybe this is the connection that needs to be broken. I need to love my mother more and unconditionally.

I think I need to talk to my mother about how i feel. oh boy can belive I am teary just writing this sentence. I feel this is it really.

MODIFIED: I FINALLY SPOKE TO MY MOM ABOUT IT.

I spoke to my mother today and she said my cousins were crying they wanted me to stay with them at their base (this was after she and I, I was 4yrs old when we visited them the first time.)
at that time my cousins were 5yrs, 4yrs and 3yrs respectively.

so when they revisited hometown, on their way back to the base the kids were crying uncontrollably and my uncle and the wife couldn't bear it anymore and they had to turn back to come pick me up.

she said it wasn't that she couldn't care for me in a own little or do we say penury way (even tho I still feel as a mother she could have insisted the most but she did it of freewill. if you can't trust anybody with your kid at least not your blood brother)(but she has a history of her kids not spend childhood with her, so I find it as a cheap excuse from her)

years later she said she ask my uncle why he returned me and he said it was the devils work.

we just had this discussion tonight and all this while I tot she just begged them to cater for me.

charlesELIKIBA:
HELLP NAIRALANDERS

I will be brief with my writeup as much as possible so I can explain my connection with this lady.

My single mom gave me away at a tender age of 5 to her elder brother (financial difficulties i assume), this ''aunty'' happens to be the wife of this my mother's elder brother.

Aready they had 4 children, all boys.

The home was a tough upbringing with strict rules about socialising, we weren't allowed to bring friends home or go to friends places. It was pretty strict and my uncles wife i would say was the mastermind of it all, she was strict and mean maybe because it was a house of 5 boys.

Growing up in my uncles home, I wouldn't say I was treated diffrently because I always got matching outfits with my uncle's children during christmas, gifts during christmas, same portions of food BUT IN ALL I was always scared of doing somethings my cousins would do. I didn't feel free growing up, i felt diffrent from them. In some cases they attended the best schools than I (but I never attended a govt. school or a bad private school).

It's like if their school fees was 1m naira per term, mine would be 150,000 per term.

I lived with them until I was about 16 or 17 and one morning I woke up and they said i was going back to my mother at 15 or 16 like any kid, you would start to develop conscience (sense), maybe breaking some rules and being stubborn just like their own kids. This I assume was why they wanted to send me back to my mother OTHERWISE I CAN THINK OF NOTHING ELSE I DID WRONG OR DIFFRENT.

In all of these years living with them, I saw my mother as a strange person. I had no motherly connection with her. My anty to me, was my real mother. Whenever we went visiting my mother in very rare occasions, it was always awkward.

Well long story short, I found myself back in my mother's arms, to a new environment i knew nothing about and starting to learn to live with a woman called my mother. I was naive, had no choice but to accept realities on ground. Do you know that feeling of living in a pouch house and wake up next morning in a 1 room surrounded by thick bushes. Yes that was the change.

I was enrolled into a school, my uncle was repeatedly forced to send/ pay my schoolfees until i was in ss3 and i called him to inform him about waec enrolment. He told me on the phone ''all the exams i have been writing, how many have i passed'' and that was it. He never sent a dime anymore meanwhile at this point his children, my cousins were already miles ahead of me suddenly in education. When i left the home, the eldest son went to canada to school, the second who is my agemate was already in a private uni in Nigeria and the 3rd who i am senior to with a year is preparing to go to ukraine for school and years later the last born who i spoonfed and chewed meat for attended uni in Ghana.

Well long story short, since my uncle had failed me. My mother said it was time i go to my father. My father was old retired pensioner. My mother took me to him, as expected awkward encounter. I have never known this man, no memory of him. Well he said he would find my enrolment money and he did, he later passed on a year or two later.

I enrolled waec and pased in one sitting, thanks to miracle centres.

PS: i must say i was never an intelligent student. i wasn't even average but i wasn't the poorest and neither of my uncles children were better. We were all poor educationally.

Long story short another uncle sprang up and paid for my university diploma which i later acquiried.


YEARS LATER my uncle and aunty decided to move back to our home town, please note the home my mother stayed in was this my uncles home. It was the boy quarters, the main house was not even in sight as at the time i was returned to my mother. We did series of bush clearing and snakes killing lol. well my uncle returned home town after retirement and setup the main structure ( a 5 bed room duplex) and thats were they lived while i and my mother lived in the BQ.

I WAS very angry with myself that i happened to still live with them AGAIN, i needed to get out of their sight, my condition was bad. i was a mere teacher to some rickety school. In all of this my uncle's wife always ensured she knew what i was upto and she derived satisfaction when she knew i wasn't doing better than her kids who were all abroad. i turned to their errand boy again after years of neglect. i was very angry with myself and needed to save to get out of the house.

Well i did manage to save up and leave the house and i promised myself never to return to that house. i felt neglected, i felt they sent me away because the goodthings were coming and they couldn't bear to see me share in them because to me they were my parents.


