₦airaland Forum

Na war o.

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

How can he solve the problem with the village girl? Lemme simplify it for you because it's as if the betrayal is not making you think clearly.

What they have between them is a child. A living, breathing, human that will be in their lives (one way or the other) till they die.

The only choices open to you are living with such knowledge or walking away.

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

You are not overreacting. Pull the plug.
Nevertheless, I hope people can convince you.

LALASTICLALA

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post. I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

Please do some serious thinking about what you really want out of this life, for your children and for your mind.

mayorkay1996:
Ma'am d did has been done..d ball is now in ur court...
My own advice is as far ur hubby is remorseful and treating u well...please don't loose ur home to a village girl oo.
You still his rightful wife..he paid ur bride price also u went through a lot for him.


Just becareful..okay..

If na woman commit this kind offence, shey you go yarn this one?

mayorkay1996:
Ma'am d did has been done..d ball is now in ur court...
My own advice is as far ur hubby is remorseful and treating u well...please don't loose ur home to a village girl oo.
You still his rightful wife..he paid ur bride price also u went through a lot for him.


Just becareful..okay..

Smh
Hasn’t the home being lost already? Wetin remain again inside the home?

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

First thing you need to do is to cut off the money tap. Let him be the financial head as it ought to be. Him dey supporting role come get audacity impregnate another woman? Extra expenses? Pls you need to save up your money for you and your kid pls... And all those family member can go to hell with their financial demands. Focus ur energy on you and your baby.

Why won't he have energy to go and quaff other women? When you're the one funding his lifestyle.
No more hustling for him, and he has all the time in the world to do whatever he wants.
Why won't his prick be roaming around?
Stop funding your home, and allow him hustle. He would think twice about adding extra responsibilities.
He even wants you to fund and look after his love child, when the child has it's own mother. Don't forget you have your own child, so don't forcefully take another woman's child o.
Otherwise, Karma will definitely come knocking

Ningen:
You are not overreacting. Pull the plug.
Nevertheless, I hope people can convince you.

do you really think it's a good idea to pull a plug?

SirWhiteFish:
do you really think it's a good idea to pull a plug?

YES.

It's always a good idea to do the right thing.

schumastic:
Normally I don’t comment on issues like this but I have to based on the vile comments I kept reading in the first page and the funny part of it all is that am pretty sure, more than 50 percent of those first page commenters are not married, more reason why I didn’t come across any meaningful advice only few with plenty of curses and abuses.

Op first thing first, search yourself and ask yourself this question, do i still want this marriage or do I want to leave?

If you want to leave, all fine and good. You can call him and do the needful, pack your things and leave but if you still want the marriage. Then you need to get your acts together.

Look for someone you know he respects a lot and listen to, Pour out your mind and let them know you would not want another lady in that house no matter if not you will leave the marriage. Also since he said he is interested in the child alone, meaning the child will stay with him, please op if you know you will not take that child as your own and would maltreat the child, I beg of you let the child stay with his mother.

Finally op, no marriage is perfect, some people are facing domestic abuses, cheating or lazy spouses but they will come out to dish out the advice of leave your marriage meanwhile they are trying to hold on to theirs.

Nobody in this world is perfect, so trend carefully and like I said before, if you want to leave, feel free and leave but if not, then set ground rules letting him know where you stand. Good luck

To state other responses were not meaningful and this is what you could come up with, I guess meaningful needs a new definition.

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

Aunty, if you have to remain, cut down on your spending and safe more. In the event of any unforeseen circumstance, ensure your child's future is secured. Open some trust funds for him and don't make him a custodian.

That said, how do you want him to solve the problem? If you choose to stay, you're in a polygamous situation as there's a child involved. Stay because you want to and not because anyone advices you to and vice versa.

