₦airaland Forum

Professorcplus:
You spoke my mind. In my opinion, it's all about the family and exposure to the environment. I have a case study of two families. Just look at this scenario.

Family A: Husband abuses and insult wife with words, sometimes hit wife while she loosely talk back or rebel.
Out of frustration, wife talk hashly to children on any slight issue sometimes hit children and slibings.
Slibings grew tough skin and hatred and develop strong wing to rebel among parent, friends and sometimes hit themselves.
The children then relates in the environment where is only the superior adult do the beaten and the inferior adult one get beaten.
To further escalate issues, almost everyone in the environment generally becomes eligible to "hit" or oppress/abuse the inferior ones they're superior to with little or no rebellion.
This has caused a psychological impaired set of adults, who thinks they can "hit" you so far they are superior to you. After, it's normal thing and a way to correct someone.
Such child also grew up to become adult with the same mentality and ideology because, that's the best way to make the infant stick to correction.

No wonder an average Nigerian is aggressive.

But does it work? Yes, only to people born and bread in such environment.

But you can train a child without abusive hitting but it lately depends on you, family and environment. Children were not born to become aggressive, stubborn and rebellious, its the environment and family relationship that made them so.

Family B: Husband respect wife and is a good role model to wife and family. Wife give back honour and respect to husband and present a good image of father to the children.
Both parent gives room for children to explain themselves in case of wrong doings and mischievous and give them unbiased decipline to defaulter irrespective of who's superior or inferior. Doing so, promote a relationship with love, respect, reputable laws and morals to uphold. Also, among those closer to them. Such child takes to correction than the one in "Family A" without abusive hitting.

But right, "Family A" is dominating because we are living in an insane society with angry, toxic and bitter people as a result of their awful life experiences and Nigeria is not even helping matter with increase in Petro price.

Love your insight. One is more likely to replicate in adulthood the abuse that was normalized in childhood except there is a conscious effort not to. That is why in the psychiatric facility where I work, upon admission there is a huge focus during history taking on the patient's formative years.

Ningen:
You've a very twisted and messed up mentality concerning discipline, correction and love. The fact that you believe not beating kids equates to poor parental duty, signifies the need for you to undergo immediate psychiatric counselling.

Taking of facts, there's no research out there to back your claim of unabused kids turning up with the most sense of entitlement & etcetera.

It's just YOUR unprofessional opinion.

My advice to you is not to have kids. Not yet.

Thank you!

Talking of research, it contradicts OP totally. Hitting children affects them negatively in the short and long run.

Funny that people here have brought up Trump who is said to have suffered abuse in his childhood.

Anyway, most of the comments here have made me very happy. We are making some progress.

#SayNoToChildAbuse

The real problem is not being able to distinguish between discipline and abuse.

When you punish a child either by enforcement or denial for a wrong done, it is discipline.

When you punish a child either because you don't love them or in a disproportionate manner to their perceived wrongdoing, then it might be termed abuse.

It is okay if you decide not to discipline your child, but be sure to establish boundaries that some of their attitudes are tolerable only in your homes, they should understand that they shouldn't try same outside the confines of the 'safe havens' you built for them as parents.

mcdokwe:
The real problem is not being able to distinguish between discipline and abuse.

When you punish a child either by enforcement or denial for a wrong done, it is discipline.

When you punish a child either because you don't love them or in a disproportionate manner to their perceived wrongdoing, then it might be termed abuse.

It is okay if you decide not to discipline your child, but be sure to establish boundaries that some of their attitudes are tolerable only in your homes, they should understand that they shouldn't try same outside the confines of the 'safe havens' you built for them as parents.

It can be done in the absence of corporal punishment.

Op, despite all the beatings i recieved from mama and papa in the name of discipline, i still turned out a rugged cultist and a militant. So what exactly is your point?

Exmilitant:
Op, despite all the beatings i recieved from mama and papa in the name of discipline, i still turned out a rugged cultist and a militant. So what exactly is your point?

