₦airaland Forum

.

Ewugambia over to you

azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body

2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.

rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.

back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.

2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes

2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year

2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?


*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

*please, before anyone writes this is a fake story, everything above is my experience, 200% true.

all this writing 4 a guy dats not seriously chasing u, chaii sis or watever u are, my advice is, get a life and stop chasing wind, am sure u know wat wind is..

3tribesonly:
Ewugambia over to you

sorry bro, wat is ewuganbia?

My advice, it will end in extremely premium tears.
Someone you are trying to please, not appreciative, goes on and off,
Comes up with excuses and is verbally abusive
Believe me, if you end up with such person,it will be an everlasting regret like the one am in now.
Maybe you should go through some of my thread to give you an insight on what an abusive marriage looks like only the reverse was the case in my own setting

If this Nollywood like story is anything to go by, I think you already know the answer to your question because I don't believe any lady will make such dense decision in this era where women are finally given their due rights to think for themselves

3tribesonly:
Ewugambia over to you

Which time i become relationship expert....? ...
Aniways, it's sad that it's the bad ones good people like you meet@Op....
Left for me iwd advise you to forget about him...he has shown all the signs you can ask for to prove that someone is wrong for you...
I always tell people when I hear gists of how someone beat up his partner, or gets abusive towards them, that most times the signs of all these misbehaviours are always vivid, but because of love people choose to neglect them..please dont let that be your case.
He gives off some gold digging vibes too....sounds a bit mentally unstable, somewhat bipolar...

What sort of love is this one

This guy is just using you

You sound like his meal ticket to jet out of the country.

You deserve better, this on and off boyfriend or whatever it is you guys share isn`t worth it one bit.

Keep moving sissy i don`t want to believe he is your best option. Don`t be desperate to settle for less as this one is so unpredictble and would leave you when you least expect it. He sounds like the prodigal son

[color=#000099][/color][quote][/quote].I have one advise for you run run run run far from the guy.

Run for your life.

na wa this life no balance, I wish I can get someone so open like you but it's what it's. so sorry for your experience but one thing I will tell you is to follow your heart girl and also pray to God for direction

Don't sponsor that dude's visa unless you plan to divorce him afterwards.

A man that abused you incessantly over the phone even for a paltry sum of 100usd can hit you at home.

Why are good girls not seeing good guys to date and marry sef? Tomorrow now, a nice guy will open a thread about how a girl treats him bad. This life no balance at all..

Why do we intentionally hurt ourselves by putting up with people who are quite the opposite or exhibit quite the opposite character of what we really want? Why do we hurt ourselves by sticking with people who emotionally hurt us by their words, actions etc?
How can good people continue to ridicule themselves by putting up with people who are undeserving of their goodness?
How do we clearly see signs that a person doesn't truly love us, will never make us happy and still stupidly put up with them?
How in the world do we continue to subject ourselves to being affectionate to people who treat us like we're trash?
I have many questions to ask but I'll have to stop.
Sis, it's clear that that baby of a man doesn't love you, he is nothing but a gold digger. He is undeserving of your type of woman and you should not even be thinking of settling down with him.
How can you even decide to be with a man who insults you, does nothing for you, makes you feel less than you really are? How can you be with a man who doesn't value you, who uses your past against you? Who emotionally blackmails you? How can you be with someone who consciously and effortlessly hurts you? How in the world do you intend sacrificing your happiness for someone who disrespects your entire being? Chai, Oghenemebikwo ooooo, sister why na? Can't you see that you aren't valued by that cheapskate? Look, marrying him will be your greatest mistake because he will do nothing but continuously hurt you, probably beat you, use you , destroy you in every form and cheat on you. Your life will never fail to be miserable. Let go of that child and pray that someone else who is more deserving comes your way.
Don't allow loneliness make you take a regrettable decision sis and no! You aren't too old for marriage, sorry about the rape issue.
Be more open, make new friends, get yourself some hobbies, have more fun and meet more men!
In general, I hope you heal and find real love and happiness.
Bonne chance

I read so much breaking up and coming back that I am wondering why your life is so easy to enter and exit.