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

Tank you for foronce realizing the bitter truth,situation and hopingly taking a decisive step.But i still disagree with you that his family put pressure on him to marry the village belle,his uncle is only telling a tale.did his family put pressure on him also to marry you too. hes ready to claim the same thing to the village gal when he marries the 3rd wife(The claim of tribe self is no justificable,i had earlier asked what state and tribe are you,what kind of marriage did you contract with him. i now see why most women insist on court marrige).As a male i cant really comprehend what your husband did,this is pure mans inhumanity to man.am emotionally traumatized here even though it is you passing all this trauma.I dont just understand that despite you at last having a baby he still took such such step and claiming family pressure. when moreover you have been slaving ur neck to perform his financial role as a man. i am not just understanding. leave his family out of this ,it is your so called man that did not love you all this while and using you. he wants you to still fall for his current antic and make you take care of the village gal and her baby with your money,haba doesnt he fear God.Were you even under a spell initialy or you begged the man to marry you initially.Of course if one had told you that it would be a uphill task coping with the village champion wife, people would have claimed there would have been a chance of hope. i even wonder how women cope with other as wives.no woman worth her salt would share her man with another woman despite related circumstances. in this instance it is far more demeaning humiliating and what ever.infact you would be a 2nd class citizen in your own home ,since she is from his tribe and his families chosen and anointed one.Well back to the crucial stand advice you have not still defined your scope of advice. you sound intelligent(i manage intelligence as my profession,that is why i can conote and give advice to the core). with your high IQ i wonder how you were manipulated in the first place. since you have said you cant cope with her husband and his village wife problem of course the love is no more. you should be aware of the said intringes involved. first opting out of the marriage as you have all justification for divorce ,ur so called husband commited ADULTREY.which is the only ground allowed religious wise for dissolution of marriage. No religious bigot can contest that with me in this forum as it is very clear. Unlike an earlier topic I contributed in concerning the man and his late uncles wife,were there was a heated argument on a bibilical issue.you should involve your own family and he should return your bride price.I have even discovered that Nigerian men self even if they even pay bride price on a woman don’t still fulfill their marital vows.there is even no need for such as it seemly has no value again. You have to brace up with realities of life to start afresh and live your life again ,good enough you are working and raise your child to the fullest of course your child still has a father that for sure.Am sure you also bought majority of the properties in his house and pay the rent. Carry your properties and rent another house. His family members who pressurized him and his uncle should rent another house for him and his village wife.You have to find love again and heal your heart,I know it is difficult with what that man has done to your life. But that is the only way you can get respite and tell the ungrateful family off. Because that is their leverage that you have to wallow in the said mess and have no option because of the stigma of a single mother and divorcee and remain in the marriage with their brother and endure his village life. Am sure you are still young and presentable,pls don’t let this his village problem weigh you down or else you would age fast and asuch find it hard to get a new husband. I know getting a new man to accept another mans baby asuch would be difficult as most of them would not know the circumstances of your issue. Unlike us here in this forum. Pls get your groove back ,it is not worth all what has happened to you.you can indeed change your destiny. Moreover lots of love and hugs from us all. Cheers.I LUV YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GboyegaD:
Aunty, if you have to remain, cut down on your spending and safe more. In the event of any unforeseen circumstance, ensure your child's future is secured. Open some trust funds for him and don't make him a custodian.

That said, how do you want him to solve the problem? If you choose to stay, you're in a polygamous situation as there's a child involved. Stay because you want to and not because anyone advices you to and vice versa.

HOw can you bring up the issue of her wanting to stay because of a child involved. that is the leverage always used to ridicle the woman and encourage men to commit adultery. of course there is no longer love in the marriage as it is crystaly clear. do you know the implication of betrayal of trust, you dont toy with peoples emotions. Have you not been hearing the numerous cases about of domestic violence and abuse. and the warning that you should opt out immediately before the worst happens. did you not hear about a woman lawyer who was a prosecuting counsel for that matter in ibadan who stabbed her husband to death. before that step was taken by her her emotions were toyed with if not she as a law enforcer knew the level of conspiracy involved. She was just lucky that she was well connected and given just 7 years in jail. but the woman that stabbed her husband a PDPs chairman son got death penalty.all the motives bothered on infidelity ,they would have just simply worked away. the woman has said she cant cope haba. except shes deceiving her self. one of my aunties raised her children single handedly and they are doing extremely well today. it was very much later in life that i even knew her husband was all along existing,as he was never part of their lives no cared for them. it was when he later died that i knew about him that, he was all along living else with a woman he married and still had children. i now pieced that my auntie opted out of her marriage when she discovered that her husband in such acts. and she quiety opted out, i remembered how that my auntie worked 9 to 5 to get resources to train all her children to university level. the children never forgave their dad and did not come from london for their dads funeral. that was how i got to even knew their father was existing all along. their mum is living well in london today with her children. and i know that when shes passes away all her children would honor her to the fullest. the level of life has now changed this present times, we learn from events and peoples mistakes. mind you advices are worth it. have you not heard that a stitch in time saves 9.