YEARS LATER, my aunty was sick with cancer
please note before i left the home, my uncle and aunty always sent me to travel journeys to get them medicines from a monastry. i attended such trips severally and ran other seperate errands but i never dared to drive their car talkless ask for the key. i always washed their car in the mornings, i would never also dare to see myself in the living room of the duplex with the remote in hand. when they moved back to the hometown, that fear in my childhood started again but this time i was mature enough to know i would never m amount to anything in life if i continued this again hence the reason i needed to move out.

So my aunty sickness grew worse, the husband flew her to india and back but the sickness grew worse. in all of this cancer times i never went back to the house to see her. I only heard of her conditions from my siblings (my half siblings, my mother was married to 3 men in diffrent years and she had only me for my father, another for another man and 3 for another man, i was the lastborn of all).

Then my aunty died. The day she died, i saw her in my dreams and she was crying saying ''she forgave me''. A day or two later i went to my sisters store and she told me of my aunty death, i went to my rented apartment and cried profusely. i later summouned courage and maybe sympathy and went to my uncles house and i cried before my uncle and told him to forgive me too for all abandoning them all this while.

NOW ABOUT MY AUNTY SAYING SHE FORGAVE ME IN THE DREAM: i did not do her any wrong neither did i wish death on her. All her life her greatest fear was maybe i would become greater than her children. She loved these comparisms, i was never wicked to her, i never cursed her, i was never rude to her unless i some instances when she sends me errands and i tell her i have other things to do.... Otherwise i never was negative to her instead she is the one nobody likes, by nobody i mean my uncles family. Nobody talks good of her, they say she controls my uncle and also squandered his money but in all of this i never spoke of my experiences living with them and somethings they did wrong that made me feel diffrent, i did not even tell you guys neither have i told my mother ever. i don't see them as anything that would stop my growth in life. i hate to talk about the bad in people.

WELL BACK TO REASON THE TOPIC WAS CREATED, why do i keep repeatedly seeing her in my dreams even after her death and its always on a negative role. its either in the dream she still plays mother, or she is gossip about me in the dream or she is against me in the dream, just think of anything negative in a dream and she will be the mastermind. This is really beginning to worry me. Why is she still attached to me in the dreams?

After she died, her husband, my uncle started his own sickness but has been sick for years now, he is bed ridden. The family has repeatedly asked him if there is anything he and his late wife did in the past to amount such sickness were he is living in pain but refused to die and he would not answer. One time they said, he said ''it was out of ignorance'' and thats all he ever said about anything.

It will also be good to note that of all my 4 cousin brothers and i today, i am the most successful by far.

i just finished my house (a 3bedroom, 2 bedroom, 1 bedrrom bungalow)
january this year i bought my 3rd car.
i travel round the world effortlessly.
YES I DID TURN OUT FAR BETTER THAN MY COUSINS WHO YOU KNOW HAD THE BEST EDUCATION.

I don't want to talk of their conditions, lets concentrate on me.


So this is my much writeup... I had to skip many things so you can bear to read but please be free to ask me questions.

Why do I repeatedly see my aunty in my dreams.... just before this writeup, i had just woken up from another dream she was present in, she was whispering to the ears of a very good friend of mine and then the friends turned to me and was like '' ah cahrles na so you be''?...and i was angry and was like '' how can you believe something someone you just met told you against i your best friends word'' and minutes later dream ended and i woke up.

At this point i am thinking of going spiritual to know why this is happening but this will be a first in my life. There are two popular places i have never being in my life until lately last year... One is a shrine and the other is a police station. Last year was my first time to be in a police station.
I was driving my unregistered car. That was my offence.

fineboynl:
she had a vision that you will be greater than her children. the reason she reject the vision and try everything possible of such to get rid of you and such a thing should never happen, same reason she is happy anytime she see your suffering below her children. its what God says that will cone to pass and not man. but most people don't know how to take it. even Joseph in the Bible his own brodas sold him.

she said she will never forgive you if you are better than her children. and before she died she already forgives you. but the reason you are seeing her its the spirit stuff she did ad she is diabolic. its the spirit that's is still trying to torment you but they will have no effect on you.
if any one did evil against you.you will constantly sees them negatively in your dreams.


you won't have gone far if you didn't take the decision to leave there

I am currently going through the same.

there is this man he is always at the negative end of my dream and I keep seeing him. he is not the only one. I want to concentrate on him and leave the other people because his own is kind of related to yours. the man is native doctor we live in the same compound during my childhood. his children are educated but not really productive. its not by education that makes any one successful, its the gift of God.

he has seen I will be greater. and I haven't had Peace.

but God will fight for me.

charlesELIKIBA:
HELLP NAIRALANDERS


WELL BACK TO REASON THE TOPIC WAS CREATED, why do i keep repeatedly seeing her in my dreams even after her death and its always on a negative role. its either in the dream she still plays mother, or she is gossip about me in the dream or she is against me in the dream, just think of anything negative in a dream and she will be the mastermind. This is really beginning to worry me. Why is she still attached to me in the dreams?

sisisioge:
Hmmmm....inside life!