Maybe, just maybe you were beyond redemption.

Liken your case to a child born prematurely, there are chances of survival if adequate medicare is administered, thereby increasing the chances of it living a normal life(not assured), but if neglected, death is certain.

mcdokwe:
Maybe, just maybe you were beyond redemption.

Liken your case to a child born prematurely, there are chances of survival if adequate medicare is administered, thereby increasing the chances of it living a normal life(not assured), but if neglected, death is certain.

Maybe just maybe i was a product of my environment. Eventually, i made a U-turn and towed the right path. So your analysis doesn't apply.

Exmilitant:
Maybe just maybe i was a product of my environment. Eventually, i made a U-turn and towed the right path. So your analysis doesn't apply.

Does that environment include you parents that tried to mould you?

mcdokwe:
Does that environment include you parents that tried to mould you?

Nope. My point is, no matter how hard a parent tries to mould their kids, the environment has a greater percentage in the moulding.

Discipline is different from putting out your frustrations on kids. Compared to my friends, I recieved extremely minimal beatings yet, I didn't turn out worse than them. My siblings were rarely beaten and they did not turn out worse than me.

Parenting is about guiding, moulding, and building humans to be responsible.

mcdokwe:
My Mother gave me this mark while i was being disciplined for stealing her money.
She told me that that I'd grow to tell the story of how my behavior brought about this scar. Even though she turned around to treat me and might not have intended to leave me with a scar.
I understood my crime and still understand no parent should have to deal with a child as me at that point in my life and I have come to understand without any form of resentment her love for me and the need to curb any future tendency of a criminal life.

That might have not be seen as the best way to raise a child citing 'civilization' but I love my mum more for loving me enough to want to guide me through the right path.
Most times when I see people bragging about how 'my parents never beats me' I pity rather than envy them and can't help but blame their parents for doing a very poor job raising them; especially when I juxtapose that mentality or the irrationality and terrible behaviour they intend for you to condone without as much as raising your voice on them.

Those set of kids, in my opinion grow up to have the most sense of entitlement, susceptible to extreme depression, selfish in dealing with others etc.

If I ever get to have children, they will have to experience the kind of love I'm proud to say I had growing up and that is tough love.
I read it somewhere that:
"You should discipline your child or have the law do it later in their lives"

You already have a daughter young man. Even tho she's separated from you. What effort or these write ups of urs have u tried to impact on her?
It's easy to write well, but hard to practicalise that which is written.
Your baby mama once said on this forum "u r the perfect writer who hardly practice what he writes" on quote.

Dear Newbreed2018,

I have fought hard to not dignify your comment with a reply. However, I'm happy to note that I live in your mind.

Thank you.

mcdokwe:
Dear Newbreed2018,

I have fought hard to not dignify your comment with a reply. However, I'm happy to note that I live in your mind.

Thank you.

Dear mcdokwe, do not sound condescending to my comment. I only reminded u u have a daughter when u stated if I ever have children.
U seem to have forgotten or r u that heartless?

No u do not live in my mind. Lol but I perfectly remember ur wailing that year in the movie I hit her, she deserves it so do not come with ur sanctimonious speech to preach to us what u r incapable of doing Sir.

You are a very good writer which everyone can attest to and I give it to u.

I understand your point but I dont think I will be too harsh to the extent of giving my child a mark on their body, my grandma out of anger knocked off one of my father's front teeth, uptill now my dad uses artificial teeth, so in all you do, let there be moderation. I'm not in support of abusing kids, a child that will turn out bad will do so despite the beating and scolding.

Exmilitant:
Nope. My point is, no matter how hard a parent tries to mould their kids, the environment has a greater percentage in the moulding.

So in essence, parents should watch the environment mould their children and do nothing?

mcdokwe:
So in essence, parents should watch the environment mould their children and do nothing?

Parents are always doing something. But kids wants to flow with their peers so there is a psychological conflict within the child: conflict between parental morals and discipline and enviromental pull. The latter almost always win.