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

Stop giving excuses let him take responsibility for his actions, his family didnt pressure him to make more money but to go and have unprotected sex and put your own life at risk.

Anyway cut off funding for his lifestyle, you are no longer two becoming one, he is now a man with 2 wives and should be able to provide for them. Your money should go towards building a house for you and your kids, having one of those educational savings accounts for your kids.

If you stay with him realise that you are now on your own stop all joint projects.

Eketem:
Stop giving excuses let him take responsibility for his actions, his family didnt pressure him to make more money but to go and have unprotected sex and put your own life at risk.

Anyway cut off funding for his lifestyle, you are no longer two becoming one, he is now a man with 2 wives and should be able to provide for them. Your money should go towards building a house for you and your kids, having one of those educational savings accounts for your kids.

If you stay with him realise that you are now on your own stop all joint projects.

like I have told the woman still giving excuses for her husband and blaming the family is wrong. Was it the family who slept with their beloved village wife. No body's advising her to stay or not it is her onus.one thing that is clear her house is now polygamous. And it is now double funding her yeye husband and her mate.

Ohizman73:
HOw can you bring up the issue of her wanting to stay because of a child involved. that is the leverage always used to ridicle the woman and encourage men to commit adultery. of course there is no longer love in the marriage as it is crystaly clear. do you know the implication of betrayal of trust, you dont toy with peoples emotions. Have you not been hearing the numerous cases about of domestic violence and abuse. and the warning that you should opt out immediately before the worst happens. did you not hear about a woman lawyer who was a prosecuting counsel for that matter in ibadan who stabbed her husband to death. before that step was taken by her her emotions were toyed with if not she as a law enforcer knew the level of conspiracy involved. She was just lucky that she was well connected and given just 7 years in jail. but the woman that stabbed her husband a PDPs chairman son got death penalty.all the motives bothered on infidelity ,they would have just simply worked away. the woman has said she cant cope haba. except shes deceiving her self. one of my aunties raised her children single handedly and they are doing extremely well today. it was very much later in life that i even knew her husband was all along existing,as he was never part of their lives no cared for them. it was when he later died that i knew about him that, he was all along living else with a woman he married and still had children. i now pieced that my auntie opted out of her marriage when she discovered that her husband in such acts. and she quiety opted out, i remembered how that my auntie worked 9 to 5 to get resources to train all her children to university level. the children never forgave their dad and did not come from london for their dads funeral. that was how i got to even knew their father was existing all along. their mum is living well in london today with her children. and i know that when shes passes away all her children would honor her to the fullest. the level of life has now changed this present times, we learn from events and peoples mistakes. mind you advices are worth it. have you not heard that a stitch in time saves 9.

In other words, I said if she chooses to stay, she is in a polygamous situation because a child (from the other lady) is involved. Hope this helps.

GboyegaD:
In other words, I said if she chooses to stay, she is in a polygamous situation because a child (from the other lady) is involved. Hope this helps.

the issue is the other woman in the house as a mate. Which the woman had outrightly stated she can't cope with. Sharing the same man with him so to say. Which of course any sane woman would find repulsive. Women are natural jealous and envious of each other when it comes to their partners. That is why women tend to exhibit violence when confronting their husbands side chick. It is clear that the already a polygamous home has unfolded before her very eyes and she has the onus to walk away or stay put.