Put a premium on yourself and tell him to move along.

And I don't know why you are blaming him for meeting the rapist. He didn't hook you up with him nor forcefully dragged you to the point of the crime.

You need to take a breather, take care of yourself and look out for a worthy man.

Goodluck.

Sister D on your other thread I wrote this same things, since you love this guy. Come to Nigeria have about 1 month spend with him, study him closely and then decide if the marriage will hold or not. Don't listen to all this people here because they will not determine your personal happiness, make sure the nigga man no kidnap you oo

Georgekyrian:
Sister D on your other thread I wrote this same things, since you love this guy. Come to Nigeria have about 1 month spend with him, study him closely and then decide if the marriage will hold or not. Don't listen to all this people here because they will not determine your personal happiness, make sure the nigga man no kidnap you oo

lol. the guy will still pretend again for that one month she comes to visit. He knows she's desperate for marriage. He'll just act the role for a while till he secures the bag.

So sad to hear about the rape issue. Sorry .

Op, just count your losses and move on. This kind love no fit work. Ask those that tried to manage it and got married, they are regretting that decision.

Never be with a partner that takes you for granted. This applies to both guys and ladies.

Mr C just wants to cash out on you since you have shown that there's extra money to spray around- Wanting to buy laptop, sending money any how. Plenty red flags in this matter but as usual she's blinded by love to see clearly.

I hope you are able to make the right decision

I can't believe what I just read. Are you sure you're on this planet earth? I will not give you the privilege of calling you a fool. This is not ordinary, looks like you have been jazzed oh.

azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body

2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.

rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.

back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.

2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes

2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year

2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?


*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

*please, before anyone writes this is a fake story, everything above is what i've been through, my experience, 200% true.

He sounds like bad news. Run! You also sound desperate. Move on!

In summary, the "relationship" is a waving red flag. Why burn emotions on what does not exist?

azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body

2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.

rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.

back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.

2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes

2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year

2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?


*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

*please, before anyone writes this is a fake story, everything above is what i've been through, my experience, 200% true.

Suffer no dey tire you?

Let's get it clear, he's not your friend. You must be deluded to think C with all his nasty attributes is your friend. He's verbally abusive over the internet, what do you think a relationship with him in person will be like?

Second, girl you need therapy, loads of it. You need to get back your self worth. You are incredible and valuable and whole all by yourself. You don't need to attach yourself to people that'll break you just because hes a man.

N my own personal opinion, put more premium on yourself. Set high standards for yourself esp when picking significant others.

Wishing you love and light.

Well said. Agree with you.

bukatyne:
I read so much breaking up and coming back that I am wondering why your life is so easy to enter and exit.

Put a premium on yourself and tell him to move along.

And I don't know why you are blaming him for meeting the rapist. He didn't hook you up with him nor forcefully dragged you to the point of the crime.

You need to take a breather, take care of yourself and look out for a worthy man.

Goodluck.

This must be one of those stories for traffic, because I don't believe anyone can be this silly, more especially an immigrant who should already know a lot about the tactics of men in her country.

It just felt like I was reading something from a desperate middle-aged non-Nigerian who has never stepped foot in Nigeria before, then I remembered where you claimed you're Yoruba.

I can't make sense of it.

My only concern is who this 'C' is. It is Crackhaus?

My only advice is to love yourself more!

Babe you better forget that guy and move on with your life.

You will find your own

.

I'm so sure that guy is married. I will advice you let him go completely, change your telephone lines and cut him off.

UjuJoan2:
My only concern is who this 'C' is. It is Crackhaus?

My only advice is to love yourself more!

You're joking right? I'm about to inform him of this

Seriously tho, can't be him.
Wrong age, wrong ethnicity