1. Your Uncle and Aunty really tried for you. They collectively did more than your parents did so you should be very grateful to them. Get this and stop being bitter about it, it will help you further release yourself and them.

2. Comparing yourself to their kids shouldn't even happen...they weren't your parents, they were nice people who took you in. I understand how you might have felt differently though...thank goodness it was in the past. Everyone is running a different race...you apparently still think you and your cousins are still on the same track hence your conscious and subconscious comparison. Free your mind...move on and you will stop seeing their mother gossiping in your dream.

3. In your hearts of heart you still think you didn't quite do enough for them, hence the reason you kept dreaming about her. Free you mind, talk to a therapist if you have too or pray and speak with her in your spirit. You did nothing wrong... Have that conversation in your mind, believe it and move on.

May God bless you with peace...peace supersedes any other thing in this dear life.

ModestGal:
I wish he could listen to you. Truth is that, our pastors, Alfas and traditional babalawos won't make Africans think straight, but instead blame it on useless tales and fairies. Hes suffering from his traumatic child's experience, and he needs psychotherapy, but truth is that in this part of the world, psychologist are quite scarce and many of our mental problems go undiagnosed by experts but by pastors who attributes it to something else

AreaFada2:
CharlesELIKIBA

I can understand your pain from childhood experience. When you are fostered, there are always emotional issues. Quite often it's not because of foster parent's or your fault. You just missed the love of your natural parents. Simple.

Like Sisioge pointed out, the couple did a lot for you. As humans however, they also erred by not just getting you through secondary school completely.

Maybe someone lied against you or a religious or spiritual leader advised them to send you away. Only them & God know.

Remember, you didn't use the opportunity they gave you to excel at school. Many used a lesser opportunity. But they worked hard (even if not naturally brilliant) and did better.

I think it's unfair to say that they didn't want you to do better than their kids. Because you can never category prove such even if certain things they did gave you that impression or suspicion. Their kids were their primary and God-given responsibility. Your were not. Yet they extended a hand while your biological parents were virtually absent.

As for the dreams, you need to forgive yourself for your perceived neglect of them. And then "forgive" whatever you think they didn't do for you. Remembering that neither your biological dad or mum could have given as much as they did during that period. Pray for the repose of her soul. Because in her you lost a "mother".

If some day your cousins needed any help be it material or emotional, be there for them. They didn't cause anything. In fact they were the only siblings you had growing up.

Please stop comparison. Anyone can "blow" at any time and anyone can fall behind. No condition is permanent. Let the hidden "bitterness" in you go. Bitterness towards everyone, including your biological parents.

Only then can the healing start and you can truly be free.

Blackpearlous:
Yea I pray he doesn't go to a river to wash his head. It will just worsen it and they will take his money.


Psychologist needs more recognition in this country, but not we take psychological problems to spiritual leaders and everything will be demons and witches.

Thank you.

Graxie:
Op, watch how Nairaland perfect human beings will only blame you for trying to say how you felt towards your childhood. You are even lucky to be successful, they would have called you lazy and the normal story of nobody owes you would have been everywhere. Just don't bother trying to explain yourself, you will read more of such. I wish your mom did better by not giving you out. Meanwhile, concerning your dreams, don't see it as a big deal. Like a chaff thrown to the wind, learn to do so with negative dreams. If you are a Christian, plead the blood of Jesus. You don't allow such to weigh you down or be a concern.

ModestGal:
Lol @ wash his head in a river. Children too dey suffer in this part of the world.

Professorcplus:
Not moved by your last statement though. I read your write-up twice and I never see where your uncle and his wife gone wrong. He sponsored you to the point of enrolling for waec exam and you developed hatred in your mind towards his family because of silly excuse.

Even if he sponsored your uni, you will still tagged his a bad person for not securing you a "good job". Quote me.

I repeat, you need to develop a positive mental attitude in your behaviour, thought and speech and never portray them as an antagonist in your story but instead focus more on your challenges and how you overcome it despite all odds to motivate someone and even your "future" kids.

Only if you hear other's people worse experience and yet they never form hatred to people involved. Remember what goes around comes around. If you postulate a harmful belief among your circles, sooner or later, your will be in their position and they will use same belief on you.

Count your losses and celebrate your victory.

Blackpearlous:
Lol I swear, I like your profile I will like to send you a mail.

charlesELIKIBA:
thanks

Mrnairalandd:
I totally disagreed with you Mr man, it’s sheer wickedness to choose to drop a boy when he needed them most. Why didn’t they stop their own children from enrolling for Waec?

It’s wickedness!!! Pure wickedness!!! As Iran writing this, it just occurred to me that you are probably a very wicked person to support this madness. Only a wicked person ll tell an innocent teen who was dropped in the wilderness when he needed his uncle to ignore and move on.

ModestGal:
Great, just chat me up directly on what ap or drop your number.
I will drop mine at your post, I find it lovely as well, as I'm passionate about African development.