Stop paying any household bill with immediate effect, it is a form of competition and eventually he will find some one who looks up to him financially.

Oh! He has? Forget that his village people's pressure- the pressure was there in the beginning but he married you anyway, so he can think for himself.

He married his investor.

The pain of knowing your sweat went into household Bills instead of inheritance for your kids and his sweat went into a sweet lil thing will keep you awake.

Try and sleep. It is not the end of the world but you must now wear your grown up girl pants. Wa wa daju gidi...!

If he is paying all the Bills and goes after a sweet lil thing the pain is less.

Your money is for building your child not for building a husband. The deed has been did - the only thing left now is to look out for any of his properties you can keep for your child and if he has no property to give your child then.... your decision should be very easy.... find a new daddy for your child who can give baby the best education and property.

Life is not Disney!

Your husband is with you for the financial help you provide - take that financial help off the table if you think I am lying and see if he will stick around. It is your life and your no 1 job is to have a good life protecting yourself and your child.

Be smart and logical!

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

The truth is, that family do not value you.
Stop buying their favour by trying to please them with material things and see what happens...

Ohizman73:
the issue is the other woman in the house as a mate. Which the woman had outrightly stated she can't cope with. Sharing the same man with him so to say. Which of course any sane woman would find repulsive. Women are natural jealous and envious of each other when it comes to their partners. That is why women tend to exhibit violence when confronting their husbands side chick. It is clear that the already a polygamous home has unfolded before her very eyes and she has the onus to walk away or stay put.

You can't tell her what to do and all you can do is to guide her by putting up the various scenarios for her to pick her best option from an informed perspective.

Mariangeles:
The truth is, that family do not value you.
Stop buying their favour by trying to please them with material things and see what happens...

hmmm that family is wicked oh . Even with all the material wealth they hoodwinked her drop they still went ahead to stab her in the back.nothing for them again , let their village pick up from were she has to stop.

saphireadoo:
I have been married for 9 yrs now.I earn more than my husband, so i settle most of the bills while he supports. .

Why does this piece of information matter?

Howdy?











quote author=Rozz post=90164339]will not marry such husband sef, so it's never going to happen[/quote]

Rawhumper:
Howdy?











quote author=Rozz post=90164339]will not marry such husband sef, so it's never going to happen

I'm good,i believe you are good too

Am great dear just thought i should get to know You better

Rozz:
I'm good,i believe you are good too

My sister, most people turned themselves to advicer, meanwhile what they're facing in their marriage is even critical than yours and nobody had of it in social media, don't allow faceless people scatter your home, resolve this issues with your husband only.

Rawhumper:
[

You be the one to suffer it more at the long run....you think its easy to be a second hand when there are fresh young girls around.

You better have rethink and pray you don't experience such.

You thought marriage is boy friend girl friend thing.










quote author=Rozz post=90163637]When I get married and my husband dare such(God forbids),i will leave him and never look back.I can't stand such betrayal and whatever love I may have for him will be instantly gone.Nonsense all because of sex.

There's no such thing as "second hand" woman. Have some respect for the womenfolk please.

demoBaba:
My sister, most people turned themselves to advicer, meanwhile what they're facing in their marriage is even critical than yours and nobody had of it in social media, don't allow faceless people scatter your home, resolve this issues with your husband only.

Home that has already been scattered by the horseband or another home in this picture?

GboyegaD:
To state other responses were not meaningful and this is what you could come up with, I guess meaningful needs a new definition.

Probably if you had taken your time to read it clearly you will see were I mentioned that only few meaningful advice were presented. Next time read carefully.

My apologies, maybe i used The wrong term.

But at least i Made my Point.

loveliveshere:
There's no such thing as "second hand" woman. Have some respect for the womenfolk please.

schumastic:
Probably if you had taken your time to read it clearly you will see were I mentioned that only few meaningful advice were presented. Next time read carefully.

Read through your response again to learn that you do not need to criticize other responses to make yours stand out.